Monday, January 28th 2013

Afternoon Crumbs

Elton John served up some Grandpa Howdy Doody realness in a picture with his new baby. And as the photographer took this picture, Elton John made a poopy in his Pampers at the exact same time his new baby made a poopy in his Pampers. That is what I call bonding. - Towleroad

Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet's public displays of affection at The Grove look like it was directed by Fellini. All fancy and shit - Lainey Gossip 

Jen from Dark Crystal is looking hot - Celebitchy

"Where oh where did I put Granny Spears' good crocheted lace table runner?" asked Daddy Spears - The Superficial 

Vintage words of wisdumb from Wonky McValtrex and Nicole Richie - The Berry 

The chipmunk Slytherin goes bra-less on Cosmo - Drunken Stepfather

The raccoon Kewpie doll goes goes topless in Jalouse - Hollywood Tuna 

Michelle "Not The Marilyn Monroe One" Williams tries to act like she's too busy to perform at the Super Bowl - Jezebel

What a terrible insult to all drag queens - ICYDK

Natalie Portman's dress looks like a deflated Sno-Ball and now I miss Hostess again - Popoholic

Even January Jones' hair can't stand her - IDLYITW

Sean Stewart knows that Adrienne Maloof only deserves the finer things in life - I'm Not Obsessed

Meanwhile, Blue Ivy Carter is wearing a hat made from a real panda head. She's showing Suri up again! - Just Jared

Anderson Cooper getting a blow job. That is all. - Buzzfeed

And today's special is freshly waxed Olympic swimmer ass - OMG Blog

The sight of a memaw drop kicking another memaw is definitely what I needed today - Crunk + Disorderly

Harpo, who dis woman? - Cityrag

Marky Mark's huge arms sort of look like two pairs of butt cheeks - Hollywood Rag

I'm pretty sure they used an old Judy Tenuta wax figure to make Katy Perry's wax figure - Celebslam

Goldie Hawn taking a picture of Kurt Russell in front of Kate Hudson's Ann Taylor ad is kind of cute... - Popsugar

Posted by: Michael K
ImpertinentVixen's picture

Submitted by Daniee on Tue, 01/29/2013 - 1:54am.
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 8:32pm.

"........Please. If you're going to pick DNA, you're going to go for the multi-millionaire, platinum musician over the minor film director...."
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Since Elton is managing bipolar disorder, which is arguably hereditary, I wouldn't automatically assume so...

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Not to forget his other hereditary physical traits, like stoutness, early baldness, and myopia.

Somehow I imagine this scenario like a sitcom. Like you have the insane flamboyant rich guy, his long-suffering husband, and two kids who have no idea what "normal" non-celebrity life is who are mostly raised by nannies.

Submitted by chewinsmoke on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 6:10pm.
They look like they have the same shaped face.

I bet the younger one is… whatsisname, the other guy's bio baby.

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Meatblocks's picture

mahoof's soon-to-be-ex must be laughing his ass off.
paul nassif got dumped because the gnome thought she could "do better" because she thinks she's so classy, refined and all that highbrow shit.
unemployed drug addict & mcdonald's, in her attempt to be a-listed she fell immediately to a-hahaaahaahaaahaalisted.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

WithinReason...'s picture

ITA Daniee, who cares who fathered the children, it's nobody's business but their own. And those are some cute ass kids.

Wow JWoww has the ugliest mug evah.

"waxed Olympic swimmer ass" -- that is all. ;p

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Daniee's picture

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 8:32pm.

"........Please. If you're going to pick DNA, you're going to go for the multi-millionaire, platinum musician over the minor film director...."
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Since Elton is managing bipolar disorder, which is arguably hereditary, I wouldn't automatically assume so. In any case, I persoanlly don't see why it matters really to the public who "fathered" the child. I guess we are curious.

RichBitch's picture

Megan Fox is looking all Margot-Kidder-after-her-psychotic-episode in the face.

Cookie_Monster_'s picture

Who really buys this farce? Two gay dudes holding someone else's children pretending they're a straight couple. "Look we butt fucked and made two kids".

Nope.

It's all a lie. Poor kids.

WildBee's picture

Elton's face has been marinating in way too much ass, it's starting to pucker.

stefystef's picture

I looked at the Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie retrospective. And you know what?
That shallow bitch really innovated reality TV.

And Nicole Richie was much more interesting when she was chubby and high all the time. Now she's FUCKIN' boring because she's an earth mother and "sophisticated" socialite, which she's not.

Paris is the original Holly-bitch and in a strange way, I miss her stupidness.
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"I swear, sometimes good dick is a thing of evil. It blurs your vision and screws with your brain.- MK, 01/17/13

kbug's picture

It looks like Elton's swimmers won on that first mix. I wonder which one won for the new baby?

TrashyWilma's picture

I don't think Elton's oldest kid looks like either of them, but I don't buy the whole "We both jacked off in the same cup so we don't know who the bio dad is." Please. If you're going to pick DNA, you're going to go for the multi-millionaire, platinum musician over the minor film director.

Oh, and if Elton needs another surrogate, this uterus is bare and its owner has student loans. Call me.

Green Is Good's picture

Ha! Join the club!

Tigerlilly's picture

Submitted by tojo on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 8:05pm.
I think Sean Stewart looks like Bill Engvall's spechul little brother...
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Shutup. You're just jealous. He's a "model" afterall...*snort*...I died when I read that. A model for WHAT???? The Cougar Times? GoldDigger Weekly? AHAHAHAHAHA! A MODEL!!! I fuckin' love it!

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

tojo's picture

I think Sean Stewart looks like Bill Engvall's spechul little brother...

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...the end

boredasfuckyo's picture

I like how the Olympic dude's ass is hairless, while the rest of him is like a sasquatch...

I laughed when the memaw fight got broken up, and the memaw on the ground is like, " Call 911" and they are in a fucking hospital. HAHAHA

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"Vanity’s a business built to fleece the unique. Silicone and stars collide. The rest will fall in line. Just as beautiful as you are, it’s so pitiful what you are.You should have seen this coming all along."

Hekki's picture

Submitted by CodeRed: "they probably have nannies round the clock too."

I imagine a scene like the one in "The Great Gatsby" where the nanny brings Daisy's daughter in for a few minutes. And otherwise she's free to get drunk and throw parties and fuck on Jay Gatsby.

Green Is Good's picture

Seriously, Elton John and his Husband need to stop trying to live out their fantasies of a perfect family. Elton is too old. He'll. be lucky to attend his kids high school graduation.

Tigerlilly's picture

Oh, Adrienne...Cougar lesson numero uno: Never let your prey choose where you dine.

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

TexnDoc's picture

The meemaw's fight in the maternity ward is a pretty old clip. You HAD to have featured it before because I've seen it like a year or two ago.

TexnDoc's picture

I'll say this for her, BritBrit has some amazing things in her closet. "Dress up like a dolly day"

How come we got tons of pics of TRex wasting away to nothing and you spring Marky Mark on us. I'll tell you which movie looks more funny. I hope the plot involves little speedos and that brown spray paint they use.

Daniee's picture

Kurt and Goldie Hawn ARE super cute!!

CodeRed's picture

they probably have nannies round the clock too.

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And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. (...) - Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 1:09am.

CodeRed's picture

good thing his partner looks much younger cuz he'll be parenting the kids alone, and Elton, once the kids hit junior high stage.

or who knows, maybe Elton has good old age grandpa genes like Hefner.

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And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. (...) - Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 1:09am.

misslainey's picture

Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 6:45pm.

You didn't miss anything.

RandéSleepover's picture

Aww, the baby has Elton's hair.

joe shmoe's picture

Why is the vid of the two grannies duking it out in the maternity ward blocked in Canada? For why?

I know we're polite but we like a good bust-up as much as the next American. :D

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Ha! That's the McDonalds before you enter the expensive lunch options area on Sunset Blvd.

M.E.'s picture

Oh Shitney....SMDH

Why is Portman bitch still cashing Dior cheques after she slandered John Galliano and said she wants nothing to do with Dior after the whole drunk pro-nazi thing in a bar... I can't stand her, miss Galliano! His Couture was out of this world!

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Don't start none and the'll be none.

fredfred's picture

elton and david's older boy is adorable.

as is marion's gang. she seems awesome.

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watching hardcore ufos

NOT IMPRESSED's picture

Adrienne Maloof and her broke-down boy toy at McDonalds link made me laugh.

I used to like The Simple Life. The show was stupid and staged, but Nicole was funny and definitely stole the thunder from Paris.
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Douchechill!

Sweetas's picture

Elton is terrifying in that picture. He looks like he's having a wonderful, awful idea.

Is Elton's older child his biological child? I think that lil' guy looks like a future Rocket Man.

"My pug is smarter than your honor student."

MissJaneTexas's picture

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 5:57pm.

I'm obsessed with fig jam.

YUM.

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

miz cynical's picture

I love how Marion was laughing at her kid! Wow, the Simple Life stuff is different. Can't believe how Nicole used to look like back then.

Hekki's picture

Adrienne Maloof at McDonald's made me crack up hardcore. You know she was dying inside.

And just because people are nsanely wealthy doesn't mean they eat nice food. The hedge funds bazillionaire we know has nothing but junk food and frozen processed shit in their Sub-Zeros. The wife doesn't cook, so they just have takeout or whatever. And fifty kinds of snack food in the cabinets. It's mortifying. If I had that money, there would be the most beautiful meals with the best ingredients... My rich SIL actually has beautiful food. Always fresh organic berries. And good cheese, and tzatziki and fig jam and lightly candied pecans and fresh herbs, etc. browsing her fridge is delightful.

Emeriesan's picture

I saw those pics of Posh Spice earlier today somewhere and I totally thought they were going to get a Photoshop Awards tag.

But Jen from Dark Crystal is better! hehe.

Hekki's picture

I can totally picture the Elton John household. It's funny but it's not.

Judy Tenuta was funny as hell and beautiful. Where is she now? I adore that hor.

MissJaneTexas's picture

Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 01/28/2013 - 5:41pm.

LMAO. totally looks like that. that's funny.

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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

IrishFury's picture

Who painted on Sir Elton's glasses?

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Dark-sided!