This Really Happened
If you read about the final sign of the apocalypse last night, you might've woken up this morning thinking that it was all just a terrible, terrible nightmare caused by the maple syrup butt enema (it's a new thing, check GOOP) you gave yourself before bedtime. But nope, that nightmare exists on earth. Chad Kroeger from Nickelback proposed to Avril Lavigne after only 6 months together and she said yes. The proof is this picture of Avril flashing her 14 carat diamond engagement ring in HELLNO! Canada (via Twirlit). Yes, doesn't Satan's biggest kidney stone look beautiful when it's polished and put on Avril's finger? Since Chad and Avril are Canada's new royal couple, their wedding will be televised live. When it airs, pay attention to that ring, because as soon as they say "I do" it will open up and the portal to Hell will be revealed.
It's not all tragic news, though. At least Hell's tourism board has a new picture to put on their "Welcome to the Ninth Circle" sign off the highway. And at least you'll get in shape by taking up boxing. I mean, if Everlast knows good business, they'll put that picture on all their punching bags.
Here's Avril promoting her shitty clothing line at the MAGIC Convention in Las Vegas yesterday. It's nice to see that true love hasn't changed her impeccable style.
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Canadians don't like her. We will not watch this wedding here. Please take her off our hands. Jesus.
He is ugly.
She wears her hair like Donald Trump.
Submitted by beware on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 6:48pm.
@Codered: I thought you stole MY avi! Maybe you had it first. Great minds think alike, obviously.
I will switch mine next time i'm on my work computer where I can surf for a new one.
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no problem, keep it. Awesome actually. :) I was wondering, never noticed it on here before.
re: "Would Exene Cervenka and John Doe go running to InStyle?"
Maybe not, but sad to say that Exene sued Viggo Mortensen for more child support (and by more I mean $18k/month - hardly a punk lifestyle) once he made some bucks in the Lord of the Rings movies. *sigh*
I suspect, in a few years, Avril will be comparing notes with Chad's ex- common-law wife (to whom he currently pays $25K per month in alimony). And I'll be surprised if they ever walk down the aisle. Chad doesn't mind handing out rings,but when push comes to shove, I don't think he wants to wear one.
Not to mention the 10-year age difference is glaring. Some couples pull it off effortlessly, but it smacks of pedophilia here.
I still like Nickelback, though.
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"Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly." ~~ Jon Hamm
I love Canada, but they produce some of the cheesiest musicians, lol!
He ugly!
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
UUUUGH AAARGH! Who brought up "Hey, Soul sister"????? lololol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 5:16pm.
Team Train SUCKS. ugh. Hate hate HATE Train. Drops of Jupiter is the whiniest most annoying song ever.
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THIS. ^^^
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 3:39pm.
Submitted by miz cynical on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 3:24pm.
Madge- I want to stab people when I hear that God awful 'hey soul sister' shit. Ugh. And now its stuck in my head.
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*kicks you in the shin*
Thanks bitch.
*turns on Smashing Pumpkins*
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*shivers*
Wait...did you say Smashing Pumpkins?? ERMAGERD, worst voice in music. Sorry.
Okay, I actually have to admit that I kinda like Nickleback...but this is kinda tragic.
Hopefully she can cover the Brody tattoo with a "Chady" one... Shouldn't be too difficult...just slap a Maple leaf over that shit.
Dear Canada,
I am really, really sorry. This is worse than Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones.
Sincerely,
The Devil
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:56pm.
Submitted by Who Datt on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:41pm.
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Likely story, canuck...prepare for total annihilation!!
Well, you did give us Joni Mitchell, Robbie Robertson, and Neil Young. That was awful nice of you.
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HAHAHAHAHAAH NO.
And Avril's clothing line is totally House of Derriere. *Blech* lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I loathe Avril Levine and Nickelback, so whatever. Yuck.
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by Who Datt on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 9:41pm.
For any Yanks who think all of Canada is agog over this, we ain't. Victoria Duffield is more relevant than Avril up here now.
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Likely story, canuck...prepare for total annihilation!!
Well, you did give us Joni Mitchell, Robbie Robertson, and Neil Young. That was awful nice of you.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
I used to love Canada and Canadians that was until Justin Bieber and this skank ho came out of there
Where's all their punk/indie/alt credibility gone if they use "Hello" magazine to announce their nuptials? Would Exene Cervenka and John Doe go running to "InStyle"?
For any Yanks who think all of Canada is agog over this, we ain't. Victoria Duffield is more relevant than Avril up here now.
These two look like they crawled out of the same pod.
What frightful children they will harvest.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
I thought she was engaged to Brody...when did that end and why do I care and why do I know this stuff...and is this guy half-Asian??
UGH, why does he look so different now, has he had surgeries? hahaha Avril's husband tucks and pulls... olollol
OK, chick obvs knows about the prostate massage thing... good luck to them. lmao
"maple syrup butt enema" -- hey hey hey, that sounds good MK!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I couldn't care less about these two but can we call them "Chav"ril?
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...the end
This has to be a case for compulsory sterilization?
Submitted by DiamondDogs
Dear America,
We don't want them either and if there was an eject button to launch them off the earth, we'd be the first ones to push it.
Sincerely,
Canada.
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Roaring. Love this.
@Codered: I thought you stole MY avi! Maybe you had it first. Great minds think alike, obviously.
I will switch mine next time i'm on my work computer where I can surf for a new one.
The ring is absolutely hideous and judging by her taste in fashion - I guarantee she picked it out!
Yes, I'll have the "dork to douche" special, please.
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Just here for the fun
"Submitted by luvsmekitty
I don't know, ya think he's had some work done?
http://tinyurl.com/8pfxtuu
How nice that he got a new face for the big occasion.
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Just here for the fun
@Sans Fards. I HATE Hey Soul Sister or whatever the fuck. Train sucks bigtime azz.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Team Train SUCKS. ugh. Hate hate HATE Train. Drops of Jupiter is the whiniest most annoying song ever.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 5:11pm.
I just fell in love with you.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 5:09pm.
Dear Canada:
Please keep these two within your own borders. Their mutual douchiness is camouflaging our borders.
Thanks you,
America
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Dear America,
We don't want them either and if there was an eject button to launch them off the earth, we'd be the first ones to push it.
Sincerely,
Canada.
Submitted by parkerj on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 2:35pm.
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 2:17pm.
Submitted by luvsmekitty on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 2:15pm.
I don't know, ya think he's had some work done?
http://tinyurl.com/8pfxtuu
OMG AHAHAHAHAHA
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WHOA, NELLY--think April knows the extent of her pepaw-fiance's "work"?
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Please let me know if you don't read this
Dear Canada:
Please keep these two within your own borders. Their mutual douchiness is camouflaging our borders.
Thanks you,
America
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I hate Train with a throbbing passion. See Todd in the Shadows videos for details on why.
Any band that has a white-as-sour-cream Irish-American declaring "So gangsta/I'm so thug" over the sound of a ukelele NEEDS TO BE DESTROYED.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 3:19pm.
Maybe she will, but given the song "What the Hell," I think she's too selfish and bratty to actually have a successful marriage.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Good luck. that is all.
Don't know why these Hollywood folk are always in a rush to walk down the isle. I am more surprised her clothing line is not bankrupt.
I fully expect the groomsdudes to wear the Canadian tuxedoes. White trash wedding alert.
I haven't hated anything so passionately as I hate Nickleback.
I think Avril should put the crack pipe DOWN. NOW.
don't do it girl, you'll be sorry
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
Canada leads the world in things not worth giving a shit about.
I think "he takes care of me in every way and is very attentive" really means he makes me squirt!
and WHY does she continue to dress like a Boy George groupie? time to grow up!
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Back from vacation? Vacation from where? The Willy Wonka factory? The Al Jolson Resort? MERCURY? MK - 8/1/12
can you imagine how BAD the music at that wedding will be?
Avril, hipster BETA.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
He has an odd face to me - sort of like a muppet.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Jesus, the curly hair was better than his hanging by his pinky nails to hold on to his youth Mark McGrath hair cut. He looks like an absolute fucktard.
And for 14 Karats, that Pear Shaped piece of shit is hideous.
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"I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth...and lick my balls with it!"
M.E. - sorry! It just happened! The Pumpkins are a lovely choice, though :).
why is this a big deal?
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 08/22/2012 - 2:53pm.
he looks like he cries after cuming and then wants a hug from avril.
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O gawd yes. 6 mini pumps and then the shiver cries.
Well this Chad just upped the ante among rich men folk by buying this skater girl a 14 carat diamond ring. What a joke. She's not even known to be fashionably elegant or a jewelry afficianado.
I can't scroll down anymore and see these faces together but I had to bitch about it first!!!! Their songs run together in my head and give me a headache. Can you imagine what their kid is going to sound like as a 2 yr old whiner????? OMG!