These Aren't Beyonce's Nails

The only news source in the world I trust The Daily Mail posted a breaking news story this morning about how Beyonce took this picture of her hilariously terrifying nails and posted it to her Tumblr. My first thought about this was, "Where was I when the master Rembrandt resurrected himself and started working as a nail artist in some salon in Tribeca?" Because those nails are HIGH art. My second thought about this was, "Does Beyonce realize how close hers and Jay-Z's faces will be to her culo lips when she wipes her butt? Is she that far up her own ass?" That second thought was one of my many dumb bitch moments, because Beyonce has never wiped her own ass. Silly me. That's what a bidet is for. And by a bidet, I mean a little person dressed as a golden cherub who stands next to her toilet and spits out champagne whenever she sticks her butt in his face.

But guess what? For the first time in journalism history, The Daily Mail got something wrong! I know, slap your ass and say it ain't so. But they did. These aren't Beyonce's nails. These are one of her fan's nails and Beyonce loved them so much (because her face are on 'em, duh) that she posted it on her Tumblr. I can laugh at this fan for being crazy, but I'm not one to talk, because my butt would smell like glue if they made Prince Hot Ginge decals for your ass lips.

Posted by: Michael K

Tags:

Beyonce, Elegance Has A Name, Prince Hot Ginge, This DOESN'T Belong In A Museum

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Submitted by yuelaiyuehen on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 9:49pm.

Submitted by Bda on Tue, 08/07/2012 - 2:03am.

It probably is Beyonce's hands but the dumb bitch is just embarrassed because she was told her last name begins with a K and not an N! Silly B! This is what happens when you drop out in the 6th grade.

Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 08/06/2012 - 7:43am.

i want to slap the face of everyone who thought of this and thinks this is a good idea...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

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Submitted by CarmenArch on Mon, 08/06/2012 - 12:50am.

Looks like Kanye forgives her that www.KimKleaked.com sex tape.
Just wondering how far it can go that way. Kanye never gets enough of Kim.
I bet Kim quits first

Submitted by yucko on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 7:21pm.

By the looks of it, I would have guessed they were her Gremlin-mom's hands. Tina? This is some tacky shit, but 'House of Dereon' is just as bad so this fits right in.

Submitted by just a floozy on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 4:42am.

Typical hoodrat shit by Beyonce.

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Beyonce is just as much ghetto trash as her sister, she just knows how to hide it better.

Barbado Slim 2008

Submitted by ItsBritneyBitches on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 2:18am.

I was about to say that B don't wipe her own ass.

Submitted by govt_cheese on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 12:26am.

These look like my mother's hands - hideous!

Submitted by the original be... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 10:17pm.

You'd think a fan would know that "Knowles" starts with a K, not an N.

Some people's children, I swear.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 6:19pm.

They remind me of witch fingers for Halloween:

http://domesticsugar.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html

And that head cake is awesome!

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 5:40pm.

Should have just stuck with "BJ".

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 5:02pm.

What a tacky fug mess. These are worse than Lochte's douche shoes.

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"SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!"

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:53pm.

I can't figure out whose momma is more classless, tacky and ridiculous: Buy-Once's "designer" mother or Pee Diddy's "partier" mother.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by chinlee3 on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:47pm.

I think this thread would be the perfect place for an awesome political debate.

Submitted by louise_brooks on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:14pm.

Maybe she's a big fan of Barnes and Nobel bookstores?

*giggles*

Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:14pm.

Thanks louise! I'll see if I can find some :)

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:12pm.

They have got to be Mama Knowles. she'd wear something like that for sure.

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That's where the pain comes in
Like a second skeleton
Trying to fit beneath the skin
I can't fit the feelings in

Submitted by guest on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:10pm.

Too long & pointy.

Submitted by spider3tattoo on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:07pm.

Heh, I'm thinking maybe it's "B n JZ" with the 'n' like 'and'? Whatever, still tacky as hell.

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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare

Submitted by louise_brooks on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:06pm.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:35pm.

There is a supplement called BioSil that I take for hair, skin, nails. It's kind of pricey, $47 at the discount vitamin store, but that shit works wonders. After about 10 days, my eyelashes were noticeably longer. My nails don't seem to grow any faster, but they are so much stronger and my skin looked nicer. I ran out once and after about a week all my nails started cracking, peeling and splitting.

I don't really like long nails, but before I started taking the BioSil I wasn't capable of growing them long. They would split and peel when they were just past my fingertips. Now I have to cut them to keep them from growing too long. It's really fantastic stuff.

Submitted by Mabel Hodges on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:49pm.

One one hand there is a J and a Z, for Jay-Z. The other hand has a B and an N for Beyonce Knowles (obviously they can't spell). Haaaaaaaaa! It's as tacky as it is stupid. But if it makes you happy.....

MK made it pretty clear that Beyonce retweeted this. It is a pic from a fan. Obviously an abeulita fan.

Submitted by silly_kitty on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:43pm.

I get the J and the Z and the B but the N??? Shouldn't it be a K?
I'm pretty sure Bey knows how to spell her own name.

Maybe this crazy thought it was Beyonce Noels? Noles? No-speaka-eengleesh?

*miou*

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:39pm.

@tonicbitch, AHAHAHAHAHA at "jaws of life" to cut those things off!

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:37pm.

Submitted by Nanners on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:51pm.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:45pm.
Do they have letters on them too!?
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I think one hand has J&Z and the other has B&N for Beyonce kNowles.

*extreme eye roll*
----
OMG, I saw that and I could just die laughing.

KNOWLES with an NNNNN, oloooloool

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:26pm.

Hekki, a little water retention or swelling can happen to anyone but you have to admit this may have crossed a gaudy line somewhere. *nail artistes are cringing* OLOL :)

@EvilShoe, busy is an "understatement". haha

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

Submitted by SoulTaker on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:24pm.

Those are some ugly, wrinkly sausage fingers. Ugh

I won't even comment on the pointy nails and nail "art".

People are stupid.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:24pm.

Hekki it's the worst isn't it? I'm not a big ring person so I always hated how one day the thing would be sliding off and the next day it was stuck. That picture just looks painful.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:22pm.

Why doesn't it surprise me that Buy-Once thinks this is cool?

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:19pm.

Exhibit 63,909,654,529 that Beyonce is TACKY! Further proof that money DOES NOT buy class.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Hotmami on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:13pm.

*sigh*

********************************************
Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac

Submitted by J789 on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:13pm.

Are those supposed to be their initials? Because Beyonce's last name starts with a K, not an N.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:05pm.

Those are busy finger nails. They look like those old wood tables from the 80s with 25 layers of clear coat on them.

I only use Nailtiques on my nails. Best stuff ever. Haven't had a nail break since I started using it a few months ago.

Submitted by CarrieOn on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:04pm.

Has to be an abuelita - they're the only age group still doing their talons that long and pointy. Gross.

Submitted by sofster101 on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:03pm.

Those rings make her fingers look totally swollen.

Submitted by Dog on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 3:03pm.

What a fucking idiot.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:55pm.

Submitted by WithinReason... : "Gigaboob, hand-talons like that can collect a lot of funk under them too... *faints*

@Tonicbitch, I personally love how those rings ain't never coming off, haha."

On both points:

1. The nurse in the newborn ward at the hospital ha those nasty long fake nails. Changing diapers with nails like that? Handling newborn babies? I complained to the hospital about that. Gross and SO dangerous. Hello MRSA.

2. I wanted to clean my engagement ring the other night and I could barely get it on and off. I was HORRIFIED. It's always been a tad snug - my wedding ring is larger - but damn. I'm blaming period bloat.

Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:53pm.

"That's what a bidet is for. And by a bidet, I mean a little person dressed as a golden cherub who stands next to her toilet and spits out champagne whenever she sticks her butt in his face."

OMG Micheal, where do you come up with this stuff!
I love it!

Submitted by TexnDoc on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:39pm.

LOL, the Daily Mail really thought those hands belonged to her?

Submitted by Pas_De_Chat on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:39pm.

Since everyone I know who has fake nails somehow manages to scratch me with their germ-infested acrylic nail beds, I cringe at the sight of those werepanther claws.

Submitted by Nanners on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:36pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 4:02pm.
Beyonce's Tumblr gives me a pain in my ass.
-------
Agree. Let your fans post pictures of you, you egotistical (but not tacky) bitch.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:35pm.

Within, she's gonna need the jaws of life to get those suckers off, hahahaha.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:35pm.

EC, isn't it called I AM!? *meMEmeMEmemEEMEME*

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:32pm.

Beyonce's Tumblr gives me a pain in my ass.

Submitted by M.E. on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:28pm.

Imma go put more lotion on my hands.

Submitted by buttcookie on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:27pm.

hooves of the devil

Submitted by M.E. on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:26pm.

Fucking HIDEOUS!

It is RAINING here. WTF?

Happy Saturday drive by post!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:25pm.

Gigaboob, hand-talons like that can collect a lot of funk under them too... *faints*

@Tonicbitch, I personally love how those rings ain't never coming off, haha.

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠░░░░

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 08/04/2012 - 2:22pm.

Her fingers are white because they haven't gotten blood to them since 2011, when she probably put those rings on.

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