Presenting Mr. & Mrs. TimberBiel!
After slurping on each other's no-nos for five long years, Jessica Biel finally decided to make an honest bitch out of Justin Timberlake by marrying him in Italy today. Seconds after Jessica and Justin exchanged vows (his vows being the lyrics to "This I Promise You," obviously) and she promised love and cherish him through thick hair, thin curly, curly hair, corn row hair, relaxed hair and ramen hair, they gave this statement to People:
"It's great to be married, the ceremony was beautiful and it was so special to be surrounded by our family and friends."
Since Jessica and Justin sold all the EXCLUSIVO details of their wedding to People, they kept everything a secret from their guests until the last minute. Gossip Cop says that no children were allowed and guests had to go for the whole week or not at all. Bossy bitches, that Justin and Jessica. All of their guests were given specific instructions: each guest had to fly to Frankfurt, Germany and from there they were all put on a private jet to Naples. From Naples, they were shuttled to the town of Puglia. I heard that guests were blindfolded and their phones were taken away, so some of them got into the wrong car and are now working as sex slaves for the Italian mafia, but that's what they get for not following instructions!
I know, all that work just to go to Justin and Jessica's stupid ass wedding. That's like clenching and releasing your butt cheeks for twenty minutes straight to try to push gas out, and then you let out the wimpiest silent fart ever. Let down.
And the only way Justin and Jessica's wedding wasn't a let down is if they paid tribute to his true love Brit Brit by wearing the most iconic and sophisticated denim outfits of all time.
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NO wonder she looks so big headed!
Submitted by dementa on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 3:47pm.
Has anyone cared about this MJ wannabe and his lesbian GF in the past few years? They exhausted all their drama years ago, so nobody gives a shit.
I guess "Total Recall" flopping really made her desperate to cement her future finances.
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No nobody really cares. There on off on off media bullsh*t was a real drag. I didn't care then and didn't care now. I think they tried hard to be the next IT couple.. it didn't work and realized neither had any better options so they stuck together.. Honestly I see 0 chemistry between them.
What's the big deal about Timberlake's looks? He's got the sort of looks that are adorable at 15 but nothing to write home about at 35.
Her body is slamming though agree with other posters who say she just looks boring.
Submitted by Naughychimp on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 6:24pm.
He loves her, somewhat, and she makes his life easy; she lets him cheat, have 3somes with men
corrected it for you :D
(is that romour about timberlake and meyers still going?)
Submitted by sarahtonin on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 11:58pm.
LOL! Thanks...of course! *needs more coffee*
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Submitted by Mani6 on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 9:48pm.
Submitted by Anita Bidet on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 7:50pm.
damn her head is huge
I know! I've look at this pic several times and really did they enlarge her head or something? Tater head number 2!
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That's because the pic is shopped. It's Jessica's head on Brit Brit's body. I would've thought everyone would immediately recognise the classic matching denim outfits.
http://www.ivstatic.com/files/et/imagecache/636/files/slides/Britney-Spe...
In your photoshop there it looks like he married Faye Dunaway.
Two of the most boring famous people alive. I mean, does anyone really care what they do?
$6.5 mil they spent. Because the more you spend, the more people might believe it's legit or something.
I still give them a year, tops.
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So Jessica Minelli and Justin Gest got married. Guess all the rumors about them being homo are false... yeah, right. Call me when Biel spits one through the birth canal, after Timberqueef bones her up. Ain't buyin' it!
I never knew she had a rep for being a gayelle! The things you learn on Dlisted.
Gay or straight, she's a huge fucking bore.
Submitted by Anita Bidet on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 7:50pm.
damn her head is huge
I know! I've look at this pic several times and really did they enlarge her head or something? Tater head number 2!
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If you want to go retro this is the way to do it dumb-ass:
http://www.billboard.com/photos/artist/69498-jimi-hendrix.jpg
or
http://cdn.eurweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Janis-Joplin.jpg
Well denim congrats to them. Should have gone to Vegas! *if only*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by Dog on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 7:04pm.
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I'd doubt that. She'll drop a couple of kids on him and be a real mom and family to him. Eventually he'll recognize and give in, esp. after his mom rides his ass about it. Look at Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, he's got waay more talent than Timberbitch.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
We used to wear denim shit like this in the 1970s but at least it would fit and we would mix it up with some prints and leather accessories a la Jimi Hendrix.
Justin looks like a white boy pimp that needs Shaft to beat the crap out of for being such a sissy.
damn her head is huge
genius!
I give them two years. She has turned a blind eye to his crap for years and once she opens her eyes and realizes what an immature douchebag she married, she'll kick him to the curb.
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I could honestly give less than a shit about his personal life or acting career.
Just sing again, FFS!!!!!!
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Douchechill!
I'll never get tired of those matching denim kits. Rachel Zoe deserves far more credit for putting those together for Brit Brit and Jizzy Trousersnake.
I don't get these two, she seems desperate and he's a known player *shrug*. I will say this, Justin is great songwriter and I'm anxiously awaiting a new album...p.s. I always wanted him and Brit to end up together :-(
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
My take: she wants to be a Mrs. at all costs and puts up with him cheating and only kinda-loving her. He loves her, somewhat, and she makes his life easy; she lets him cheat, has 3somes with other women, rarely complains, revolves her life around him, etc. They think they can both put up with this arrangement forever but he'll eventually fall hard for someone else (like he did for Mila Kunis, who quickly chewed him up and spat him out).
Sad. I remember when he was with Britney and I remember wondering why someone so cute and talented as she was would be with a Shirley Temple-locked douche like JT. Now HE's the big deal while Brit's one umbrella away from the nut-house.
Hold on...this could be an annulment. Kenneey Cheastney is giving advice to JT.
"That's what you said a week ago in Guadalajara." - Honey West
This could go the distance of Kid Rock & Pam Anderson or Lisa Maria & Nic Cage. I see arguing over mirror time in the AM with the some Sondheim or the soundtrack of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers in the background. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."
Beil comes out on top. Indiscretions kept quiet while she plays a happy wife with time allotted to spend with 'friends'.
2.5 years.
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"That's what you said a week ago in Guadalajara." - Honey West
Whoops MK. I used to live in Puglia. It's a region not a damn town! Great food and crazy people though.
OMG! HAAAAAAAHAHAH!!! I just read that in Lufti's trial Timberlake is being blamed for Shitneys breakdown. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHA!!!
Hekki - Onion bagels are my weakness!!
I seriously thought Biel was Gayelle.
Congrats I suppose.
I thought they broke up.
Guess not.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Submitted by IHateCharityChic on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 4:43pm.
Granted, we've all worn outfits we'd love to take back, but I can honestly say, this shit is in a category all by itself.
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Ha! That's true, when I read 'Britney and Justin' I immediately think of those naff matching denim outfits. Popstars outdo us all in the fashion faux pas. And it's fucking funny.
That UGLY little boy that could never Sing & can't Sing-in-Key Live deserves to marry that UGLY DOG Jessica. Perfect pathetic match.
duh
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"When there is a huge sunshine spill, we call it a beautiful day" - Your local solar Company
68special, Sadie is a mini persian. She was such a sweet fluff ball.
Be Good to Each Other
BTW did anyone initially read the headline as "Mr and Mrs Tinkerbell"? And it fits so well with Justa Trousersnake.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Wait, you mean to tell me that's not a cut and paste pic of Justin's head on that body? Really?
I need to excuse myself so I can run down the street howling with laughter.
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You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
Submitted by Event Horizon on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 4:04pm.
So, there was an article on yahoo about this bride who required all her bridesmaids to give her their schedules for the next year and a half to be sure they would be free to attend all of her pre-wedding parties at various exotic locations all over the country (at their expanse of course) not including the week long wedding in Aspen (also at the guest expense). She also made sure to tell them that her sister was a step above them in importance and all questions they had shouldnt go to her, but to her sister....
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With friends like that, who needs enemas?
Submitted by Boo1212 on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 4:54pm.
Sadie is a beautiful cat. Is she a Maine Coon? My favorite cat breed.
MJT, I love BOTH his albums! He is a talented dude.
Her, not so much.
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(Only time will tell) You're on your own, inside your room
(Only time will tell)You're claiming victory
You were just using me, and there is no one you can use now
guest, thank you
Be Good to Each Other
can be a pushy broad, thank you very much!
Twatty, The avie used to be my little Sadie. Had to leave her with a friend when we left Austin. We just rescued a cat in August. Al e. Cat aka nugget. And thank you.
Be Good to Each Other
Hekki, onion bagels are the most scrumptious! I'm envious.
Be Good to Each Other
Boo1212 -- congrats, hon! BTW, is that your kitty in your avie? So cute!
Hekki -- how dare you taunt us with your oven hot bagels? OMG, they sound so good!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
They are dressed for a Halloween party, right?
Congrats Boo! :)
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by Boo1212 on Fri, 10/19/2012 - 4:16pm.
CONGRATS BOO1212!!!!!!
anybody taking bets Jessica is preggers?
Granted, we've all worn outfits we'd love to take back, but I can honestly say, this shit is in a category all by itself. Once you are photographed wearing something like this, you automatically go into the Unintentional Comedy Hall of Fame never to be taken seriously ever again. See Fabio and Michael Bolten's Long Hair. This wasn't a Halloween costume or some ode to irony, folks, they actually thought this looked good. There really are no words for this. Other than maybe, heeheeheeheeheeheeheehee.