This Is Our Future, Part 17
File this under: It's way too early for this NSFWish shit. And cross file it under: Dlisted's new anthem!
If Ke$ha fell out of an Italian uterus instead of an American one, this is definitely what she would sing during her middle school talent show. Meet Italy's very own Gionny Scandal, Pedobear's very Italian pop star and a singing prostitot who definitely gets all her lyrics translations from Google. And I'm thankful that she did, because if any bitch can butcher an English translation and turn it into poetry salad, it's Google. The line "Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob/I want to feel in my throat" is so damn beautiful that I'm going to use it in the signature for all my Craigslist Casual Encounters ads.
Yes Gionny's fucked up teefs make her look like she's only given blow jobs to screwdriver drills set on high. Yes, Gionny's spoog splash dress reminds you of the time you asked your dry cleaner if they could get out a goat milk stain. Yes, the Jay Baruchel looking rapper in this ILLEGAL mess gave me the tingles for a quick minute until he wasted a whole can of whipped cream. Yes, watching this prequel to Hostel mess is about as uncomfortable as watching a homeless man lick on a Monte Carlo poster in a subway station (true story).
But you have to give Gionny some credit for making Bert's Muppet nipples hard with the way she pronounces the word "horny." Ernie's (and probably yours too) official response is:
Source: Europopped via ONTD
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Yes it's outrageous and I don't think it's meant to be funny. Except when Michael K adds Ernie into the mix. But isn't this just par for the course in Italy? Look isn't it's leader facing charges of being with an underage whore?
I thought she was saying she was early like a reference to jail bait but actually ernie is horny-hit with the giant "duh" stick.
That gif fixes everything that is wrong with the situation.
This is the funniest song! Because this is basically what they're saying in pop music anyway! So they might as well just go and say it!
I logged on just to say that that gif gave me life! I can't stop scrolling up to look at it so I can giggle...
I own my crazy. I earned it tooth and nail.--ME
"I'm early, Ernie"? Say what, now?
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Mr. Kinney is so vain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=895h7Fr0m-o
italy's payback for sending over the cast of jersey shore. well played, italy....welllll played.
Jeez. I live in Italy and I've never heard of this Gionny Scandal before (and I'd really have liked to stay ignorant on his existence), and it's pretty scary that an American has found out of those demented f*cks, nobody is safe.
Anyway, this guy is just one of those so-called "trash singers"* that very few people know and listen to just to laugh their a**es off. You won't hear a song like that on the radio or see that video on Tv.
*By the way, the singer Immanuel Casto is one of the most famous "cantanti trash", he's outrageous, but somewhat funny. He obviously has nothing to do with that dull Gionny Scandal.
Michael K would love him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDoodRYxpC4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZdzCBQJBBE&playnext=1&list=PLE008A41052D...
EDIT:
Errata corrige, apparently that guy Gionny is not a trash singer but one of those hip-hop singers, he made this song just to gain some popularity.
And with this Michael K golden nugget, I can die a happy, complete human being. I thank you.
This foolio has no right to rock a RUN DMC
t-shirt.
(973) Jersey Strong
Where were the parents?
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Terrible song. Ugly people. They should have saved the money on the video & gone to the dentist. What's up with these foreigners?
Listening to the song & looking at the GIF made me almost choke in laughter
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
I was so mesmerized by the Bert and Ernie gif that I completely missed the song, what's it about?
where do you find this shit MK? Now I have to make my man watch this so he will know what I mean when I tell him I am Ernie.
JFC on a rubber crutch...I am utterly speechless...
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
How akward. Europe is weird
When you try that hard it is not sexy anymore. And the only losers who thinks this is sexy are virgins who don't know better or oversexed douchebags.
I'm sorry, but Euros trying to "rap" is a pandemic FAIL. It never works. I mean, maybe it does to them, but it always sounds wrong.
How raunchy and nasty are these girls going to GET? What's left? I guess no one's spread their ass cheeks to have their anus measured yet. Hear that, young Rihanna wannabes? There's something sexual and vulgar that hasn't been done yet. Who's gonna be the first?
What a bunch of low budget whores! I am really, really scared for my generation and the one after mine. Hopefully the spawn of those 2 generations will rebel by being super conservative? I mean, what else can they do to rebel? Is it going to be in style to start having sex with animals or something?
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she looks like the bait girl Chris Hansen uses to lure 90 year old pedophiles except way less hot. is she like 12? and whats with the teeth??? are cracked out teefs in now?
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
Submitted by Romy on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 10:45am.
I tried to watch this, but my soul starting to turn black and fall off so I had to stop.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
Submitted by daffodil on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 11:08am.
Michael, I attempted a translation of this, some parts could be better, but this will give you some idea about what this song is about (And, it shouldn't be surprising)
Thank you for that. It's not Petrarch, is it?
Hello, I'm Italian and you don't need me to translate all the lyrics because someone already did that for me...
just that watching the video i realized that GIONNY isn't the girl but the GUY! The girl seems to be just a backup singer or something.
That's because Gionny is a nickname for maybe Giovanni or Jonathan (that in italy is misspelled Gionatan, of course)
It took me a few seconds too to realize that EARNIE is actually HORNY!!!!
and BTW this shit is not even close to SPECTACULAR
Poor France. I understand being young and naive, but how could you NOT know with that song? lol
Datura, I know! If you watch the video, France Gall comes off so very coy, and Serge as such a lecher (that smirk!), it's very hard to believe she had no inkling what was going on. But that's always been her story, and she's stuck to it. Either way, it's hilarious to watch.
Update: i found another video you might want to check out MK: its a little diddy called "anal beat"
oh those Italians know how to make a disco fun!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZdzCBQJBBE&feature=player_embedded
Michael, I attempted a translation of this, some parts could be better, but this will give you some idea about what this song is about (And, it shouldn't be surprsing)
By the way - I think her "ERNIE, ERNIE" comes from copying the sound of "o" that we use for WORK. Its an O that doesn't rhyme FORK. And H's are silent. They clearly didn't go to anyone who knew English - its a funny attempt.
So this is for you. I am feeling to make you enjoy with a translation.
-Daffodil.
tonight i'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob
i wanna feel in my throat
tonight its coming, its getting to hard please I’m hurting
and I wanna show you the way
beause I like it
I'm horny horny
because I like it
finalmente posso dire il cazzo che voglio
Finally I say what the fuck (lit. dick) I want
senza la paranoia che la mia fidanzata
without the paranoia that my fiance
ogni pomeriggio venga a dirmi "ti mollo"
will come and tell me “ I’m going to drop you “
solo perchè nei testi parlo di una scopata
only because in the lycics ai speak aobut a fuck
voglio che ti spogli
I want you to take your clothes off
quindi muoviti a 90 gradi
so move 90 degrees
si hanno vanta ??/(I couln’t make this out)
come i superalcolici
Like hard liquor
sè sali sull letto è la guerra dei mondi
if you get out of bed its the war of the wrods
sè mi davo al porno facevo più soldi
if I were to go into porn I’d make more money
neanche 2 secondi
not even two seconds
e sei lì, che ti tocchi
and you are over there, touching yourself
e mi guardi
and you are looking at me
non parli
you don’t speak
ti blocchi
you stop
non faccio il pasticciere ma di crema qui nè ho tanta
I’m not a pastry chef, but I have a lot of cream
ma tu fai la schizzinosa
you are acting squeamish
perchè vuoi la marmellata
because you want the jelly
sè mi sale la scimmia
if the money climbs up on me
mi sale la banana
so does the banana
a quanto pare a sbucciarla
apparently to peel it
te sei davvero brava
if you are truly talented
stà sera sei di Scandal
tonight you are Scandal’s
inizia a spogliarti
start to strip
avvisa anche tua mamma che stà sera arrivi tardi
Warn your mom tonight you are coming home late
tonight i'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob
i wanna feel in my throat
tonight its coming, its getting to hard please I’m hurting
and I wanna show you the way
beause I like it
I'm horny horny
because I like it
sei propio maleducata. Gioia.
you are really ignorant! Fantastic.
non si parla mai con la bocca piena
you shouldn’t ever talk with your mouth full.
e poi scusa non avevi detto che eri fidanzata?
And excuse me you didn’t say you were engaged
"vai tranquillo che il mio tipo a quest' ora è in discoteca"
“Go quietly, my boyfriend is at the dance club now”
allora scendi scendi ancora di più
now go down go down even more
e quando sei all' ombelico vai ancora più giù
and when you get to the belly button, go even lower
potresti andare in tv "a fare che cosa?"
you could go on television “ to do what?”
a fare lo spot della chupa chups
to do a blow-pop commericial.
lo fai apposta
you do it on purpose
a fare la cattiva
acting naughty
coì ti sculaccio
with them I will spank you
ti ho lasciato 5 dita
I left you five fingers
sia in un lato
it is in one side
che nell' altro
Instead of the other
ti voglio far bagnare così tanto
I want you make so wet
che sè mi prendi il bagnoschiuma
that you if you get me the bubble bath
quasi quasi faccio il bagno
I’ve got half a mind to take a bath
fatti mandare dalla mamma
get yourself from your mother
a prendere il latte che lo bevo
to drink the milk that I’m drinking
con una cannuccia
with a straw
da quelle 2 chiappe
from those two asscheeks
adesso prendi le tue mani
now take two hands
avvisa i telegiornali e avvisa anche i tuoi cari
warn the TV news and warn your loved ones
"stà arrivando lo tsunami”
The tsunami is coming
tonight i'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob
I wanna feel in my throat
tonight its coming, its getting to hard please I’m hurting
and I wanna show you the way
because I like it
I'm horny horny
because I like it
I very much approve of that gif.
Submitted by tralala on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 9:57am.
Interesting that some of you question whether she knows what she's singing. For the high-class genius version of this (probably the original inspiration for this idiotic repulsive knockoff), see "(Annie Aime) Les Sucettes" (Annie likes lollipops), written by that genius of a dirty Frenchman, Serge Gainsbourg, for France Gall-- here in a duet with him.
...
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Poor France. I understand being young and naive, but how could you NOT know with that song? lol
She sang one of my all time favourite cheesy ballads, La Declaration d'amour, so she's all good to me.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
(Sorry, didn't see that this had already been posted- I was too hypnotized by the Ernie, Ernie to read all the comments). I believe Gionny Scandal is the Jay Baruchel-alter-ego rapper. Maite is the underage singer who can't pronounce the letter H or the word 'dignity'.
I tried to watch this, but my soul starting to turn black and fall off so I had to stop.
I was sitting on my couch just now with the little-to-no-insurance sads (I was just told I need a root canal & that shit is neither cheap nor a joke) when I saw this. Michael K, thank you so fucking much. I laughed so hard, I started to forget that my face feels like someone's been ice skating on it.
This shit is priceless - this sounds like the kind of "music" my best friend and I used to create when we were tripping our tits off. And yes, we were also ernie pieces of jailbait trash.
Gionny is a boy's name, it's an italianised version of Johnny. The bitch is called Maite (short for María Teresa) and, apparently she's Spanish, though I can't place her accent.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Mon, 07/18/2011 - 10:29am.
Those teef are known as the "honey badger" in the penis world.
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haha!those teef don't care,they don't give a shit
god i feel so proud for my Italian neighbours!seriously though i would like to spray anyone involved with the creation of this abomination with teargas and then kick their asses and then hunt down the parents.
I just watched her mouth as she spoke/sang...yes, she's saying, "I'm early."
Those teef are known as the "honey badger" in the penis world.
The only cure for this is the puppy that yells "elmo" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n5i5756ZGU
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
OMGGGGGGGGGgg I am feeling soooooooo ERNIE!!!
lol this shit is hillarious feeling!!
Coma Caca!
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I'm sorry young Master Scandal, but you, with or without your recess harem, will never be my favourite romance language rapper. However, you could study him and learn from him, and you might have a career even one eighth as long as his.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nx64_N4AA04
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Honestly Officer...
I thought she was saying she was going to show up early-early to give him a blowjob?
Stoopid.
Interesting that some of you question whether she knows what she's singing. For the high-class genius version of this (probably the original inspiration for this idiotic repulsive knockoff), see "(Annie Aime) Les Sucettes" (Annie likes lollipops), written by that genius of a dirty Frenchman, Serge Gainsbourg, for France Gall-- here in a duet with him.
France Gall, French teen pop star of the time, recorded the song (with its obvious double entendres for fellatio) in (according to her) complete innocence. When she found out the significance of what she'd been singing, she was very upset & ashamed, hid at home & didn't appear in public for a while.
Serge, that rascal. Has he ever been a hot slut? If anyone deserves to be, he does.
Man, I work at home, and it's my own business, and I'm notagunna click on that mess, especially when you capitalized ILLEGAL. I can't believe this "performer" has those lyrics you mentioned. It is not my day already. sigh. Thanks for bringing us the Pedobear International Italy Edition.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
After seeing this I don't think that I will ever want to be Ernie again. Ever.
The reason it sounds like she's saying "Ernie" is because they don't really have a hard "h" sound in Italian. For example, my Italian friends pronounce hamburger as "am-burr-gare".
"Nowadays, you can get dick, kittens, whiskey, weed and nachos delivered to your front door at all hours." -MK
Where are their parents?
I can't watch this shit at work, but the lyrics MK posted sound like something one of our friendly spammers would come up with.
"Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob/I want to feel in my throat
3###Discount on designer goods! Channel Perfumes!"
*~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~*
Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
"Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob/I want to feel in my throat"
This bitch stole my journal!!!!!!
This is pretty funny but it will never replace "me so horny" as the go-to broken English sex invitation.
And then Gionny Scandal comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous!!!
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I like to imagine more that she is the bridesmaid with the giant vagina in that story.
what did I just watch...
poor ernie.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.