Hot Slut Of The Day!
Dr. Fredric Brandt, world-renowned cosmetic dermatologist and a fantastical beauty I thought only existed deep within the mind of J.K. Rowling. You probably can't get up right now, because looking at that precious picture of Dr. Brandt made your asshole pucker so hard that it suctioned itself to your chair.
Every weekday morning at 11, I keep The View on in the background, because the sound of rabid, crazy hens hysterically pecking at the same seed really helps me to work. And about halfway into yesterday's show, the high-pitched pecking suddenly stopped and was replaced by the ethereal vision of a shining albino sun whose shooting rays of beauty covered my retinas with perfection. I don't even know what the hell Dr. Brandt was on there to talk about, because I temporarily lost my sense of hearing to focus on taking in his radiant gorgeousness with my eyes. But after his segment ended when he disappeared in a cloud of star dust, I Googled his ass and found out that he's the greatest cosmetic dermatologist who has ever lived, or something. Dr. Brandt is like a plastic surgeon, but instead of using a scalpel as his paint brush, he uses a needle full of injectables to create his masterpieces. Apparently, Madge is one of his clients and so I guess she's the Mona Lisa to his da Vinci. Makes sense since Madge looks like Mona Lisa if you recreated Mona Lisa's face using creamed veal, spray lacquer and the butt cheeks of a newborn baby.
If you mixed together the potent essence of an Austin Powers villain, the charisma of Lucius Malfoy, the grace of Glenn Close as Albert Nobbs, a drop of blood from a vampire swan and the judgmental gaze of a snobby ostrich, you still wouldn't come close to matching the overall majesty of Dr. Brandt. J.K. Rowling so needs to rewrite the ending to Harry Potter, because it should end like this: "And as soon as Harry came face to gorgeous face with the Death Eaters' answer to Aphrodite, Dr. Fredric Brandt, he dropped his wand, got lost in the doctor's beauty and surrendered himself. Oh, and Dr. Brandt totally fixed that scar on Harry's forehead in just a few office visits. The end."
And somebody please tell Lucius Malfoy to cancel his appointment at Supercuts, because he could never pull off a bob the way Dr. Brandt pulls off a bob. Excuse this Death Eaters' beauty.
Stephanie Seymour is also his patient and she looked fine when I saw her - so maybe he has some restraint.
I see his colleague, Dr. Leonard Bernstein (yes, he laughed when I told him I had all his albums) and he is fantastic. When I first arrived Dr. Brandt came into the reception area. I actually winced when I saw him. I almost backed out and got back on the elevator thinking they were going to push this "look" on me. My guy has never once suggested the poison needles (altho I could probably use it!), just saving my life is all he cares about :)
He looks terrifying and like a reject from Kraftwerk.
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Bookworm - you won't believe this, but according to a Guardian article in 2008 he was 59 then...I cannot believe he's only 63! So how does this work exactly? You make your face completely line-free and smooth, yet you still look 20 years older than you are. Goes to show this approach not only doesn't work, but makes you look like a monster!
TexnDoc nailed it, totally looks like the Gary Oldman character in Hannibal. Yeah, I'd pay thousands for that!
This guy is a dead ringer for the character in "Hannibel" who Hannibel Lector got to cut off his face in a drug induced stupor. Then the guy plots revenge against Lector and at the end it's his head eaten off by those mad hogs. Dead ringer.
Christ, he looks like a f@cking vampire, nevermind a Deatheater!
(MK, Thanks for the Lucius Malfoy references. Jason Isaacs is walking sex to me!)
I was wondering when MK would come around to posting about the good Dr. Brandt. He is responsible for advancing the concept of the "New New Face" in the field of plastic surgery (think Botox and LOTS of fillers)...
The comments below are really funny.
Sun, diet, smoking, and over-drinking are huge factors in how your skin looks. But some folks are blessed with genes that triumph over anything.
You can always tell when someone's had a procedure. It's just that some procedures look better than others. I know that, say, Michelle Pfeiffer's had work--it's just really good work. The human face is meant to be imperfect and asymmetrical; when it's not, when it's perfect, we notice it.
I saw this guy on tele once and I was mesmerised. I just couldn't look away from the screen, his surgically messed up face was spellbinding. Even though he has barely a wrinkle left on his skin he STILL looks old (wrinkle free yes, appears 25-30 HELL NO)!
Also, I tried to guess his age - 60's, 70's or older? Does anyone know?
LMAO @ Impertinent Vixen. Gay Nazi Villan!
If you go to him to make yourself look younger and you end up looking just like him.... don't cry to me. GOD IS IN HIS HOLY TEMPLE!!! LOL LOL LOL
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Physician, heal thyself...
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
Reminds me of the Frank Zappa song: "Plastic people, oh baby no, you're such a drag."
just.threw.up.in.my.mouth
It's like Zoolander and John Tesh had a baby!
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I don't think that any surgery does any good, even fixing one's nose often leads to something weird - or the people simply lose their edge and look like someone you would look at but forget the next second.
I rather have my raisin mother and crinkeled father who are older than this doc but look younger because they don't look as if they've been dead for a decade and then been hatched by aliens.
cannot...look....away.
Ewww, that face and particularly those cheeks are the stuff nightmares are made of.
C R E E P Y !!
Usually I find bad plastic surgery hilarious, but this guy is just creepy and gross.
"You know how to whistle don't ya?" Oh damn, I can't get my lips any closer together.
~*~A Pirates Life For Me~*~
dr. brandt makes some damn fine products so honey you can look anyway you want to look. even if it is kinda creepster...
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
He's whiter than Wonder Bread and looks like SNL's Sprocket
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 8:59pm.
IDK, I've come to the theory that if you eat right, exercise, and keep out of the sun, you most likely will not need plastic surgery. The more I see people mess with their faces the less I'd want to try any of it. Furthermore, how safe is it to be injecting stuff like that into the skin. That guy looks like a freak.
Keeping out of the sun is the biggie. My grandmother died last year at 86, and she could pass for late 50s (in terms of face/neck). She liked to brag that the sun had never touched the skin on her face (no small accomplishment in The South). Beyond that, she was pretty much without charm, at least to her grandson.
In terms of cosmetic facial procedures, on here you tend to see people who have gone overboard. Most people's work is much more subtle (though still worthwhile).
Somehow I see a resemblance with Nicollette Sheridan. Is he trying to become her?
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
He's 63ish.
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
How old is this guy? He looks like a 90 year old who got "a little work done".
That said, I can't knock plastic surgery completely. When done well, it can really extend the shelf life of a person's beauty. Nowadays some actresses still look great in their 30s through 60s. Not so much in the past. I mean, Audrey Hepburn was beautiful inside and out, but by the time she was in her 30s she already lost her facial beauty, in my opinion. If I had money and connections I would get the kind of discreet, subtle plastic surgery that makes a woman looks well-rested and glowing. But with my luck, I would probably get a botched job and end up looking like Fire Marshall Bill here.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 3:03pm.
Dad, is that you?!
xoxo,
Austin Scarlett
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LMAO!!!
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"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?" Steven Wright
Gay nazi villan.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
IDK, I've come to the theory that if you eat right, exercise, and keep out of the sun, you most likely will not need plastic surgery. The more I see people mess with their faces the less I'd want to try any of it. Furthermore, how safe is it to be injecting stuff like that into the skin. That guy looks like a freak.
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"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?" Steven Wright
Submitted by mefunigirl on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 7:35pm.
he's had WAY too much botox and fillers, but I have to admit, his pores/skin texture is really nice.
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Agree.
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MK - Glen Close as Albert Nobbs is right on. What I thought of immediately.
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hey, I've heard this guy on Sirius and his voice sounds WAAAAY old. I would've never pictured him looking like this!!
Submitted by YesterdaysTrashQueen on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 8:36pm.
How can you not know Madge goes to him?
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Cher too maybe? She's def not sporting her old cheeks. I love her to death tho!
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
How can you not know Madge goes to him?
He's wearing her face for fuck's sake.
Baby ass face skin with cheekbone mumps.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
what in Dorian Gray hell...??
Omg snarf, madam the puppet? Lol
he's had WAY too much botox and fillers, but I have to admit, his pores/skin texture is really nice.
If he had allowed some natural lines/wrinkles to happen, he'd probably look really good for his age, and would be able to sell his services better...cause right now there's no way in hell I'd let him touch my face.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Fuck....his skin is scaring me. I can't look.
Gimme a wind burnt face of crevices and wrinkles anyday over this.
I live in Hollywood, and i see those plastic surgery disasters walking around a lot.
They are even MORE TERRIFYING in person. I always freeze in shock and fear when i catch a glimpse of their monster faces. I can't imagine how frightened young children must be when they see them.
And we now have an answer to that burning question "What would Madam look like if she was a he (and a real person)?
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Shiitake happens...
Let me go hug my lovely natural face, he has convinced me to look young leave your FACE ALONE....he is the stuff of nightmares....having freaky faced Madonna is not a good endorsement.
We should all be very afraid right now, that this creature exists outside of Prometheus.
Love the kelp coat.
Is that John Mayer sashaying down the street behind Dr. Bland (typo and it stays) and Marc (I forgot my slip) Jacobs????
A personal story: When my brothers and I were growing up, we used to call mannequins "humannequins" and it drove my mother crazy (so naturally we use this expression daily).
Anyway, this looks like a humannequin.
Wow that's what Dr. Brandt looks like? Yikes. Love his products...they're phenomenal. Wouldn't let him touch my face with a ten foot pole though.
At first, I thought it was the man who had performed all of Heidi's plastic surgeries. The one who died in a car accident. I guess they all look alike .
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Happy Birthday Precocious Magpie!
Submitted by marinara on Sat, 07/14/2012 - 4:04pm.
He looks embalmed!
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Spit my Heinekin all over the keyboard when I read this!! LOL!!
I will only make the pilgrimage to see this vanity god if he can match the 2 for 1 plastic surgery deals offered here in the Detroit area. Pfffft... why would I pay full price when I can get my tits and nose done for one low price?
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
More than likely I will never be ever able to afford these procedures so that fact alone will prevent me from getting them.
It sucks though because all of this shit is aimed at women. Just another that we suck at according to society.
Getting off my feminist horse I'll say that plastic surgery has no benefits during the zombie Apocalypse. For that fact alone it has no benefit. :) Although this dude could be used as decoy human.