Lindsay Lohan Can't Read
A human tornado of pure happiness was seen doing cartwheels while shouting "I'M FINALLY FREE!" down the streets of Los Angeles this afternoon and now we know it was Lindsay Lohan's former attorney celebrating the sweet taste of freedom. Lindsay Lohan continued her impressive streak of making bad decisions by firing the person who kept her out of the clink time and time again. TMZ says that LiLo hired NYC-based lawyer Mark Heller, who's represented the Son of Sam and Jon Gosselin, and broke up with Shawn Holley. Finally, one of LiLo's stupid decisions worked in Shawn's favorite. Bitch is FREEEEEEE! Or is she?
LiLo is in trouble in L.A. for lying to the cops about not driving the Porsche that crashed into a semi on PCH, and she's also in trouble in NYC for punching that psychic in a club. This morning, Shawn Holley was on her way to court to get negotiate a plea bargain in LiLo's L.A. case when she got a letter from Mark Heller saying that her services were no longer needed. Mark Heller told Shawn Holley that not only is he handling LiLo's criminal case in NYC, but he's handling all of her criminal cases now. LiLo signed the letter. Shawn Holley wanted to feel sad about getting dumped, but she was too busy orgasming with joy on the inside.
But wait....
TMZ is now saying that LiLo is just a dumbass, because she signed Mark's letter without knowing that it was Shawn's termination letter. This is why you should never sign an important document just minutes after you vagchugged a whole bottle of Svedka. LiLo told Mark, whose license was suspended for 5 years in the 90s, to send a letter asking Shawn to ignore the first one.
Who knows if Shawn will take her back, because Radar says that LiLo owes her over $300,000 in legal fees and hasn't made a payment in over 6 months. Shawn seems weirdly devoted to LiLo, so I'm sure she'll take that mess back, but she shouldn't. Shawn should change her name, change her face and move so that LiLo can't show up at her door and cry in front of it for 90 minutes straight. Run while you still can, Shawn!
And you know what else LiLo signs on for without reading? Movies. Case in point: the newest preview for The Canyons.
That falling water bottle was giving the most in that scene.
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 01/14/2013 - 9:59pm.
I hate to say it but that guy is actually a worse actor than Lindsay is.
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I have to agree, to my total surprise. Somehow he was even less believable than her. I mean, I've seen block-shaped girls with a bad walk waddle around shoeless, but I have NEVER seen a man make that face while he slept. He can't even sleep believably.
...won't be seeing that. Jillian
Sweetas - yeah, I didn't even believe her walking across the room. The crying and hysterics will always feel real because that girl is a mess, we're probably watching how she goes to sleep every night.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:12pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:09pm.
HAHAHAA, no lawyer to show on her behalf, she will not appear....BENCH WARRANT PLEASE!
SHUT. UP. ahahaha! yes Bench warrant. STAT.
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UGH! Shawn appeared on her behalf to enter the not guilty plea. BOO! Guess firing your attorney the day prior to your court date doesn't allow for the paperwork to reach the judge therefore she's still "legally" your representative.
Fucking retarded. The Cracken knows what she's doing. Prolonging the courts. That is what her NY lawyer told her to do. You want to stay in London? Fire Holley, sign here you'll get another court date.
I thought she was good in that scene.
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:09pm.
HAHAHAA, no lawyer to show on her behalf, she will not appear....BENCH WARRANT PLEASE!
SHUT. UP. ahahaha! yes Bench warrant. STAT.
HAHAHAA, no lawyer to show on her behalf, she will not appear....BENCH WARRANT PLEASE!
Stupid bitch.
I know it's been said a million times before, but she looks horrible. She's looking all gremlin like in the face in that scene. Also, me and a friend watched Liz and Dick last night and boy was she awful in it. Her crying scenes were laughable. An all out train wreck.
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If you are on probation in California and you are not a celeb you are completely fucked. This bitch gets so many chances I want to puke.
"Just look at all the fucks I give!"
"Pete... I just wanted to jump on and tell you I'm really glad you're doin' okay."
"Is your name Michael Diamond?" "Naw, mine's Clarence..."
We merely agreed with a lesbian and now we are being accused of picking on a lesbian! You lesbians are incredibly difficult to decipher!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by suckandfuck: "...Jodie is out there on national TV with her Scarborough Fair haircut..."
This made me bust a gut laughing at the doctors office.
And why are you picking on CIJ? Be nice.
I enjoyed Alan Carr's interview of Lindsay Lohan a few years ago. He's fun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l5asO-Gtdo
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
Suck, I've loved Jodie Foster since I was a little kid, but not in THAT way. Not that I think there's anything wrong with being gay at all, it's just that I like the peen probably as much or more than you do. If you're trying to get a rise out of me, you're not on the right track, honey.
Yeah, her lawyer just needs to show up today and answer "Not guilty" to the misdemeanor charges. The actual hearing on the probation violation will be later. As yesterday's news suggested, you'd think this is something she could plea-bargain with the prosecutor.
The only reason I can think of why Holley would let Lohan build up such a debt is Holley benefits from the constant exposure. She can't very well sue to collect, cuz then Lohan will counter-sue for malpractice or report her to the State Bar or something.
But like any kind of service, it's better to be sitting on the beach than not getting paid for your services.
Wow, she looks awful. The booze is really showing on her face and body.
Not really. She looks just peachy! The meth balances it all out...
"Just look at all the fucks I give!"
"Pete... I just wanted to jump on and tell you I'm really glad you're doin' okay."
"Is your name Michael Diamond?" "Naw, mine's Clarence..."
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:48am.
Nope, not a lesbian.
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honey there's nothing wrong with it! We're all different types of people here! It's OK! Jodie is out there on national TV with her Scarborough Fair haircut, get inspired!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
omg that trailer was just...wow. How strung out was she?? At least she has the sniffing part in the beginning and the crying part in the end down.
Nope, not a lesbian. And Allah help any people that would be on the road if I tried to drive a semi.
I just think BEE is a jerk.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:31am.
OK, I'm confused.
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Truck driving carpet cleaners usually are.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:22am.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:21am.
Wow. Bret Easton Ellis has got major female issues. His female characters are treated like dogshit, and I don't feel it's because he's trying to expose brutality against women. I think he just hates them. Poor widdow Bret, his mommy was prowwy mean to him.
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Hmm come to think of it I think this butch lesbian has a point!
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OK, I'm confused. Are you calling me a butch lesbian?
So....MK will be drunk-blogging The Canyons premiere, right? I will certainly be parked in front of my TV for this epic mess, beers in tow.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:21am.
Wow. Bret Easton Ellis has got major female issues. His female characters are treated like dogshit, and I don't feel it's because he's trying to expose brutality against women. I think he just hates them. Poor widdow Bret, his mommy was prowwy mean to him.
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Hmm come to think of it I think this butch lesbian has a point!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Wow. Bret Easton Ellis has got major female issues. His female characters are treated like dogshit, and I don't feel it's because he's trying to expose brutality against women. I think he just hates them. Poor widdow Bret, his mommy was prowwy mean to him.
I am disgusted by men like him. Grow the fuck up and realize that it's YOU, not women, who is warped.
first of all, i swear she does all this for publicity, and the only reason i want to see this movie is because of James Peen *le sigh*
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http://tinyurl.com/69rcrqy
Paul Schrader is more delusional than WO, he wants to work with Lilo again. Plus, he thinks he's a director.
Exhibit A says no. no. no.
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
Shawn Holley needs to take advantage of this screw up and drop her ass NOW. Seriously. She probably thought she could handle Lindsay but grown lawyer or not, you cannot out grift this grifter.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
I was waiting for that clip to end like the episode of "curb" where Larry's phone goes missing.
Wow, she looks awful. The booze is really showing on her face and body.
Submitted by IrishFury: "Everyone laments her downfall because she has talent but I just don't see it. I've seen more realism from high school plays - she can't act!"
Totally agree.
If you look at her roles, they aren't very challenging. She's always the same character. Could she play a midwife on the Minnesota plains in 1860? Could she play a murderous android in the year 2135? A tired young mother in a Boston suburb? NO.
She's not wasted talent, she's just wasted.
I was just reading that she is still in the UK and doesn't have to show in court today. Say whut??!!
::disappurnted face::
ha ha
her acting is as bad as she smells
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "I detest Shawn Holley, but she did her job, and deserves to be paid. She kept that fucking loser out of jail countless amount of times."
Truly.
I have a feeling that Shawn is writing off some of LiLo's fees as pro bono or a business loss. It certainly brings her a lot of publicity. Also, I don't know WHO it is that has the pull to keep getting Lindsay off, but if it's Shawn, Lindsay better find a way to pay up. Because whoever has clout to keep you out of jail also has it to put you in.
She can't even get out of bed right.
Everyone laments her downfall because she has talent but I just don't see it. I've seen more realism from high school plays - she can't act!
All I can see is Lindsay Lohan, with really bad acting skills and a voice of gravel from two packs a day and drugs galore.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by cocoebert: "Bish, if you're afraid of waking him up, then why are you calling yourself?!"
Right?
And if it's not yours, how did you know the number? Or was it ringing at the same time you were calling your own number? Repeatedly?
See? She's a lying freckled snatcher in the movies, too.
And it's just as much fun to deflate her lies in the movies as it is in real life!
She looks like she's laughing when she cries.
Bish, if you're afraid of waking him up, then why are you calling yourself?!
Shawn Holley's probably not being maternal towards LiLo but knows that if she wants to see her money she needs to keep LiLo out of jail and working.
I could watch Linds get the shit beaten out of her all day. Really is the cream in my coffee.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Lots of movies do this stupid exposition for the audience stuff so it's not just this trash but if you're worried about waking up the guy sleeping next to you, you probably don't openly say, 'This isn't my phone.'
Wonder how much stuff in that house ended up in her car trunk.
She prolly thinks that nice judgy will give her a Starbucks card for being such good crackie, pat her on the head and send her on her way.
This judge is notorious for rehab instead of jail so she will be locked up either way.
See y'all at 11:30 a.m. for the live feed... that's if she even came back from the UK.. stay tuned..
That was the most boring, non-suspenseful scene since I last watched a youtube video of paint drying.
Did the director really need her to walk a zillion yards to the phone, etc.? It was just dead air.
Plus, as she (somewhat self-effacingly) said in the NYT article, she really *does* have a few chins.
As I was reading this the only voice I could hear in my thoughts was the wonderful and glorious Antoine Dodson. "You are SO DUMB! FOR REAL!" Seriously, her brains are bad news.
Why would anyone name a baby girl Shawn?
Jessica Simpson has found the name for her new daughter.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jeg er norsk.
She looks like she smells really, really bad. Stale cheeto breath.
Submitted by Orangina on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 2:14am.
Probably. Ellis seems like the sort who faps to women's misery.
Submitted by rosehips69 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:05am.
Better pay too. And it probably wasn't all about tracking down a cell phone.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
You just know she stole something from that bedroom.
Her body looks so unhealthy.
She has the alkie-build to her, a reallll drinker's body. No healthy fat at all and strange weight distribution. See how her yams are sinking? The way her gut is hanging out over around her tukus so it makes her torso look rectangular? And the strange weight she put on in her face?
This is a girl who doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, drinks & smokes all day long and worries and fusses constantly. She seriously needs to detox.
i just suffered through that clip. just what the fuck is going on in this "movie"?
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK