Jon Stewart Soothes RPattz's Broken Heart With Ice Cream
With three tubes of Prep H smeared all over his eye area to keep down the swelling he got from his ducts barfing up floods of sparkle tears, Robert Pattinson slid into the guest chair at The Daily Show last night to promote Cosmopolis and to nervously giggle about the lip-biting, lazy-faced, skank whore elephant in the room. I really thought that RPatt'z interview with Jon Stewart was going to be as awkward as a sudden fart jumping out of your butt while you're getting your salad tossed, but it wasn't at all. It was actually kind of charming. Yes, I was charmed by RPattz and yes, you can now make fun of me for riding side saddle on one of the unicorns frolicking through his enchanted forest hair.
Jon Stewart never brought up Kristen Stewart's name and never asked RPattz how it feels to have his heart (or relationship contract) broken by his dead-hearted slut girlfriend thrusting her ass into married man crotch, but he did start the interview by giving RPattz some Ben & Jerry's before saying (via Jezebel):
"The last time I had a bad breakup, Ben and Jerry got me through some of the tougher times. So I thought you and I could bond over this and talk about, ‘Boy you are better off. Kick her to the curb, whatever...' When you are young and you break up, it's powerful and it feels like the world is ending. This is the first time I have seen the world actually react that way. It's insanity."
I don't know who told Jon Stewart that Ben & Jerry's is the medicine for a broken heart, but who ever told him needs to receive an education from the most dumped trick in America Jennifer Love Hewitt, because it ain't. Jon should've given RPattz a basket with a raw cookie dough log, a vajazzle kit, a copy of John Bobbitt's porn (because nothing makes you feel good about your life like Jon Bobbitt's frankendick) and a lyric sheet for Mary J. Blig's "Not Gon' Cry."
And I really hope that Kristen Stewart's first interview is with Nancy Grace. No, Kristen Stewart never killed a baby, but she did kill the hearts of a million crazed Twihards and ever since Casey Anthony got away, Nancy Grace has been waiting to chew on a trashy white girl who looks an albino rat's soft peen.
Here's RPattz at the NYC premiere of Cosmopolis last night and at the NYSE this morning. The black and blue ensemble is really, really subtle. You can't tell from these pictures, but also at the premiere last night were dozens of Twihards screaming at RPattz to let them seal the cracks in his heart with their panty pudding.
So is it true that Kristens been dumped from the second snow white film? i read that they're going to try and have it focus on Hemsworth's character instead.
I did read this on a teen mag gossip 'news' site though lol
http://dolly.ninemsn.com.au/dollywood/gossip/8516648/kristen-stewart-dro...
Submitted by movedtocomment on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 8:57pm
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Stewart ALWAYS does that, though. His show is almost entirely about his opinions and his audience who on cue, applauds and high fives his opinions. It's nearly as cringe worthy as Oprah.
OMG, I just went to the Ben & Jerry's website to check out their flavors. *craves B&Js ice cream* P^:
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Jon Stewart makes a statement, makes a joke, gets high ratings. Meanwihle, RPatz said nothing. Ho hum! Throughout the whole scandal I really wondered how all of this was effecting Jon Stewart, so it's good to know.
You guys are crazy! It's KStew who is much more interesting since she cheated.
I watched his interview on Strombo (CBC/Canada) and him and Cronenburg seem to really like one another. Anyway, as I have said before whenever I hear this dude in interviews or whatever he seems super nice and does not take in his own hype AT ALL. He also seems to want to work hard. I can't hate cause his fans are fucking lunatics. And perhaps it helps, I dunno, that I have not watched those Vampire films.
Colin Farrell must be kicking himself right now that he turned down this role for the $$$ of shitfest Total Recall. He was supposed to have this role and changed his mind kind of last minute to do Total Recall and Cronenburg then asked Pattinson to audition.
Do my eyes deceive me? Does he actually look good? But then he turns to profile and his face looks like it's been hit with a frying pan. Nevermind.
RPattz isnt a blip on my screen and Ive never seen Twilight but I give him props for sitting through that. Shame on Stewart for trying to shut down the interview after he got his scoop. Can a brotha get some movie promotion in? lol
Yep, it's the BATH. It works FUCKING WONDERS. Who knew? I am side-eyeing so many stank fools right now: Pitt, Depp, etc.
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WWMWD? What would Mae West do?
Gee, my last comment on that RP/MoMA post got "spammed". What does that mean? That a lot of D Listers tagged it as abusive? There was nothing abusive about it. No matter, I remember every word of it.
I don't think he is attractive at all, and I've honestly ever seen him in the Harry Potter movies (in which I thought he was miscast cause Cedric is supposed to be hot) but he comes across well in this interview.
I think both he and Kristen Stewart will have long successful careers, though he hasn't proven himself nearly as much as she has outside of Twilight.
Rob seems like an alright guy, just horribly socially awkward. His acting, I'm not sure what to think.
He's always likable, but he seems to be slightly out of his element in the movies I've seen. If he'd stick to playing weirdos or not being the main character, he'd probably get a lot less flack for his skills.
Won't watch cuz I probably dislike Jon Stewart more than RPatz, but there is no universe in which I'd find Sparkles appealing. I saw a couple of his movies outside of Twatlight, and my God, he was TERRIBLE.
@HoneyQ- I was so tempted to walk out of A Dangerous Method. Worst movie I've seen in awhile.
Submitted by HoneyQ on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:36pm.
I'm trying to keep my hopes for this movie in check. A Dangerous Method was disappointing.
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really? I haven't seen it yet, but have been meaning to. I won't expect too much from it then.
I wish Jon Stewart would have brought out surprise guest KStew, ala Jerry Springer, and the two of them could have hugged it the fuck out.
ah had to go have some ice cream immediately after watching this.
and this is why i love mk to infinity: "lip-biting, lazy-faced, skank whore elephant in the room" ahahaha
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
I think this was actually well done.And as always the ever so awesome Jon Stewart.
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
I'm trying to keep my hopes for this movie in check. A Dangerous Method was disappointing.
Within, yesterday I went to check out the Twatheads waiting to see this dude at MOMA, I am not lying when I say there were ALLLLLL obese!
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
good god. i'm attracted to him now.
he should get dumped more often.
Hell, I never would have given half a fuck about an RPatz interview until the whole break up thing happened - bet a lot of bitches feel the same way. This shit is good for his career...bet he keeps climbing while the chick's career just not-so-muches. So, now I've seen the dude and he seems cool. F'able too. Looks better when he's talking - in stills he just looks sort of pasty and greasy.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
I picture ALL Twatlighters as the Nutty Madam. ALL OF THEM!! And I'm not far off... lololol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Is it just me or does Kristen Stewart look slow-witted?
Break-ups look good on him, he looks better than ever.
The whole "Welcome Twilight Fans...." was highlarryus.
RPattz has been a good sport in interviews prior to this. Robert Is BOTHERED bit on Fallon was funny & he at least gives interviews instead sitting like a cunt faced ungrateful brat. Yes KSTEW, that would be you.
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I hate you but I'm not in hate with you.
"Leave Alicia alone. All Japanese people look the same and China is a very big country".
Does that even count as an interview? What a waste of time. Anyway, I refuse to believe that he and Kristen were bumping uglies. That was a contractual relationshit if there ever was one.
Don't be so obtuse. You can see very clearly that was a remark on people being desensitised and not a comparison with the cheating.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 2:22pm.
LOL Kizzy.
And yeah people acting like "she just did something dumb" need to get a fucking grip. Two innocent children are now having to go through their parents divorce because she made her cunt available to some piece of shit she knew was married. I love how desensitised people are to everything these days. Guess we should vindicate the batman murderer on the grounds that everybody has had days when they woke up and wanted to shoot a room full of people.
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I'm sorry, but did you just compare a mass murder and a celebrity cheating scandal?
Thumb 6: Look how happy Ted Danson is! He's getting adorable as he reaches Medicare.
LOL Kizzy.
And yeah people acting like "she just did something dumb" need to get a fucking grip. Two innocent children are now having to go through their parents divorce because she made her cunt available to some piece of shit she knew was married. I love how desensitised people are to everything these days. Guess we should vindicate the batman murderer on the grounds that everybody has had days when they woke up and wanted to shoot a room full of people.
This guy just won me over. I take back any smack I talked about him before.
@jack-n-the-hat @luvsmekitty
I believe the old dude in pic #6 is David Cronenburg, director of Cosmopolis. Yeah he looks a bit wacky there.
Submitted by smokeybaconflavour on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 1:56pm.
I tend to think KStew is a young girl and she fucked up and let her hormones get the better of her. I did a lot of awful things when I was horny and 22. I'm just lucky I didn't have paparazzi following me everywhere.
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Did you fuck a married man and walk around looking for sympathy when it was discovered?
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
Haha, Robert Pattinson didn't really eat the ice cream. Typical anorexic behavior, he just pretended to swirl it around and lick non-existent cream off his hands. Someone's afraid of getting fat.
Submitted by smokeybaconflavour on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 1:56pm.
It pisses me off that she's getting so much shit for it. It's well-known that he sleeps with anything and everything.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I tend to think KStew is a young girl and she fucked up and let her hormones get the better of her. I did a lot of awful things when I was horny and 22. I'm just lucky I didn't have paparazzi following me everywhere.
I like the guy. He was way more open and interesting before KStew sucked him into her swirling vortex of emo bullshit. He kind of seems a little like his old self here.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
And lol @ people eating up this pre-scripted performance.
He looks hot and I've always had a thing for british guys.
But he just got cheated on and dumped which makes him even more interesting to me.
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK
Looks like he's been smacked in the face with a frying pan.
Well he is pretty darn adorable.
Revolta's getting rid of all his old buddies who could rat him out.
OT:sparkle wahmbulance
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥
MK, "Jon Bobbitt's frankendick" fills me with feelings of dread! Lol he's coming off better after this. I say DIP him in ice cream... Nancy Grace would be good but COLBERT would do this justice! hahahah;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I would still not want his magical unicorn forest anywhere near my lady-crumpet, but I hate him slightly less now. He seems like a big doofus, truthfully.
That movie looks like a piece of shit.
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Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.
Horshack was so young! R.I.P.
On topic. I don't care about this.
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Turn this thing around,I will not go quietly
I will not lie down, I will not go quietly
@snowy Ive only tried the raspberry chocolate chunk one, but it was delish!
Oh honey! What are those ladies even TALKING about on Dlisted.com?! Did his face suddenly change shape after that dumpster bitch got her chocha munched on? He is still the same fug a fug fug he was before! Ladies please!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
I've never heard his real voice before. I would take this breakup more seriously if it wasn't happening when they both have movies out.
The Jessie James/Sandra Bullock breakup was interesting because of all of the new skanks coming out of the woodwork each day and because he was such a douche canoe.
This thing with him and Stewart? Not so much. His sad little pony act is ridiculous. I found him more fuckable before all the whining and hangdog expressions.
this is definitely a better angle for him, but he is still unattractive.
i wouldnt do him with my worst enemy's dick.