This Really Happened
If you read about the final sign of the apocalypse last night, you might've woken up this morning thinking that it was all just a terrible, terrible nightmare caused by the maple syrup butt enema (it's a new thing, check GOOP) you gave yourself before bedtime. But nope, that nightmare exists on earth. Chad Kroeger from Nickelback proposed to Avril Lavigne after only 6 months together and she said yes. The proof is this picture of Avril flashing her 14 carat diamond engagement ring in HELLNO! Canada (via Twirlit). Yes, doesn't Satan's biggest kidney stone look beautiful when it's polished and put on Avril's finger? Since Chad and Avril are Canada's new royal couple, their wedding will be televised live. When it airs, pay attention to that ring, because as soon as they say "I do" it will open up and the portal to Hell will be revealed.
It's not all tragic news, though. At least Hell's tourism board has a new picture to put on their "Welcome to the Ninth Circle" sign off the highway. And at least you'll get in shape by taking up boxing. I mean, if Everlast knows good business, they'll put that picture on all their punching bags.
Here's Avril promoting her shitty clothing line at the MAGIC Convention in Las Vegas yesterday. It's nice to see that true love hasn't changed her impeccable style.