Just like in the Travolta household (you can't convince me Kelly Preston birthed out that last one), in the seahorse world the dude is the one who does the birthing and does the birthing he does. If you haven't seen a seahorse giving birth, then you truly haven't witnessed the cum shot of all cum shots, but this cum shot has actual fully formed babies in it! Those seafoals just keep coming and coming and coming and coming.... Dude is a squirter and then some. Meanwhile, the lady seahorse is like, "Bitch, hurry the hell up so we can get it on again before I send you back to the kitchen to make me a sangwich!" That horny seaho isn't even waiting until the swelling on her dude's front butt has gone down. Seahorses don't mess around when it comes to sexin', birthin' and everything else.
via 22 Words
And here's Pimp Mama Kris' latest fame-getting scheme going for a not-at-all staged and completely unchoreographed strut through NYC today. Pimp Mama Kris should really stuff a bonus in Kim Karkrashian's whore jar for flashing a perfect "if this doesn't get the cover of Life & Style I'm going to sacrifice another kitten to my creator Lucifer" smile at just the right time. Pimp Mama Kris has those whores trained well. I was about to say that the only thing real in these pictures is that ice cream cone, but I'm sure it's made from the same plastic Kim's face is made of and was rented from a prop shop.
Organic beauty collided with natural glamour at the Rockit Masquerade Ball at XL in NYC last night when the world's first supermess Janice Dickinson touched her collagen-filled labia lips next to fully functional mannequin goddess Amanda Lepore. Janice Dickinson is this generation's Jane Russell and Amanda Lepore is this generation's Marilyn Monroe (sorry, LiLo) and so if you watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes through a crystal, these pictures are what you'll see. Or is if it you watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes while high on crystal, these pictures are what you'll see? I get confused.
The heat from the lights threatened to turn Janice and Mandy into one giant puddle of melted beef jerky, silicone, liquified porcelain, red rubber and candle wax, but they kept thrusting because the show must always go on.
If you want to know what a Jell-O mold looks like in heaven, get on this NSFWBWAYWAAPTFUGBLT (Not Safe For Work But Why Are You Working At A Place That Frowns Upon Glorious Beauty Like This) link to see Mandy's exquisitely sculpted chest domes.
The housekeeping department at The Standard Hotel no longer has to worry about wiping dirty bronzer skid marks from the toilet seats Lindsay Lohan does lines off of, because she has vowed to never ever terrorize that place again. LiLo made that decision, because she somehow magically keeps getting into bitch brawl after bitch brawl there. You know, because the place is the drunked up, cracked out mess, not her. TMZ says that LiLo is on the prowl for a new place to haunt and so every bar in L.A. should probably only use plastic glasses from now on. TMZ also said this shit:
We're told Lindsay is fully aware she's now a big fat target ... knowing full well there are people who want either quick publicity, some easy money or both -- but she vows not to become a shut-in out of fear.
As for Wednesday's drink-throwing debacle -- Lindsay admits she was at The Standard's nightclub Smoke and Mirrors ... but insists the other girl was the instigator.
What ever happened to LiLo promising to spend her nights knitting bible verses into pillow cases while sipping lukewarm lemon water from a mug? This dumb bitch. Trouble doesn't go looking for LiLo, LiLo goes looking for trouble. It's like if I go on Craigslist looking for peen and then clutch my pearls three hours later when I've suddenly got a dick in my ass. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! If LiLo wasn't dumber than a suppository, she'd monetize being a mess. She'd move back to the East Coast, join the cast of Mob Wives and get paid to scrap with hos in bars.
(Picture via Pacific Coast News)
Marcus Mumford from that British folk band Mumford & Sons married human Pixie stick Carey Mulligan in the English countryside today in front of a bunch of guests including former homewrecker hero Sienna Miller, Jakey Gyllenhaal and Colin Firth. That dizziness filling your head is your blood sugar levels rising from the word twee fucking you hard after reading that last sentence. I mean, Carey Mulligan and the dude from Mumford & Sons (or as Jezebel so perfectly puts it, "the Sith Michelle Williams and Jason Segel") barfing out their love for each other in a country wedding?
I bet their dancefloor is a field of wild flowers and they're dancing barefoot like a bunch of rich hippies as a dude wearing a tweed three-piece suit plays the harmonica while sitting in a tree. I can practically hear the laughs from blonde little girls in white cotton fairy princess dresses chasing fireflies around. I'm sure all their wedding pictures were taken with an accordion camera and Carey and Marcus will leave the wedding reception on a wooden wagon pulled by a pony with a flower wreath on its head. A British Knott's Berry Farm mess.
UsWeekly says that Marcus and Carey have been together a little over a year, but they knew each other as children. Marcus and Carey became pen pals through their churches. I know, they're just too much. From childhood church pen pals to getting married in a country wedding? I'm pretty sure I've already that story and I'm pretty sure it was written by the lady who wrote Anne of Green Gables.
(Image via Pacific Coast News)
Racquel Bailey, a 23-year-old aspiring actress from New Jersey who used her entire life savings of $1,500 to put her headshot and a special message for Tyler Perry on a billboard near his studio in Atlanta. I wasn't sure about this being a completely brilliant move until the word "YES!!!!" slapped me in the head after I asked myself, "Would Sean Young do this?" Seriously, if Sean Young will do it, then it's all kinds of right.
Racquel tells 11 Alive News (via CL Atlanta) that she rented ad space on a billboard two miles from Tyler Perry's studio hoping that Tyler (that's Miss Perry if you're nasty and he's wearing his Madea panties) will see it when he's driving to work.
"I hoped he would see it while he was driving to work, or on his way home from work, or that someone would see it!" she told 11Alive's Blayne Alexander via Skype
And it didn't come cheap; Bailey paid $1,500 for the billboard.
"My last money for the year!" she laughed.
Last money of the year? Somebody's gonna be surviving on ketchup packets from White Castle and garden hose water from a public building for the rest of the year. But that whole starving, weak "feed me Jesus" look will fit right into a Tyler Perry movie. And if that billboard hasn't convinced Tyler to cast her immediately, Racquel's demo reel will:
You know you're witnessing serious acting at work when the actor puts on one of those weird Madonna on Novocaine accents while reciting old timey English.
Tyler Perry so needs to take his tongue out of that honey bun it's in and cast Racquel Bailey in Madea Goes to Hell or whatever.
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