Hot Slut Of The Day!

Big Tex, the Texas icon whose soul went up in flames, turned to smoke and rose up to the great big State Fair in the sky yesterday. Usually, a HSOTD shouldn't be dead, deceased and skeletonized, but I'm making an exception this time, because: a) millions of Texas childhoods are nothing but a pile of ashes now and; b) Big Tex is rising from the dead next year and he'll be bigger (due to the penis enlargement) and better (due to the pectoral implants) than ever!

"For why does it smell like a dozen Real Housewives lying under a dozen tanning beds?" is what hundreds of thousand Dallasites asked themselves yesterday when the air had the strong scent of burnt plastic and charbroiled synthetic fibers. Big Tex has been the official greeter of the Texas State Fair in Dallas since 1952 and yesterday the bitch went up in flames. State Fair officials tell Dallas News that they're blaming the torching of Big Tex on an "electrical short" in his boot, but other witnesses say they saw Big Ang stomping away with an empty jug of gasoline in her hand and screaming about how she wants to be the only big plastic man in America and nothing's going to stop her!

There were nothing the firefighters could do to save Big Tex and he was done in 10 minutes. Dozens of people watched and cried out real tears, because there was a giant thing frying in front of them and they couldn't dip it in hot sauce and eat it. But Big Tex will be back with a new plastic face and a new pair of Dickey's for the start of the fair next year.

This is the saddest story about a flaming cowboy ever since Kenny Chesney announced that his marriage to Renee Zellweger was ending after only four months. Until Big Tex rises again, we'll just have to remember him with this picture of him rimming a construction worker.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by yuyi on Wed, 11/14/2012 - 4:24am.

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Submitted by guest on Mon, 10/22/2012 - 8:17am.

Horrifying....on fire or not. There's a snake in my boot! lol

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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."

Submitted by Taska on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 9:07pm.

Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 5:51pm.

Yes, Big Tex was a hot mess.
He was much creepier before they changed his face and he was Santa Clause down in Kerens. He looked like a Santa that would take your toys instead of giving them to you.

Having been through Kerens a few times, I wonder what exactly they were trying to attract shoppers to.

Submitted by moomarse on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 11:38am.

Now THAT is fucking FUNNEH!!!! Burning man indeed...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back from vacation? Vacation from where? The Willy Wonka factory? The Al Jolson Resort? MERCURY? MK - 8/1/12

Submitted by fernkitty on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 9:25am.

I grew up in Dallas and got away as fast as I could. That said, Big Tex was a huge part of my childhood. Every year, school kids got free passes to the fair and a bus ticket to get there. If you got separated from you family, the rule was "we'll find you at Big Tex". So yeah, all those pictures of him burning are funny, the guys ass in his mouth is hilarious! But for those of us who knew him, he will be greatly missed. RIP.

Submitted by shirley_twizzletits on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 9:05am.

I just got back from Dallas about 3 weeks ago after being forced to visit for a @#$# Cowboys game.

Dallas is flat out a shit pit.

Saturday downtown? No one was there. I mean no one. What kind of god damned city has no one in the downtown area?

Their only claim to fame is that a president lost his head there. And they don't even have the class to sell president bobble heads with removable cranium. WTF?

The liquor laws. I couldn't buy Jack Daniels anywhere. WTF Is with that? But hey if you find Jack, your passenger in the car can drink up and you can carry your gun. Way to go.

I told my husband never, ever bring me to that shithole again. I don't know about the rest of Texas but Dallas blows Michael Lohan's dick and licks his shit taint. I heard Austin is pretty cool though.

I like my men like I like my syrup---thick and rich!

Submitted by Purple blonde on Sun, 10/21/2012 - 12:12am.

Another Dlisted in Big D. If you want to laugh even more, head over to FB's Big Tex Grief Support Group. There's a bunch of loonies that need help.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes, esp. if they're Louboutin.

Submitted by CheeryBitch on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 10:00pm.

I'm in Dallas, too!

BigTex was fucking creepy looking! Bye big guy. Hope your replacement looks somewhat normal...

Submitted by HollsTrue on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 7:44pm.

Looks like big a yeehaw Hugh Hefner in pics 3 & 6

Submitted by Flowbie on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 5:38pm.

I'm also from Dallas and I go to the fair every year. Big Tex is really annoying when he's talking and talking while your in a long ass line for a Fletcher's corny dog. He is an icon here though. I admit I laughed when I saw video of the flames. It was horrible and funny at the same time.

Love the pic of the workman's ass in his mouth...

Submitted by Detective_LaToya on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 5:15pm.

It's like someone is killing off my childhood piece by piece. RIP Big Tex. I'll be looking forward to you saying howdy again next year.

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"Look at this lamb, I'm going to make condoms out of it so that you can ride me until your pussy says 'baaaaaah.'"
~ASkars as channeled by Michael K

Submitted by MTurtle on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 5:04pm.

Off topic: I am with MJT on the comment below.

Submitted by mike on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:57pm.

Wait, why isn't the Texas State Fair held in Austin? I thought state fairs were held near the state's capital city?

Submitted by CindyBman on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:44pm.

I live in The Big D, too. I am not terribly saddened only because I did not grow up here and I have experienced only two state fairs.

People are devastated. People are actually placing flowers where Big Tex used to stand. I'm not anti-Big Tex, but that's extreme don't you think? Flowers? Princess Diana I get. Not this.

I am thrilled to see so many Dallas-ites on this site! I feel less and less aggravated by this state (TX) the longer I am here at D Listed! :)

Submitted by nicaw on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:32pm.

Looking forward to the Big Tex comeback.

Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:27pm.

NotImpressed: I wonder that myself every time I hear snarky comment from someone when I am out and about.
MissJaneTx: Make that a Fletcher's corny dog and a Dr.Pepper and I am with you.

Submitted by EdDallas on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 7:52pm.

I sent this one in or at least one of those who did. I was there yesterday and my friends and I were laughing our asses off when it happened! 10 minutes! Gone!!!

Thank you, Michael! I'm glad the begging worked!

And yes....people were crying!

Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:21pm.

Yes, Big Tex was a hot mess.
He was much creepier before they changed his face and he was Santa Clause down in Kerens. He looked like a Santa that would take your toys instead of giving them to you.

Submitted by RichBitch on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:06pm.

Well he was a total flamer after all.

Submitted by rocklobster on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 4:05pm.

I had no idea how many of u guys lived in Dallas, too. I feel much better about my fair city now.

Submitted by 68Special on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:55pm.

MJT

You accused me of being Angela last night and it would be fair of you to back that up with something. It isnt fair of you to falsely accuse someone without even a shred of proof?

Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:44pm.

Am I the only one who think's that numbs 3 and 6 look like Big Tex is related to Beavis from Beavis and Butthead?
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"

Submitted by El Bastardo on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:33pm.

So sorry MissJane :(

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My lover....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz147m98jdQ&feature=related

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:23pm.

I really watch a Fletchers Corny dog and a Coors light right now.

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

Submitted by CashewTime on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:21pm.

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:22pm.

Whatever saves them from fried bacon-chocolate-lard-caramel covered hot dogs is fine with me lol.

Submitted by Orangina on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:20pm.

Maybe somebody thought they were at Burning Man.

Submitted by CashewTime on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:17pm.

"Dozens of people watched and cried out real tears, because there was a giant thing frying in front of them and they couldn't dip it in hot sauce and eat it."

--MK, are you sure you're not from Texas?

This is kind of hilariously sad. I've only been to the state fair twice, and the last time I went with my mom to watch a show about big birds and eat a funnel cake. Highlight of my summer, really. If I'm gonna ride a roller coaster and eat shit, I'd rather do it at Six Flags for a millionth of the price, but mom comes first.

Submitted by chinchilla on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:12pm.

hilariously horrifying, especially pic 8.

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:53pm.

There are a lot of Dallasites on Dlisted. Makes me wonder if I'm acquainted somehow with any of you hos IRL.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by Mani6 on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:52pm.

Submitted by stephanado on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 3:54pm.

Sounds great! I love the all the outdoor stuff! Now if we just keep Jessica Simpson from eating all the BBQ ribs...

And all this time I thought Jerry Mahoney was dead.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUkzNQJ7QTU&feature=related

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Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:51pm.

As a Dallasite, images of Big Tex burning were horrifying and hilarious to me. It's sad, but I'm sure they'll rebuild him to look all modern and cheesy looking.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:29pm.

So sad. So many childhood memories :(

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

Submitted by stephanado on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:24pm.

For those unfamiliar to Dallas , and the amazing State Fair in all of its multi-hued kitsch glory, Bog Tex is an icon. No matter how old you get, it is a thrilling thing to hear his voice booming out "Howdy Folks...". Here, it is a sign of the end of the heat of summer, gorgeous days like today and a license to have as much fun as you can. Whether your thing is rides, snacks, shopping, gawking etc....there is something amazing there for you. Imagine something as lovable as Honey Boo Boo, all of the Golden Girls, Lil Sebastian and Stefon rolled into one.
I'm sure this will bring heaps of scorn, but we are really sad about it here.

Submitted by KellBelle on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:15pm.

Well that's depressing, my poor childhood memories.

Submitted by mefunigirl on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:14pm.

that's some scary looking shite.

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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:11pm.

I did not know of Big Tex or his burning but am disappointed that not one of you perverted slutz mentioned that he might be "flaming" or that he probably had a "raging massive boner" or something along that line.

The skeletal remains of Big Tex remind me of the Wicker Man, the original with Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee, not that shiteous remake.

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Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.

Submitted by salacious on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:08pm.

The next Big Tex should be built with a little extra chunk in the belly area.

Submitted by Green Tea Latte on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 2:06pm.

He looks scurry and creepy as f*ck hopefully the new version is less scaring.

Have they found a way to blame the liberals or illegals yet?...sorry I'm cold and bitter today :-/

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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥

Submitted by mike on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:59pm.

LOL@ the main pic

Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:57pm.

@Capitanne

Total agreement. He needs to write a book. Title idea: Something with the word "Whornitos" in it.

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Submitted by Anita Bidet on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:57pm.

ray lewis burned it down

Submitted by Capitanne on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:53pm.

Michael K is genius. Every word of this report is hilarious. The Kenny Chesney denouement was priceless!

Submitted by Matador on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:52pm.

Tacky!

ººº
Insert Porn Music

Submitted by moonmaid on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:44pm.

On Friday morning, Bragg was announcing, reading from a script, not paying attention to Big Tex. Then he looked up and saw the flames. He turned off the audio equipment and left the trailer.

“I could not believe my eyes,” Bragg said. “It was sadness and shock. We were all just hoping that it would be a bad dream and we’d wake up and everything would be OK.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched Big Tex burn.

“He went down talking,” Bragg said.

And this:

A crane arrived and lowered Big Tex to the ground around lunchtime. His charred remains were placed on flatbed trucks. A huge piece of canvas was placed over him.

There were a few tears — and plenty of camera phones to capture the scene.

“I’m getting all of this,” one woman said. Her eyes were wet. “It’s like he’s in a body bag.”

Submitted by ewlulu on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:39pm.

That article is the best thing I have read in ages.

Big Tex may be gone for now, but life went on at the fair. In Big Tex Circle, fairgoers lined up for corny dogs. Not too far away, people ate curly fries and onion rings. In front of the Hall of State, boys and girls dressed in cowboy hats and boots danced to country music.
And just steps from where the burned hulk of Big Tex used to be, fairgoers gawked at brand-new cars at the Auto Show.
During a car presentation, a fitting song blared:
“Happy trails to you, until we meet again …”

Submitted by moonmaid on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:37pm.

OMG, I just read the original article in the Dallas News and laughed until I cried. I don't think people outside of there realize it is written with a pretty satiric edge:

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/local-news/20121020-fans-mourn-fiery-demi...

The quotes are priceless - "We have lost our leader!" "I didn't know Big Tex smoked"

I really needed a good laugh. Thank you Michael K. Brilliant, and the reason I read your blog, for weird fucking hilarious shit like this!

Submitted by LaChaylo on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:37pm.

Tyroan - Condolences accepted ♥♥

Withy - Jakey G Cowboy! An ode to Brokeback Mountain - yes PLEASE!!!

Submitted by SmilenDandelion on Sat, 10/20/2012 - 1:28pm.

Sort of makes me think of some sort of performance art adaptation of Terminator – Texas style.