Ode to Seinfeld
Since Michael K is not around to hold my hand (I tried to get him to hold my ass but there's that whole "ew, GIRL" issue) and jacko is off doing God knows what (GOD knows jacko!! Jussayin!), I had to try to find something on the interwebs myself. I hit every site I could think of and came up with NADA. So this is a post about nothing. Cause that's what I got, NOTHING.
You know, nothing is highly underrated. Nothing needs to get a little love now and then, just like the rest of us sluts. No one has caressed nothing's nalgas since the 90s when Jerry Seinfeld ruled the airways, and that is a sad, sad thing. People are always ripping on nothing, saying hateful shit like "nothing is more pathetic than Paris Hilton." WRONG and INSENSITIVE.
So nothing, let's drown our sorrows together in booze and bong hits. You guys can consider this OP2, or ignore it, or whatever makes your man in the boat float. Nothing is sacred. Nothing really matters. It's NOTHING to me!
If any of you sluts have a juicy tidbit to share, I'm all ears. Otherwise I'm gonna sit here doing NOTHING (rrrrrOOOOoowwwr!), and nothing is (not) going to stop me.
Who the hell are these new writers?
They're pissing off soon, right?
Way past curfew, I know, I'm slow. Thanks for letting me squeeze in though. Hard as I try, I just can't keep up with you all! But I'm just bustin' to say something and... oopsie...too late... looks like I just exploded. Good thing no one is here to be exploded on. Except now Sweetas doesn't get to read that I like her and that she gets my vote.(:o[
So Sweetas who isn't even here (I like you, by the way, Sweetas. And your posts too. And there you have it, MY oh so valuable opinion, which I know you've just been dying to hear. From a person you don't even know exists. But she does, just in lurking form, it's her specialty.), just as you said, nothing really matters. Sigh. Lucky nothing. So envious. Nothing has what we all so desperately want for ourselves-- to matter. And not only that, nothing REALLY matters. Like we like to think we ourselves do.
In fact, come to think of it, nothing matters so much that I talk about it all day long, year after year. My husband, epecially him, also talks about nothing. On and on. He also thinks about nothing, hears nothing and proves nothing. (Thank heavens he doesn't wear nothing.) Actually, I would say that, while it's clear that most don't seem to realize it, the population IN GENERAL loves the subject as well, it's not just my husband. What's funny though, is that while so many just love to talk about it, few enjoy hearing about it. Odd.
And of course there are those who love to write about their favorite subject, nothing interesting at all. Page after page after page they write. Volumes. Seen it myself. And it's not just in little pockets here and there that so many find writing about nothing mesmerizing, it's across the globe. A world wide phenomenon actually. Now who else gets that kind of attention?? I would say that nothing matters big time!
See, just did it myself, on and on I went. So me. {:o[ Can't help it though, it's my favorite subject. Most fascinating, to talk about. But for some reason I just don't find what you have to say about it all that fascinating, or even interesting, in the least, sorry. That person there would though, I know for sure, *big shove*, bye now, toodles! and Yay for Sweetas!
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There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud. (Carl Sandburg)
Hippo wins.
I just got back from a week on a farm (don't even fucking ask) and I see now that Jack & sweetas were guest blogging. Sad I missed the fun :-(
Nothing acts faster than BC Powder. So I took nothing and it worked...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
You simply cannot fathom the immensity of the f*ck I do not give..
I think I'm going to start taking vacations around Michael k's schedule. Id rather miss him than read useless trash filler that these new guys TRY to make happen. Wow I didnt realize how protective I am of the "quality" of this blog. I'll be back when he is done with vacation.
Submitted by MudTurtle on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:44pm.
yep. I saw the first later show *before I caught up on the missed seasons in order* and Roseanne and Jackie were at a party and Roseanne was loaded (won the lottery right?) and Jennifer Saunders from Ab Fab was on and made a cameo. It was cute. She needs to do another show now i think...
sweetas, keep up the good work. fucking brilliant stuff.
Ain't nothing but a little mutton bustin'!
Ah Sweetas, you one funny bitch!! :-)
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
NOTHING is the new EVERYTHING!
This post was hysterical! I don't mind Nothing :)
Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 4:16am.
Hey, Joe!
*waves back*
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 3:42am.
Has everybody gone again?
*smells armpits*
OK, it's me.
*goes off to have shower*
*****
Hi Becky!! *waving*
************
Black Dub w/ Daniel Lanois
Has everybody gone again?
*smells armpits*
OK, it's me.
*goes off to have shower*
becky n sydney on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 12:42am.
Has everyone gone to bed? Together?
*nudges your blouse off and sneaks a tongue kiss*
Hell no. I ain't asleep yet. I *AM* trying to get all of your panties off at once though. GUILTY AS CHARGED.
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
SugarFreeRedBull on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 12:18am.
@Mah deah schlong -
aww may lordie it's been years since a lovely has called out my name!
Don't make me get all Destiny's Child on you! "Say muh name, say muh name..."
Sadly - it's likely this dude's tighties pack a rubber dick - but both would feel good, no?
I've been rubber dickmatized by you ever since you sported that damned avatar, woman!
When is Jim Hensen gonna animate that fucking gorgon cock?????
Oh hell, I *could* make that pulse for your avatar...I mean, if you want it to. lmao
I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
*sneaks up behind Becky*
*bends her banana - with love!*
POP! :-)
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 1:28am.
hehehe. A la prochaine.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 12:07am.
Mon mari parle un tout petit peu français. Enfin, suffisamment pour se débrouiller. Ma fille n'a que huit ans encore. Elle utilise 'la langue des signes'. Mais toi, tu parles asez bien le français, il me semble. Êtes-vous francophile, comme moi? Du pain, du vin, du Boursin, c'est tout qu'il me faut pour vivre comme un roi en France. Bon, la journée de travail commence. Merci pour la discussion sympa et à plus tard!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
Has everyone gone to bed? Together?
Hrmmph...didn't even get asked to join in the group sex.
Rotten sods. :(
Free All Right Now
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:58pm.
I'd run, too. Prince Albert's a balding loser in an ill fitting suit. The final tally of his constitutionally unrecognized spawn is still unknown.
She looks like a tidied up Cameron Diaz.
Free All Right Now
@Mah deah schlong -
aww may lordie it's been years since a lovely has called out my name!
:-) Okay - john saved his candy for his wife.
Sadly - it's likely this dude's tighties pack a rubber dick - but both would feel good, no?
A gallery of Daniel Craig pix. (Largely peen-free but more steely blue eyes than in a typical Twilight movie.)
http://theberry.com/2011/06/28/afternoon-eye-candy-daniel-craig-29-photo...
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:53pm.
I'd be speaking it passably within three weeks after arriving in Holland... :)
Votre famille peuvent parler francais comme vous ou il vous faut traduire pour eux?
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:49pm.
Dankjewel, je bent een kei! (Thanks, you're the best!)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:58pm.
Prince Albert of Monaco is to be married this weekend in a splashy "Royal Wedding" and his fiancee, more than 20 years younger than him, 1st name Charlene and a South African athlete, was "arrested and detained by Royal police at a Nice France airport with a one-way ticket back to South Africa".
LOL. Not exactly the fairy-tale wedding of his parents, his mother having been Grace Kelly. Albert has 2 named bastards out there and the French press is going crazy saying that's the tip of the iceberg.
SAVE CHARLENE!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009168/Prince-Alberts-denies-al...
LOL, Sweetas, I thought this would be right up you guy'z territory. Princess of Monaco or get me the F out of here.....Princess of Monaco or get me the F out of here....hmmmm.
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♫ One-way ticket one-way ticket
One-way ticket one-way ticket
One-way ticket one-way ticket to the blues...♫
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:37pm.
Sounds fun! Those folding caravans are a very Euro thing to do in summer, huh?
You know, your English is almost perfect--as good as many native speakers'. Don't sweat it if you make a tiny mistake here and there. No one here will judge you--and if anyone did, it's on him or her, not you. (And I like your rare but enjoyable mini Dutch lessons.)
SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull
SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull
SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull-SugarFreeRedBull
*phew*
Had a multiple SugarFreeRedBull orgasm there...
Now, if I can just convince Sugah to rip those tighty whities off of that giant trouser snake...my life will be complete!
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:07pm.
I LOVE John Goodman and have a girl crush on Darlene! I also am a perv b/c I have nudes of Lecy Goranson DON'T JUDGE! :-)
Don't feel bad, I had a clit-crush on Sara Gilbert's older sister (Melissa from Little House). I totally identified with a girl with funked up teefs, crazy red hair and a mutual crush on Michael Landon.
Truth be told, I totally LOVED Karen Grassle's rendition of the mother role. She totally rocked it and was played her role as humble wife very well.
*throws rocks at self for not being a humble wife*
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
You are doing a great job!!
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:18pm.
"I thought you hated trains and planes?"
Yes, that's why were going by car. I hate those too, but thanks to our folding caravan (insert laughter here) my hubby has to keep his speed restricted to 90 kilometers (55.92) miles per hour most of the time. That way, this trip will be almost bareable for me. That, and we're going on a Sunday (less cargo traffic). I wasn't always this bad, it's just that I've been under a lot of stress these last few years, and that makes my high sensitivity peak. Just so you know that I'm not a total nutcase or something.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:17pm.
Do you think John Candy's peen saw much action?
(shameface)
From all accounts he was a happily married man and devoted to his family...but, ya never know if he was getting some poontasm on the side.
/shameface too now
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
Usually when mk is faced with the nothing he finds a picture of someone to rip apart or asks what the hell kind of goddamn outfit lol! _______________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:18pm.
What I don't understand is how she could have been in the dark about this? He has always been an unreliable player and his illigitimate children were a public secret long before he came clean. I thought she knew what she was getting into, but apparantly she was truly bedazzled by his middle-aged ass.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:11pm.
France is hurting now. It's gotten so bad that restaurants are "waiving" (giving up) their Michelin stars because people can't afford to spend so much (even 25 €) and the owners can't afford to pay the help they require to keep the stars.
I thought you hated trains and planes?
<"Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:11pm.">
Daily Mail has said Kunty Karl is attending the wedding, so I'd imagine wedding there will be if Kunty Karl gets his claws on poor Charlene. I'd imagine that Princess Charlene of Monaco will ultimately make Princess Di look like the model of stability. Poor thing.
Do you think John Candy's peen saw much action?
(shameface)
SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:05pm.
it's all good mah love. I like chunk on mens. John goodman is HOT and is featured on a lot of gay bear sites. And I THANK them for it! (aka suck and fuck)
Aww. SO TRUE. Some guys really wear their chunka hunka well! Another guy who is a total hottie chunker is Kevin James (King of Queens)...so fucking adorable (and doable)!
Other loveable, handsome chunkers are:
John Candy, John Belushi, & Chris Farley (may they rest in peace).
Great, I need to clean the tears off of my keyboard because I'm a total sentimental sap.
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
Submitted by Callie on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:07pm.
@Sweetas - A few days ago the holy family went to a waterpark. Brad was shirtless and Angie was in a wet suit.
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SPARE NO DETAIL ABOUT HER JAWLINE! Did it make her jawline look fat? PLEASE TALK ABOUT HER JAWLINE!
It's so much better than Jen's!!
Submitted by MudTurtle on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 7:31pm.
I do love me some Roseanne. Cry every time the last episode is on.
____________________________
I've only seen it the day it aired but I remember bawling in a hotel room. That show was so damn good.
Ryan Phillipe's "GF" *eyeroll* is like 9.3 months preggers. He looks none too happy 'bout it.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:58pm.
I'm totally buying this, because Albert is a classless jerk. I'm going to France this weekend, so I'm looking very much forward to reading the French gossip magazines on this one.
------------------------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
@Sweetas - A few days ago the holy family went to a waterpark. Brad was shirtless and Angie was in a wet suit. A wet suit! Don't know if you could do something with that.
@Mad Turtle - the last few seasons were strange - and many hate them. But I still love all the shit that Roseanne did - even the shitty shit.
I LOVE John Goodman and have a girl crush on Darlene! I also am a perv b/c I have nudes of Lecy Goranson DON'T JUDGE! :-)
Submitted by Schlong on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 8:20pm.
SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 8:16pm.
I'm horny for john goodman. that is all.
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John Goodman would have been a total hunk if he had just lost some of the chunk. He has a very handsome face.
Oh noes. I'm doing that, "You have such a pretty face and if you only lost some weight" shtick. *shoots self with a bologne missile*
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it's all good mah love. I like chunk on mens. John goodman is HOT and is featured on a lot of gay bear sites. And I THANK them for it! (aka suck and fuck)
Prince Albert of Monaco is to be married this weekend in a splashy "Royal Wedding" and his fiancee, more than 20 years younger than him, 1st name Charlene and a South African athlete, was "arrested and detained by Royal police at a Nice France airport with a one-way ticket back to South Africa".
LOL. Not exactly the fairy-tale wedding of his parents, his mother having been Grace Kelly. Albert has 2 named bastards out there and the French press is going crazy saying that's the tip of the iceberg.
SAVE CHARLENE!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009168/Prince-Alberts-denies-al...
LOL, Sweetas, I thought this would be right up you guy'z territory. Princess of Monaco or get me the F out of here.....Princess of Monaco or get me the F out of here....hmmmm.
Mike enjoy your vacation. or are you giving up the blog? PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT SELLING THE BLOG!
___________________
"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Sweetas, as far as I'm concerned you've hit home with this one. In this day and age, The Nothing is very much underrated. I get sick and tired of people wanting something, needing something ALL THE TIME and wanting it STRAIGHT AWAY. Don't call my landline ten times and my cell phone ten seconds after when I'm not in the mood to answer. Unless someone's dying, it will keep. I don't wanna hear stories about how much you need a second or third vacay, a new car, or how your kids need to do a zillion sports, play a zillion instruments for 'their own personal growth'. Coming from simple country folk my grandmother never did or hand any of those things, and years after her demise she is still by far my most favorite person for always oozing inner peace and contentment. My nana could work The Nothing like no one else.
--------------------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)
@putas:
Yes, Roseanne is a hell of a woman. Did you get to see the last couple of seasons?
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Well-behaved women rarely make history
This reminds me of a Portishead song:
You don't get something for nothing
Mmmm, gotta try a little harder
It could be sweet....(or SWEETAS)
LisaH on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:19pm.
who posted this?
If you look below the the post right above the 'tags' you will see: Posted by: Sweetas
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.