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Earlier I said that Carey Hart licked his finger and burned Katy Perry on Twitter last night when he said that she copied one of his wife's performances and his wife did it better. Well, forget I said that and while you're at it forget that you twisted your nipples this morning to these hot pictures of the sexual napalm that is Tan Mom (I know you did). Carey Hart didn't throw hate at Katy Perry for swinging around on a sex swing, but he did throw hate at Chris Brown's Billboard Music Awards performance last night. Carey says that Chris Brown took one of his wife's old performances, put it on one of the copiers at Kinko's and re-labeled it as "Turn Up The Music." Carey clarified his shit today on Twitter:

I love twitter! To clarify i was talkin trash bout CB performance, 2 years ago my wife had the same set and actually sang "Raise ur Glass"

Looks like someone else's fans got a bit wound up! Funny, that performance looked real familiar to.

And last night, Pink got into the Difficult Brown bashing too by hating on Chris Brown for moving his mouth to a recorded track instead of singing live.

one day if i lipsync, i hope i do it as well as him....

for the record; i luv me some Katy, so y'all can jump off that run away train, k? i stand behind, always have and always will, LIVE SINGING

NOW EVERYBODY GO HUG SOMEONE! i just did. :) have a fantastic day

I've never had a problem with lip-synching (coming from a bitch who has watched every episode of Puttin' on the Hits), but Chris Brown sucks at it. If Chris put as much effort into lip-synching as he puts into being a spoiled piece of throbbing shit, he'd be the Puttin' on the Hits champion. But when Chris lip-synchs, it looks like a dog trying to drink water out of a garden hose. Just moving his mouth hoping to catch one of the lyrics. So I say, keep fucking that chicken, Pink and Carey!

In related news, John Legend's fiancee Chrissy Teigen called Chris out on Twitter for lip-synching and Team Breezy attacked her hard. They said she needs to kill herself and said John Legend needs to leash his ho. It's impossible to take Team Breezy seriously when their name sounds like the name of a pro-queef group. Actually, they kind of are a pro-queef group.

You're probably thinking, "But what is IT?!" Please, like your slut ass is ever choosy. No, this isn't a still from the remake of G.I. Jane starring Madonna. This is DUI-getting, titty-boxing, "We have to go back to the island"-shouting Matthew Fox from Lost. Yeah, this Matthew Fox:

Matthew Fox put muscles on his muscles to play a cage-fighting crazed murderer in Alex Cross. If you dipped Matthew Fox in Tang smegma, he could also play Hulk Hogan's peen in a movie. If you stuffed Matthew's chest with two rubber medicine balls, A-Rod would totally chew that ass up. I swear, if one of Madge's roided-up arms yanked itself off her body and ran off to become an MMA fighter, it would look like Matthew Fox. I bet sucking on Matthew's shredded peen would be like trying to chew on a piece of gristle without your teeth on.

And to answer my question, no, I wouldn't hit it. Well, the bitch hits back and in the titty area, nonetheless.

It's like the Lollipop Guild version of Blade Runner! - Hollywood Tuna

Shia LaDouche won't let his curls be fully great (you know he uses Mo' Body Vitale) - Lainey Gossip

Shouldn't it be some kind of international law that every Bond trailer should have at least 10 seconds of Daniel Craig struttin' down the beach in a swim panties? - Celebitchy

No stunt double will ever beat JLo's gorgeous stunt double - The Berry

I'd rather watch Mrs. Krabappel and Patty get it on with their mouths - Towleroad

Princess Margaret from The Tudors is in a two piece - The Superficial

'Enry 'Iggins is not amused - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

"Oh, just like I did yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before, I walked to my car in front of the paparazzi but this time I wore a red dress instead!" said MiserAlba to Cash Warren when he asked what she did that day - Popoholic

Nick Stahl has finally put his ass in rehab - ICYDK

Only here for the mimosas - IDLYITW

Either Stepford Katie truly doesn't give a fuck or Scientology's trying to scare away her Thetans by throwing fugly clothes over them - Popsugar

This is EXACTLY what it looked like when Rojo Caliente fertilized one of her eggs - OMG Blog

Will Smith does the Fresh Prince song, manages not to slap a trick while doing so - The Daily What

Posh keeps Becks' forehead shiny so she can always see herself in it, right? - Just Jared

Cheryl Cole is meeeeeeeeeeelting into the red carpet - Moe Jackson

That pap in the back should be in the background of EVERY Kartrashian picture - I'm Not Obsessed

Pussies in baskets - Cityrag

Becks wants to star in the real-life remake of Ladybugs - Hollywood Rag

How many kinds of endangered species were butchered in the making of this disaster? - Crunk + Disorderly

Once in a blue waffle, Courtney Love leaves her pied-à-terre at the landfill not looking like dozens of seagulls pecked at her after she washed up on the shores of Jones Beach covered in seaweed sludge and oyster shells. Saturday night was one of those nights. The former first lady of the crackhouse showed up to the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center's "An Evening With Women" concert looking freshly bathed and with a fresh coat of candle wax on her skin. Courtney even wore a dress that didn't look like she ripped it off of a skeleton after digging up its grave with her bare hands. Yes, Courtney's dress was hanging on to her titties for dear life and at any moment could've dropped exposing her nipples to everyone, but it's not like we haven't seen that shit before and at least this time some random dude's mouth isn't sucking on them.

The world is a strange place when Ke$hit and C. Love are both looking good. If Lindsay Lohan shows up to an event not looking like shit smeared on death, then I know the end is near. Or that the health department is finally cracking down on these bitches.

Here's a few more pictures from Saturday night. In order: Court with Linda Perry, Asshole Simpson (who can stop thinking she's Twiggy now, thank you), Kat Von Douchebag, Linda Perry with Sara Gilbert and Roseanne!!!!

Since Jay-Z has said that he's all for me marrying an Anderson Cooper look-alike (I'm not picky), all kinds of hos are coming out for gay marriage including 50 Cent's ass. Most of us care about 50 Cent's thoughts on gay marriage as much as we care about Kim Kardashian's thoughts on ANYTHING, but let's hear what 50 told Vibe Magazine (via Pink News). As down low queens giggled in the darkness, 50 gave his 2 cents (so should we call him 48 Cent now?):

“I think everyone should be happy. I think a fool is going to go against same sex marriage at this point. Look how long it took him [Obama] to say he was for same sex marriages. You understand? I’m up for it. If everyone else is for it, then hey, to each his own. I don’t have personal feelings towards it because I’m not involved in that lifestyle. I want people to be happy. It makes for everything to be better.”

The "jumping the bandwagon" comment aside, this is actually a sort of nice comment coming from a pumped asshole filled with stuffed animal filling. But 50 Cent wouldn't be 50 Cent if he didn't represent hard for the douche majority, so he opened up his talk hole and dropped out this delusional-covered wet shit dingle:

“We need organizations for straight men. We do. We need organizations for straight men in the case you’ve been on the elevator and somebody decides they want to grab your little buns. Times are changing. Those organizations are set up for at one point they were being attacked for those choices. Now its completely different. Obviously [homosexuality] is more socially accepted.”

This dick-brained piece of stupid shit! We do have organizations like that. It's called THE FUCKING POLICE, you fart for brains fuck! 50 Cent needs to stop thinking through his ass and he needs to stop thinking bitches actually want to grab at his double dime cheeks. Raise your hand if you want to put your hands on 50 Cent's little buns? The only bitch raising her hand is Chelsea Handler and that's only because Grey Goose poo powers her brain and she can't be held responsible for her own actions.

The audience sitting in the first few rows at the Billboard Music Awards last night witnessed a dramatic mess of a show when Whitney Houston's sister-in-law and former manager, Pat Houston, caused a scene by trying to get security to psychically remove Ray-J's ass from his seat. Ray-J was seated near the Houston family including Bobbi Kristina, and Pat wasn't having any of that. TMZ says that Pat believes Ray-J was a shit influence on Whitney and wanted him far, far away from the Houston family. Just like Ray-J'z boomerang dick when it gets caught on a cervix, he was not pulling out easily. Ray-J refused to move.

Just a quick minute before the Whitney Houston tribute started, Pat waved at security to move Ray-J. When Ray-J refused to move, Pat got a few uniformed officers involved and told them to use their arms to put Ray-J up out of his seat. Security and the officers told Pat that if they put their hands on Ray-J, it could explode into a huge scene and the cameras would catch all of it. So Pat let it go and Ray-J stayed in his seat.

I haven't heard much about Pat Houston, but from what I have heard it sounds like bitch could out-leach Ray-J any day of the week. I don't like Ray-J, because his piss stream christened the S.S. Kardashian Fame Whore Ship and he always wears sunglasses at night like he's someone (see him with Sophie Monk below), but trying to evict him from his seat is just stupid. It's the Billboard Music Awards! It's not that serious. The only reason to pull Ray-J off his seat is if seat filler extraordinaire Phoebe Price needed one.

Pat was probably just worried that Ray-J's dumb ass would get more camera time than her. But don't worry, Pat made sure that wasn't going to happen by escorting Bobbi Kristina up on stage to accept her mother's award.

If anybody should be up there with Bobbi Kristina, it should be Cousin Dionne! But maybe Cousin Dionne was outside, slathering Vaseline on her face while waiting to jump Ray-J.

Dressed like a nurse practitioner in a porn movie, Miley Cyrus went to the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas last night and made it perfectly clear that her chipmunk chichis can't be tamed. While I appreciate it when a ho leaves her shirt and pants at home, Miley can't pull off the "70s cougar at a swingers party" look. That big mop on her big head looks like a cross between The Rachel on paint fumes and Barbarella. The under titty chain does give off an elegant "dripping with class" vibe, but it's still not enough to save any of this. Bitch looks like Bugs Bunny's inbred second cousin in drag as Jane Fonda. Leave the "blazer with no top" look to Amanda Woodward, Miley!

If you really wanted to spend your Monday afternoon rinsing your retinas out with sequined fugness, skip through all the pictures of bitches looking a mess last night. In order: Dr. Slow Bunny McTitChain, the bain of Siri's existence, Nelly Furtado, Wiz Khalifa with Amber Rose, Brandy (giving us Muppet Diana Ross), Alicia Keys with Swizz Beak, Usher, Lisa Marie Presley with lesbian Tom Petty, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwears with her husband, Robin Thicke (who must have sores on his pits), Natasha Bedingfield, that Call Me Maybe girl and The Lesbeaver.

I didn't watch the Billboard Music Awards last night, because I try to keep my holy Sundays Bieber and Chris Brown-free. And because I was too busy watching (CELEBRITY APPRENTICE SPOILER ALERT, AVERT EYES NOW) Clay Gayken get robbed on Donald Trump's Double Hour of Has-Been Foolery. Jabba the Trump is not only the asshole of all assholes, but he's a total Clay-ophobe too. When Arsenio was named as the winner, I immediately gained 100 pounds, slipped on a pair of mom jeans (paired with a "Clay Shakes My Ovaries" t-shirt made with Puffy Paint) and knocked the 50 fat cats from my lap to take to the Claymate message boards on Yahoo! to declare my outrage over that shit while sharing recipes for the perfect creamed cake stew to drown my feelings with. I became an instant Claymate! Don't worry, I exorcised the Claymate out of me by not spooning with my homemade Gayken doll during the night. I'm good now.

Anyway, so last night I didn't watch Katy Perry sing her new song "Wide Awake" on a set made from leftover pieces and projections from Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight" video. But Pink and her husband Carey Hart watched it and he accused Katy of copy + pasting his wife's Grammys performance. When I watched Katy awkwardly swing around up there while trying to sing, I didn't see Pink's performance, but I did see shades of this:

At least Mary Johanson has an excuse for not walking around on the stage, but Katy Perry doesn't! I kept waiting for Denise Richards and a Jesus on wheels to dance across the stage in front of Katy. If only.

Here's Katy wearing Miss Yugoslavia 1984's pageant dress while posing with her grandma on the white carpet.

This actress – who worked much more several years ago than she does now – has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a “reflection of his image”.

But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn’t the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, “Do you realize how much you’re pissing him off when you do that?” She replied, “Absolutely!” and giggled. Sounds like it’s just her little way of reclaiming her life. (Blind Gossip)

Stepford Katie? But doesn't Stepford Katie ALWAYS look like haggard rolled in beat and dragged through tired? Katie always looks like she's been dead for 8 days and that's because Tommy Girl's Scientolohole sucks the life out of her through her mouth before he leaves for the Scientology glory hole every morning. The one I really feel for is Suri. Every day, Suri stands at the entrance of Stepford Katie's jail cell and holds up a couture Chanel dress she handpicked for the day and her mother shrugs it off because she wants to get back at Tommy Girl. Poor Suri has to be seen in public with a mom wearing J.Crew. What did Suri do to deserve that?!

This actress, wife, and mother is pushing hard to maintain her fake marriage. She hasn’t spoken to her own mother in years. However, after some recent unfavorable publicity, she called up some relatives and asked them to provide a positive comment to one of the tabloids in support of her family.

They all said “No.” They just weren’t willing to lie for her.

Desperate, the actor called her own mother, to whom she hadn’t spoken in years.

Grandma initially said “No.” Mom offered up a wad of cash. Grandma said “Not enough. I want something else, too.”

Turns out that Grandma wants another grandchild and access to all the grandchildren (up until now, her bad relationship with her daughter precluded her from seeing the grandkids). Mom agreed, mainly because she is desperate to to keep up the charade of a happy family, and having pics of the Grands and the Grandkids together would actually make for some good photo ops.

No, we don’t know how the actress’ husband feels about all this. He’s the biggest liar of all, so he can’t exactly take a moral stand here. Frankly, we don’t know whether the actress will even tell him about all this. Yes, she’s sneaky that way. (Blind Gossip)

Kelly Preston? And I've been waiting for another one of her "miracle" babies to pop up.

This overweight comedian is tired of being the third wheel to his charming costar and his girlfriend. He hangs out with the couple constantly, and covers for his actor friend when the actor is cheating on his girlfriend. However, the comedian has found himself in love with his costar’s girlfriend and is building up the courage to tell her. (BuzzFoto)

Jonah Hill, Brad Pitt and Angie Jo?
Zach Galivkakajilajkaljkwhatever, Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde?

Please let it be Jonah Hill and Angie Jo....

Lindsay prefers to harvest her own lip implants. - Caramel

Runners-up:

Woody and Soon-Yi lovingly embrace in a new ad campaign for PETA. - bigorexia

John Travolta has another lawsuit on his hands after his visit to Sea World. Unfortunately he didn't realize they had surveillance cameras. - jackie

Supermarket sushi seen through a microscope. - oh dave

Met on EEL-HARMONY.COM - fleawatch

via Picture is Unrelated