So I'm Moving Back To Los Angeles...
In about two weeks, I'll say goodbye to cursing at hos under my breath for walking so damn slow in front of me and I'll say hello to cursing at a ho in the car in front of me for actually stopping at a stop sign instead of doing the slow roll like normal drivers do. Since Amanda Bynes has moved to NYC, the streets of Los Angeles are a little bit safer (not really), so it's a good time for me to pick up my dog, bong and rubber dongs and move back for now. I'm mostly doing it because I've been here over 10 years and need a change, but I'm mostly doing it because I can't resist the lure of a weed card, In-N-Out and possibly witnessing Angelyne make copies of her headshot at Kinko's. So get out your gas masks, L.A., because here I come.
When I told one of my friends about this, he's like, "Ewwww, aren't you afraid you're going to lose your NYC edginess?!" First of all, why do I have a friend that says shit like "NYC edginess"? Second of all, whatever "NYC edginess" I have I got from watching HGTV all night while pouring potato chip crumbs from the bottom of a Lay's bag into my eating hole, so that's not going to change. Because when I'm in my 1-bedroom Studio City apartment (or whatever), I plan on spending my nights watching HGTV while pouring potato chip crumbs from the bottom of a Lay's bag into my eating hole.
But you know, maybe he's right about this whole "moving to California" thing not being a good idea. I mean, when I'm driving down the street am I going to come in contact with shiny happy people who sing love songs for their husband while riding a bike?! That would ruin my life and is possibly a deal breaker.
One California bride spent a whole lot of time and a whole lot of energy on declaring her love for her new husband in a YouTube video that Gawker says she pimped out to the Huffington Post. Here's the description of this vom-inducing declaration of love from YouTube:
"This surprise wedding music video was created for my husband Todd Evan Krieger in Venice Beach, California and unveiled for him at our wedding reception in Santa Fe, New Mexico."
We should all be so lucky as to find something we love as much as this, but DAMN! Shit like this makes me want to fuck a million husbands and ruin a million marriages. This is why home wreckers do what they do. Love is a helluva drug, especially because it makes you sing out shit like "macchiatos in the hood."
If I ever love something so much that it makes me sing shit like this on a YouTube video, please kidnap me, throw me in the trunk of your car, drive me to the airport and put me on the next flight going far, far away. Separate me and that thing I love by more than one ocean. It's for my own good.
These days there is a officials roll) run road news, even no response. GHD The news said, GHD Straighteners liaoning FengChengShi in recent months has been MaYanChun by mayor presided over the work, GHD Hair Straighteners and the municipal party committee secretary not been found. Municipal party committee propaganda department inquiry reporter dandong,
HOORAY! Score for LA!
Yay, welcome back to the left coast, MK!!!!
"New York edginess" HAR!!!!!!! How pretentious.
Hey, I missed this post too! Welcome back to the left coast, slacker and btw nothing is edgier that the earthquake zzzzone. :)
well that blows - who's going to deliver your food? you sure as shit don't get that in Hell-A...
How did I miss this post? Welcome back home, babe!
Oh sweet! I hope I get to meet you out here MK! Welcome back to Hell.
Ugh, MK. Why? You're not going to turn into Perez Hilton, are you? I guess this means we'll have to wait until 12noon eastern time for new posts.
@dlaugher - No, baby, I'm FROM SoCali! And while I appreciate the clean air (we don't even have smog inspections in my county!) and the AWESOME weed, I MISS being in SoCali!
And Condi? Way to rub it in, man! Way to RUB. IT. IN! (Did you READ my comment? Harsh, Tye. WAY harsh!)
Good Luck on the move MK!! LA is lucky to have you!!
XOXO!!
LA??? EWWWWWWWWWWW... Team NYC!! But good luck... god..it doesn't even look like you can breathe there!!
Being that he's moving in 2 weeks and was born in CA I think MK knows where he's going. Maybe back to the Heights!
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Damn! Nice hooker shoes, baby. Can you dance in those things?
Daddy Spears
Dude, don't move to Studio City - it's soulless. Actually, Burbank along Magnolia between Buena Vista and Hollywood Way is pretty cool (they have a Porto's, a fab Cuban bakery for your lonjas). But you should stick to the northeast Silver Lake/Atwater/Eagle Rock/Highland Park/Mt. Washington nexus, or move downtown next to Jess on New Girl (Traction near 2nd & 3rd Streets). Almost every other place is either too hot, too fake, too boring or too expensive.
YAY. OMG, dude, PLEASE move to the Greenpoint of LA, Highland Park (still lots of bangers and veteranos amidst the annoying hipsters), because I want to hear you trash it all the livelong day. Or better yet, move to South Pasadena, which has the same hipsters, Republicans, old tired hippies, a Gold Line station and is about 1/4 of a mile away from an In 'N Out. You won't need a car!
OMG. So excited!
And fuck NYC (even though my niece (Washington Heights) and nephew (Borough Park) live there). Edginess my ass. WE HAVE TRADER JOE'S AND THEIR POISON P-NUT BUTTER, IN 'N OUT, AND DEL TACO ON EVERY CORNER!
Cool! Welcome back. I hope all is well and you're only moving because you're sick of NY. We'll be waiting for you at the CA border with In-and-Out ONLY if you bring Dunkin Donuts.
P.S. We'll have to do a coffee clatch at the CostPlus in San Dimas. It's HUGE and they have great sample tea and coffee.
LA and New york have a lot in common: they are both big cities (well LA isnt a city but for argument's sake - a metropolitan cesspool) in which you lead a great life if you got shit loads of money. I love new york but honestly, who can afford living there. $ 3000 for a studio? 8000 for a 2 bedroom? Even rents in chelsea and hell;s kitchen and the village arent cheap and you live in a crap neighborhood. Not to mention the american idol style co op interviews when you wanna move in some place "if you were a plant what would you be" type of thing. it is a fucking meat market there and apartment hunting a huge pain in the ass. you gotta pay the broker so they can help you NOT find a shithole. I ADORE new york but unless you have a job making at least 250,000 a year, forget about living there. Unless you are not claustrophobic and dont mind living in a crap neighborhood.
LA is great in about 3 places: mansions in beverly hills and along sunset from palisades to brentwood and the coat line in malibu. Santa Monica aint bad either. Even parts of West hollywood are ok. Other than that it is one shit hole populated by low-lives after another. Rent in the above mentioned places is comparable to new york so you dont get a break either way. LA is 10% bes and 90% wanna-bees. At least you dont got that in new york. If rent werent an issue i would leave LA.
Anyway, while writing this i realized that money seems to be solution to the dilemma. No wonder the 1% dont want to move away from their position. It sucks to be the 99 %.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Haha lislop :-) I was just funnin' ya. I thought your comment was rather hilarious. [Fist bump]
Gosh, amazed at the LA bashing. We have every culture, language and style...It is way fun here. We accept it all. At least people I know , do.
MK, best wishes on your move from east to west.
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Submitted by perky on Sat, 09/29/2012 - 11:38am.
Hey I represent that remark. What's a matta with a little homogenization?? We can't help it if no one else but whiteys wanna live here, and we like the cheesecake factory!!!
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Lol! It wasn't meant as a racial remark against white people. There's a very large Asian and Hispanic population in the OC as well. I was referring to how so many cities in the OC are made up of gated communities. Those people only shop at Costco and Fashion Island and eat at the Cheesecake Factory (sorry), Claim Jumpers or some other chain restaurant.
Gated communities are such a rip off. They charge high association fees and other mandatory fees when they want to upgrade the community.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 09/29/2012 - 1:02pm.
How does MK moving home turn into he isn't going to blog anymore? He's moving back HOME. I'm sure the site has a way to auto-post HSTD & BS.
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I know!!! There's only a 3 hour difference.
Submitted by the original be... on Sat, 09/29/2012 - 1:50pm.
A person from Northern California who actually admits to liking Southern California? I just fell off my chair.
Welcome back, Michael. Don't move to the valley. it's getting kinda divey. They said on the news the other day that Silver Lake got voted hippest place in the country or something, so avoid that like the plague too.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Yay! MK, so happy you are coming back to my hood. <3 Safe move. PS We are just as bitchy and cunty as NYCers, we just look sluttier doing it.
Is it sad to think that the relationship featured in the video will end in a murder-suicide? Girl has a case of the crazy eyes. Oy!
Good luck on the move, MK! In-N-Out on me!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
But I do have AWESOME weed in NoCali. But, again, without the In-N-Out, Del Taco, Mexican food...that really sucks! :(
Okay, I haven't read ALL the comments (seriously, over 200!) but I hope this is a move of choice, not necessity. (Hope the fam's all healthy and happy and shit.)
So, Michael, does this mean you'll be posting stories on "our time" (Pacific) rather than Eastern?
And you're not going to stop D-Listed, right? RIGHT?!
And one of the things I miss most about living in SoCali (because we now live in the country-ass sticks of NoCali) is In-N-Out and Del Taco. And 7-11. And ALL those fun restaurants, stores, shops, banks, Starbucks, Greek food (!!), and GOOD Mexican food places (seriously, I get that Rice-a-Roni is the San Francisco treat, but it NEVER, EVER belongs in a burrito!!!) I could WALK TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That were open 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here in the sticks, if you don't drive for at least two hours one way, you ain't gettin' shit!
I thouht i was the only one who got irritated at slow-walkers in ny!!
Good luck with your move, and MK! I love LA and think it's so beautiful there! Plus you get to miss the cold and the snow lucky Bitch :) Take me with you?? Ha ha.
Good luck with your move back to California MK and I hope this doesn't mean the end of Dlisted. I have to admit I'm jealous. The only regret I have in life is leaving California.
Same here. I wish to go back, just can't do it. Too expensive for us now. Back then it was all pretty much ok. ='o(
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"...If I put a Cleopatra wig on my asshole and painted cat eyes on it, it would look and act more like Elizabeth Taylor than LiLo does..."- MK
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How does MK moving home turn into he isn't going to blog anymore? He's moving back HOME. I'm sure the site has a way to auto-post HSTD & BS.
While MK posts about his life in detail here, he may be moving back to take care of family or something more personal like that.
MK, the only explanation you really needed was "In N Out Burger". The east coast ain't got shit that compares to that deliciousness. Welcome back to the west coast! I hate L.A., but you moving there has just bumped it from "fucking horrible" to "really shitty", in my estimation. Thanks for writing such a great blog that makes me laugh every day.
Good luck on your move, MK.
I'm somehow bummed because I always thought we'd somehow run into each other, both living in BK. But since I also spend most nights pouring potato chip crumbs from the bottom of a Lay's bag into my eating hole (watching some monkeys pick fleas from each other on Animal Planet instead of HGTV though), I guess that was never going to happen. Whatever, we all know you're moving to be closer to Quween on the Scene.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlSbSKNk9f0
*whispers to perky* Meet you at Fashion Island at noon.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Oh great...now he'll be wearing sunglasses 24/7. Alright MK you can go, although in NYC there's a certain degree of suffering that you don't get in LA. It makes you see the reality of life in a more practical way than in LA...but good luck anyway.
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Cuidate nene ..wishing you the best
If there was anything which could make me grateful for auto-tune this is it.
side note: all the best in your move & new life MK.
PA: nope, no Mayfield here. That does not describe all of Kentucky either. But to each their own:)
Submitted by lislop on Sat, 09/29/2012 - 1:44am. Happy moving to Cali! NYC is very cool, but so is LA. Just stay away from the OC - homogenized crowd that only dine at restaurant chains
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Hey I represent that remark. What's a matta with a little homogenization?? We can't help it if no one else but whiteys wanna live here, and we like the cheesecake factory!!!
MK, hope you're moving to LA for a good, fun reason! Glad your Mom will be closer now so she can bail your ass out of County, and drive you home from the bar.
that video is one of the most narcissistic things I've ever seen. bitch, you aren't even remotely all that.
MK, best wishes on your move! I love LA, so I'll be visiting your ass, I'm sure.
Take care in packing that dildo collection!
I'm so jealous right now, i wish i was moving back to Cali, for now i'm stuck in the south with the rednecks, I think MK will be just fine as long as he doesn't befriend Wonky McValtrex, I dont think i could take it if he became her gay boyfriend
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I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself
Chill people. I'm sure MK has this shit under control. The birthday and hot slut posts along with the caption winners seem like they're picked the night before and autopost at a certain time. We'll be good. Although MK clowns with us all the time, he is still a revered (mostly *ahem* professional) writer/blogger and a diligent one at that.
just nod and smile, MK ;-)
So happy you'll be making LA more slutty.
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"Uhh....I'm here for the gang bang??"
To those that say KY doesn't suck, you clearly do not live in Mayfield, KY! Louisville is ok. I lived in Bowling Green for 6 years while attending college and for a few years after. Bowling Green is ok too Now I am back in far Western Ky. There is literally nothing here. My county is dry, meaning they do not sell alcohol. Everything shuts down at 9 pm. If you're hungry at midnight, your only option is Dominoes or maybe McDonald's, possibly. Sometimes they shut down early. If it snows, that means its the end of the world. We do NOT have 3G. The closest Target, Chili's and White Kastle are two hours away. TWO hours. I grew up in a county and went to a HS that had no black people. None. That county is still, to this day, known for that. In 1999, I worked at a restaurant in our largest city, 30 miles away, and a gay guy I worked with at a different restaurant came in with his boyfriend. Nobody would wait on them because they would "get aids.". The manager said "Whatever. Let them sit. Maybe they will leave." I was beyond disgusted with my co-workers. I went and told my gay friends and we all left. People hang out at Wal-Mart because that is the cool thing to do. We have no public transportation. There was one bar/ dance club but it shut down in 1998. But I am sure I am describing the majority(not all mind you) of most small middle of no where towns.
i lived in a town like that in central florida. the only good thing about it was the cheap beer in bars
<"Submitted by CokeyBloke on Fri, 09/28/2012 - 10:12pm.
This should have a "How Should I Feel?" tag. I'm strangely weirded out and sad. Bizaarzo.">
Me too, because I like to read at least a couple posts before work with coffee.
I feel like Archie Bunker though in the episode that introduced Saint Bea Arthur to the country, when he was invited to Maude's daughter's wedding and found she was marrying a Jew:
Archie: "What's your new name going to be?"
Carole: "Mrs. Carole Greenberg."
Archie: "Eh. It's your life."
Submitted by LawDog on Sat, 09/29/2012 - 1:00am.
*gets notepad out and gets ready to jot down address* Where should I address my fan mail?
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Whoa... is it really you LD????? Heyzeus, how long has it been??? Good to see (read) you again! :D
PissyAnne,
That sucks! You need to come to Cali too! I think we should all start a Dlisted commune/spa/religion and say fuck it to everybody else. MK can be our Dolly Llama... Or maybe Dolly Parton, you never know..
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"You're gonna be a grandma, bitch!"
May happiness follow you wherever you go, MK!
Not sure what to think about this wife/stalker.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
To those that say KY doesn't suck, you clearly do not live in Mayfield, KY! Louisville is ok. I lived in Bowling Green for 6 years while attending college and for a few years after. Bowling Green is ok too Now I am back in far Western Ky. There is literally nothing here. My county is dry, meaning they do not sell alcohol. Everything shuts down at 9 pm. If you're hungry at midnight, your only option is Dominoes or maybe McDonald's, possibly. Sometimes they shut down early. If it snows, that means its the end of the world. We do NOT have 3G. The closest Target, Chili's and White Kastle are two hours away. TWO hours. I grew up in a county and went to a HS that had no black people. None. That county is still, to this day, known for that. In 1999, I worked at a restaurant in our largest city, 30 miles away, and a gay guy I worked with at a different restaurant came in with his boyfriend. Nobody would wait on them because they would "get aids.". The manager said "Whatever. Let them sit. Maybe they will leave." I was beyond disgusted with my co-workers. I went and told my gay friends and we all left. People hang out at Wal-Mart because that is the cool thing to do. We have no public transportation. There was one bar/ dance club but it shut down in 1998. But I am sure I am describing the majority(not all mind you) of most small middle of no where towns.
So, if you are ok with any of this, then yes, it's awesome.
Maybe if you're just passing through or visiting for no longer than two days. I've lived my entire life here and to me, it sucks! But I digress.........
Sounds like this site doesn't have much longer. The Birthday Sluts post will appear around 2pm Eastern time.
Good luck finding your way in LA. Hope there is a more lucrative prospect there than blogging.