And The Award For The Shittiest Super Bowl Commercial Goes To...

Somewhere in between Taco Bell's commercial titled "Madonna at the Club" and GoDaddy's ad, which put the Bar in BARF, a 60-second commercial for the Church of Scientology aired in a bunch of cities including NYC and L.A. The Scientology bath house will have to cut costs by switching from barley-scented Wet lube to generic lube, because Radar says running their shitty commercial during the Super Bowl cost them around $8 million.

As a bunch of stock footage of young people played, a voice over spewed out these stupid words that really mean nothing:

“To the curious, the inquisitive, the seekers of knowledge. To the ones who just want to know about life, about the universe, about yourself. Not cute questions, big questions, one’s that matter. To the rebels, the artists, the free thinkers and the innovators who care less about labels and more about truth. Who believe non-conformity's more than a bumper sticker. That knowledge is more than words on a page. You're young, you're old, you're powerful beyond measure and the fuel of that power is not magic or mysticism, but knowledge. The things you see, the things you feel, the things you know to be true. Sure, some will doubt you. Let them. Dare to think for yourself, to look for yourself, to make up your own mind. Because in the eternal debate for answers, the one thing that's true is what's true for you."

That part about "cute questions" was totally shade directed at Tommy Girl, because you know he's raised his hand during meetings and asked, "Does my bubble butt bottom look cute in these Bugle Boy jeans?"

And THIS is how those crazies are trying to recruit new members to brainwash? This is more like an ad for library membership or for pot brownies. If they really wanted to recruit new bitches, their commercial should've been nothing but shots of John Travolta and Tommy Girl dancing topless to a disco remix of the Close Encounters theme song as the bath house boys sucked the Thetans off of each other's dicks in the background. The tagline should've been:

Scientology: Does Your Church Have A Glory Hole In It?*

* ignore the question if you're Catholic

Posted by: Michael K

Tags:

Scientology, Trash

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Submitted by betseyfan2 on Tue, 02/05/2013 - 5:04pm.

Submitted by saltydog on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:34pm.
I honestly don't understand how anybody in this day and age could be dumb enough to get involved with this shit. We have the internet, you can google and read endless amounts of terrible information about this cult.

^^^^^^^^^

Yes. And yet, a local municipal council recently agreed to their purchase of a huuuge piece of "country" property north of Toronto.

When asked by council if they would allow the use of a significant public nature trail which runs through the property to continue, the lying sacks of shit representatives said, "why, of course".

They were also asked if the facilities planned would be open to public events. The lying sacks of shit representatives said, "why, of course".

They've abandoned their Toronto offices, where it was far too easy for slaves to escape. No-one's going to get away easily, or at all, from this new location, trust.

A real eye-opener is to read any of the ex-Scientologist forums.

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"Marriage is what you do when you decide one cock is good enough to let the owner annoy you for the rest of your life." - TrashyWilma

Submitted by notreallyworking on Tue, 02/05/2013 - 8:51am.

you lost me at Thetans...

"Just look at all the fucks I give!"

"Pete... I just wanted to jump on and tell you I'm really glad you're doin' okay."

"Is your name Michael Diamond?" "Naw, mine's Clarence..."

Submitted by Mani6 on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 11:29pm.

No...I'm not brainwashed!

*take me to your leader*

............................................

If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman

Submitted by mike on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 10:16pm.

Submitted by shandi on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 6:57pm.
If anyone is inquisitive and thirsting for knowledge, don't join the Church of Scientology or any other church for that matter. They all run on faith. Join the church of using your mind and learning facts - SCIENCE.

Yep.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 10:14pm.

Nope, no magic or mysticism in Scientology. Just an evil intergalactic overlord and the souls of depressed and anxious aliens spewing out of volcanoes and inhabiting human bodies. And all it takes to get right is to give all your money to these people and let them interrogate you with a primitive lie detector test. Oh, and if you don't have money, it's OK, you can just be a slave to Tom Cruise or John Travolta for the rest of your life. Yeah, and think for yourself because you're a rebel type! Don't listen to all the people who tell you it's bullshit. And when your teary-eyed momma sends you an email with links to articles that criticize Scientology, say "fuck you, suppressive bitch," and delete it. Do it because you're YOU.

Submitted by RichBitch on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 9:38pm.

My thetans have been jacking me off to this ad all day.

Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 8:00pm.

Word! And just to add, as fucked up as Scientology is, it's got a LONG way to go to reach the death tolls that Christianity has achieved. Inquistion anyone? Salem Witch hunts anyone?

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

Submitted by shandi on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 6:57pm.

If anyone is inquisitive and thirsting for knowledge, don't join the Church of Scientology or any other church for that matter. They all run on faith. Join the church of using your mind and learning facts - SCIENCE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK

Submitted by Da Truff on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 5:19pm.

Do I have to be a closeted gay actor or can anyone join?

Submitted by dorian_graye on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 5:07pm.

Anyone who is interested in learning more about Scientology should watch this interview with an ex member conducted by Kurt Loder of MTV News and Rolling Stone magazine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la62Zj53glA

It is a bit sad that the ad seems to be targeting young, impressionables.

Submitted by SoMissDelicious on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 5:00pm.

The thing that grossed me out about the bar rafeli commercial was the sound effects. The sloppy seconds sounds were ick nast.

Submitted by I AM Afraid on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:49pm.

Submitted by bigorexia on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:16pm.

It's not really worse than any of the other popular cults invented for controlling and manipulating people, e.g. Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

_____________________________________

Respectfully, yes it is.

Submitted by Daniee on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:46pm.

That shit is creepy and makes me want to clutch Travolta's anal beads. Just creepy, creepy, creepy. Even those Catholic ads trying to get whores back to communion is better than this!

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:38pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:18pm.

and now you know, the rest of the story.
------------------

When I was married to whore#1 we built a house out in the country... 45 minute drive. After I got off work I would stop and get a 6pk of beer and head home. About 5-10 mins in to my drive "the rest of the story" would come on the radio. Every day, a drive in the country, on my home from work, with an ice cold beer listening to Paul Harvey... best. part. of. the. day.

----------------------------------------------
♪♫ I'm gonna tap dat ass,
I got your momma's number in my pocket,
gonna call your momma,
boy, you know I'm gonna,
I'm gonna tap dat ass ♫♪ ~ jacklemore

Submitted by saltydog on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:34pm.

I honestly don't understand how anybody in this day and age could be dumb enough to get involved with this shit. We have the internet, you can google and read endless amounts of terrible information about this cult.

The only people who I could see maybe doing it is wannabe actors who are dumb enough to think Scientology makes people stars instead of realizing that they just aggressively go after people who are already stars and use their highest profile members to recruit up and comers.

Submitted by ekspresis on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:31pm.

that crap is beyond offensive to everyone with half a brain. it's not knowledge, it's not science. it's some loony's sick fantasy. fuck scientology.

Submitted by saltydog on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:32pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:18pm.
Who is Paul Harvey?
-----------------------------------------

He is a radio broadcaster who was famous for long form pieces that explored the less reported sides of bigger issues...and now you know, the rest of the story.

boom, nailed it

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:24pm.

Submitted by MrsPotatoHead on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:15pm.

Hahahahahahaha!! classic

Submitted by dementa on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:23pm.

I guess they're done laying low after the whole world mocked them for the TomKat debacle.

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:16pm.
I think they don't tell you about that part until you've been with them awhile and they have some filth on you. I remember hearing they were really angry when South Park did their episode on them, because they extract money from their followers for that information, and it was being given out for free.

Submitted by bigorexia on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:16pm.
Congrats on the faux-hipster Internet stance with no real research.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 12:39pm.
Not that I know of. I've spoken to too many ex-Mormons for them to do that. How many low-ranking ex-Scienos do we hear of, comparatively? I can only think of a few who've escaped.

Usually the worst thing that happens to the Mormons is their families quit speaking to them… which is a good thing sometimes.

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 12:55pm.
LOL! That was a magnificent one!

GoDaddy = vom. Just vom.

Ram commercial: FUCK THOSE PEOPLE. Stop trying to use that to sell your cars.

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by princesspoppy on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:20pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:18pm.
Who is Paul Harvey?
----------------------

*clucks tongue and shakes head* Kids these days. *sucks on werthers*

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:18pm.

Who is Paul Harvey?

Hi, mike. What ya need?

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Cake666 on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:18pm.

lol..religion..I fart in your (alien)god's general direction.

"No intelligent life form writes in caps lock" ~GOD
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Submitted by MrsPotatoHead on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 3:15pm.

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:50pm.
I liked the Paul Harvey one simply because of Paul Harvey... I don't give a shit what the commercial was peddling... nothing will ever compare to the old Miller Lite commercials or the old ladies in the Bud Light commercial "WAAZZZUP"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JMBg9S1X0c hahahhahaa!
----------
I love that one! Cartoon Network did their own WAZZUP version that was hilarious too.

http://youtu.be/W8H1bg65TaM

Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:59pm.

Submitted by bigorexia on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:16pm.

It's not really worse than any of the other popular cults invented for controlling and manipulating people, e.g. Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

Exacto!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"Jesus loves you" - Great thing to hear in a Church but horrific to hear in a Mexican prison

Submitted by princesspoppy on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:56pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 12:55pm.
I forgot about the M&M commercial, I did laugh at that one "DEFINATELY NOT THAT" while being shoved into the oven. LOLZ
------------------------

We loved that one, too, because we've spent a fair amount of time wondering WTF meatloaf wouldn't do.

Submitted by mike on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:56pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:38pm.

GG. I have a question for you about Los Angeles Co. climate if you're around later in Open Post.

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:52pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:24pm.
@ME, Duhh...its MEXICANISH food.
************************************************

RACIST!

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:50pm.

I liked the Paul Harvey one simply because of Paul Harvey... I don't give a shit what the commercial was peddling... nothing will ever compare to the old Miller Lite commercials or the old ladies in the Bud Light commercial "WAAZZZUP"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JMBg9S1X0c hahahhahaa!

Submitted by MrsPotatoHead on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:38pm.

The best ad, IMO, was the VW "get happy" ad:

http://youtu.be/9H0xPWAtaa8

"Yes, I, da land of ten towzan lake!" LMAO

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:38pm.

THank you Sans Fards!

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by zomay on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:33pm.

“To the curious, the inquisitive, the seekers of knowledge. To the ones who just want to know about life, about the universe, about yourself. Not cute questions, big questions, one’s that matter. To the rebels, the artists, the free thinkers and the innovators who care less about labels and more about truth....."

..............................

Bwaahaaaaahaaaahahaaaaa.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:31pm.

GG, it was a Samsung ad:

http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/national/samsung-super-bowl-2013-ad-video-s...

______________________________________________

A Lannister always pays his debts.

Submitted by Whatever on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:28pm.

I thought all the commercials sucked except for the Budweiser one. The guy raised the horse from birth and then was reunited with it at a parade.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:25pm.

Sans Fards, I havent caught the Paul Rudd one. What was he selling?

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:24pm.

@ME, Duhh...its MEXICANISH food.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:16pm.

I thought the best ad this year was the Kia ad where the kid goes "Dad, how are babies made?" LOL that one was hilarious. The Clydesdale and the Paul Rudd one were pretty good too.

"Play Wheels on the Bus! NOW!"

______________________________________________

A Lannister always pays his debts.

Submitted by johnnysgirl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:16pm.

Interesting how all the Scientology commercials leave out the Xenu/thetans part.

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 2:02pm.

The Taco Hell commercial - For why was the Fun song in Español?

Submitted by Anita Bidet on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:56pm.

The Squatty Potty ad on this page is more effective than this

Submitted by Green Is Good on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:53pm.

This CO$ ad is hilarious & f@cking creepy at the same time.

Submitted by Craigypants on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:52pm.

The only thing I want from these fuckers is for them to start paying tax! Cunts.

Submitted by que cochina on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:52pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 12:54pm.

I liked the Taco Hell ad. I kinda like to think that that's the kind of old I'll be. Though I dont eat that dog poop food...

That's right: old geezers bringin' the ruckus! Agree that ingesting TB's mystery meat is a bad idea!

Submitted by TrashyWilma on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:44pm.

I've never understood why people invest in a DVR to avoid commercials, then dedicate one evening a year just to watching them. I understand people have been conditioned into thinking the Super Bowl is required viewing, and maybe that's all there is to it because I haven't seen a commercial I liked since "doo doo doo doo, always Coca-Cola" went off the air.

Submitted by Mr. Photo on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:41pm.

It's actually a really well-produced ad for a ridiculously shitty cult.

I. Has. Spoke.

Eat Whale Blubber

Submitted by jelliebean on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:33pm.

“To the curious, the inquisitive, the seekers of knowledge.
To the ones who just want to know...Where Is Shelley Miscavige?????"

Submitted by fredfred on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:30pm.

i'm balls-deep into the book "going clear" that just came out. fuck me running what crazy, scary shit.

paranoid delusions.

how in the fuck l. ronnie wasn't 5150'd into briarcliff, i'll never understand. money, i guess.

-----------------------------
watching hardcore ufos

Submitted by TelevisedRevolution on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:30pm.

speaking of Thetans, MichaelK, your website seems to be crawling with them. I get malware messages whenever I try to log in!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
God don't like ugly.

Submitted by bigorexia on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:16pm.

It's not really worse than any of the other popular cults invented for controlling and manipulating people, e.g. Christianity, Islam and Judaism.

Submitted by Two Drink Min on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:00pm.

"some may doubt" or lose your number, call you crazy or just straight up run in the opposite direction. Nice to see all that blood money buying up Superbowl slots. Waste of time. What kind of demographic do they think they will reach? Beer drinking, die-hard sports fans would sooner kick their asses than join their cult. How's that for knowledge...GFY

Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 02/04/2013 - 1:00pm.

Did anybody see Bar's interview about the commercial? She basically said it's been her dream to be in a club and make out with some random guy that no one would picture her with to make his week.