Too Many Clothes Were Worn At Last Night's Magic Mike Premiere
Joe ManJello spends at least 19 hours of his day lifting heavy things and trying to lick his peen tip while doing crunches, so he owes it to himself and everyone else to show off all that hard work by never wearing clothes in public again. Which is why I CAN'T with him for wearing a guido's funeral suit to the premiere of the movie where his nipples are out for most of it. Who the hell wears clothes to the premiere of a movie about man strippers? Seeing all these dudes in suits has confirmed to me that I don't want to see all these dudes in suits. As Reese Witherspoon said to Kiefer Sutherland in Freeway, "Take all them panties off, mister!" That goes for Matthew McConaughey, Adam Rodriguez, Alex Pettyfer, Channing Tatum and Matt Boner. Okay, maybe not Channing Tatum. He can stand in the corner while holding all of the other dudes' clothes. Somebody has to.
I've already made plans to see this Magic Mike mess on Saturday and that gives Jesus plenty of time to show himself by converting this shit to IMAX 3D. Actually, scratch that. If you're going to ask Jesus for something, you should really ask Jesus for something. Please make the screen at my showing burst into flames and make Alex Petmyfur, Adam Rodriguez, Matt Boner and Joe ManJello save the day by strolling in and letting the operator show the movie on their bare ass cheeks. Make me a believer!
Bunch of Channing Haters up in this bitch. Ya might fine him attracive but he aint that ugly like ya make him seem
Jesus, all this time I thought I had suffered from some kind of stroke. I also, weirdly, find T-Rex arms incredibly hot in the previews. *shakes head* I can't explain it, but I am comforted to know that I'm not alone.
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It hurts because you let your black heart beat for an asshole who can't even send you a "P.S. I'm about to fuck a hole that doesn't belong to you" text before fucking said hole that doesn't belong to you.
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:36am.
Wasn't trying to bust a bubble, much sorry! (Stay in spinsterhood.... marriage sucks!)
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Hahahaha, I am a happy spinster! I'm just trying to be funny.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 12:51am.
Joe looks fucking terrible in that suit.
He needs to learn to dress like David Gandy *faint*
have you ladies and gaytlemen seeing the latest David Gandy pictures?
http://www.gq.com/style/street-style/201206/tommy-ton-london-street-styl...
he looks good enough to EAT!!!
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David. Gandy. Is. A. GOD!!!!
I want to get him out of that suit so badly. Love a beautiful man.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:11am.
Sal, he's not all that? I notice he's disliked more than the others. Maybe he has a bit of Diablo Cody syndrome, those in the industry recognize he's not really one of them and yet he manages to find fame from the image. Honestly, don't know much about him but I hear he can dance... and workout... *shrugs*
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I can't really explain why he's all over the news and making big movies from one minute to the next. His rise to stardom reminds me of Colin Farrell's. Guys do casting couch sessions too.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Looking forward to reading the Rotten Tomatoes reviews for this one!
i don't care that bomer is the gay...i want to smother him with my boobs....
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I had this crazy dream Boner was playing Liberace in a new movie, instead it was this.
Of all the men in the Magic Mike film, the Chadham guy is so horrible, here come the razzies!
I just looked at the close up of Matt Boner and boy is he clever with makeup, that light primer under the eyes to cover dark circles! ZING, when you dont have time to use cucumbers, a quick brush of the primer will cover any dark circles and give you that youthful look... because you're worth it.
Ha, the only one I find attractive is the gay one. Bomer is gorgeous. Tatum looks like an Alfred E. Newman balloon blown up to bursting. God damn, is he ugly. Why does he have a career? He's a terrible actor too. He must really be "servicing" someone high up on the down low. There is no other reason for him being in so many movies.
Also - Manjello has a giant head. He looks like a maraca in that guido suit. Jesus.
Submitted by stefystef on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:26pm.
I didn't know Channing's wife was there and that's the point. He worked the line like he was a single and attainable guy. Now we know he's not, but give my sad spinsterhood mind a chance to dream.
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Wasn't trying to bust a bubble, much sorry! (Stay in spinsterhood.... marriage sucks!)
LaChay, it's covered! Everyone is welcome to get excited, hahahs
Good to see you LaChay!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Hahahahaha good one! :D *whispers* We're getting someone excited Loopy... Shhhhh lmao!
ITA, on your assessment! Yes, plenty to go around! cleaning crew is on the way! <3
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by BernardProfitendieu on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:10am.
Bernie, you'll fit right in!
:-)
Sal, he's not all that? I notice he's disliked more than the others. Maybe he has a bit of Diablo Cody syndrome, those in the industry recognize he's not really one of them and yet he manages to find fame from the image. Honestly, don't know much about him but I hear he can dance... and workout... *shrugs*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/26/2012 - 1:04am.
how fortunate in this world we have hot 100% beef like manjello, gandy and boner.
and gandy looks just as good in clothes as out of clothes :P
not seeing a target audience for this piece of crap ... but judging from the comments, if it's lonely hefty hausfrau, they've hit the sweet spot.
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.
ManJello does nothing for me. Sorry.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
Loopy, take a bitch down! Don't let them even get a look! Lol
For Joe's suit, it's great, you know why? because it's SO tight, as soon as he moves, you'll hear a big RIIIIIIP, and it will fall off in shreds, like the Hulk! That's why it's worn so dang fitted! <3
As for Gandy, ahaha while you're busy unlocking and re-locking Boner's chastity belt, I'll be adjusting Gandy's. Look the other way Loop, or his protection device will snap you with a hard rubber band. That man can wear a suit, can't he!? Mmm
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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So, how come nobody's bothered to ask this Carol Channing Tatum O'neal tool about his hetero-flexible days when he worked as a stripper? He may have made no mention of it when Soderbergh wrote that screenplay, but who is he kidding when he says that he made a living by taking money from women only? Har har.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Joe looks fucking terrible in that suit.
He needs to learn to dress like David Gandy *faint*
have you ladies and gaytlemen seeing the latest David Gandy pictures?
http://www.gq.com/style/street-style/201206/tommy-ton-london-street-styl...
he looks good enough to EAT!!!
that's the ugliest and gayest suit i have ever seen.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:47pm.
in fact i would probably hire FBI or secret service trained snipers to lock onto any bitch who looks at Matt Boner in any sexual way, if a bitch so much as wink at him, even if they did it by accident cuz a tiny spec of dust got in their eye, I SAY TAKE THAT BITCH DOWN!!!
What in the Tilda Swinton is he wearing??
Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:47pm.
ah yes sirreeee, i just woke up and saw this and thought WTF!!!
also why did MK put 4 pics of stockard channing carol brady tatum, and only 1 pic of MATT BONER?!!!
better call the cleaning again.
i always like adam from that csi show, i always wished he would come csi my brains out on a cold cold stainless steel autotopsy table...
as for Joe, i just imagine, he is soo strong, he just picks you up and u just sit and spin like you are riding the twister ride at disneyland.
and matt boner, thats the best saved for last.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:20pm.
crazyinjapan -- OMG, "Freeway" is one of my favorite movies. My late mom had a hysterical sense of humor; it was one of her favorite movies; she loved "Serial Mom," too. I love the part where Vanessa was in the courtroom, she sees Keifer all fucked-up, and she starts laughing hysterically and taunting him.
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Yeah, "Look who got beat with the ugly stick!" Sounds like your mom and I would have had a great time watching movies together because I love Serial Mom, too. "Puuuuuusssssssy Willow." LOL!
Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 11:27pm.
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I knew this would happen once you woke up and realized you missed this post, LMAO! This is only the third cleaning crew that goes through here... slacker!
Laser guided retractible bat? Try it on missile launch and you'd need to put an iron-clad combination chastity-belt on him pronto! lol ;p
Eta: civilized weapons...
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:39pm.
Submitted by stefystef on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:12pm.
"Why did BongoBoy bring his wife to the party???? Doesnt he know that takes away the fantasy of the whole thing, ya dumb bastards???"
Dear stefystef,
My reply to your inquiry is as follows:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDCCNDj7fSk
Sincerely yours,
Bongo
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LMAO!!! Oh Thank You, Miss Foxy Brown!!! That is the best spoof song ever! I used to know all the words. Those three white boys need to be in school. *LOL*
Actually it is teaching a lesson about NOT getting high. Looks like MM didn't learn his lesson. La la la lalala laaaaaaa!!! "cause I got high!!!!!" OH YEAH!!!
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 8:08pm.
BTW, Channing's wife WAS there with him. She just didn't go through all of the press line.
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I didn't know Channing's wife was there and that's the point. He worked the line like he was a single and attainable guy. Now we know he's not, but give my sad spinsterhood mind a chance to dream.
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Grow up, Demi, and do coke off toilet seats like the rest of us adults do!- Michael K, 1/26/12
so basically they turned up fully clothed? WTF
not impressed at all.
with the exception of t-rex and stockard channing carol brady, i wanted to see matt boner, adam rodriquez and joe mangello flashing their parts.
gosh matt boner still looks delicious fully clothed... soo dreamy, that ladies and gaytlemen, is husband material.
if you married matt boner, you would ride that train everyday. and id have retractable baseball bat ready to smack a bitch out right between the eyes, if they even take a second glance at him and tried to eye fuck him.
lord im trying to picture matt boner and joe mangello's O face right now, just before they nut.... ok i need to take a cold shower.
crazyinjapan -- OMG, "Freeway" is one of my favorite movies. My late mom had a hysterical sense of humor; it was one of her favorite movies; she loved "Serial Mom," too. I love the part where Vanessa was in the courtroom, she sees Keifer all fucked-up, and she starts laughing hysterically and taunting him.
I love it when Michael K quotes Freeway because it is one of my all-time favorite movies. However, he got the context of this quote slightly wrong. She didn't say that to Kiefer, she said it to the guy who was going to only give her $5 for a blowjob. She said it as she was aiming at his face with a gun.
Daniee -- why is it Carl's Jr. gets the biggest whores as spokesmodels -- Kartrashian, Kate Upton, Olivia Munn? Her other claim to fame is that she's half Chinese.
zlisted -- I saw a clip of Charming Potato dancing at some club as part of a promotion for MM and the dude could not dance nor keep up with the other male dancers. So all that dancing you see in the film is highly choreographed. Personally, I think the dude is ugly and he appears to be a dim bulb. His success is completely inexplicable.
That suit is taking away any of Joe ManJello's hotness. Ugh. My dad had a suit like that back in the late 80s, and I didn't like it then either.
I'm not going to lie, I still want to see this. I've only seen a male stripper ONCE in my life, and it was a major disappointment.
I wanna see this. I'll wait 'til $5 Tuesday!
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 7:13pm.
Daniee -- oh, thank you, I can't stand that goddamned Olivia Munn! She's in this movie and she's in that new Aaron Sorkin show on HBO, "The Newsroom." I was going to ask how is she getting all this work, but I think we know how; she's obviously screwing half of Hollywood. I think she's ugly and untalented to boot.
Puppy Love -- whenever the commercial comes on, I always listen for T-Rex's part; it's so hot!
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Exactly.....she gets these gigs on her knees until they figure out that she isn't funny, talented or cultured, i.e. The Daily Show. Was VERY happy to not have to watch her painful bits on that show for any longer! Her pretending to be vegetarian thing to pose yet again naked from something all while promoting Carl's Jr. non grass-grazed meat is also why I can't stand her.
LOL
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Who in the hell is going to see this mess?
I think Channing Tatum is about as fucked up as his name. How did he happen to get into movies? What an ugly bore.
by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 8:03pm.
cheray -- I know! I want to see the movie just because of that one scene.
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Twat Muffin, same here! Normally I can take or leave MM, but that scene definitely hits a chord--I don't even care about the rest of the clips, just MM saying he sees lots of lawwwbreakers... Damn!
Someone must have good instincts in the promo department over there.
I don't know or care what this shit is about but if it has half-naked men in it, I guess I'm game.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
Sorry guys, but I don't get the big deal about Matthew McConnnanawannanfuckiticantspellhisname
Channing is getting to be quite the major player in Hollywood. He got an Emmy last year for producing a doc, this movie here will make tons of money and his box office is good. I want to see this just to see Channing's move's. I swear that guy is black on the inside. he can move unlike some **side eye to Bieber***
BTW, Channing's wife WAS there with him. She just didn't go through all of the press line.
Yum yum, man meat.
cheray -- I know! I want to see the movie just because of that one scene.
I Absolutely agree that is the hottest thing that has come out of Texas Rex's mouth. Damn that was has some hot southern drawl. I think I will see the movie just because of this....and I always laughed at him before.....
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 7:38pm.
Submitted by Puppy Love on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:46pm.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 4:39pm.
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YES!!! McConaughey's drawl makes me swooooon.
Matt Bomer is the hottest of all. Though, I can't forgive his stylist for putting him in too short pants and brown shoes.
And, shoes... I want Camilla heels!!!
"Submitted by Puppy Love on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 5:46pm.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 4:39pm.
I can't believe I'm admitting this, but in the commercial, where T-Rex says in that southern drawl, "looks like there's a lot of lawbreakers up in here," he looks awfully delish. And I'm not even a T-Rex fan.
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I TOTALLY AGREE!! Damn, he looks/sounds SEXY as HELL in that clip!
*fans self*"
The Texas T-Rex brought the heat. I think it's because he hardly moves his hands in that scene. RAWR!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
MM's cheek implants are giving him weird alien skin wrinkles at his temples. I mean, I guess it's HWAT in a Star Trek kind of way...but Ima gonna be honest, that looks gross and creepy.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
"Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 06/25/2012 - 7:13pm.
Daniee -- oh, thank you, I can't stand that goddamned Olivia Munn! She's in this movie and she's in that new Aaron Sorkin show on HBO, "The Newsroom." I was going to ask how is she getting all this work, but I think we know how; she's obviously screwing half of Hollywood. I think she's ugly and untalented to boot."
I know this wasn't directed at me, but I was shocked to see her in the opening credits of "Newsroom." She can't act and I hate that smug look that she has on her face.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."