Giada De Laurentiis Is The Perfect Wife
Looking like a wonk-eyed Tweetie Bird with a weave on, Giada De Laurentiis is on the cover of February's Redbook and inside she talks about the rumor that she spread her homemade pesto all over John Mayer's dicKKK and how she'll always be the perfect June Cleaver for her husband so his peen never wanders into the pussy of another. Since Giada is a TV star who makes millions of dollars, she puts on the apron when she gets home and makes sure to polish her husband's royal balls while polishing his shoes at the same time. And you wimmins out there better do the same! From HuffPo:
On the John Mayer rumor: "The John Mayer incident was completely unexpected. I was shocked. And not so much for me, but for my husband and family. . . Todd was embarassed that his family in Michigan would see it and think, What is going on over there in Hollywood?... What made it all even more surprising is that I haven't had any contact with John Mayer in three years. You know how you'll briefly get introduced to somebody? Maybe we chatted for five minutes, but I wouldn't consider that intimate.... I think the only things that could have possibly have tied us together is that we were at the same hotel that weekend in question--which, by the way, my husband was with me there as well."On how she's into traditional husband and wife roles: "I think it can be hard for any man to sometimes be upstaged by his wife. So when I'm home, I work very hard to be Todd's wife and Jade's mother. I have no problem going back to those traditional roles. I try to be Giada, the young girl that he met 20 years ago and fell in love with. All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship, and I think if women don't indulge that sometimes, their men are likely to stray and look for someone who can give that to them."
I can't fuck with Giada's cooking show since her pronunciation of Italian recipes makes my ears wrinkle like the pepperoncinis in Olive Garden's bottomless salad. Mmmmm Olive Garden.
There's a few rumors and blind items about Giada's ho shit ways, so this is probably just her trying to keep the fresco of her as a perfect wife intact. If the blind items are true, then that fresco of Giada flashing her three rows of teeth while serving a pie don't show her side piece licking on her buns down below. Well played, Giada (not really).
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:00pm.
One day I was watching her show and she made a picnic to bring to her husband at work. She was trying to make it seem all romantic and he looked like miserable, like "Bitch, just let me get back to work!"
OMG I saw that.. I was kind of embarrased for her. He looked so annoyed... that was so not romantic .. ouch...
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:16pm.
What in the long-torsoed fuck is wrong with her mid-section?
I was thinking the same thing...she's either really tall or has the dreaded long torso/short legs body type. whoever approved that photo should lose his/her job. a 3/4 profile would have hidden all that...including the pooch that although all women have, no women want emphasized on the cover of a national magazine. :P
Oh Giada, that dress big no no.
Yea okay sure.
Her grandfather was Dino De Laurentiis, who famously told a young Jodie Foster to "take off [her] jacket and turn around" as her audition for The Blue Lagoon. Maybe the whole woman-as-man's slave-philosophy was ingrained in her father and then to her.
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Silly rabbit.
All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship, and I think if women don't indulge that sometimes, their men are likely to stray and look for someone who can give that to them."
I couldn't agree more...awaits washing of my Royal Balls.
What in the long-torsoed fuck is wrong with her mid-section?
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Fucking sexist cunt. So I guess women don't have the right to be treated as the queens of the relationship, just the MAIDS of it. I suppose it's pretty easy to pretend you're the perfect wife when you can always fuck the poolboy and god knows who else to unwind from all the pressure. And yeah, while my gaydar does leave much to be desired, my SLUTDAR is always pitch perfect, and it beeps like there's no tomorrow whenever I see this bitch!
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"Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer."
my husband does the cooking AND he doesn't cheat on me but then again he didn't marry me for my cooking.
*dons hula hoop*
*swish swish*
That photo does not flatter her figure.
The headline "Bedbug Nation" right next to her ass is priceless!
She probably picked a few bedbugs when she was doing John Mayer.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
She's the perfect example of a "skinny-fat" woman. Skinny, yes, but flabby as hell and not at all with an enviable figure.
Her recipes suck, and the way she tries to pronounce every fucking ingredient with an Italian accent make me want to puke.
Wow, that's a really unflattering angle. I wonder who chose that picture for the cover... haha
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I'm not a slut, I'm sexually liberated. There's a difference.
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Submitted by Echo27:"...How dare she make it seem that infidelity is caused by wives who don't do (insert task) enough. Infidelity is caused by cheating assholes looking for pussy and/or dick away from home. "
THANK YOU!!!
There was an Oprah show about cheating husbands where basically Oprah was shaking her finger at her audience,telling them to cater to their man, do this, do that, etc.
I was so angry, I was shouting at the TV.
Submitted by Centaurious on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:21pm.
Submitted by Datura on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:47pm.
...
By the way, what's with all the sluttiness on the Food Network. The women act like their one second from rubbing risotto all over themselves and getting freaky. Nigella loooves the sensual feeeeeel of kneading....the dough while Rachael Ray slathers on the EVOO (that's extra virgin olive oil) like we haven't heard her say it every show. Don't get me started on Paula Dean. I know what she's doing with all that lard. Emeril and Alton Brown would not approve. BAM!!!
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Hahahaha! It's totally true. The women on that channel must be encouraged to let their inner freak nasty hoes loose when they're cooking.
I was passively watching Food Network this weekend, and this one lady (I don't know her name. She's got spikey bleached blonde hair), was talking about adding some lemon zest to "sex up" her roast. I'm like "KEEP YOUR PANTS ON! IT'S A BLOODY ROAST!"
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Well, all I can say is that Nigella stole someone's husband, Rachel Ray's hubby likes getting spit on, Giada may have fucked John Mayer, and Paula Deen....well, I'm sure she wants to do stuff, bad.
But it might mess up her wig.
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Don't forget Bobby Flay cheated with January Jones. She called him FIRST after she got tipsy and hit somebody's car. He claimed he'd just met her that night. Sooooo, why'd she have your number and why'd she call you FIRST out of all the people on earth? Riddle me that, Bobby you whore!
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
I don't think Giada-head sets women back. It never occured to me to believe anything the slutty mcslutty pants said.
*chanting as always*
Oh, ffs, how obvious can this be. Just stamp "CAUTION: DAMAGE CONTROL AT WORK" across the cover and be done with it already.
She looks gassy.
I'll probably get flamed, but I love this bitch.
Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:47pm.
We know how John Mayer rolls so she just needs to sit down and think about her hoein' self.
By the way, what's with all the sluttiness on the Food Network. The women act like their one second from rubbing risotto all over themselves and getting freaky. Nigella loooves the sensual feeeeeel of kneading....the dough while Rachael Ray slathers on the EVOO (that's extra virgin olive oil) like we haven't heard her say it every show. Don't get me started on Paula Dean. I know what she's doing with all that lard. Emeril and Alton Brown would not approve. BAM!!!
food and sex go hand in hand, dear. why do you think that people who don't get any eat so much?
HA Uvy-
mine says (only sometimes sarcastically)
"it's all about you honey"
I try not to take advantage, because I have issues (allergies, etc) that make me a pain in the ass without trying. LOL
And he's a saint about it.
*chanting as always*
Thanks for setting woman back 50 years you fucking cunt.
Sincerely, an angry feminist
BTW, i think that in relationships each person should treat the other like royalty, and if a mans gonna cheat then hes gonna cheat. Simple as that. Doesnt matter how much you blow them or make them sammiches
"The legendary Antoine Dodson took to the stage looking like if Mushu from Mulan joined a TLC cover group as Chilli"-MK
for me, relationships should be easy. If it gets too difficult, it's time to GTFO. But that's just my opinion on the matter.
My years of watching the Food Network have NOT paid off. I'm a horrible cook, which, according to my mother, is why I'm 27 and single. Gotta love her.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Thanks for setting woman back 50 years your fucking cunt.
Sincerely, an angry feminist
BTW, i think that in relationships each person should treat the other like royalty, and if a mans gonna cheat then hes gonna cheat. Simple as that. Doesnt matter how much you blow them or make them sammiches
"The legendary Antoine Dodson took to the stage looking like if Mushu from Mulan joined a TLC cover group as Chilli"-MK
Mmmmmhhhmmmm...ok Giada.
The cynic in me is expecting this to blow up in her face any day now.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Vern- AMEN!
My husband's mantra is "a happy wife is a happy life" and I do try my hardest to not take advantage of that by being awesome.
Hearing Giada say all that shit after rumors of cheating makes me wanna roll my eyes is all.
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Although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best with a "fuck you". - Cee-lo Green
The only cheating I'd like to accuse her of is with me.
Most people have a space between their upper lip and nose. If she has one that beak totally obscures it.
Well said, Echo27 and Kerfuffles and Vern and Hekki "...I also don't see the harm in treating your man like a king if he is treating you like a queen".
I'd like to know why her titties aren't front and center on this cover? She always has those things hanging out. Thisbitchtriestoohard.
Submitted by putsomestankonit on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 3:11pm.
She's an idiot, I personally think her husband is gay. Everytime I see him on her show he doesn't seem that happy to see her and just gives off the gay.
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Gives off the gay! LMAO!!
As for Giada, whatever you gotta tell yourself to look in the mirror, honeyskank.
Submitted by Datura on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:47pm.
...
By the way, what's with all the sluttiness on the Food Network. The women act like their one second from rubbing risotto all over themselves and getting freaky. Nigella loooves the sensual feeeeeel of kneading....the dough while Rachael Ray slathers on the EVOO (that's extra virgin olive oil) like we haven't heard her say it every show. Don't get me started on Paula Dean. I know what she's doing with all that lard. Emeril and Alton Brown would not approve. BAM!!!
-----------------------------------------
Hahahaha! It's totally true. The women on that channel must be encouraged to let their inner freak nasty hoes loose when they're cooking.
I was passively watching Food Network this weekend, and this one lady (I don't know her name. She's got spikey bleached blonde hair), was talking about adding some lemon zest to "sex up" her roast. I'm like "KEEP YOUR PANTS ON! IT'S A BLOODY ROAST!"
______________________________
Well, all I can say is that Nigella stole someone's husband, Rachel Ray's hubby likes getting spit on, Giada may have fucked John Mayer, and Paula Deen....well, I'm sure she wants to do stuff, bad.
But it might mess up her wig.
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Marjorie Ingall
Who is this bobble-headed twit?
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"God only gives you one balloonknot, be nice to it." - Raul Duke
Why would you even marry someone if you didn't want to treat each other well????
I spoil my husband, but I'm still the princess!!
*chanting as always*
You know, I never say this shit, but I hope Todd cheats on her ass. How dare she make it seem that infidelity is caused by wives who don't do (insert task) enough. Infidelity is caused by cheating assholes looking for pussy and/or dick away from home. Sure, sometimes a person is neglected in a relationship, but it is that person's job as an adult to speak to their partner about it. Maybe get some counseling? It's not an excuse for infidelity. The people I know who have been cheated on were wonderful husbands and wives. They were just married to selfish jerkoffs.
I hate her face, she's got an ugly old lady face like Julia Roberts.
"I think it can be hard for any man to sometimes be upstaged by his wife."
FUCK THAT. Any piece of shit who is threatened by the wife's success is just a moron stuck in the 50s who thinks the "little wife" should be subservient. Drop him, don't cook for them.
Also, so classy that she blames male infidelity on the wives not being Stepford enough, isn't it? I would looove if her husband was caught in a gay barebacking orgy or something family-friendly like that. Thanks for pissing me off Giada.
HATE her and her stupid smile and stupid show. she is so fake.
I dunno, I think if a guy is gonna cheat then he's gonna cheat, and no amount of ass-kissing or crown-polishing will make a bit of difference. I have never once seen a guy say "well my wife makes an awesome risotto AND does the dishes afterwards so maybe I wont fuck on this hot willing slut over here...."
And throw me in the camp that she and mater totally did it.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
She needs to quit giving mayer publicity.
She's an idiot, I personally think her husband is gay. Everytime I see him on her show he doesn't seem that happy to see her and just gives off the gay.
There is nothing wrong with being traditional and treating your boyfriend/husband well. That said, that doesn't mean it will keep your man from straying. Lord what a stupid bitch.
She looks like she is constipated & sneaking a fart out.
I try so hard to hate on Giada, but I can't. She's pretty, rich, can cook, AND a ho. I can't hate.
She needs this good phoney publicity though.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
One day I was watching her show and she made a picnic to bring to her husband at work. She was trying to make it seem all romantic and he looked like miserable, like "Bitch, just let me get back to work!"
In retrospect, he reminded me of Russell from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She was twittering and cooing all around him, trying to be SuperWife and he was DONE with it.
Ahhh pumpkin head. I hate her with the brilliance of a millions burning Suns.
Submitted by spankypants on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:47pm.
...
By the way, what's with all the sluttiness on the Food Network. The women act like their one second from rubbing risotto all over themselves and getting freaky. Nigella loooves the sensual feeeeeel of kneading....the dough while Rachael Ray slathers on the EVOO (that's extra virgin olive oil) like we haven't heard her say it every show. Don't get me started on Paula Dean. I know what she's doing with all that lard. Emeril and Alton Brown would not approve. BAM!!!
-----------------------------------------
Hahahaha! It's totally true. The women on that channel must be encouraged to let their inner freak nasty hoes loose when they're cooking.
I was passively watching Food Network this weekend, and this one lady (I don't know her name. She's got spikey bleached blonde hair), was talking about adding some lemon zest to "sex up" her roast. I'm like "KEEP YOUR PANTS ON! IT'S A BLOODY ROAST!"
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by Centaurious:"...Whenever I see her I always think of those joke teeth that you wind up and send chattering across the table."
Oh my god, you totally nailed it! Odd, but apt.
I also agree with her philosophy. While I am a feminist, I also don't see the harm in treating your man like a king if he is treating you like a queen.
Who hasn't DONE Mayer. Goody two shoes just doesn't want to ruin her domestic goddess image.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Submitted by bitchette on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 2:49pm.
and no i do NOT think she looks pregnant, i think it just looks like she was not sucking in. that looks like a totally natural stomach on a thin woman. ladies stomach's are not naturally flat. although, they prolly should've photoshopped it bit
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It's true we are so used to fake photoshopped images or emaciated women whose stomach is sunken between the hip bones that we're not used a normal curvey lady.
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POOP (nourish the inner asshole)- MK
Couldn't they have photoshopped a flatter belly? It just looks strange with her tiny body and wierd head.