Vadge usually only eats the kosher organs of fresh fetuses and the nutsack root of virgins (it's macrobiotic!), but she nibbled on a pizza in NYC this afternoon. Vadge washed it all down with a Kabbalah-tini which had just a splash of Baby Jesus' tears of mercy in it. Just a splash. She didn't want to go wild in the afternoon. Vadge did it all during a segment taped for The Late Show with David Letterman. Vadge and Letterman go waaaaaaay back to the dark ages.
Even though Vadge has dropped the fuck word several times on his show, seeing her eat a pizza was probably more shocking for Letterman.
And I have to admit that I kind of like Vadge's whole "First Lady of Russia circa 1989" look.
Ever since Peter Andre and Katie Price separated, he has taken a vow of celibacy. My guess is that Peter just wants to let his genitals heal after being exposed to toxic levels of fake tanning grease.
Peter says that he doesn't need his nalgas caressed by a gentle hand, because he has chocolate! Peter tells OK! Magazine (via The Sun), "I've replaced it, I've got my chocolate, which the fans keep on bringing me. I'm living on it!"
Does Peter really expect me to believe that a piece of raw sex like him isn't getting his rocks off one way or another? Yeah, I know what Peter's really doing with that chocolate. A little Rolo in his holo. Uh uh. Peter is bringing new meaning to the word "butterfinger." And if you're ever at Peter's house, DO NOT eat the Cadbury Creme Eggs. That is not the kind of creme you want to lick on.
Oprah got in her solid gold jet and flew all the way to Copenhagen to declare to the Olympic committee that she's ready to embrace the summer games! The Mighty O and Michelle Obama will appear before the International Olympic Committee tomorrow in a bid to bring the 2016 summer games to Chicago. President Obama is still trying to decide whether he's going to make the trip. I don't think he wants to miss tonight's episode America's Next Top Model.
The other cities in the running include Madrid, Rio and Tokyo.
Oprah said, "I love and believe in Chicago, and I think it would be the perfect host city for the 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games."
What Oprah really means is that she'll trade in her puss holder Gayle King for the Olympics. And if they don't do that, she'll buy the damn Olympics herself and rename it THE OPRAHLYMPICS! I shouldn't even joke, because that is totally possible.
Usually when you have a fight with your common-law husband, you hit him over the head with a frying pan, shank him in the neck with an ice-pick or call his mother to tell her that you caught him jacking off to her picture in the bathroom. You know, you get your revenge the normal way. Well, some crazy ho in Texas went way too far when she decided to pull a Fatal Attraction on her common-law husband's goldfish.
USA Today says that the police in Pasadena, TX were called to a home by a man claiming his wife fried up their goldfish and ate 'em up after an argument. When they arrived, they found a plate with four fried goldfish on it. The crazy bitch admitted that she ate 3. And you know there was a tiny fried fin hanging out of her mouth when she confessed to it.
The man said they had an argument after he took back some joo-ree he bought for her. When he refused to give it back to her after she begged, she grabbed the fish out of their bowl and made herself a snack fit for a lunatic.
After the police gave the woman a "Are you a fucking cat?" side-eye, they told the couple it was civil matter they had to work out themselves. No charges were filed.
Obviously, the man needs to get back at her by frying her joo-ree and swallowing that up. And at least the two didn't have any pet bunnies or puppies.......
Amanda Woodward reporting for bitchery! Bitch needs to put down that water and slap a trick or steal a ho's man - Hollywood Tuna
Sophie Monk proves that she's more than just Benji Madden's ex-piece by bringing her titty out in a shit show - Egotastic!
The fashion world's greatest designer since Charlotte Russe is taking Paris by storm - Popsugar
Lady CaCa proves that she's the master of the tuck - Hollywood Rag
Phoebe, Monica, but no Rachel - Lainey Gossip
Chuck Bass bares his furry manbreasts on Arena Homme magazine - Towleroad
Kim Zolciak might be a low-budget hooker, but she's not a stripper - ICYDK
So close, yet so...BOOM! - Cityrag
UsWeekly is turning Jessica Biel into the next Jennifer Aniston/Jessica Simpson - Celebitchy
Kate Gosselin wants to go on with the divorce show - I'm Not Obsessed
Pussy Wino looks way to clean and sober to be pass for the real thing - Popbytes
Somebody check on Elizabeth Taylor! - Socialite Life
(Image Source: Pacific Coast News)
Entertainment Tonight is saying that 73-year-old Dennis Hopper was rushed to the hospital in NYC today. According to them, Dennis was brought in by an ambulance and was wearing an oxygen mask. One witness said they saw a lot of tubes around him. That's all the info they have for now.
Since summer is over, I'm going to choose to believe that Dennis is perfectly fine. Maybe he just really loves the chocolate pudding there and was in the mood for some.
I will update when there's a little more information.
UPDATE: Dennis' publicist says he has been hospitalized after suffering flu-like symptoms.
Here we have self-proclaimed "Jewmaican" Amy Wino spitting our rhymes during a late-night jam session. Yes, she sounds like a deaf dolphin who just masturbated with a power strip and gargled with handful of hot tacks, but what did you expect? Look on the bright side, at least she's coherent! Don't laugh, this is coherent for Amy Wino.
Clearly MC Crackie needs to team up with Tom OC. They will be the methadone clinic version of Salt-N-Pepa.
VIA Best Week Ever
THINK OF THE CHILDREN! First, Jenny Slate fuck bombed us all on SNL this past weekend, and now a giant bare vagina made an appearance on So You Think You Can Dance last night (see above NSFWish). No, Ryan Gaycrest was not a guest judge. An actual vagina popped out on stage when a dancer invited us into her carniceria during her audition. I KNOW! Our pure eyes have been tainted. We should have never boarded the Mayflower and come to America. Dark-sided!
But seriously, it's just a damn vagina. We've all seen one. A little snatch flash isn't going to turn our nation's children into drug addicted sluts with no morals. They will do that on their own.
Nigel Lythgoe, the head judge and executive producer, had this to say about the cat being let out of the bag: "None of us knew she did this. The show was always designed to expose talent, but not in this way."
I'm not sure if the dancer got a golden ticket to Hollywood, but I am sure her vagina did. It's going all the way. It will definitely have a place on Mary's Hot Tamale Train!
If you really really want a clear shot of the snatch at hand (I'm talking to you Papa Joe), head on over to (NSFWish) OMG Blog.
Radar Online says that Rose McGowan has canceled her engagement to Robert Rodriguez. When Rose pink-slipped Robert, she should have also sent back her SAG Card too, because she's not going to need it anymore since he was the only one hiring her ass.
Sources say that shortly after Rose finished shooting Machete, which Robert directed (DUH), she dropped him faster than me during a game of "Hot Vagina". The two got engaged in 2007 after dating for about a year. The "escandalo" tag was used when they got together, because some say Robert left his wife of 16 years for Rose's tupperware face.
Doesn't Rose know that we are in a recession?! If Robert isn't beating her ass, fucking her immediate family members or eating her stash of Mother's Circus Animal Cookies, then she should have waited until the country is out of the red! Now is not the time to quit the dick that is putting food on your table. Or in Rose's case, putting botox in her face.
Justin Timberlake should stop accepting rides in Chris Brown's Lamborghini, and Alien Princess RiRi should keep Betty Ross at her side at all times, because She-Hulk Biel and Ike Turner II won't be happy when they see Star Magazine's cover.
According to Star, Justin started scooting his ass lips on RiRi's infintiyhead of wonder at an after-party for the VMAs a couple of weeks ago. RiRi must not have minded that Justin sounds like Minnie Mouse screaming when he orgasms, because they have been texting and talking ever since. But before RiRi takes Justin to her home planet, she wants to make sure that his gay relationship with Jessica Biel is over. A source said, “She asked him on the phone, ‘Are you still with Jessica?’ And he hinted that things were cooling off between them.”
The source went on to say that Jessica found out that Justin and RiRi bumped taints and is "a wreck" because of it.
You know, it might be the apple I just ate (healthy food fucks me up) talking, but I actually think RiRi and Justin make a hot couple. They kind of make sense to me.
And Jessica Biel really deserves better. She deserves a man who won't scream like a toddler when she accidentally breaks his boner during a handjob. Or won't cry a million tears when she beats his no-no with her 9-incher. Seriously, Jessica, get yourself a real bitch who can take it! When Khloe Kardashian's fake marriage blows up, Jessica should definitely give her a ring.