Here Comes The Bri..... Wait, Who's That Bitch?
If you're a soon-to-be bride who dreams of the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with lifting your veil at the altar before shouting "HARPO, WHO DIS WOMAN?", then this is the show that was tailor-made just for you! The Hollywood Reporter says that E! has swallowed a giant shot of The Swan, chased it with a bottle full of Bridezilla and barfed out a new show called Bridalplasty. America, pat yourself on the devil horns, because you've done it again!
Here's the description for this mess which sounds like a bridal shower co-hosted by Jocelyn Wildenstein and Heidi Montag:
Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her "wish list." She's given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week's episode.One by one, the women are voted out by their competitors and, according to the show's description, "possibly walking away with nothing and losing [their] chance to be the perfect bride."
The last bride standing will receive a "dream wedding," where she will reveal her new appearance to friends, family and the groom. "Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery," E! said.
Celebrity surgeon Terry Dubrow (Fox's infamous "The Swan") will lend his expertise to the procedures, and celebrity bride Shanna Moakler (wife of Blink-182's Travis Barker) will host.
Giuliana Rancic executive produces the show, as do Mark Cronin and Cris Abrego of 51 Minds, the company behind VH1's "The Surreal Life" and "Rock of Love" franchises.
HAHAHAHAHA! You know at the end of every episode of The Swan when homegirl breaks down into tears of happiness because her low self-esteem has finally been buried by a mound of silicone, collagen and other non-biodegradable materials? Well, it's going to be like that except the tears are going to come from the groom and they won't be tears of happiness. The groom is going to eat his own eyes, because the woman he has fallen in love with now looks like a Julie Masking impersonator.
I really can't wait. I feel like I've already caught the bouquet (made out of the bride's old face).
Submitted by Chris Eccleston... on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 11:02am.
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You can make Crunchies at home! So easy and then, if you have to, pour some melted chocolate over it. Well, as long as you don't use Hershey ;)
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"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 6:07pm.
Submitted by WindSwept on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 4:52pm.
This is fucking sad and depressing. Plastic women are becoming the norm now. WTF is wrong with society.
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On the bright side, it's like a huge fuckin' freakshow for the rest of us...*pops popcorn*...
And huge boobs doesn't always bring happiness...just look at Heidi Montag...I have...more than once...*grabs box of Goobers*
I thought these types of shows would slowly die in the massive recession we're in, but clearly that's not the case...if anything, they seem to be getting more popular! The ho's on this show are probably the same type of morons who triple-leveraged their McMansions and maxed out their 20 credit cards on tacky furniture, SUVs and Aspen vacations, who then expect the taxpayers who live within their means to bail 'em out. I'm sure there are some genuinely rich people on this show having bonanza weddings, but I bet the majority--if the network weren't paying for it--would be going into deep debt for their five-hour extravaganza.
And then, of course, the marriage will only last like...one year.
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"Leavin', on a southern train
Only yesterday, you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watch the time go by
All of these things you said to me"
Submitted by WindSwept on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 4:52pm.
This is fucking sad and depressing. Plastic women are becoming the norm now. WTF is wrong with society.
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On the bright side, it's like a huge fuckin' freakshow for the rest of us...*pops popcorn*...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
This is fucking sad and depressing. Plastic women are becoming the norm now. WTF is wrong with society.
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:27am.
The Swan was disgusting but strangely hypnotic too. I think E! used to show marathons of that shit. The voice-over announcer on the show was the most condescending person in the world, and he'd always have cunty remarks about the people who were getting plastic surgery.
---Omg I LOVED the writers on that show. I would watch it for that alone-the comedy was endless, and matched with clips of clueless people? Priceless
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You never know when a pap is going to take your picture. And you never know when a blogger wearing stained sweat shorts is going to post said picture.
-MK
"Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons."
You know it's going to get ugly.
I can just see these gals attempting to strangle each other with floral wire in the centerpiece making competition.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Just an ordinary girl who likes to cook and sew.
And then their husbands will cheat on them, which will lead to another reality show. Fuck marriage-these whores will become true career women!
WTHELL makes them think their husbands will be happy marrying an approximation of them? A slight change to the nose can change the whole face, and some dudes have issues when their gfs/wives get implants. And you know they'll do more changes than that for the sake of entertainment.
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You never know when a pap is going to take your picture. And you never know when a blogger wearing stained sweat shorts is going to post said picture.
-MK
This sounds terrible. If they're not happy with themselves, how can they be happy with anyone else? I feel sorry for those men. But then again their self esteem can't be all that great either if they asked some vacuous, shallow woman to marry them.
But isn't the man marrying them because they love their brides just the way they are? Ugh, they would make a show about throwing babies off of a bridge nowadays.
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Submitted by OurMissC on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:25am.
The Swan was my guilty pleasure. I miss that show.
Me too. I was just talking about it the other day. I will so be watching this trainwreck.
imma get my partner to marry me now just so i can get that lipo, orthodontia & hair removal i've always wanted. i mean, shit, if they're going to exploit us fugly people, then why not?
i wonder if they'll do it for civil unions?
*HORRIFIED*
*SPEECHLESS*
*VERY VERY ANGRY*
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Have an open mind - but not so open that your brain falls out.
Choice of consolation prize for the losers:
1.Lobotomy
2. Bag over head- Paper or Plastic?
MK, every time you bring out "Harpo, who dis woman?," I laugh so loud my dogs are scared.
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"When I look at these pictures, I don't hear music, I hear the creaky sound of the Four Horsemen's stable door slowly opening ..."
this is beyond sad.
Submitted by onthefringe on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:15am.Mental/Spiritual illness put on display for entertainment. Yup, that's America these days.
Couldn't have said it better. Well I'd say put on display for entertainment and profit. Really this concept is sick. I know it makes me sound all Moral Majority, but I kind of want to campaign to stop it from happening.
That Guiliana woman is a freakshow in and of herself.
I know you whorz were talkin' yesterday about being sick of the teen mom shows and shit, but I gotta say, I'm really, really worn out by all the bridal shows. It seems so fucking stupid, that in this economy/day and age, where our poverty rate is the highest it has been since the 60's, we have shows celebrating the ridiculous spending of money on bullshit that will more than likely end in divorce (plus, the brides usually look like fug trashy clowns on the shows). Kind of makes me ill. America pat your devil horns indeed.
"I've had spots on my butt forever - it's a leopard booty."-Chippy D
Of course Giuliana Rancic is the producer of this garbage. Ugh.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
The show isn't rewarding the women on it. The willing participants did not come up with the concept of the show. I'd say the 'contestants' are rewarding the creators and everyone else working on this show by appearing on it and making them tons of cash while they get ridiculed and mocked by an audience, rightly so?
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 11:37am.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 11:01am.
Those "challenges"...I don't even know what to say. I mean how 'difficult' is writing vows or planning a honeymoon, and how will they judge ? I feel sorry for alot of parents out there because girls/teens/young women(and no not all) are being raised to demand a "fabulous" (i.e. tacky) over-the-top wedding that costs hundreds of thousands and all the while they will prance around like the "diva" or "princess" they are.
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I tend to blame the parents for a lot of that "Daddy's Little Princess/ You are so special" kind of stuff. I'm not sure how else children could learn that kind of thing (unless they're watching The Bachelor from birth nowadays).
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Not to mention that the connotation behind "princess" is that it is desirable for a woman to be pretty, but passive. Meanwhile young boys are encouraged to be "champs".
There's also the boggling fact that some people think that little girls being raised as entitled "divas" is acceptable. When your little "divas" hit their teens you'll reap what you sow, I guess.
What is that? A show that rewards women behaving as shrill infantile stereotypes with the privilege of becoming a male's blow-up doll fantasy? Why, I don't see why some people might consider this an asinine idea. Nop, nothing wrong with it at all.
I always called my little princessa 'bunny' or 'puppy' and she was like:
"Mommy! call me something nice!"
ok, what?
she rooted around in her sweet little brain and came up with the best thing she could think of:
"Cupcake"
"hoo boy its gonna be one of those "walking around with precome stains on my underwear" days...." Sucky the Sage
Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 11:01am.
Those "challenges"...I don't even know what to say. I mean how 'difficult' is writing vows or planning a honeymoon, and how will they judge ? I feel sorry for alot of parents out there because girls/teens/young women(and no not all) are being raised to demand a "fabulous" (i.e. tacky) over-the-top wedding that costs hundreds of thousands and all the while they will prance around like the "diva" or "princess" they are.
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I tend to blame the parents for a lot of that "Daddy's Little Princess/ You are so special" kind of stuff. I'm not sure how else children could learn that kind of thing (unless they're watching The Bachelor from birth nowadays).
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Yeah, and it's teh gheys who get the blame for ruining the "sanctity" of marriage.
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Is this real life? Why is this happening to me? Is this gonna be forever?
This is fucking disgusting on so many levels.
☻•☻•☻•☻•☻•☻•☻•☻•☻
It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!
I want to simultaneously laugh out loud and cry at the same time. This is where western civilization has brought us.
at the wedding, when the groom sees the face-
they need Heidi Klum to tell the bitches-You're OUT!!!!!! with that self-satisfied SMIRK of hers.
then it will be a party!
"hoo boy its gonna be one of those "walking around with precome stains on my underwear" days...." Sucky the Sage
That's it, god damn it!! I want my own TV show. Watch me watch TV, surf the net and go to work. Oh, and the excitement really starts when I feed my two cats and my corgi!!
WHOA! In retrospect, "The Swan" is practically "60 Minutes". Wake me up when there's a show about grooms planning to do anything but show up at the church.
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
You know what could make this already great show even greater?
If, when the groom lifts her veil, he discovers that she's been turned into...a MAN!!!
I can't even imagine.
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"Leavin', on a southern train
Only yesterday, you lied
Promises of what I seemed to be
Only watch the time go by
All of these things you said to me"
Shanna Moakler …HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHA that hoar is a cosmic joke
sounds like a wreck! the world is full of crazy
Coma Caca!
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Chris Eccleston...me too! I have a friend who brings me some everytime she goes home!!
NOMNOMNOM!!!
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►I'm a free bitch, baby◄
"Give me a red velvet with a heaping sprinkling of FUCK on top!" MK
Ahem....I was frickin gorgeous on my wedding day, it was the groom that needed the damn plastic surgery. I'm making him pay for our kid's braces and acne medicine because the f-ed up teeth and bad skin are from HIM not me!!
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
M.E.
I totally agree... sad that nobody seems to care about the inside of these women, it's all about the money.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
This is going to be bad...real bad...like Heidi Montag bad.
"No One Makes Me Bleed My Own Blood!"
Submitted by carefreea on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:58am.
OMFG! Your avatar is killing me! I LOVE Crunchie bars! I haven't had one in six years!!!
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Those "challenges"...I don't even know what to say. I mean how 'difficult' is writing vows or planning a honeymoon, and how will they judge ? I feel sorry for alot of parents out there because girls/teens/young women(and no not all) are being raised to demand a "fabulous" (i.e. tacky) over-the-top wedding that costs hundreds of thousands and all the while they will prance around like the "diva" or "princess" they are.
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and I was helping children in Morocco, it wasn't like a vacation...
Submitted by jalynne on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:44am.
Plastic butchery is more like it. They need to open up mental institutions again for these people. Oh, and these people too ---> http://www.camoformal.com/
I...I...I don't even know what to say about that website. Even though I haven't been home in seven years, I am proud to say I don't know anybody that would wear those monstrosities.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
Good lord, I really hope they don't bring this over here, once it's a smash success Stateside. ********
"In other news, the University of Color Me Surprised released a report today which states that water is indeed wet. Mind. Boggled" - Michael K, who else?
Hoff - I think women should have a full mental evaluation prior to going under the knife.
But if that happened 90% of plastic surgeons would go broke.
They should get the surgeon from The Human Centipede to do the procedures. He can take all of the contestants and turn them into a bride-ipede. The groom who agrees to marry THAT gets like... $10 thousand dollars or something.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by M.E.: "And how the FUCK do women THAT insecure find men to marry them in the first place?"
You've already been given a number of good answers, but something else to consider is that there are just as many horribly insecure men as there are women. Men just tend to express it in different ways.
end of days.use to be if your self-esteem issues were that bad, you went to therapy and worked them out.
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'Rourke
My stomach just turned, for real. I thought The Swan was bad enough, but this is some bullshit!
I hate long-ass signatures.
Hekki, that is sad.
jack-n-the-hat's picture
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:43am.
"Make my ugly bitch-of-a-"bride" purty"
Gotta be fucking hillbilly ass rednecks on this show... JUST SAYIN.
*plays banjo while my bride to be BLOWS ME*
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*wanders in wearing overalls two sizes too big and a jug-o-hooch* I'll bring the abandoned tires just laying all over the trailer home in case they need extra rubber for your hun's big ass blow me lips bridalplasty.
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"Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." - Carl Sagan
M.E. Yup. My sister went out with a guy for TWELVE YEARS and mostly stayed with him that long because he claimed to have bought an engagement ring for her, but wasn't going to propose until she stopped acting "psycho".
Although he didn't marry her. He married the ho he impregnated four months after their final break-up.
I've seen this dynamic close up. (In all fairness, my sister wouldn't have plastic sugery,but she is insecure even though she is totally gorgeous.)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 09/16/2010 - 10:45am.
Submitted by M.E.: "And how the FUCK do women THAT insecure find men to marry them in the first place?"
easy to spot yes... walk in to a bar and tell a woman she is fat... if she slaps you, move on, not insecure enough... if she starts crying, ask her "whatchoo drinkin"?
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You fucking man whore.
Now, remind me how that ends up the next morning?
*whispers STALKER in yer good ear*