Open Post: Hosted By The Huge Creepy Baby From Last Night's Olympic Opening Ceremony
You didn't have to be stoned, drunk, crunk or mind-numbingly high on whatever was in your medication cabinet to fully embrace the clusterfuck of WTF foolery that Britain threw down during last night's Opening Ceremony. High school history teachers should pass a joint around to their students and play last night's Opening Ceremony if they really want British history to seep into their brains.
From Kenneth Branagh and his chorus of Isambard Kingdom Brunels (or as some of us lazy drunk Americans who didn't feel like Googling called him, "Abrabrit Lincolns!") to the nurses jiving over universal healthcare to the "It's Voldemort, bitch!" moment to the ode to teen cell phone hook-ups, it was all sorts of WHAT?! (Side whisper: The part that really bothered me during the ode to teen cell phone hook-ups was when dude found her cell phone and called her OTHER cell phone with it. Homegirl had a second cell phone or did he call one of her friends' phones? This was unclear and Danny Boyle should've really cleared it up if he wanted the audience to completely believe this Opening Ceremony teen cell phone hook-up situation!)
Before last night's cavalcade of British acid trips, some hos kept saying that there's no way London is going to top Beijing. But Danny Boyle had the right idea. If you can't beat 'em, weird the fuck out of 'em. And one of the weirdest moments was when a giant, creepy glowing baby took over the field and let us know that yes, there will be creepy glowing babies in our nightmares for nights to come. That shit looked like Pinhead's baby and it didn't help that it was built like a bag of potatoes.
And of course, the night's best moment came from THE QUEEN herself:
"Oh, let me see if there's any fucks stuck under my nails. Nope. Fresh out of fucks."
At one point, I wondered what the Opening Ceremony would look like if NYC won the bid. It would be a Michael Bay-directed 3-hour-long Pepsi commercial starring LMFAO as presidents of the past and the finale would be Oprah handing out gold medals to everyone.
(Thanks, Megan)
Sal, as I fully expected you would. lol
OffT: I was looking at comments over yonder, and wtfh others get a dozen at most, but hers, her latest almost 2500? I think i love her, she's a goldmine! Unbe-f'n-lievable! ollol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Mani6 on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 10:49pm.
I just realized that Kenneth Branagh is the star of one my favorite detective series shows on PBS.
It's a great show called Wallander...the new series starts in September...no really, it's a great series.
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Yes it is, I saw 3 back to back to back episodes. I'm hooked.
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Gals are "just friends." Guys are "just waitin."
Jeezus. The Olympics have started?
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"Physical violence is the least of my priorities." - Drunken Albertan
I just realized that Kenneth Branagh is the star of one my favorite detective series shows on PBS.
It's a great show called Wallander...the new series starts in September...no really, it's a great series.
MK, love you but hell no would NYC have put together a mess like that and Michael Bay wouldnt have even been a thought with the likes of Scorsese or Coppola clamoring to show NYC at its finest. Our Broadway queens would have done something fabulous. Hell, even overrated Spike Lee could've done a better show. Huge mistake, Olympic committee...huge mistake.
At one point, I wondered what the Opening Ceremony would look like if NYC won the bid. It would be a Michael Bay-directed 3-hour-long Pepsi commercial starring LMFAO as presidents of the past and the finale would be Oprah handing out gold medals to everyone.
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AHAHAHAHA!! Blogging should so become an Olympic sport, just so we can chant MICHAEL K! MICHAEL K! MICHAEL K!
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Kitten Kaboodle - a Disney ho who did the ho stroll right ;)
LOL you said "cock!"
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 2:57pm.
I think being the person who sits at the front of the boat and yells at the rowers (not sure what that's called, I'm sure there's a name for it) would be the best job ever.
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Mr. IV and I were just saying that the winning coxswain gets a gold medal JUST FOR SCREAMING DIRECTIONS AT PEOPLE ROWING LIKE GALLEY SLAVES and how that should really be in the wife or mom Olympics.
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Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
*giggles wildly @cockswain*
@SF- Coxswain.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 2:57pm.
Coxswain!! hahaha
I think being the person who sits at the front of the boat and yells at the rowers (not sure what that's called, I'm sure there's a name for it) would be the best job ever.
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 1:14pm.
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*sets up change room cam for loopy*
Don't worry, we've taken care of legalities. All competitors will need to sign a consent and release form prior to disrobing. voilà.
I'd like to see mud-wrestling and naked speed-swimming myself...
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 1:08pm.
toooo many clothes on :(
they need to change the rooms, the guys need to be shirtless. i mean the women only wear two piece, binki bottom and sports-bra-top, why should the guys wear a t-shirt and shorts?!!! thats just sexist!!
TAKE IT OFF!!! i wanna see beef, beef beef *chant*
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:36am.
Submitted by lislop on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:28am.
I WISH! lol noooo *cries* i was watching olympics, and admiring the male gymnasts and the male swimmers.
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YOU FORGOT MEN'S BEACH VOLLEYBALL. YOU ARE SLIPPING LOOPY! lmao
hahaha at all you guy's reviews of all the hotness!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by lislop on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:49am.
That's too bad. Maybe next week or tonight.
Mens swimming is my favorite. I miss Aaron Peirsol, Gary Hall, Neil Walker and that HOT Ryk Neethling from South Africa. Have you seen his interviews?? Hot!!! They're all retired now.
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Ermahgerd. Aaron Piersol is pure sex.
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It's PHELPS time!
Submitted by lislop on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 10:11am.
oh he is from the Netherlands, Epke Zonderland.
ok the face may not be a 10, but with a body like that, i give him a score of 15 out of 10.
plus he is studying to be a surgeon, HELLO, looks, body + brains = WINNING.
and I've always wanted to marry a surgeon, since i met a brain surgeon during an architecture tour, and i was like "Bingo!!" and then wife walks in... and i was like "FKING BITCH"
here is afew Epke pics! *swoon*
http://www.malecelebnews.com/wp-content/images/2012/04/Happy-26th-birthd...
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m55tqmbUtZ1r6td8yo1_400.jpg
600+ comments all about the borlympics? Damn.
What's the Dane's name?
The Danish men and woman I met in Copenhagen while backpacong were some of the best looking people I've ever seen. Same with certain parts of Argentina.
Submitted by lislop on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:49am.
Male swimmers are the hotness.
i was watching the male gymnast from denmark, some blonde type withhot body and then the commentators said, he is studying to be a surgeon... *SWOOOON*
hot body + brains
That's too bad. Maybe next week or tonight.
Mens swimming is my favorite. I miss Aaron Peirsol, Gary Hall, Neil Walker and that HOT Ryk Neethling from South Africa. Have you seen his interviews?? Hot!!! They're all retired now.
Submitted by lislop on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:28am.
I WISH! lol noooo *cries* i was watching olympics, and admiring the male gymnasts and the male swimmers.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 9:13am.
i cannot believe i missed out on an open post talking about pubes, oral sex, oral sex hygiene.
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That's ok, maybe you were too busy getting some. Hehehe.
The baby lying in repose looks so morbid - like it's a wake instead of the OC.
i cannot believe i missed out on an open post talking about pubes, oral sex, oral sex hygiene.
sigh....
what is alley mcbeal hell is that shit?
damn london WTF?
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I'm with the other Queen. That shit bored me to drink.
When I first started watching it I thought- well,maybe it's because I haven't seen enough Olympic Ceremonies. What got to me is the HOUR of sad,ash covered,black and gray clothed, stove pipe hat wearing, flow of hundreds that seemed never-ending. The huge baby head was not a surprise- at least there was only one!
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 2:11am.
Sal, :)
And yes, I'll know what to say, should we ever meet on the other side. I trust you'll remember! LOL now I sound like Jack!
Hi!
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hey! I totally understood that. Bwa haha.
Sal, :)
And yes, I'll know what to say, should we ever meet on the other side. I trust you'll remember! LOL now I sound like Jack!
Hi!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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@Within, @LaCha
I decided to borrow Dt. Latoya's cap and magnifying glass to get to the bottom of EVERYTHING and find out if good ole Jacko was really hallucinating.
As it turns out, Jaego does exist, but s/he was "born" today. See below.
http://www.dlisted.com/users/jaego
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
YES LaChay, I'll never doubt you again!
Glad you stuck around...
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Within, you saw Jaego, too!! He's real!! Where's my ghost hunting equipment...
*grabs night vision camera*
Don't ask why I have that, lol!
Goodnight Within, GG, Jacko, everyone!!
Within, thanks for encouraging me to stick around today. It really helped, and I had fun!!♥♥♥
Night GG! Don't try to understand it, it just is.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Nite GG and everyone, I'm out too - have fun!
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
I still dont get this Jaego thing...
Nite all!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Love that LaChay, oh oh oh
Oh oh oh
*freaked and spooked*
Now I believe you girl, you ARE NOT on the PAYROLL, you tell the TRUTH! Haha
*hats off to Ja...* ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Jaego, last thing... do not try to understand me!!
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Within, your little faces reminded me of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzIN3EgBIHg
Jaaaaaaaaaaack! I saw that!!!!!!! I will not be able to sleep now, thanks a lot! Rofl
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I have to admit, I'm already tired of the lame Olympic theme. And where's this year's Olympic song? Oh wait, that's the world cup
*shakes it like Shakira*
♪♫'Cause this is Africaaa!♪♫
:O :O :O
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Jaego, sorry for fuckin with ya, chief. Please accept my apologies. I can't copy and paste shit because I'm on my phone and haven't taken the time to figure it out.
I must go now, the gf is en route. *opens front door humping air*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
@ Jack
So funny! I appreciate you entertaining me while I watch this boring first day of zee olympiad...I'm disappointed in them and I'm not sure why even.
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
Spidey3 lol to keep that shit smooooothe!
*leaves the light on for jaego*
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 1:27am.
Did Jack get into some mescaline?
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He's waiting for his lady to get home from work and he must have eaten the funny mushrooms while waiting...
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
And since no one sees him... one needs to put his name in the posts... AHAHAH!
*hands Jack a hedge trimmer and cuticle remover for delicate pubic topiary task*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Sun, 07/29/2012 - 1:23am.
rofl - now explain to jaego what the baby oil is for...
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
Did Jack get into some mescaline?
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I love England. I love the Brits. I so wanted this to be wonderful and to love it, But as much as I tried, I couldn't even watch it much past 45 or so minutes.
The queen parachuting into the stadium was more than hokey.