Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Original New York Seltzer, the "naturally flavored" seltzer water from the soda era of the 20th century, the 1980s! There was a time in the 80s when your average American's body weight was made up of 90% Original New York Seltzer soda instead of water, because everyone guzzled that stuff down like it flowed out of heaven's garden hose. Even my mom, who thinks that soda is Lucifer's asparagus-infused piss, let me drink it, because it was "naturally" flavored. New York Seltzer made dozens of flavors like black cherry, root beer, lemon lime, peach, raspberry and my personal favorite vanilla cream soda (too easy, I know). Being the gourmet with a thirst for the finer sodas in life that I was, I tried to drink all the flavors and lined up a bunch of empty bottles on my dresser like trophies. The bottles I didn't keep, I tore off their Styrofoam wrappers and made bracelets out of that shit. It was the 80s, we were simple then. We didn't have the option of entertaining ourselves by snorting bath salts and calling each other dumb whores on Facebook the way the chirruns of today do.
Like most priceless treasures from the 80s, Original New York Seltzer died in the 90s after the company went bankrupt. Internet legend has it that you can still find a few bottles at Big Lots, but apparently it's not the same and doesn't taste like it came directly out of the 1980s' udder the way the original stuff did.
Well, at least we'll always have videos of Original New York Seltzer's co-founder (and stunt man... and exotic cat wrangler... only the 80s) jumping off of hotel balconies to promote that carbonated, naturally flavored deliciousness.
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Oh Michael K. I love you for these 80's memories! If I wasn't drinking a Mickey's fine malt liquor (the big mouth made it special) or a California Cooler ("made with real wine and Juice") it was all about the New York Seltzer!
I remember this stuff well but I do NOT remember this commercial at all. Weird. Who is singing in the commercial?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
My family lived on this nectar from Price Club back in the day!
This is so bizarre! I was just wondering the other day what happened to this shit! I LOVED the root beer and vanilla cream soda ones when I was a kid!
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
Yessssssss.
Loved this stuff.
Vanilla Creme was the best!
Thank you for the flash back.
I loooove to read your stories about things past and particularly those with your abuelita and her chanclas, jejeje !!
They always brighten up my day :-)
Read my beak: Cel-Ray tastes like ASS. It's mega-disgusto.
http://secondratesnacks.com/glad-theres-only-one-of-cel-ray
The pic doesn't work, though. Too bad this blog isn't active anymore. It was really fun.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I googled Cel-Ray, and that shit sounds nast. Is it actually good?
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 10:10pm.
As much as I LOVE celery, I just don't think I could drink celery-flavored cola.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 9:59pm.
Any of you New Yorkers ever try Cel-Ray? I saw it on another blog.
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I've had Cel-Ray, and thought it tasted like ass, but it has quite a following among people who want to seem interesting. Their other flavors are much better.
Any of you New Yorkers ever try Cel-Ray? I saw it on another blog.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
OMG!!! Peach was the best one. Wow MK, you really took me back with this one.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
I was just thinking about this and wondering what happened to it because I loved it. Weird!
As a kid, this was my favorite kind of "pop" (as we said in the midwest). We used to drink this or Clearly Canadian in plastic champaign flutes at family dinners. We were a classy family!
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
Seltzer is great. Quenches your thirst and scratches the carbonation itch (so you don't drink a beer or diet soda instead).
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by spider3tattoo on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 7:09pm.
*slaps forehead* OK!
I live on seltzer...but I don't like it if it has any type of sweetener. I vaguely remember this shit though...
I don't really remember this and I grew up in CT. Hmmm.
At fairway they have some brand of seltzer that has favors like candy cane and pumpkin pie and eggnog during the holidays. They have blueberry and other fruit flavors too, during the year.
They're not sweet, though. Sweetened seltzer is soda!! (or pop, if you prefer)...
Submitted by Mani6 on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 6:55pm.
I've never had this and I've lived in NY my whole life. I'll take a Coke.
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It was made in Calif iirc...I lived there at the time. It was good, but I like Clearly Canadian better too, the strawberry one.
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
I've never had this and I've lived in NY my whole life. I'll take a Coke.
I loved this stuff. I would always buy one at the roller skating rink.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
i was just whining the other day that i wanted a lemon lime ny seltzer.
LOVED this stuff back in the day!
in canada, there's a coffee shop chain called second cup, and they do "italian sodas" that are basically club soda and flavoured torani syrups ... not quite as good as NY seltzer but still pretty decent. makes me nostalgic whenever i have one. :)
@Diamand
In Minnesota, it's sold in little hole in the wall places like Mom and Pop groceries, gas stations and booze stores. Knowing that it is still around gave me a bit of a tingle too!
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It's LOCHTE time! JEAH!
@ BaconSlut
Pop Shoppe is still around? WOW, you may have made my day, Bacon. :-)
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"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?" Steven Wright
Oh, yeah. I used to love this shit & totally forgot about it. Now I know. I can die peacefully, M.K., you're a luv!
@Diamond
Holy shiite! Pop Shoppe! I can still remember that jingle from the radio.
Just googled their website. They have some big announcement coming out tomorrow. Also, found out that I would have to drive well into the boondocks of the Twin Cities to obtain that deliciousness. ROAD TRIP!
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It's LOCHTE time! JEAH!
I never had this brand but growing up we had the Pop Shoppe. There was a variety of flavours and my favourite was the Strawberry.
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"Is it weird in here, or is it just me?" Steven Wright
Drinking that wonderful nectar and eating Penguins yogurt were some of the best times of my youthfulness. :)
I loved the root beer! This was the "cool" drink in high school. I wondered what happened to them.
I heard "Your Love" by the Outfield at Trader Joe's today and went back to 1985.
my grandpa had his bar stocked with every flavor you could imagine. he kept it in the wine cellar and it was always at the perfect cold temperature. man what i wouldve give for one of those vanilla creams.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. Ahhhh, yes. Good times!
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It's LOCHTE time! JEAH!
Man, this stuff was so good. The only soda my mom would buy was 7up and only then for medicinal purposes because she though it helped with indigestion or some shit so like a true crack head I had to sneak mine from the corner store. Black cherry was the bomb.
This is why I am a fan of DListed and reference it way too often in actual conversations. Because you pull obscure shit like this out of your asshole and it takes me back to them time when I was a fat little kid obsessed with New York Seltzer. I got one every day in my lunchbox. I'm pretty sure that there are at least 4 lbs still attached to my ass that I can attribute just to these seltzers. I am so sad they went bye-bye.
Thank you for loving the same shit I did as a kid. And for the steady, if infrequent, Kunty Karl stories, which make me laugh until I piss myself.
I drank this by the gallons in my childhood! If it were around today I'd be carrying a bottle of it mixed with vodka, a la Lohan. A shame it got discontinued before I could enjoy it as an alcoholic beverage! Big ups to the person who mentioned Clearly Canadian! That also would have been a great mixer!
Remember yesterday's hot slut, Dr. Brendt? Well, I had a nightmare about him last night. I dreamed that I was a nurse to one of his doctors, and he wanted us to inject filler into his anus and thighs so they would look better and give him better orgasms. He wanted us to use this entire plunger of filler because he didn't want to throw any away. So we keep pushing down the plunger until his ass imploded! So he had like one butt cheek! And everyone was screaming and shit. I can't believe that dream! I'm suing DListed for giving me nightmares! I want $250,000 dollas! LMAO
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
I don't remember this soda, and I was *born* in New York. Was it sold elsewhere as a a faux NY beverage? *chugs a Dr. Brown's Black Cherry*
I loved New York Seltzer. When my older sister got her driver's license, I would beg to ride along with her and my cousins to get some from the gas station (while listening to pre-Baby Got Back Sir Mix-A-Lot...My Posse's on Broadway). I felt like the coolest thing ever. And then came Clearly Canadian, I loved it. When I got my first apartment in college in the early 2000s, my sister gave me a case of Clearly Canadian as a present. I had those blue bottles all over.
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
I've never heard of this stuff but I will always give a shout out to the 80s. I loved the 80 all the way, great clubbing years for sure!
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 2:28pm.
Submitted by LoCoJo on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 1:47pm.
Loved this stuff in grade school--it made me feel slightly superior to my Shasta-drinking grade school friends. Of course by junior high, I had moved on to classier stuff, like Clearly Canadian.
Hahahaha!! I loved Clearly Canadian...until I read that bottle that is was something like 250 calories per serving. I guess I assumed clear= no calories. We were stupid in the 80's.
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I loved this shit. Black cherry was the best. I used to think I was the shit because my parents would let me walk to the store with my older sister to buy it(I was like 5 years old). I was so cool, that I skipped over the Clearly Canadian and moved on to Snapple. Being the only kid in elementary school with a Snapple lemonade in her lunch box made me far superior... until my mom saw how much sugar was in Snapple. So yeah, stupid in the 80's spilled over into stupid in the 90's
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
Sometimes I really miss the 80's (ok occasionally)...I remember I used to beg my mom to buy these and she wouldn't. My grandma lived with us though and would buy it whenever I wanted and keep it in the mini fridge in her room so it was all good.
Haha!! This stuff was great. We used to think we were the shit drinking it and pretended it was wine. MK...I used to line my dresser with the empty bottles too!
Once I hit college, these bottles got replaced with Kalhua and other fancy alchoholic beverages.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by LoCoJo on Sun, 07/15/2012 - 1:47pm.
Loved this stuff in grade school--it made me feel slightly superior to my Shasta-drinking grade school friends. Of course by junior high, I had moved on to classier stuff, like Clearly Canadian.
Hahahaha!! I loved Clearly Canadian...until I read that bottle that is was something like 250 calories per serving. I guess I assumed clear= no calories. We were stupid in the 80's.
I love how it's "now available EVERYWHERE"
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
More crazy goodness! :)
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
MK! I can always count on you to bring the childhood memories back. I loved this stuff and was sad to see its demise. Everything good always goes away!
Watching that ad makes me want a Xanax, not some fucking seltzer water.
Here's the owner on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ytBtS8Zdqo&feature=youtube_gdata_player
lol! everything awful about the '80s
Loved this stuff. I also love MK 80s nostalgia stories.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami