Aubrey O'Day

No, that's not Jenna Jameson. It took me a few eye blinks and head shakes to realize it was my favorite dirty puff ball Aubrey O'Day of Danity Kane licking who knows what off of that stripper pole. Although, I'm sure she's licked off worse.

These truly elegant photos of the always classy Aubrey are from Complex Magazine. They look like stills from an amateur tranny porn. Aubrey also had a very insightful interview with the magazine. They talked about everything from her best friend Jenna Jameson to doing sex while on the rag. Hot. Here's some quotes:

On being called a slut on blogs and in magazines:

If I have to be ridiculed and called a whore and the party animal and the dumb girl for the rest of my career, I’m OK with that. Because I love who I am. You’re going to have to interpret me however you’re going to interpret me.

On jacking off to one of Jenna Jameson's porn movies:

I watched her before she was my BFF, I don’t watch her anymore. I was actually masturbating one night to, like, Anal Sex Compilation #3 or whatever, and she was in it and I was like, “Oh no!” I had to turn it off. It was horrible.

On her love of porn:

I usually watch black guys doing white girls, that’s my little fetish, even though in real life race isn’t a factor for me. Really, I’m more turned on by watching the girls than the guys. I love someone who looks like they’re really into sex.

On ever starring in her own porn movie:

I wouldn’t. I’d like to keep my sex life personal. I’ve had sex on camera with my boyfriend for fun, though.

On sex while on your period:

Yeah. There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

Aubrey would totally suck a dick in a truck stop bathroom for a half bag of M&Ms, but that's why I adore her. She's a dirty skank who doesn't apologize.

It feels like it's the year of the slut. Sienna Miller is out there shamelessly flaunting her slutness and Megan Fox brushed off the fact that she grabbed her man's dick in public. It's an exciting year to be a dirty whore! We should all be proud of ourselves. The slut revolution is taking over. Hopefully, 2009 will be even sluttier.

Visit Complex to read more from Aubrey's interview and to see even more artstic photos of her. I'd wear a condom just in case.

Before we get into this non-story about Aubrey O'Day, I must comment on that poor poochie. This picture is fucking with the fragile parts of my very soul. Someone get Peta on the clam! That dog looks like a melting Firecracker Popsicle. It's holding on to her skank stick for dear life while trying to covers its private areas from the paps. I'll have my dog send Aubrey's pooch a care package of OxiClean, nail polish remover and puppy panties.

Now on to the non-story! Aubrey recently told OK! that she turned down a role in the new "90210" show in order to do "Hairspray" on Broadway. No, the role she turned down was not the female lead. It wasn't even the Jessica Walter part. Although, Aubrey can easily pull off playing a drunk senior citizen.

The important role was the girl who gets caught sucking Ethan's dick in the pilot episode! I'm sorry, but there's no way I would miss out from having "girl sucking dick in car" on my resume.

Aubrey probably turned down the role when she was told that she couldn't actually suck his dick.

UsWeekly has come out with their second annual list of the 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers. You know, because next to Vogue, UsWeekly is the go-to fashion bible. The list included Aubrey O'Day, Ty Ty Banks and that one frigid bitch from that one morning talk show.

Aubrey definitely belongs on that list. Nobody expertly mixes the styles of "cracked out disco dancer," "hooker with a penis" and "burnt up Palm Beach socialite" quite like Aubrey. She is a true fashion artiste.

I also agree with their choice of Ty Ty, because if I don't, she'll sic her tenhead on me. Hasselcrack shouldn't be on a "best" anything list.

The list also includes John Legend, Christian Siriano, Kelly Ripa, Gayle King, Sean Avery and Nina Garcia. Click here to see all the hos on the list.

Us completely fucked up by not mentioning one of the most stylish New Yorkers of all-time: ROJO CALIENTE!!!! This hot bitch makes an outfit from the clearance bin at Men's Warehouse look like a million dollars! She is a style icon. Just the other day I wore a pair of old pleated khaki shorts in her honor. And I can't believe I just admitted that I own a pair of pleated khaki shorts.

This is some National Geographic bullshit right here! Aubrey O'Day is a walking Planet Earth movie. It looks like a big meanie snake swallowed a beautiful tranny swan! And Aubrey is just standing there, letting it all happen. Well, she probably can't see anything since there's two fucking hood rat tarantulas sitting on her eyes.

Aubrey came out at the wrong fucking time. She would have fit right in during the mid-80s. Back then we didn't give a fuck that our pop stars looked like busted drag queens who would suck a small one for a couple of Tic Tacs.

With all that being said, she's my fashion icon. Here's Aubrey at the "Traitor" premiere in NYC wearing the outfit that will be seen on the "Fashion Police" section of every tabloid magazine from here to Zimbabwe.

This kiss between raggedy cotton ball Aubrey O'Day and socialtard Lydia Hearst is about as erotic as a blow job in a rest top bathroom. Trust me, there's nothing sexy about sucking dick in a rest stop bathroom. Especially because you're asking yourself if the rancid pee smell is coming from the peen you're blowing on or the puddle beneath your knee. Okay, that's kind of hot.

ANYWAY! These two dumb bitches were outside Butter in NYC last night when they decided to start kissing for the paps. Lydia looks like she's trying to hold in the vomit and Aubrey looks like she's thinking, "Does this fake lezzie kiss make my ass look fat?"

And no, they're not gayelles. They're just following trends. Wake me when Chicken Cutlets and the Empress of Lucite start sucking face. Swoooon....

Nothing hurts me more than seeing a pair of chichis in peril. Even chichis that were paid with a Mastercard, 2 Visas, a couple of travelers checks, a Quizno's punch card and a hand job. Aubrey O'Day needs to free those plastic sacks from their slut dress prison! Actually, I think her dress wants to be freed too. It's slowly sliding down her body hoping to make it to the door without her noticing. She wouldn't notice either, because she has enough layers of bronzer and fake tanner to keep her warm.

Here's Aubrey with D. Woods, Jaslene Gonzales and other chicken heads at the J'Adore magazine party the other night. Aubrey, W. Woods and Jaslene look like an ad for TrannySurprise.com (that link is VERY NSFW).

I shouldn't hate on Aubrey O'Day, because I have at least 200 pictures of myself in the same pose. Sluts can't help it. We see a poster of a dude and we just have to act the fool on it. Aubrey is taking it to a whole new level, because that picture of Donnie Klang is on the back of a van. She probably got frekay in the back of that van earlier in the evening. No shame. I'm really starting to fall in love this raggedy cotton ball.

I'm going to give her two claps for her amazing slut 'do. You see, it keeps the hands free. I'm sure she's storing condoms, KY, Binaca and some toothpaste in there. The toothpaste adds a little zing to normal blowjobs. It's her spécialité.

Here's raggedy cotton ball outside Spotlight in NYC and also at the FiFi Awards. T-R-A-M-P!!!