Avril Lavigne Is Engaged To The Singer From Nickelback (This Is Your Cue To Laugh Until You Cry)
The only way to follow-up a post about the existence of God is with a post about the existence of Lucifer. The devil is alive and has a really messed up way of screwing with our souls, because he has joined Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger together in an unholy union of suck. No, August 21st is not Canadian April Fool's Day. I already checked and checked again.
Sometime before February, Avril Lavigne stopped boning Bruce Jenner's son (Happy birthday, Brody!) and made the Canadian embassy in Hell cackle with laughter by getting on Chad Kroeger. Their rep tells People that the two Canadian ear killers got close while working on a song together six months ago and now they're engaged to be married. Chad gave Avril a 14-carat diamond ring on August 8th. This will be 37-year-old Chad's first marriage and 27-year-old Avril's second.
I was going to say that this is about as random as a ferret hugging a dildo, but this actually makes a whole lot of sense. Avril is the Ed Hardy trucker cap of music and Nickelback is the Affliction cum rag of music. And anybody who owns an Ed Hardy trucker cap definitely owns an Affliction cum rag, because the two go together perfectly. But for why are they engaged after only 6 months? Please don't tell me she's knocked up, because I'm really not ready for the Antichrist to rip apart the earth's crust by making the worst music civilization has ever heard.
It's truly the end of days, because you know Ke$hit will be the maid of honor, Justin Bieber will officiate, Scott Stapp will be best man and Avril and Chad will register at Hot Topic. Oh here go hell come.
And the scariest words in the English language are officially: Avril Kroeger. I'm pretty sure that was the full name of the devil's first born.
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Hekki: I fall in love easily. Then I figure out that they are "not the one." I haven't done it in a long time. I think maybe I thought it was less whorish, the things we were doing, if I had a "ring on it." LOL. Hey, give me credit: at least I didn't marry all of them!
Low Budget - this song??
http://youtu.be/VzwmsZjzTZQ
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 11:00am.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen: "My cat is trying to eat a piece of spinach breakfast quiche..."
*cocks head to one side and opens new tab to google "breakfast quiche recipe"*
you horz are awesome.
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It's this one. I make it with Egg Beaters and plain Crescent rolls. You can get really creative with it:
http://www.pillsbury.com/recipes/breakfast-quiches-to-go/2360eb0a-6cd3-4...
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M.E. is right, when you are a grown up, 6 mos is enough time, especially if you've spent major time together. i just don't know how grown up that little girl is. i have a major case of the "fuck-its" so i don't care about shit right now.
i looked up the blow job song. no thanks.
these are the same clever lyricists with the line - "i like your pants around your knees." i heard that line a billion years and officially closed my ears to nickelback. not because of the subject matter but because they suck.
again, no thanks.
for the record, one of the best oral sex songs is Marvin Gaye's "soon i'll be loving you", whereby he (being seriously old-school) is trying to convince himself to go down on his barely legal, future wife Janice.
at first i thought that was papa joe simpson.
now i have to google the nickelback blow job song.
i love canada and canadians. except for these two.
nickelback is unfortunately the only 00s, post-grunge/grunge-lite band really still around. inexplicably, they are huge.
Hekki - I could be alone here, but for me, when BH and I started dating, I knew within a couple months that he was the one, he also knew within that same time frame, I didn't know that he was already telling his friends that I was the one he would marry, just a couple months into the relationship. We had a connection, something I cannot explain, but as soon as we hooked up we knew that was it.
I thought Chad Kroeger was married, there was interview of him gushing about his wife and how close they are, so what happened to her?
and a blind post about him trying to pick up a groupie in front of his wife.
I give this romance 5 months max.
Eh, whatever. I just hope he is as immature as she is. Her overall personality is about 10 years younger than her chronological age.
Seems a little fast. I know that sometimes people just do it that way, but I never really thought getting married too soon was a good plan.
Submitted by crazyinjapan: "I've been engaged, lol, SIX times (gave the ring back to all of them except the one I married). I don't think there's anything special about me other than I am not fat or stupid, which makes me very unusual and a good catch in the place from which I come. I mean, I think my numerous engagements say more about the people of my town than they do about me."
Okay, you are NOT the type of gal I am talking about. Pretty much the complete opposite! Not that I know you IRL, but from what I gather... you're smart as a whip and a generally awesome hor. NEVER would have guessed you've been engaged six times!
Does "engaged" mean that you really were getting married, or is it just really serious dating, like getting "pinned"? How long are you with someone before they propose?
I'm trying to get my head around the time line. It takes a while to know someone well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them. And if you are serious enough to want to marry them, doesn't it take a while to get over the breakup? I'm not saying you only get one true love in your life, but that many?
Sorry, I know it sounds judgy, but I really don't understand! Maybe getting engaged is like the equivalent of moving in with someone - it's a level of commitment short of actual marriage?
This relationship is weird, but it's too "meh" for me to care.
14 carats for this little trickling? That ring is gonna wear HER.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
It used to annoy me that this bitch used to call her music punk. Her music is as punk as my diarrhea is chocolate ganache.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
OMG, wikipedia just informed me that Chad's real name is Chad Robert Turton.
TURD-ON. This is so perfect I can't even....
I was just randomly wondering a day or two ago if Brody (hate that name) and Avril ever got back together. I think I saw his bday listed on this site... Anyhoo I guess not!!! This weirdo rebound union will last not long. What is her problem anyway?
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 11:03am.
Wham, it's too bad you don't live closer or we could start The Most Eclectic Band Ever and give a nod to every genre of music we possibly could.
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That would be cool. It's hard to find a club that plays live music anymore and the ones that do are usually some biker bar and the bands playing Born to be Wild for the 6th time.
We had quite the following actually, we could pack a club anyway:) I so miss preforming, there is nothing like it. When you're all on and you have the place in full meltdown mode there is no better feeling is there!? lol! . I can see why these guys don't want to let it go that's for sure!
Both are assholes and this marriage will go down in flames
He had a wife who he helped start Obaki , I wonder what happened to her?
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Don't start none and they'll be none.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:54am.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:41am.
That makes sense. She seems like she could be pushy like that and maybe she always finds more passive men to be with.
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I had a friend like that. She was never without a boyfriend or fiance for that matter. I used to think there was something wrong with me until I realized I too could have a parade of men but I have discerning taste and can't be with someone just to be with someone. Quality not quantity if you will.
on topic: Avril is an annoying little trollop who likes to think she's kick ass punk but she's really just a nerd from Napanee.
Wham, it's too bad you don't live closer or we could start The Most Eclectic Band Ever and give a nod to every genre of music we possibly could.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:41am.
Isn't that weird? We all know some woman who's been engaged a few times, and it's like "what does SHE have that I don't, that so many men want to marry her?"
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I've been engaged, lol, SIX times (gave the ring back to all of them except the one I married). I don't think there's anything special about me other than I am not fat or stupid, which makes me very unusual and a good catch in the place from which I come. I mean, I think my numerous engagements say more about the people of my town than they do about me.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen: "My cat is trying to eat a piece of spinach breakfast quiche..."
*cocks head to one side and opens new tab to google "breakfast quiche recipe"*
you horz are awesome.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:37am.
Do you sing or play?
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Yes I did!! I sang in a cover band for close to 10 years! We did all sort of stuff with a lot of The Tragically Hip in our sets. I play a bit of guitar (not very well ) but enough to write some tunes. I wrote some songs we recorded in the studio (back when you actually needed a studio) and they turned out pretty good.
I too sang in the choir and competed solo at the Royal Conservatory when I was a little gaffer, I won 3 golds in a row thankyouverymuch :)
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:41am.
That makes sense. She seems like she could be pushy like that and maybe she always finds more passive men to be with.
All I know is that I saw interviews with her when she first came out and she was rude and acting really obnoxious. And now all you hear about is how she is engaged to a new guy every other month Lol. It's mind boggling.
Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 10:26am.
That blowjob song offends me and I'm a big whore.
lol!
Well then, they must REALLY suck.
omg that made me snort laff
My cat is trying to eat a piece of spinach breakfast quiche I dropped and failing miserably, and is more interesting that Advil and Douchebad (typo, stays).
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Submitted by PrettyHateMachine: "What I want to know is how she is so many guys that are willing to marry her. Granted they are all douche-bags, but still."
Isn't that weird? We all know some woman who's been engaged a few times, and it's like "what does SHE have that I don't, that so many men want to marry her?" My sister and I are always befuddled by that.
It doesn't mean she's better at being a woman, though.
I think these women are good at manipulating men, and target a certain type of guy, and it's the combination of the two personality types that leads to these quickie engagements. Casey Anthony is a pretty good example of the type of woman we're talking about.
(By the way, I'm not stalking your comments, you're just bringing up good points!)
Whamo: <3 <3 <3
I am a huge music lover and have even sung in a couple of local bands. I sing everything, from classical pieces and church hymns to The Clash and Willie Nelson. My favorite time was when I was singing in an 80s cover band, The M-80s (our posters were great; they showed an explosion with stuff like Rubik's cubes and fanny packs flying out of the debris). Unfortunately, the guitarist was my boyfriend, and when we broke up, so did the band. :(
Do you sing or play?
I can't stand her because she is convinced she is mega talented and she is not. She has no grace. And him and his stupid band - just ugh. That blowjob song offends me and I'm a big whore.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 3:44am.
Submitted by JTROS on Tue, 08/21/2012 - 11:52pm.
Ha! When DD was talking about how Nickleback was the worst thing to ever come out of Canada, I said "what about Avril?". Spooky!
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JTROS, You are full of voodoo! Put away those chicken bones.
On another note, I want to ask Jesus H. Christ to get his ass down here pronto. Shit is getting bad down here.
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"Dear sweet 8 lb. 6 oz. newborn baby Jesus...please don't let these two procreate. Amen."
What I want to know is how she is so many guys that are willing to marry her. Granted they are all douche-bags, but still.
I actually like that one nicklebag song "how the hell we'd end up like this..why don't you unclench your fists..." I turn it up when it comes on the radio. I like a few avril songs too. I can see why they annoy people though. Im glad she isn't with Brody, he's one of those dudes that cannot be faithful. I definitely get a hoe vibe from him. I bet he cheated the whole relationship.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:48am
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Hell ya, Crazy, I listen to it ALL.
I even listen to the New York Dolls one of the TRUE originators of punk.
This is PERFECTION.
If it keeps these two dickwaffles out of the dating pool and away from everyone else then I'm all for it. Now all we have to do is prevent them from procreating...somehow. I don't know how. But I've got some people working on it.
Oh, Canada. Just when I think you have done your best, you somehow top your own efforts to amuse me. Never change.
He seems like the type that would marry a Hustler centerfold model.
People are going to mistake Chad for Avril's dad instead of her husband. Epic fail for both. Now I can get back to not giving a fuck.......
This sentence..."Avril is the Ed Hardy trucker cap of music and Nickelback is the Affliction cum rag of music" deserves the Pulitzer Prize.
I ate the dingo that ate your baby.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:22am.
she needs to drop the fake punk BS as she never was punk. Wendy O'Williams was punk.
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You know the Plasmatics?!!! OMG, I used to have the album, Coup D'Etat on, lol, VINYL, when I was a 13-year old punkette with Kool-Aid colored hair.
That photo: "Oh my god, you guuuys! Did you know about this? Oh my god!"
LOL at "made the Canadian embassy in Hell cackle with laughter" made ME cackle with laughter.
Bridal registry at Hot Topic? You kill me, Michael K.
And I heart Canada! Your annoying celebrities do not hold a candle to the ones we create here in the States. And you give us the best comedians! And your national flag is so purdy, too.
Submitted by beware on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:29am.
Sorry, universe. Love, Canada.
P.S. In deciding whether to nuke us, please remember we gave you John Candy
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YES! you can't not like Uncle Buck!
Like every other serious relationship she's had, this too shall pass....
What's more sad than the fact that 10,000 animals got euthanized today? The fact that because of the ignorance of humans, it will happen again tomorrow. End the cycle. Spay and neuter your pets & please adopt your next pet from a shelter.
Sorry, universe. Love, Canada.
P.S. In deciding whether to nuke us, please remember we gave you John Candy.
14 carat diamond on a skater gurl - isn't that precious?
Well, she's smart in that she'll never have to worry about money ever again, whether you like Nickebunk or not the boys sell the records like no one's business. I fucking HATE NB mind you and Chad seems to be quite the DB but I am one of the few that actually doesn't mind Avril. She's made some missteps in her career for sure but I think once people turn on you it's hard to turn them back. She need musical directions and she needs to drop the fake punk BS as she never was punk. Wendy O'Williams was punk.
What happened to Brody Jenner?!?
I will never stop laughing about this. Never.
Canada, we need to talk. First Bieber, and now THIS....we've got our finger on the trigger on our nukes over here!
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
this is the first sign of the apocalype
Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 8:18am.
I'm throwing up my poutine breakfast.
haha! aww what a waste. I've been craving one of those for a while now.
Why would you want to marry a man who can suck his own dick for beer money?
you know what....i didn't even have to read the first sentence to confirm that we are indeed in our last days...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I'm throwing up my poutine breakfast.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012