Some Crazy Dude Is In Jail For Choking Lindsay Lohan This Morning (UPDATE)
The drama doesn't even stop on the damn holy day. A 25-year-old California dude named Christian LaBella was put into handcuffs last night after he allegedly attacked Lindsay Lohan in her hotel room at the W Hotel in Manhattan early this morning. Now this is truly some Charlie Sheen shit.
LiLo met the dude at 1 Oak last night and brought him back to her room at the W in Gramercy to party with her and her friends. LiLo probably thought that they'd have a few laughs, she'd snort a few lines off of his peen and everything would just be coke-colored rainbows. But shit got serious after she accused him of taking pictures of her with his phone. WNBC New York says that after LiLo grabbed Christian's phone away, he threw her on the bed, which scratched up her hands. LiLo ran out of the room and started running down the stairs, but for some reason she turned around and went back to her room. When LiLo got back to her room, she told police that Christian choked her, threw her to the floor and got on top of her. One of LiLo's friends was able to pull Christian off and then the friend pulled the hotel fire alarm. Christian tried to run out of the hotel, but the police caught him in the lobby and arrested his ass.
No word yet on what kind of pictures that crazy douche took of LiLo, but I'm guessing it was either pictures of her reading the holy bible or pictures of her drinking chamomile tea while singing church songs to orphans, because that shit right there would ruin her reputation.
Why do I have a feeling that Christian is telling police that a gross creature who smelled like rancid smugness and looked like a giant nutsack with legs and a hairy landing strip gave him a stack of money to rough up Lindsay Lohan. Presenting exhibit EVERYTHING!
The fucked up shit that happens to LiLo. Ginger from Casino = LiLo's life.
UPDATE: NBC New York says that Christian LaBella has been released and the NYPD dropped all charged after investigating this shit. Christian, who works for Republican congressman John Shimkus of Illinois, has also filed a harassment complaint against LiLo. The moral of the story is, when you want to do a line of the bad shit with some dude you met at club, just do it in the safety of a stall in the club bathroom. That's why they have toilet seats! And I'm going to need something seriously mind-altering to deal with the fuckery that's going to spill out of White Oprah's mouth about this mess.