American Idol Will Have 100% More Rainbows And Unicorn Farts On It Next Season
Ryan Seacrest is having himself a midget boy pout party right now, because FOX had to cut his high heels and highlights budget now that they're slipping over $12 million into Mimi's pink diamond-encrusted Lisa Frank fanny pack to replace JLo on American Idol next season. The good news for fans of foolery was announced at the TV Critics Association Summer Press tour in Beverly Hills as a herd of lambs let out thousands of heart-shaped queefs of happiness. Mimi wasn't at the Summer Press tour today, but while lounging in a Hello Kitty bathtub, she called in and said in so many words that she can't wait to deposit that check into her account. via TVLine:
“I am so excited to be joining Idol. I wanted to be there today and I wish I could have been there myself to tell you. I can’t wait to get started in a couple months.”
Nothing can replace Paula Abdul barfing up jumbled critiques while trying to keep herself from coughing up pieces of Vicodin pills, but Mimi will come close to topping that crazy. I can't believe I'm typing this in the year 2012, but I'm actually looking forward to watching American Idol next season. There's something wrong there. Now FOX just needs to get Aretha Franklin, so we can all bow down to the three queens (Mimi, Aretha and Gaycrest) of primetime shit shows.
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Well at least they'll have a female judge on there that can carry a tune for the first time since the show's inception.
I wont be watching, but I approve!
I've always liked Mimi because only Mimi could have had that metamorphosis from singing Hero and Ken Lee.
To wearing a one piece black swimsuit in high heels whilst secret agents chased her around and she jumps into a pool of water because SHE CAN!
and then in Lover Boy, where she ends up fucking with her twin sister, cuz jerry o'connell cheat on her with her twin sister.
i was shaking my ass to that music as a gay teen, pretending i was a curvy sexy lady like mariah.
The show will still be shit, unless Mimi starts acting out and going all nasty & batshit crazy. Im not interested in her heaping a ton of praise on people who can't and shouldn't sing. I never thought Mimi could sing anyways, sounds like she is being strangeled. She'll be hooked up to a Crystal Champagne drip and passing out at the table.Bitch is always tanked.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HZSPLQQtQA
Still won't be watching AI.
She's only doing this because the tweeny kids know who her husband Nick is, and keep asking if his Latina Miss Piggy lookalike mother will snap pics for them.
At least she can sing unlike that tone deaf mule known as J-LOOOOW
I'll watch this crapfest just for Mimi. I love that crazy broad, even if she's not as nutty as she once was. And, she's talented, as in CAN SING.
Meanwhile she's also a gazillionaire who lives in the lap of luxury, while Whitney Houston died a broke crackhead. Maybe MC's not so dumb at that.
its still garbage shit show.
just cancel it already & put it out of its damn misery for the love of gawd.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Heh, only 12m? I'd have thought she'd hold out for more than that.
Submitted by pollyhatesthekettle on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 6:53pm.
Y'know what this REALLY needs?
Celine Dion as a judge!!!
I'd watch it haha
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Who the hell would understand her? I've seen her twice and didn't know what the fuck she was saying until she started singing again, lol.
As for Mimi, she's still the biggest selling female artist and has written most of her own hit songs, so the heffa is legit. It's just too bad it couldn't be the hotpants and charm bracelet wearing, ice cream cart towing Mimi. Now that's entertainment. Shit, they need to spike her Coke with vodka. I kid, I kid...
Finally, a reason to Watch this shit since Simon was on
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
Still won't watch this piece of shit... I hate all these talent shows... gimme a porn type talent show with 80s pornstars judging and that DB Ron Jeremy as the annoying host. Id watch.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Thamar on Mon, 07/23/2012
thank you. Yaaaaas! I had not seen that clip Michael K posted the other day where Mariah gushes over Beyonce and then gives great face while saying she doesn't know J Lo. Her eyebrows say that she DOES know J Lo but her mother told her if you can't say something about rainbows don't say a damn thing.
At least they're keeping up the tradition (Paula earlier, now Mariah) of crazy, drunk hosts. Except I'm not sure how much Mariah drinks. I think she's crazy naturally.
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
Y'know what this REALLY needs?
Celine Dion as a judge!!!
I'd watch it haha
On one furry kitten paw, she *did* sell, like, one of the best-selling albums of all time. But one the other Monarch butterfly wing, she's so highly crafted and manipulated, it's not like she knows a song from a ganache. So I'm torn.
SWEET! Imma watch now. I like my raving narcissists dipped in pink frosting, bling, and glittered butterflies and bitch can bring it. *** is coco gonna' be on? i need workout tips.
You know Mimi did this to get back at JBlow! JBlow wanted 17 million, and AI showed her the door. UhUh!
She strikes me as a very lazy person, so sitting in a chair is likely her dream job. I half expect some greased up Cupid looking dudes in glittery pink hot pants to be fanning her with a giant pink feather and feeding her Bon Bons.
What if the press asks her about JLo again?
Mariah's "I don't know her" Ha ha that was priceless.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 5:55pm.
No one has ever gotten really famous from any of these shows, but some how they keep coming back year after year.
I do think the people at American Idol will have to work extra hard with Mimi though. It will probably be their last season haha.
Thanks oh dave for reminder on Mariah's come back. It had heroic quality to me also.
Submitted by turnelbup on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 5:11pm.
Ha! That biatch. Such an attention and $ whore. A 5-octave range and a 2-dimensional personality.
Very well put.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine: "I'm sure she will think that no one can match her talent and will act like a jealous, drunken, bitch the enitre time. But We'll see. Just because people have talent doesn't mean that they know how to spot it in other people."
Well, if she's extra bitchy to a female, we'll know she feels threatened and that person probably has a shot.
Although, really, who's gone on to enduring fame after one of these shows? Not too many.
My co-worker and I were just talking about how excited we are to watch now. Soooo excited....I love Mimi...*THROWS GLITTER*
Her music isn't really my type but she does have vocal ability and she's definitely an expert on the business and marketing so she's really more qualified than most. Maybe this will let her be home more. I think she should get more than 12 million. She will be entertaining like Paula was besides her ability.
I root for her because I remember when she lost her mind for a minute and her record company gave her a huge amount of money just to go away! THEN she gets a new contract and has a number one single. For that I will always be a fan. And she and Gucci Mane clowned on Eminem pretty good too. Pluse she was there when Ole Dirty Bastard got out of jail. I can't say a bad thing about her. If she's replacing J-Ho it's a solid upgrade.
http://popslave.tumblr.com/
At least there will be a judge on who can actually sing.
ParisSucksLiterally - what is the song from the quote in your signature?
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Certified Slore
"This is my dream" "I have been on an amazing journey", la la la,heard all the same quotes umpteen times, can't people think of something else to say? They should have a thesaurus strapped to their head to see if they can learn some new tripe by osmosis.
Oh, and I think Mariah will come across as sweet to begin with, but then the cracks will begin to show in her Spanks and her inner biaaaatch will leap out and tear at the throat of some prole who is regurgitating one of her old songs, again.
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Certified Slore
exacto! aretha needs to get her chichis of a thousand lands on american idol
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Well at least Mooriah is an accomplished vocalist.
*staring at JLo*
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I'm sure she will think that no one can match her talent and will act like a jealous, drunken, bitch the enitre time. But We'll see. Just because people have talent doesn't mean that they know how to spot it in other people.
This is gonna be awesome!
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Maybe Mariah will perform and bring Nick onstage too, and writhe all over the place......
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And I kept touching my neck
To guide your eyes where I wanted you to kiss me
When we find some time alone
Submitted by MahatMaCoat on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 5:16pm.
I was hoping to get some quality reading in on the plane the other day, but the lady next to me was not about to let that happen, but I am really liking the book so far.
It totally revived Jlow's career so I'm sure she's hoping it will hers. This is why the entire show is silly, if anything it should be judged by nobodies so the attention is on the singers not the judges, they all say the same shit anyway. At the end of the day there's a better than average chance the "talent" will be forgotten anyway.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 5:11pm.
Hey, I am reading The Passage, thanks to all of your talk about it, and I can barely put it down!
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YESSSSSSSSSSSSS! You won't regret it Cuppy!!!
Certified Slore
This show has always been more about the judges than the so call talent. But not even Mimi will get me to watch a whole hour of idol, I'll just watch the highlights am sure there will be plenty.
AI hits a new low, 12 million to that screaming cow. I tuned out this show after season 2 and its now guaranteed that I will never tune in again. 12 million to that screaming cow, I can't believe it.
Submitted by snowpiece on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 4:48pm.
Cuppy. You watching Bachelor Pad tonight?
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Sadly Snowy, I will probably tune in. I doubt I can last the season though.
Hey, I am reading The Passage, thanks to all of your talk about it, and I can barely put it down!
Ha! That biatch. Such an attention and $ whore. A 5-octave range and a 2-dimensional personality.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
well, she has DEM BABIES to worry about now
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
I guess 15,000 pairs of shoes isn't enough. She needs to be able to afford to buy more.
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And I kept touching my neck
To guide your eyes where I wanted you to kiss me
When we find some time alone
Nanners, I can't stand that shit either- but Mimi is stooping way below herself doing this.
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And I kept touching my neck
To guide your eyes where I wanted you to kiss me
When we find some time alone
I bet Ricky Martin would do it. In a heartbeat.
Washed-up singer for a washed up show. American Idol is this old cow's final pasture.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 4:51pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "This is so beneath her. I am serious.
I cannot believe she agreed to join this so-overripe-it is rotten crapfest."
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She used to be A-list but now she's a solid B to me. I can't take a grown ass woman who's into cutesy shit seriously.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
It's either this or a Vegas residency, I suppose.