Every Copy Of Photoshop Just Deleted Itself
Because Hugh Hefner can't remember what flavor of breakfast pudding he had this morning let alone the fact that every pair of eyeballs on this planet have seen Lindsay Lohan's freckled titty sacks so much that we could all draw them from memory on an Etch-A-Sketch, Playboy is writing her a check for almost $1 million to flash those saggy zombie tits in a cover spread called "The Last Nail In My Career's Coffin Has Nipples!"
TMZ says that Playboy originally offered LiLo $750,000 and she spit on that number, because she thinks her crusty nooks and crannies are worth at least $1 million. So Playboy came back with an unknown number that just under $1 million, and since her lawyer's firm doesn't accept rim jobs as payment, she snatched up that deal. They started shooting the spread this past weekend and E! News is hearing it's for the January 2012 issue (aka The Apocalypse of HoHan's Career Issue). E! is also saying that the entire spread will include zero nipples and zero shots of her bare ashcrotch (that fire was put out a long time ago).
Hustler and the producers of soft-core porn movies didn't even bother countering Playboy's offer since they know that in about 6 months they can get HoHan for a half bottle of Thunderbird and a small pile of sea jasper pebbles.
You know who should really get $1 million for this spread? The brave soul who has to burn their knuckles off while Photoshopping that mess. They have to turn LiLo's "candy corn shat out of hell's asshole" teeth into glistening white Chiclets. They have to brush away her bruises and use the shit out of the methadone tool to erase the meth from her face. Hugh Hefner is totally going to have to give that Photoshop artist the "Remember your training, and you will make it out alive!" speech from Starship Troopers. Reserve the Purple Heart for that Photoshop artist, because they're going to deserve it when all is airbrushed and done.
Hey Lindsay, just remember you are doing this AFTER Heidi Montag.
I can't believe they are paying her a million bucks!
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Won't you come a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this, I can't stand to burn too long.
-Tool
Google "Lindsay's tits" and you'll see 'em for free.
I have so much fun reading the posts and comments on this website
Tell me she doesn't look like Drew Barrymore as Little Edie: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=drew+barrymore+grey+gardens&start=36&num=...
I think Heidi Montag did a Playboy spread but really didn't show anything...this is probably going to be the same thing.
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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes
Submitted by Joeb on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:06am.
I am so happy for her. And Dina too, who must be celebrating over cocktails as I write. And in such a prestigious periodical like “Playboy”. Now that Linds career has taken off again, I’m sure that 2012 will be her year.
HAHA your a funny fooker!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
snowy frickin LOL @ the Tara Reid video! Holy sidewalk licking drunk.
OT over it. Bitch had a couple of hits years ago, is completely worthless to everybody but her dealer and yet she's getting $1mil. It's so sickening and mind boggling what we consider "celebrity" to be these days. *whacks errybody wif mah cane*
I would look at the pics from Playboy. Usually in photospreads she looks pretty good. I also think she's a good actress but if she really wants to make a comeback she's going to have to fight for it.
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Love my way, it's a new road
I follow where my mind goes
They are paying almost a million dollar for a spread but she's not going to show her lady parts. She does photo shoots where she shows everything for a lot less, I know I've seen her boobs, and it was for like, a blog, or something.
I am so happy for her. And Dina too, who must be celebrating over cocktails as I write. And in such a prestigious periodical like “Playboy”. Now that Linds career has taken off again, I’m sure that 2012 will be her year.
Submitted by Athina on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 8:47am.
Why waste the $5 (or whatever the fuck a Playboy goes for these days), when I can tell you EXACTLY what the spread will be. It will be Hohan photographed through some type of tri-ply gauzy material, with silk scarves or some shit draped strategically over her titty balls, with her hair in some sort of Marilyn Monroe wig, with Marilyn Monroe eye make-up, and Hohan trying desperately to look Monroe-ish. There you have it. Please send me your $5.
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Agree 100%. I think she thinks she is Marilyn, reincarnation, whatever. A vulnerable human tragedy, candle in the wind, humanity failed her. Yup.
She should be sentenced to working with severely abused animals; bait dogs, bunnies with their ears lopped off, etc. I think that living horror could be far more effective than the jail/bail/morgue merry go round. Dead people don't recoil, trembling, with fearful eyes. That's tougher.
The only naked photo of Hohan I want to see is one of her on a morgue slab. Could she recreate IRL MM's morgue photo? Kthxbai.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
How about we pay her 1 million not to take her clothes off. I feel like I just caught a disease just looking at her in this photo and she is wearing clothes. I can't imagine looking at her nude. YUK. It makes me just want to scratch my eyes out
The hell with her! I want Whamo, Sucky and Jack to show us their trouser gators!
Show it! Show it! Show it!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
That million won't last long in this economy. I bet it's gone in six months and her drug habit will be even more ferocious and then it will be the porn bin for her. She is the poster child for an entertainment and media industry so brutal and corrupt we can hardly comprehend the depths it is willing to go to make more money.
Hasn't everyone who cares to already seen this scrunt's nipples and arse on the internet for free? Playboy fail.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
She has already flashed us all her bits for free. Why pay to see them again? Not that anyone wants to.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:19am.
"[Kate Major] did not want Michael to ejaculate inside her. Michael Lohan stated he did ejaculate in her and his girlfriend got very angry."
If only White Oprah had felt the same way!
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LOL!
Can't lie. I'll look at it out of it out of morbid curiosity. Lohantrainwreck.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:05am.
Is everyone in Hollywood on acid or something? I mean this bitch gets money for being a scum bag asshole, and tons of publicity for being a skank. Who are the people interested in her?
It's the Charlie Sheen effect, I swear. Truth is, these people are doing nothing but rapidly driving this ho to an early grave. Honestly wouldn't be surprised if this was a posthumous issue.
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KADOOZE!!! these are my exact thoughts...this bitch is getting paid $1M for what??? Why is her drug use the only thing making her relevant? And thus why being talented in Hollywood is just a waste of time. Please let their time come to an end....this whole period of spoiled priviledge needs to come to an end and QUICK! But it probably won't happen until Lindsey actually dies. SAD
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:28am.
Lohans. Nudity. Sex. Ejaculation.
I'm traumatized. Class action lawsuit anyone?
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I'm in!
I also propose a law sterilizing all Lohans at birth. In just one generation we can cleanse ourselves of this fuckery.
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Sounds like what an Old French Whore might offer. "Yeeees, I will au vin your coq and for a few francs more also shia laboeuf...." --- ImpertinentVixen
In addition to the court date, police said Lohan was angry because Major would not perform oral sex on him.
Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/10/25/national/a05...
What a bitch >:( TEAM MICHAEL LOHAN.
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Submitted by gladyslove on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 11:19pm.
You name should be El Retardo.
ita snowy.
*joins ubf in lawsuit for the ejaculation story alone*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
It's a relief to know the good Christian Michael Lohan is doing his part in bettering society by getting himself thrown in jail for domestic violence. Praise be. Too bad his useless daughter and ex can't follow.
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Put on your ip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K
I guess I shouldn't begrudge her one last big payday, but I hate living in a culture that rewards her.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:19am.
"[Kate Major] did not want Michael to ejaculate inside her. Michael Lohan stated he did ejaculate in her and his girlfriend got very angry."
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Snowy...WTF are you serious??? LMFAO ok now I HAVE to read up on this.
guest: seriously, at this point she deserves what she gets!
*nibbles on stale Cheerio*
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Lohans. Nudity. Sex. Ejaculation.
I'm traumatized. Class action lawsuit anyone?
I don't even understand this world I'm living in anymore!
*cries*
sing it few words!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Albatross on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 8 :51 am.
Further proof that Playboy has jumped the shark. Who in their right mind wants to see this scag without her clothes on?
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Hell...most people nowadays don't want to see her with her clothes ON! Eww....::shudders::
"I will never do Playboy. No. Never. " Lindsay Lohan 2004
the major chick is still with michael? for fucks sake you dumbass.
lol @ the cheerio on her arm. hahaha.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
How will they clean the herpes juice off the Nikon lens?
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Submitted by gladyslove on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 11:19pm.
You name should be El Retardo.
Submitted by Few Words on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:21am.
Submitted by guest on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:20am.
that poor photographer.
they'll be blinded by science
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LOL, or herpes
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Um cakey, I don't think those are her real knees! LOL it's the person taking the pic, LMAO
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by guest on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:20am.
that poor photographer.
they'll be blinded by science
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I understand them keeping razors from her, but whatthefuckisthis?? Wax or epilade that shit or I dunno put some freaking pants on. How crass. If at least she was making a statement a la Fiona Apple... For why is she not dead yet?
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
ooooh the movie roles gonna be pouring in now!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
that poor photographer.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
"[Kate Major] did not want Michael to ejaculate inside her. Michael Lohan stated he did ejaculate in her and his girlfriend got very angry."
If only White Oprah had felt the same way!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
"You know who should really get $1 million for this spread? The brave soul who has to burn their knuckles off while Photoshopping that mess"
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This is the TRUTH. Why bother having her come in at all, just stick her head circa 2001 on ScarJo's body and call it a day.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 8:58am.
"WHOEVER ALL THOSE STRAIGHT GUYS BUY DVDs from.."
STRAIGHT? It's not a choice man! REPORTED!
http://youtu.be/i9WOdnR-Nfs
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
Michael Lohan has been arrested:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/10/25/national/a05...
Educate yourself on the badass, not-fuck-giving honeybadger, Olivia! ~MK
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:10am.
it is NOT a bug tent, but that the shoot simply has a post-apocalyptic circus theme.
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That is absolutely bang on perfect! LMFAO!!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:05am.
Is everyone in Hollywood on acid or something? I mean this bitch gets money for being a scum bag asshole, and tons of publicity for being a skank. Who are the people interested in her?
It's the Charlie Sheen effect, I swear. Truth is, these people are doing nothing but rapidly driving this ho to an early grave. Honestly wouldn't be surprised if this was a posthumous issue.
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Douchechill!
Not a fan of people making fun of her freckled skin. Of all the ugly fuckery going on with this trick, this is the least offensive, IMO, and something she didn't inflict on herself. It's better than splotchy self-tanner.
I can't get over her face in this picture. wtf.
.Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 8:58am.
.she's going to burn through that money like a meth and boxed wine supernova.
LMAO GOOD ONE.
I cant believe IN THIS ECONOMY that Playboy is paying skankula that kind of bank to flash her crusty cooch..
eww..
Its not plastic surgery , its a medical condition!!
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:04am.
We'll know when the pictures are being taken anyway, the playboy mansion will be covered with one of those huge bug tents and everyone going in will be wearing a hazardous materials bio suit.
LMAO!! White Oprah will release a statement that it is NOT a bug tent, but that the shoot simply has a post-apocalyptic circus theme.
LOL look at this pic, squinty it looks like she has hairy knees, ahahaha
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
When I buy smut mags I need legs so spread I can see what the models had for breakfast. No cooter no buyee.
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Submitted by gladyslove on Tue, 07/05/2011 - 11:19pm.
You name should be El Retardo.
'Smart Blur' ftw.