The Writer Of 50 Shades Of Grey Is Making $1.34 Million A Week

She's the living proof that it pays off to be a writer. I wish I had the talent to become a writer myself but I don't... I even get help with case study every time I need to complete the task, I love learning but apparently writing is not my thing.

I finally broke down and bought the 50 Shades books because people wouldn't shut up about them. I loathed Twilight as it offended every feminist bone in my body and figured 50 shades would be Twilight with fucking.

I found the first one HILARIOUS. I know, I know. But reading it, I was sure it had to be some kind of parody. Then I read the second, which was dull, had a couple funny bits. And yes, I started the third, hoping it would be as funny as the first. Nope. It was horrifying in all the ways that Twilight was horrifying. I had to stop. It was so awful. The first one is awful, but in that sort of campy, ridiculous way that a lot of fan fiction is awful but also immensely funny. There was so much in there that showed how blatantly out of touch James is. Like the main character, a modern college senior, not even having a fucking email address. I mean, I MIGHT be able to believe not having a computer, but not having an email address? ALL colleges issue their students email addresses so that the school, teachers, and students can communicate. I mean, come on.

Oh, and why is it in all these cheesy housewife porn series (Twilight, 50 Shades of Grey, the True blood books), do the heroines always have to start out as fucking virgins who have never even touched themselves? Sorry, but sexually-experienced women have better sex. I get wanting to appeal to a younger audience, but the fact is, no matter how big a dude's junk is, a man can't teach a female virgin how to explore and enjoy her body the way another woman can. I'm not saying you have to lez out, but reading the experiences of experienced women help a lot. You know, because they have the same plumbing.

"In the seventies, there were only three reasons why three people would be in a room together: to have sex, to snort cocaine, or to have sex on a giant pile of cocaine." --- The Cinema Snob

yucko - A lot of people just want to be entertained after a hard week's work and possibly a chaotic home life. They don't want to think, they don't want to be invested, and they especially don't want to waste $10 just to be trapped for 2 hours in a movie theater watching some artiste's pretentious, heavy-handed ideological bullshit. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean they are incapable of deep thoughts or feelings.

After having watched all 3 Swedish movie versions of "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", I went to Amazon out of curiosity to read the reviews. There were some that warned of the graphic nature in both of the rape scenes and, per usual, those posts got some condescending, sneering responses chastising those reviewers as incapable of dealing with life in the real world. Well, you know what? There are millions of people who know that side of the real world better than any of those arrogant, ignorant asshole mommy-basement dwellers, and they don't want to relive it in 50-foot high-definition color and 1000 decibel sound. I understand that some get upset with low-star ratings for something they loved and for reasons they think are trivial ("what did the reviewer expect! It's their fault they didn't know what would be in TGWTDT!"), but the reviewers were just warning those who would not like to witness such things on their one night off with their teenager or on a first date. And none of those reviewers gave low-star ratings anyway.

I think that a lot of women will be swept up in the huge hype surrounding it and will buy it not realizing what tripe it is. I didn't realize how bad it was until I read MK's excerpt and may have bought it myself out of curiosity, if I hadn't read that.

But any discerning reader won't get past the first chapter, will chuck it aside in disgust and never buy anything of hers again. So, she'd better stick all that money in the bank.

************

Damn. That paragraph is pretty bad. There was maybe a 20% chance I might have ever read this, out of pure boredom and curiosity, but what curiosity I had was dampened significantly when I read on Lainey's website that you cannot "unread" this book. I don't want to, say, never be able to look at the vegetables in a grocery store ever again without thinking of some shitty book. I didn't anticipate the writing being that unfortunate, though. It almost makes me think maybe I should? (Without paying for it...)

And here I sit, poor and pathetic, when I could be exploring opportunities for making tons of money without true talent.

I'm kind of a dork/nerd but I've never been into fanfiction/fanart/fan-anything really, because I know that most of it will be complete trash.

I'm not sure, though, why this is any more upsetting to some than bad movies, bad television, bad pop art, bad music, whatever. There are a good number of consumers who just enjoy mediocre works. Maybe it's just because writing good novels seems to be less about looks, connections, money, circumstances, etc. Admittedly, I often like watching movies I know will be mediocre beforehand, just because it feels like less of an investment than watching things I think I might love.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 9:41pm.

This is the gold standard in mind-blowingly terrible fan fiction. I present: My Immortal.

http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/chapters122.htm

(it's fine to click on it, not a virus)

_______________________________________________

That is AWESOME! I just about died laughing at Chapter 4:

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!"

´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*

Wow! She even jacked the cover concept from the "Twilight" series. That one paragraph MK posted is ALL I need to know I won't *ever* be reading THESE "books".
Damn, everyone was talking about Stephanie Meyers. This shit makes the "Twilight" saga look like Shakespeare. XD

====================
"Birds are doomed when pussies can fly"- MK

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 11:53pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 9:41pm.

This is the gold standard in mind-blowingly terrible fan fiction. I present: My Immortal.

http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/chapters122.htm

(it's fine to click on it, not a virus)

_______________________________

"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."

Ah hahahahaha! This is great!

************************

Lmao! I'm so glad I found this link! I'm totally gonna read this! XD


Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.

Just no.

Lucifer_Sam - Thanks for that link. Between Michael's excerpt and Bizzybizz's descriptions of the last chapters in the first book I can safely say my curiosity concerning this phenomenon has been sated. I laughed like hell while reading the first half of that blog, but as funny as the blogger was, the monotony and repetitiveness of the story was just too much for her (him?) to keep things humorous. I'm glad her reviews have gone viral and think she is wise to change things up for the next 2 in the series (and I'm curious about H-Town, lol).

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 9:41pm.

This is the gold standard in mind-blowingly terrible fan fiction. I present: My Immortal.

http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/chapters122.htm

(it's fine to click on it, not a virus)

_______________________________

"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."

Ah hahahahaha! This is great!

Damn Michael, why did you stop there? I wanted to see the playroom.

And you should definitely write an erotic novel. Please make sure there is a woman in it.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 9:42pm.

ghost of gene - Final Fantasy is the source of some of the best (read: worst) fanfiction. Endless LOLs abound!

=============

LOL, oh fuck is it EVER! There's no middle ground with FF fanfic. The good stuff is great and the bad stuff is heart-stoppingly atrocious. I once read Cloud Mows the Lawn on a dare. I was tempted to gouge out my own eyes in order to avoid the risk of ever encountering something similar ever again.

ghost of gene - Final Fantasy is the source of some of the best (read: worst) fanfiction. Endless LOLs abound!

_______________________________________________

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

- Yogi Berra

This is the gold standard in mind-blowingly terrible fan fiction. I present: My Immortal.

http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/chapters122.htm

(it's fine to click on it, not a virus)

_______________________________________________

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

- Yogi Berra

"Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 11:50am.

Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 12:56am.
It's like the literary equivalent of iceberg lettuce.

LOL. Well, lettuce bound with those little wire twists."

Bwahahaha!
True that!

SANS FARD...we are doomed as a species.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 5:43pm.

Oh dear God. I don't even want to imagine what the fan fiction based on this shitfest is like! I wouldn't know whether to roll my eyes or vomit.
==========================

So bad fanfic of a re-purposed bad fanfic of a series that reads like bad fanfic? It's crap-ception!

That's it, I'm digging up the Duran Duran fic I wrote when I was 13, changing the names, tossing in a dozen half-assed sex scenes and cashing in if this is all it takes. C'mon, readers and your pitifully low expectations, mama needs a new pair of shoes!

If it was any other book but this one, I'd think it was great that erotica is receiving so much mainstream attention and validation. And I certainly love me some trashy entertainment. But as it stands, I can't decide what I hate more about these books: the sniveling doormat Mary Sue, the abusive, weak dickhead love interest, writing so bad it makes that crazy chick who thought she was married to Sephiroth on the astral plane look like Ernest Fucking Hemingway or the bland Ikea erotica loaded with rookie mistakes about BDSM. This book series is a perfect storm of crap.

I kept hearing about this book so I went searching the net one night for excerpts thinking I was going to feast my eyes on some quality erotica written from a pro-woman point of view. Ummmm, no. My precocious friend wrote better erotica in 9th grade. Who is loving this dreck? I'm sad for them. They need a very powerful vibrator and some alone time, stat!

We're told all our damn lives in school and from our drunk parents not to write about graphic sex shit AND THIS HOOKER DID JUST THAT AND IS ON THE BEST SELLER LIST WITH THE POSSIBILITY TO BUILD A MILLION $ WINE CELLAR IN A MILLION $ HOME!?!

Mom, Dad, parochial school I went to: I HATE YOUR LIES. Thanks for nothing!

____
"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 12:41pm.
And then when something goes viral, a lot of people download or buy the thing just to see what all the GD fuss is about

I had no idea this "series" was self-published beforehand. That explains it. And it sort of restores a little of my faith in the publishing industry - to know that they saw its popularity on the internet, and make the sensible decision to cash in on it. Knowing that they didn't publish it because they actually thought it was worth publishing.

Submitted by md20s on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 11:24pm

ooohhhh, i would be in line at midnight to buy the audio book if that refined young thespian/vocalist in your avi y'alled as Ana, y'all

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by Bree on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 10:23pm.

see, that's the part i don't get -- who the hell gave her a contract to write three of these horrors before the first book proved to be profitable?!?!

that's what surprises me, not that the books blew up. See People of Walmart, Oprah's and Maury's and Jerry's and the judge show live audiences, the deprived sad women who see Tom Cruise as their vision of heterosexual virility, etc. etc. etc.

in case no one has linked:

http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

I bought the books, based on the recommendations of other folks who were totally obsessed with the series. As some other posters commented, I'll probably be horrified about how poorly it is written. Usually I don't read crap like this but figure it's good beach reading.

My fav books are true life ..crime, biographies of serial killers.. light reading like that.

Not going near this badly written crap. I read a bit on Amazon and was appalled, not by the subject matter but the absolute horrendousness of the writing.

If I want to get my romance with not really much kink on, I will dig out my Kathleen E. Woodiwiss historical bodice-ripper romances. THey are derivative and silly but I love them.

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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 12:27pm.
@ MrrKat and others here who are writers.

I think about it sometimes. How someone who has worked on a novel for years and years, honing every single sentence to perfection, spending days on a single paragraph just to get the prose right, would suddenly see this sack of shit earning all this money for her worthless garbage and decide to give up.

I think it would be a massive shame if we lose a potential F. Scott Fitzgerald so that asswipes like this bitch and Meyer can continue shitting in 50 shades. IMO, the best way to fight it is to continue, not to give up.

______________________________________________

I guess that's the double-edged sword of the Internet at work. Self-publishing, rather than going through traditional publishing companies who would weed out a lot of shite like this, allows anyone to be heard--good, and bad. And then when something goes viral, a lot of people download or buy the thing just to see what all the GD fuss is about....that's certainly why I dl'ed 50 Shades and Twilight, which I never would've done otherwise.

_______________________________________________

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

- Yogi Berra

Submitted by Scott in NYC on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 10:36pm.
It may not be brilliant literature but it's nice to see a successful writer, considering most people's reluctance to read. I do think she could have gotten a leather jacket that fit those beefy guns a little better, though :-)

______________________________________________

In 9 cases out of 10, I would agree. I didn't love the Hunger Games, but the kids at the urban public library where I volunteer were obsessed with it, and I'm like you know what....at least they're reading! A lot of them don't read much otherwise and don't have access to many books at home. It was kind of fun to see how much they were into the story.

But these books are just too GD awful. The writing is atrocious. And at least Hunger Games had a strong heroine.
_______________________________________________

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

- Yogi Berra

@ MrrKat and others here who are writers.

I think about it sometimes. How someone who has worked on a novel for years and years, honing every single sentence to perfection, spending days on a single paragraph just to get the prose right, would suddenly see this sack of shit earning all this money for her worthless garbage and decide to give up.

I think it would be a massive shame if we lose a potential F. Scott Fitzgerald so that asswipes like this bitch and Meyer can continue shitting in 50 shades. IMO, the best way to fight it is to continue, not to give up.

da fuq?????????????????????????????????

This is another good blog ripping apart this shitty "series". It is a bit tl;dr and you have to suffer finding out what actually happens in the "book" anyway just to enjoy the blogger's wit.

http://bizzybiz.blogspot.co.uk

"I am captivated by this story and can't wait to see how this couple ends up. They are truly in love with each other, even though there are strange circumstances. I have read several "erotic" books, and I can say that this has to be the most erotic book I have read, but it is with very good taste and has an excellent story line. It is not just an erotic book, but a great and compelling story! It has eroticism, love, compassion and mystery. It kept me on the edge of my seat."

- from a 5-star review on Amazon. barf.

_______________________________________________

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

- Yogi Berra

Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 7:45am.
Rowling deserved every penny she's got from the franchise.

Eh, I wouldn't say every penny, considering her work is incredibly contrived, unoriginal and derivative; but she IS a skilled writer, and even though I fucking HATE Harry Potter, I am happy that Rowling became successful. I certainly wouldn't put her in the same category as those two fat pigs.

Ok, now I did read the Harry Potter books to my boys when they were growing up. I didnt think it was badly written. A bit repeatative but not bad and a good story. And I agree with WTF, JK earned her money! This shit though, 50 Shits and Twitard, should embarrass those that paid out for it. Rowling is bloody Charles Dickens compaired to this cow!

Submitted by Anonymouse73 on Sun, 07/01/2012 - 12:56am.
It's like the literary equivalent of iceberg lettuce.

LOL. Well, lettuce bound with those little wire twists.

* * * * * * * * * * *
"You lack vision, but I see a place where people get on and off the freeway. Soon, where Toon Town once stood will be a string of gas stations, inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. My God, it'll be bea

This just proves people are NOT having proper sex. I've dated men who've sheepishly told me how their wives (gasp!) girlfriends don't like sex, and from what we're doing I know it's not the guy it's the girl, and if they're getting off on this total shit it makes sense. FUCK!

She looks like Roseanne Barr (that's not a compliment).

Submitted by didimao on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 11:53pm.

I haven't either.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 06/30/2012 - 4:58pm.

Guess I'm about the only one in the universe who hasn't seen or read and Twilight, Hairy Pothead or Fifty Shades of Stupid books and movies.
=============================

Harry Potter is actually a good story. Rowling deserved every penny she's got from the franchise.

unlike the other two.

it all makes sense now...

"i read a few paragraphs of this book at the book store.. it is a horrible book.. its written like sh*t and overall its not even worth wiping your @$$ with..."

Then I am in the wrong business, because I thought you had to be a good writer to publish a book and make decent money. I guess it may be the fault of readers over the authors. There wouldn't be a supply of this shit if there wasn't a demand. As usual, MK sums it all up perfectly.

I cannot believe that was a real paragraph. I know elementary school students who write better than that.

Shit is actually all around us. While I agree that it's a sad day when practically illiterate people like EL James and Stephenie Meyer make millions from their poorly written "novels", we've all seen it happen with music - talentless, auto-tuned pretty kids who at best sing over pre-recorded tracks and at worst (badly) lip-synch on concert tours. Pop culture isn't necessarily about talent, and it isn't necessarily required for entertaining the masses.

´¨¨) -:¦:-
¸.•´ .•´¨¨)
(¸¸.•´ ..•´ but what do I know?-:¦:-
-:¦:- (¸¸.•´*

Okay - everyone knows 50 Shades was James' [bad] novel-length Twilight fan fiction, and that she just changed the names from Bella and Edward to whatever the hell they ended up before she published the book, right?

There is tons of bad fanfic of every type on the net (some of it far better than this tripe), but this is the only person who got the bright idea to change the names from copyrighted names and publish her dreck as "original" fiction. And stupid women are eating it up with spoons! But as the man said, no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of American people.

I'll bet all those hos writing romance novels about "throbbing manroots" and "quivering cores" are pissed because this woman wrote even worse stuff but is making eleventy billion dollars on it.

i have a friend that was all excited to read this shit until i sent her that link. i'm still smh over this. jesus i hope my mom isn't reading it. i dont want to have that conversation.

-----------------------------------------
"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK

Congrats on the financial windfall.Go make a lowball cash offer on a pad in Malibu.Too bad money does'nt work for women the way it does for men.No way she's getting laid...by guys.

P.S. Agreed M.K..How in the hell-with all the online porn and (good)erotic print fiction out there-did THIS book come to speak to so many women?!

I would rather read Arquette's giant wonder woman belly tattoo, then figure out what this book is about.
True dat homie.

...............................

Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.

Legit question: where my movie and tv professionals at?

I work in music so I don't know, but what would be more profitable? A movie of this mess or an HBO esque show of several seasons? Curious.

You guys might find some good erotic stories. I haven't been on here in years so don't quote me on that.

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Steamy-Stories/bd-p/iv-rlfantasy-1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09

Wait.. what?
This series started off as a Twilight fanfic?
Ew.... just ew.

I don't care if it gets people to read. I'd rather they not read at all then read this utter CRAP. It's like the literary equivalent of iceberg lettuce.You might as well just eat a sheet of paper, instead. More nutrients.

Playroom? Is that what they're calling it now?