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Somebody please tell me the recipe for Paul Abdul's crazy juice! I seriously want whatever she's drinking, because the woman is in another dimension. She should bottle that shit. I would buy a lifetime supply. Fuck water. I need Paula juice to stay alive.

Paula effed up majorly on "American Idol" when she judged Jason Castro for two songs even though he had only just sung his first song. All 5 bitches sang 2 songs each. Paula gave semi-negative comments to both songs. Randy had to let Paula know that they were only judging the first song. Nudge...nudge...Paula tried to save it by saying the second comments she gave to Jason were meant for David Cook. The problem there was, she gave David a generic "that was fantastic" comment. She said nothing negative about David.

I'm guessing the judges write down comments during dress rehearsals. When Gaycrest called on Paula to judge Jason, she was too busy riding on a golden unicorn through the crystal clouds that she didn't realize they were only judging the first song, so she started rattling off all her notes. The woman is amazing. I want to sit in the desert with her and drink from her Coca-Cola cup.

Clay Gayken's ginger ass was on QVC last night hawking his CD that only Claymates will buy. Gayken sang several songs from his new album, "The Real Me Is A Fruitcake." MTV Newsroom thinks that one tune he sang during the QVC show might be his "coming out" song.

Some of the lyrics to the song "The Real Me" go:

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I’m tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade...

Sure, he could be singing it to a big, juicy cock. I picture him singing it to his limited-edition Cabbage Patch Snuggle Beans doll. Snuggle Beans really does see the real Gayken.

Wait.....he sings about sad clowns? Gayken knows how to get to me! Don't be a sad circus clown, Gayken! I'll kiss your foreskin if it makes you feel better. I know, gross. Well! I don't want him to be a sad clown!

The clip of Gayken singing about a sad clown (tears) is below:

This shit is serious, but I really can't stop laughing at this hot (and bad) kid. 7-year-old Latarian Milton of Palm Beach Gardens, FL stole his grandmother's SUV and took it for a joyride. Latarian and a friend drove the SUV several miles. They ran over two mailboxes, hit two parked cars and struck two moving cars before coming to a crashing halt.

When asked why he did it, he said, "I wanted to do it, because it's fun. It's fun to do bad things like drive into a car." He was also asked if he knew he could possibly kill someone, "Yes, but I wanted to do hood rat stuff with my friends."

Latarian does think he should be punished though! He said his punishment should be, "No video games for a whole weekened."

He faces grand theft auto charges, but cops doubt he'll be prosecuted.

The next time I get pulled over by a cop, I can't wait to roll down my window and say, "I wanted to do it, because it's fun! It's fun to do bad things. I wanted to do hoot rat stuff with my friends."

Thanks Megan

Jessica Walter from "Arrested Development" will play the 1970s faded movie star, Tabitha Mills, in the CW's remake of Beverly Hills 90210. The Ausiello Scoop reports that Tabitha is the drunk granny of the show's central teen characters. Lori Loughlin has already been cast as Tabitha's daughter.

The cast also includes Ryan Eggold, AnnaLynne McCord, Dustin Milligan and Shenae Grimes. Producers are still talking to Jennie Garth about reprising her role as that slutbitchwhoreskankuglytramp Kelly Taylor.

This is turning out to be a truly random and hilarious cast. The hot bitch from "Play Misty for Me" and Aunt Becky from "Full House" in the same cast together? This is going to be a mess like Kelly Taylor's life! You know, I was doing some reading on Kelly Taylor today (SHUT UP) and that bitch was raped, shot at, addicted to drugs, joined a cult, had a miscarriage, went to rehab, was stalked by another rehab patient and got caught in a burning house. She also shot at her rapist and got amnesia. The bitch had problems.

Here's a classic clip of show's shining star, Brenda Waslh, fantasizing about murdering Kelly and Dylan.

YouTube's newest superstar sensation, Tricia Walsh-Smith, is no longer allowed to make those mesmerizing YouTube rants.......in her Park Avenue apartment. The judge said Tricia can continue to make the videos and say whatever she wants as long as it's not in the apartment she once shared with her husband, Philip Smith.

Yay! Tricia is going on location!

Mr. Smith's lawyer told The New York Post, "If there's a way we thought we could stop [Walsh-Smith], we would do so." There's no stopping crazy eyes! Sorry. Well, maybe if they squirted a little glycerine on her eyes.

77-year-old Mr. Smith is divorcing 52-year-old Tricia, because he claims she treated him like shit. He is also having her evicted from their apartment. In her latest YouTube video, she asked viewers to take up a collection for her to buy a tent.

I don't give a fuck if she shoots her videos in a tent, subway bathroom, Charles Manson's prison cell or Clay Aiken's lingerie closet. I just care that she continues to make these videos for YouTube!

Here crazy eyes have hypnotized me into adoring her.

Image: Fame

Karina Smirnoff and Mario Lopez are over! A source told People that Karina is going to move out of Mario's Los Angeles home while he's being gay on Broadway. The two met on "Dancing with the Stars" when they were paired together.

Recently, Karina denied rumors that she was getting it on with her current DWTS partner, Mario. Karina was also seen canoodling with E! personality Michael Yo at Besos. Besos is owned by Eva LongWHORIA who is good friends with Mario.

Karina Smirnoff Ice is a slut and a stone-cold bitch. I think I love her.

Hey, her main dick was off dancing like a pretty fairy on Broadway, so what was she to do? Sluts have needs! Their vaginas can't stay vacant for more than 24 hours or they will die. This is true. I read it in a book.

International model and soon-to-be Oscar nominee, Phoebe Price, showed the paparazzi that she does not have cottage cheese thighs after these bikini pictures made there way onto the internet (and probably every major HIGH fashion magazine in the universe) yesterday.

PP lifted up her dress to show us all she is cheese free. Oh shit. Just don't ask her if she's a natural redhead. I really don't need to see her copper wires...just yet.

Gary Dourdan of "CSI" was arrested in Palm Springs yesterday on suspicion of possessing heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs. TMZ reports that the cops found him asleep in his car at 5:21 in the morning. He was taken to a Palm Springs jail where he later posted $5,000 bail and was released.

Gary is set to leave "CSI" after this season. Working on the show must have been getting in the way of his partying.

All those drugs and no one to party with? He probably couldn't afford the couple of tranny hookers he ordered earlier.

Gary's mug shot is making me feel his pain. The bitch needs a few Airbornes and a cold shower. I can smell his coke breath from here.

Expect a rehab announcement in 3...2.....

No, this isn't the sequel to "The Birdcage." The tacky Versace outfits and Miami background might tell you otherwise, but it's actually Jim Carrey and Rodrigo Santoro shooting scenes for "I Love You Phillip Morris."

This shit is based on a novel about a married father who gets sentenced to 3 years in prison. He ends up falling in love with his cellmate, played by Ewan McGregor. When his cellmate gets released, Jim's character escapes from prison three times in order to be with him.

I wish someone would try to escape from prison three times to be with me. That comment was directed towards Pete Doherty. You know, this shit could be alright. I don't mind Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor is a major dreamboat. It will be spectacular if they throw in a Rodrigo Santoro nude scene. My penis cried salty tears when his character was killed on "Lost."

MiserAlba's miserable Birthday - A Socialite's Life

Barf! The Lauren Conrad sex tape confirmed? - Hollywood Tuna

Pamela Anderson looks knocked up, but it could be tramp bloat - IDLYITW

Roger Clemens had an affair with Mindy McCready - Hollywood Rag

Keeley Hazell is a singer?! - Egotastic!

Kitten Bobbleheads - Cityrag

The Sleestaks from Land of the Lost have returned - Towleroad

Tommy Cruise actually spent time with his other kids - Just Jared

Jeremy Piven still gets hot chicks even though he's a bald douche (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

What the hell would Fishsticks Paltrow do without Photoshop? - Popsugar