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Ryan Gosling needs less Urban Outfitters in his life - IDLYITW

Out of all the hos from a girl group, Prince Hot Ginge goes with a trick from The Saturdays? Couldn't he have gone with an Atomic Kitten or a Sugababe at least? - Lainey Gossip

Len Goodman now knows why the front row at DWTS smelled like desperation with vanilla undertones - The Superficial

RJ Berger likes peen - Towleroad

Spaz de la Huerta won't stop until you've seen ever inch of her labia - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Countdown to a Clint Eastwood and Dina Eastwood divorce, because nothing kills a marriage like a reality shit show - Celebitchy

It looks like Mimi squirted all over Evelyn Ocho Cinco's back - Hollywood Tuna

Miley Cyrus posing in front of the wooden fence she started chewing on three seconds after this picture was taken - Popoholic

This is why I break the zoom button on all my cameras - The Berry

Mr. Big got married - ICYDK

If that isn't a "Why the fuck did you name me Hawkins Crawford Romo" look, I don't know what is - Popsugar

EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAAA - The Daily What Gossip

Today's butt show brought to you by Charlie Hunnam - (NSFWish) OMG Blog

Is Blahna Del Taco's upper lip trying to escape? - Moe Jackson

Charlize Theron looks hot, part 3,208,763 - I'm Not Obsessed

Posh's anime wolf brows are not the look - Cityrag

Stop me if you've heard this before, but Alec Baldwin is threatening to quit the bitch that is NBC again - SOW

How many paid pieces does it take to get Xtina out of a car? - Hollywood Rag

For reference, this is what the hair and brows of former plus-size turned alien model Crystal Renn looked like in February:

I'm completely conflicted about Crystal Renn taking her brows from ebony to the exact shade of my cousin's mustache after she tried to lighten that shit with Sally Hansen bleach. On one hand, I sort of like that Crystal looks like one of the Children of the Damned competing in RuPaul's Drag Race. On the other hand, every one of Crystal's pictures makes my scalp itch. That mess looks like pain. It takes me back to the time my stupid 11-year-old self tried to go blond by soaking my hair in bleach. Yes, laundry bleach. It didn't do anything to my hair, it irritated my scalp and I smelled like a cum shot for a week. Some things never change, I know.

Here's more of Crystal with Zac Posen and Coco Rocha at a children's charity gala in NYC last night.

When you mix Twitter, no shame and Xanax powder cut with roach poison, you get the mess of words that Courtney Love spewed onto the Internet last night. Courtney and Dave Grohl have been scrappin' ever since Kurt Cobain died and she's long accused him of stealing her money, and last night she accused him of trying to hump on 19-year-old Frances Bean. Just when you think Courtney can't possibly out-crazy herself, the crazy bitch does it and then some. Do they make straitjacket covers for laptops, because if they do, Courtney's laptop needs one.

Tweeting under the name @Cbabymichelle, Courtney told her followers that she heard from a driver who drove Frances Bean and Dave Grohl to his house that he was all over her in the back of the car. Courtney then goes on and on and on, and reading her Tweets is like watching a hamster on meth repeatedly vomit while running on the wheel. Courtney protected her account, but Gawker got screen shots of the crazy and put it all in order so your brain doesn't completely melt while trying to make sense of this foolery:

Reliable source? Bitch, I'd hardly call the visions you see after smoking an Adderall pill out of your old crack pipe a "reliable source." Court is not only saying that Dave Grohl committed a WRONG by hitting on Kurt's daughter, but she's also saying that Dave is sexually obsessed with Kurt? Like since Dave Grohl can't rub his wet nipples all over Kurt, he's going to rub them all over Kurt's daughter? I throw myself onto Court's crazy train every time it pulls into my station, but bitch is going too far now. Especially when she said that Dave Grohl rode Kurt's coattails, when this insane ho burned her heels off from riding Kurt's coattails waterski-style.

The best part is that the @davegrohl Courtney kept Tweeting is some Germany student. The second best part is that Courtney didn't even know she set herself up when she Tweeted: "him i am about to shoot, dead." That'll bring her Nirvana victim count to a grand total of two.

Warner Bros. just released this Hi-Res really long (it's seriously the 12-inch-long pencil peen of promo pictures) picture of Anne Hathaway in full Julie Newmar as Catwoman drag and survey says: MEH-ow! Maybe Anne will prove me wrong when The Dark Knight Gets An Erection comes out whenever it comes out, but so far all these pictures have been bleak. I don't see Catwoman at all. I see a sorority sister at a Halloween party throwing her best "get the Q-Tip" look in the kitchen doorway before going to suck on a beer bong. This is like a picture your old high school friend posts on her Facebook page and you try to come up with something nice to say but the only thing you can type out is: Bitch, you TRIED it.

In the wise words of New York from Flavor of Love: BEEEE-YON-SAAAAAAAAAAY?!!!!!!

Just like the rapture, the unholy K Hell union of Kim Kardashian and Kanye Kardashian née West was a long time coming and Gay Fish has been patiently waiting for his turn at her urinal cakes ass. An inside source (government name: Pimp Mama Kris) tells UsWeekly that is on a Kuntrashian high and thinks that besides being the reigning emperor and empress of the Illuminati, he and Kim can also be the world's newest power couple. Kanye is telling friends that he's the Jay-Z to Kim's Beyonce. Will the Blue Fairy please make an appearance and turn Beyonce's Blue Ivy decoy doll into a real girl so she can slap the shit out for Kanye for thinking this? The source went on to say that Kanye has been chasing Kim for a while and he's hoping their relationship goes all the way:

"It's not a PR stunt. They're perfect for each other. He thinks she's his Beyonce! Now that Kim has gotten over the Kris drama . . . she sees how much Kanye loves her.

Kim and Kanye's relationship is so fake that if you turned it into liquid form and poured it into a syringe, Kim would inject it into her face without asking if it's FDA approved or not. There's really three hos involved in this completely staged relationship: Kim, Kanye and the one they love the most, ATTENTION! I swear, Pimp Mama Kris is an evil genius and will go down in history as Lucifer's greatest creation.

My full body boner for Anderson Cooper has slowly gone halfway limp ever since I started watching his talk show (see: getting topless for Snooki) and so I haven't been making your eyes roll by foaming at the fingers over him in post after post, but I'm taking a break from my break from the Silver Fox to bring you this clip of his latest giggle meltdown. Since above everything Andy Coo is a serious SERIOUS journalist, he reported on Dyngus Day during his CNN show last night and ho could not keep it together (at the 1:40 mark). It's like somebody was tickling him in the dyngus with a pussy willow. QUICK, somebody tell a CNN intern to steal that chair, because I'm sure Andy left a little unicorn butt nectar on that seat from giggling so damn hard.

And in the great precious-off of April 2012, who wins? A Silver Fox giggling fit or a junkie kitty nom nom nom-ing on catnip?

The answer is: The Silver Fox giggling his silver-leafed ass lips off while watching the junkie kitty get its catnip fix.

(Thanks to Melissa and everybody else who sent this in)

An EWWWWWW was heard all around the world a couple of weeks ago when Alicia Silverstone posted a short video on her blog of her doing some Planet Earth shit with her 11-month-old son Bear Blu. Some called her SUCIO and I was more concerned about how our future is becoming lazier and lazier. Children can't even strain their jaws by chewing their own damn food. In the future, robots will suck the caca out of our bodies so we won't have to waste any energy on pushing it out. (Actually, that sounds like a dream. Get on it, NASA!)

Anyway, Cher Horowitz was at a Q&A for her movie Vamps at BAM in Brooklyn over the weekend, and of course someone asked her about pureeing her son's food with her own mouth. Alicia chewed up her response and then spit this into everyone's ears:

“I wasn’t saying this was anything somebody should do. I wasn’t trying to be independent or cause such a ruckus. I’m very glad that I did it. People have been feeding their kids that way for thousands for years. It’s a weaning process. It’s just a thing that has been going on for thousands of years and I didn’t think I was inventing anything.

Honestly, when I posted the video I was not thinking, so maybe I was like Cher. I think it’s adorable and it makes me laugh every time he does it. Every time my husband [Christopher Jarecki] goes to the YMCA, some guy comes over and says, ‘That’s how we do it in the South.' Between him getting those great comments and me knowing in my gut it’s natural and lovely, I really wasn’t trying to tell anybody what to do.”

This makes me spit up chewed pieces of disappointment. Every time I'm in the South, nobody ever barfs creamed pancake into my mouth. Now I feel like I truly haven't tasted true Southern hospitality.

No, that video isn't adorable to me, but it would be hypocritical of me to be grossed out by this. I mean, I've put grosser things in my mouth and sometimes I had to chew it up myself! (Tip: Always ask your piece if they've just eaten corn before you get into anything. I won't go any further than that, but just make sure you ALWAYS ask.)

via ABC News

Number five on my bucket list is to type the phrase "Betty White's Twatter" at least once in my life and now I can check that box off, because Betty White has turned the Tweet birds into a choir of angels by officially joining Twitter last night. In just a few hours, our national treasure collected 105,043 followers, which is around 40 less than the notches on Blanche Devereaux's bedpost. Who cares if Betty only joined that shit to pimp her Werther's Originals Fun Time Hour Of Old People Pranks. Who cares if a young ass intern who thinks the Golden Girls was an E! reality show about a spray tan salon in Sherman Oaks is doing the typing for her. Who cares? I'll say the same shit I say when I show up to a Craigslist trick's apartment and quickly realize the picture he sent me was his head on Ryan Gosling's body: I'll take what I can get!

That being said, can Betty White please leave Gaycrest out of this? I just looked at pictures of a shovel-chinned Leno whore in lingerie and my head didn't barf my eyeballs out, so obviously I have a high-tolerance for dark-sided images, but I really didn't need to visualize Betty White and Ryan Gaycrest sharing the same slot. Not today.

Madonna is being assembled in preparation for her upcoming tour. - JMSTAHL

Runners-up:

You know your plastic surgeon is a quack when he uses rubber chickens for your thigh implants. - Bwhit19964

Warning : Steroids may cause knees to turn into Lindsay Lohan lips. - daisy100

With Lamar now out of work, Khloe starts strengthening her legs to carry the family. - WillDevil

via Break.com

Thomas Elliot! Don't look at me like I just asked you the middle name of one of your kids. Unlike that question, you know this! You know who Thomas Elliot is. Thomas is like the most famous man....at a mall....in Virginia...for like a couple of hours one day. Yes, THAT Thomas Elliot.

Taking STUNT QUEEN moves to social experimental levels, regular person Thomas Elliot and a few of his friends made a bunch of strangers at a Virginia mall believe that he was a famous movie actor who fought Spider Man in The Hunger Games, or something. One of Thomas' friends tipped the first domino by screaming something like, "OHMYGAW! It's Thomas Elliot! Can I get a pitcher with you?," and it didn't take long before people started asking him for his autograph without even knowing who in the hell he is. ("Lucky bitch." - Mischa Barton while sitting in the food court of a mall hoping that someone just caught a rerun of The OC on SOAPnet)

After a few minutes of this, screaming girls crowded him, a few people Tweeted about it and mall security had to step in. As far as I know, not one person stepped away from the sheep herd to find out this was a prank by simply Googling the name: THOMAS ELLIOT. (Although, I can't really judge these dumbasses. If I was there, I would've figured Thomas Elliot was the dude who invented English muffins.)

And somewhere, Pimp Mama Kris is cackling at this, because her daughter/main ho didn't even have to get off of her back to become world famous.

P.S. - This is also a great way to get laid, and a great way to steal babies.

via Reddit