It's Time For The Gathering of the Juggalos Again!
If you've got 23 minutes of free time, 23 brain cells to spare and want to see a touching tribute to the late and great Ass Dan, then smear your eyes with topical ointment and watch the long as hell infomercial for 2012's Gathering of the Juggalos. Cave-In-Rock, Illinois will once again become ground zero for fuckery when Juggalos and Juggalettes gather together for nearly a week full of clown-faced debauchery. You should hold your head with two hands before you read this year's line-up, because you might shake it off your neck. This year's line-up includes: The Game, George Clinton, The Fat Boys, Jamie Kennedy, Bobcat Goldthwait, a Michael Jackson Tribute, Master P, Raekwon and The Pharycide. George Clinton, what are you doing?! Has it really come to this? Do the Dancing with the Stars people not have your number? Damn.
You know, every year I toy with going to this mess, because I really want to see a pregnant Juggalette smoke meth out of an empty Faygo bottle in the middle of a clown orgy, but then I change my mind since I'm really not ready to die. But this year I might have to take that chance, because they had me at the words: Faygo, hot dogs and hamburgers will rain on the stage!
via Gawker
I went to the gathering in I think 2004 (the first year they rented out the campgrounds - "Crystal Lake"). I'd been dating a juggalo since high school at that point and knew every song and everything about them whether I liked it or not. The year we went to the gathering I can agree with Duncan Idaho (or the clone of Duncan Idaho -whatever), they are mainly just crude white trash kids who want nothing more than to have drunken fun...
but I WILL say this... by day 3 or 4 of nonstop drugs, drinks and faygo vomit that "brotherhood" in the air was wearing thin and that "family" chant was no longer breaking up fist fights. I started seeing really horrible stuff like a bare ass naked teenage girl covered in shit people wrote on her in marker (mostly on, in or pointing to her vagina and ass), if she didn't get raped it would literally have been a miracle. Guys had run out of money to get home and were pimping out their girlfriends ("yo, take a picture of my girl's neden for a buck, we're trying to by some fries."). I smoked up a girl who had an unopened 2 liter faygo bottle launched through the air and landed cap first in her face, literally ripping open her entire cheek. The stitches were intense, and I'm sure the joker-esque scar will always be there on an otherwise pretty face but she was so brainwashed, so in love with ICP she would never sue.
Then came the best part - when my dumb ass decided to wait on the autograph line with my bf and was "spotted" by the head clown, Violent J. His body guards told me to "wait outside the trailer" where I found a little herd of other thin, cute, clean looking girls waiting to get their moment to fuck this big fat pig. I told them I had to pee, found my bf and spent the rest of that day literally avoiding Violent J as we worked our way through the nighttime forest parties. We'd walk into a camp and he would just be there and would see me and immediately his body guard's flashlight was on me and they were pushing through the crowd to "go get her" as I heard him scream over the crowd of people swarming him. It was either really flattering or really horrifying. What if they had actually "got me"? I was there, so I belonged to him?
The entire thing felt like a Gummo style nightmare by the end. An unneeded marriage between David Lynch and John Waters. Like all things it starts out with pretty good intentions and in the end its nothing but an ungoverned bunch of fucked up people, most on drugs, almost all whom have abandonment and other trust issues, caged into an area for days under the hot sun - like every outdoor music festival - but a little more.... totally fucked.
Juggalo here...
As a college-educated, level-headed, and rational man I can fully appreciate both the justified origins and the exaggerations of the stereotypes the Juggalo community has heaped upon it. They're expected and, to some degree, even accepted because (lets face it folks), you're stigmatizing and laughing at clowns derisively.
There's an irony here that neither you nor the majority of the Juggalos truly appreciate.
That being said, here's something you may not know about the Gathering of the Juggalos: it is without question the friendliest, kindest, and most sharing group of people I've ever encountered at a festival.
Lalapalooza, Pitchfork, Bonaroo, or any of these other so-called "hippy-fests" turn jam-band circle jerks sprinkled with pop-rap flavor-of-the-year performances are crowded with the meth-heads, angry drunks, thieves, and genetic mistakes that people imagine are at GOTJ.
The lineup is extensive, the tickets are (comparatively) cheap, and the people, although crude, are sincerely friendly and want nothing more than to "whoop-whoop" with you, toss you a free beer, and offer you a burger off their grill... and you're turned off because you're scared of a couple of shirtless fat chicks? Lol, toughen up kids, it's a party.
So don't come, that's fine... but personally, I'm excited to see The Fat Boys, Kool Keith, George Clinton, Cheech & Chong, and Mushroom Head on stage in 3 weeks.
My husband loves ICP and he works in law enforcement. I've went with him to 2 concerts and the first one freaked me the fuck out!! As weird and insane as some of the people there were, it was actually kind of fun cause everyone was into the music, not just standing there. Same goes for ICP and the other performers, they were there to put on a show unlike some other acts I've seen *Staind* cough cough. I think at the gathering they try to be even more controversial than the year before. I would never go to the gathering though.
"I really want to see a pregnant Juggalette smoke meth out of an empty Faygo bottle in the middle of a clown orgy"
Um, you're about a few years too late, MK. Do your soul a favor and don't google Juggalo Julie/Julz.
What a bunch of morons. Do they NOT realize that ICP and their label make millions and millions off of them? And God knows how many of them or their families, who they probably live with, are on welfare, so odds are, we're supporting this. Oh yes, I went there. Hey! Since they're a "family", can't ICP set up trust funds for all these morons, then? "We're so underground, we're a family." NO, you're a bunch of people who felt like outsiders and had fucked up backgrounds in life, who are buying into this marketing and thinking it's "underground" b/c it's not on MTV. If it wasn't for the internet, their would be no, or very little "Juggalo Family".
But, since we have them all in one spot, can we point the death laser from space here? Or, at the very least, drop some sort of chemical that makes them all sterile (again, don't google Juggalo Julie)?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Here's an additional nightmare to consider: how many trashy, uneducated, teeth deficient, hillbilly scumbag whores are going to get knocked up in an alcohol and/or drug induced sex haze at this event?
Too bad the Faygo can't be spiked with an additive that renders all of these losers infertile.
Juggalos/ettes totally should be gathered...and shot.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
I'm old and dwelling in it. Hiphop, rap, techno, it's all the same discoshit to me. Computer generated shit from pussies too retarded to handle a music instrument.
And on that note what's with this Juggalos - dressing like generic rockers though listening to discoshit?
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
Watched it. Ended up looking at pictures of half-naked women who seem to enjoy this event.
If there was a soul, it's gone now.
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2 for the price of 3!
As long as they drag tila tequila onstage & beat her senseless, I'm ok with this...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
kokoskitty...wow, I am going to have NIGHTMARES now. It's not bad enough they are all ugly in the face, but that is the ugliest assortment of tits I have ever seen in my LIFE. I mean, those are some tragic tits, right there.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKkkk...
It seriously makes me want to go work out! Before my boobs are resting on my massive fuppa!
George will probably have to do a massive bong hit before going on stage just to stand the sight of these people. Or maybe he has cataracts now. If he's lucky!
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:20pm.
It's like a fucking "deliverance " convention and I swear all of these idiots are direct descendants of Banjo boy. Not clicking. I would be scared for my life going there, it would be safer to lie on the dance floor of a club butt ass naked 20 minutes after last call.
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*dies*
this is the funniest thing I've read.
And I'm so with you, this does not look like fun at all to me. I'd feel safer walking through the east side of Detroit than spending one minute in this mess. I feel like if I went to some shit like this, i'd leave with a rash that aint never goin away....
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by kokoskitten on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:24pm.
Don't forget to check out the classy naked/topless Juggalettes...NSFW or LIFE!!!
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/
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Who'd have known there are so many 18 year olds walking around with fupas? I suddenly have a burning sensation in my cooch....did I catch something just by looking at this?
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by mike on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 10:25pm.
On a flight last year, I sat next to not just a juggalo, but a GAY juggalo (he informed me of both aspects of his lifestyle during the flight)! He was actually a nice guy, and was neither smelly nor dirty- looking (though he was portly and had a beard).
I have an acquaintance who was a juggalo years back, but it's not something he likes you to bring up.
"Portly" is an under utilized word these days. I think I was a former jugglo I would want to keep that buried deep, deep in my history, too.
I found this short jugglo documentary:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/american-juggalo-documentary
They really, really, really like the word "fuck." Like it on a whole other plane of being from the rest of us.
Meh. I watched 10 seconds, forwarded it, 10 more, and gave it up. Some boring ass shit from where I sit.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 10:02pm.
Juggalos fascinate me. I would like to study them like Diana Fossee. But I don't think they would accept me into the herd because my modesty, hygiene, and reading skills would alert them to not being one of them.
Maybe if they had some sort of cage or enclosure like those cages they use to film sharks, but with plexiglass or some kind of Faygo resistant polymer.
On a flight last year, I sat next to not just a juggalo, but a GAY juggalo (he informed me of both aspects of his lifestyle during the flight)! He was actually a nice guy, and was neither smelly nor dirty- looking (though he was portly and had a beard).
I have an acquaintance who was a juggalo years back, but it's not something he likes you to bring up.
Hekki,
For you, and because I wanted to see it again as well :-)
http://www.hulu.com/watch/143249
Juggalos fascinate me. I would like to study them like Diana Fossee. But I don't think they would accept me into the herd because my modesty, hygiene, and reading skills would alert them to not being one of them.
Maybe if they had some sort of cage or enclosure like those cages they use to film sharks, but with plexiglass or some kind of Faygo resistant polymer.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 9:53pm.
I only lasted 2 min and 40 seconds, but I do like their message. Because joining a group and altering your appearance and behavior to match the others in the group is the best way to express your individuality.
When I was in high school these folks were referred to as goths, angry losers... and long-term virgins.
I could never be a Juggalo, I still have all my teefs. And I bathe.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I couldn't be one because I haz brain cells that actually work.
Some of the time.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I only lasted 2 min and 40 seconds, but I do like their message. Because joining a group and altering your appearance and behavior to match the others in the group is the best way to express your individuality.
When I was in high school these folks were referred to as goths, angry losers... and long-term virgins.
I could never be a Juggalo, I still have all my teefs. And I bathe.
Why do all juggalos/lettes look like trash? They have this juggaloid couple at college, and I swear to you, they read just like the stereotypical piece of white trash shit. The girlfriend is fat and trashy, and her boyfriend is some skinny ass punk with bad skin and doesn't brush his fuckin teeth. blegh!
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
Submitted by spider3tattoo on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 8:40pm.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 8:28pm.
Speaking of stinky people, have any of you guys ever been to Burning Man? I have an acquaintance who says it's the greatest thing EVARRR. Personally I think he's getting a little old at 37 to be traipsing around the desert looking like a Mad Max extra, but he swears it's...mind-blowing.
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Yeah, I've been. It happens pretty close to where I currently live. It is a blast. Think Woodstock, current, local bands, exhibits, desert. It was amazing and hot, and I'll never go again. lol
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My acupuncturist has gone to Burning Man several times and says its the greatest event ever. Lots of freedom to be and do whatever you want in this temporary city built in the middle of the desert. People trade stuff instead of use money. So you can swap a watermelon for a handmade necklace and so forth. I don't know if I could handle that level of wackiness in the middle of hot-as-fuck Nevada. I've watched clips on youtube and it looks too much like camping while on a massive LSD trip to me.
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"Beat it or I'll Jackson Five across yo' eyes" - Black Dynamite
Didn't Insane clown posse invent this hot mess? They were on Howard Stern a long time ago and Sharon Osbourne said they would never amount to anything and look how many folks they have following them. Granted many of us would not be caught dead at one of these things but they did make it. Sharon has to eat crow on this one.
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 8:28pm.
Speaking of stinky people, have any of you guys ever been to Burning Man? I have an acquaintance who says it's the greatest thing EVARRR. Personally I think he's getting a little old at 37 to be traipsing around the desert looking like a Mad Max extra, but he swears it's...mind-blowing.
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Yeah, I've been. It happens pretty close to where I currently live. It is a blast. Think Woodstock, current, local bands, exhibits, desert. It was amazing and hot, and I'll never go again. lol
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"A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
- Macbeth, William Shakespeare
Speaking of stinky people, have any of you guys ever been to Burning Man? I have an acquaintance who says it's the greatest thing EVARRR. Personally I think he's getting a little old at 37 to be traipsing around the desert looking like a Mad Max extra, but he swears it's...mind-blowing.
I made it through 3. Why is the word "think" being associated with this mess?
SNL had a fake Juggalos commercial that pretty much nailed it. Cracked me up.
And I'd be afraid the Juggalos would kill me.
Koko, those pictures! So many scabs, stretch marks and dirty sneakers.
The Juggaloos event looks like the Coachella event just with more stench and less celebrities.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
i guess my local walmart won't be restocked overnight when this sh*t storm goes on.
Sad to say i've spent a day at a juggalo gathering when my friend dragged me to one years ago... the seriousness of faygo cannot be underestimated at these gatherings.. It's a faygo flood.
i would rather stab myself in the eyes than go to this shit.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
koko -
Thanks - I was fucking stupid enough to click on your link and I now need a motherfucking lifetime supply of brain bleach. What a bunch of fucking losers these juggalos are, Jesus Christ
The smell that permeates the air there must be gag inducing...rotten vagina, sweat, ass, skunk weed, porta potties, fried food....
I got to to where he gives it to Sugar Slim, director or whatever, of freshness.
Is she a ziploc container, or wtf?
Ass Dan!!! RIP!!!
ROTFL!
"Hot dog buns....how do they work?"
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/gathering-of-the-juggalos-2011-339...
Submitted by kokoskitten on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:24pm.
Those are actually some of the more attractive Juggalos.
Check out this one-
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-best-pictures-from-the-2010-gathering...
#16 is a guy with a dildo on a stick. WTF?? And I dare you all to look at #13 and tell me what is happening below the waist. Ugly bikini bottoms or medical situation??
23 mn for anything juggalo related, no way.
I see way enough of these sick people at the institution and there, I'm being PAID!
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"When there is a huge sunshine spill, we call it a beautiful day" - Your local solar Company
Submitted by mike on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:51pm.
Another tragic one:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think we just found Sucky's mama.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Another tragic one:
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/45...
The fatist in me is definitely seeing a lot to hate. Those Faygo/beer bellies are awful.
yup. i'm from that neck of the woods and the place they have this at is called hog rock. they had another recent big weekend event up there and they found a body floating in the ohio river. don't go. it's not safe, man.
very confused -- no one on that concert bill does hardcore ICP-like stuff (jaime kennedy-wtf?). i don't get this line up at all.
just happy this fuckery is not happening in CA for a change. did it end up in IL because FL was busy?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by mike on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:35pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:30pm.
Picture 25 is the stuff of nightmares, Koko (yes, my maso ass made it to 25)
UBF, at least be kind enough to provide a link!
here:
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/25...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
#3 looks like Randy Quaid! WTF!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Thank you for your kind assistance, mike. The I phone and my copy and paste skills are non-compatible .
Oh hell no, it can't be that time again. What really should happen is for Tila Tequila to show up again with cupcakes and bibles to hand out and share the good word. I think the crowd would be receptive. Anyway, I forgot Tila's name and went to google last year's shit with her and I cannot believe how many hits came up with "this person died at the juggaloos and that person was gang assaulted at the juggaloos event and this person was found unresponsive" etc. Unfkingbelievable.
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*
Submitted by mike on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:35pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:30pm.
Picture 25 is the stuff of nightmares, Koko (yes, my maso ass made it to 25)
UBF, at least be kind enough to provide a link!
here:
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/25...
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OMG...busted faces, all of them. But a wide variety of tits so that is good.
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"Beat it or I'll Jackson Five across yo' eyes" - Black Dynamite
OMG, that slideshow! It's like seeing everybody I come across at Wal Mart naked. *refer to disgusted face in avie above*
LOL aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha YESSSSSSS!!! well the first ummmm minute I read that whole crap typing in computer voice in my head. made it to 2mins that's all I can give. lol
Coma Caca!
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Picture 25 is beyond frightening... (I had only made it to 24). I bet her real age is 29 even though she looks 65
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 07/16/2012 - 6:30pm.
Picture 25 is the stuff of nightmares, Koko (yes, my maso ass made it to 25)
UBF, at least be kind enough to provide a link!
here:
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/25...
Dude, if you want to go I'll seriously go and be your cameraman. I've been dying to check out this mess.
Picture 25 is the stuff of nightmares, Koko (yes, my maso ass made it to 25)