Crazy Baby Lady
This is a feud I can get behind! Although, I'm not going to get too close behind them or one of their vaginas may suck me in just so they can give birth to me all over again. Labor is a sport, apparently.
OctoCrazy has taken time out from whipping her BABIES!!! on the ho stroll to speak to Radar about Kate Gosselin's interview with Dr. Phil from February. In the interview, Kate made some comments that OctoCrazy did not appreciate and she's just getting to it now.... Hey, when the spotlight is on Kate, a famewhore's gotta do what a famewhore's gotta do to get it back.
OctoCrazy told Radar, "She needs to stop being so judgmental and stop pulling at straws for attention. My children are extremely healthy, strong and happy. Don't you have, like, a lot of issues in your life? A lot of marital problems?" Oh, Snap......? Maybe not.
This is battle of the IVF addicts! The winner gets a new uterus and 25 new embryos! I'm pretty sure Kate's rabid beaver hair could tear the hell out of OctoMommy's obese trout lips, but I wouldn't bet all of my Mother's Cookies on it. OctoMommy looks like she will boil your pet bunny if she has to. She has the eyes of a lunatic who has seen the inside of a padded van at least a dozen times. And OctoCrazy could strangle Kate with her excess skin. Hmm. Get a whiff of the crazy below and judge for yourself.
And here's OctoCrazy's nemesis and her wandering belly button still on vacation in North Carolina.
Just when I was starting to forget about the baby-holic with a uterus like a tenrec, she goes and does this! OctoMommy has proven that her pimp hand is stronger than ever! Octo will officially be coming to a Tivo queue near you, because she's just signed a deal for her own reality show! The show will come in handy when you feel like you need a reason to punch your private parts. Weeeee!
Octo's attorney told UsWeekly that she signed a deal on Thursday with Eyeworks. He describes the show as a “quasi-reality TV series." More like queasy reality series. Keep the Pepto-Bismol handy.
He went on to barf, "Nadya and the producers are hoping to have an arrangement whereby several events in the children's lives would be filmed in a documentary series. One of the events in the children's lives might be their first birthday. They might be several shows aired during a year. There are all kinds of possibilities. It really depends on what the networks want. Her television program will not be like the Jon and Kate Plus 8 show. Nadya is looking forward to providing her side of the story."
Hey, it was only a matter of time before she was going to shine up those babies and put 'em out on the ho stroll. And this sounds almost like Jon & Kate! Instead of Jon, Octo's co-star will be the saggy, hairless, lifeless mound of excess skin that desperately wants to be released from her body. I should correct myself. This will be EXACTLY like Jon & Kate.
The other day, OctoCrazy and her gang of BABIES were visited by Social Services. They brought a basket of muffins and just wanted to introduce themselves, because they will be working a lot together in the future. Bitch is practically going to be married to Social Services.
And Social Services also wanted to talk to her about her 3-year-old son Aidan.
Aidan's teacher filed a report with Social Services after he showed up to class with a black eye and bite marks on his body. OctoMommy told Radar that Aidan's teacher put a note in his backpack, but she didn't see until after Social Services came a-calling. She blamed the bite marks on her 2-year-old twins and went on to yap, “He’s autistic, he bumps into things.” As for the black eye, she thinks he might have gotten it at school.
Bitches need to step off OctoMommy! How is she supposed to know how her kid got busted up when she's out peddling her octo-ass for a dollah! She can't do it all. I mean, everyone know it's FAMEWHORING: FIRST, KIDS: SECOND. Oh, wait. Actually, it's FAMEWHORING: FIRST, MANICURE: SECOND, KIDS: THIRD. No, that's not right either. It's FAMEWHORING: FIRST, MANICURE: SECOND, SHOPPING: THIRD, KIDS: FOURTH. Oh bother! Kids are somewhere "buying diapers for pet pig" and "getting back alley lip injections."
No, she's doing a documentary series that will follow her babies around 24-hours a day for long periods of time until they turn 18. It will air on TV. It's NOT a reality show. That's what OctoCrazy herself claims anyway.
She finally confirmed to Life & Style that she's going to pimp those babies out for a dirty dollar, "Yes, it is official. I'm going to be doing a show, but it's not a reality show. What I'm doing with this TV show is basically creating documentaries about the lives of my children. It's going to be an ongoing thing, and it will follow them from now until they are 18. It's being done by Eyeworks; they're in the UK. It will air in the UK and then we'll see if the US is interested."
If it looks like a reality show, walks like a reality show and talks like a reality show, it's really a documentary? Whatever. She says "potato," we say "YOU A CRAZY HO!"
OctoCrazy continued to defend the whoring out of her babies by saying the reality show will also provide her with professionally shot home movies, "It will give me the opportunity to have incredible home movies that, believe me, I don't have the time to make myself. Having this documentary crew allows me to focus on raising my children and still have great movies of them."
You've really got to slow clap for this crazy. Her mammoth mountain of delusion isn't crumbling anytime soon. Don't tell her that, though, because then she'll start selling hiking packages to her mountain of delusion.
And because of her reality....I mean...docusuckery show...OctoMommy has filed for trademark of the name "OctoMom." Not only does she plan to use it for her show, but she also wants to slap on the name on a bunch of stupid shit including diapers and clothes.
Like it or not, OctoCrazy is the biggest baby pimp in the game! She will turn any baby out.
The next time OctoMommy goes to get the mail from her box, she might find a check from fellow baby addict St. Angie Jo rather than a flaming shit-filled diaper with the words "TAKE YOUR CRAZY PUSSY ELSEWHERES" written all over it. That'll be a nice change.
Star Magazine says St. Angie is considering dropping a few thousand dollars into the greedy hands of OctoMommy. St. Angie knows what it feels like to swim through a river of newborn diarrhea on a daily basis, so she wants to help. Some source who may be suffering from a disease called Sofuckingdelusionalitis, said, "Angelina is worried about the best interests of the kids. As a mom of six, she knows how chaotic and costly raising a big family can be. She doesn't necessarily approve of Nadya, and she doesn't want to turn the situation into even more of a circus."
St. Angie knows a baby machine with a uterus made out of steel when she sees one, so that check is actually payment for OctoCrazy! St. Angie is going to import her to wherever the fuck her holy family is living, throw her into the basement, give her a box of IVF needles and allow the junkie to get her fix. 9 months later, St. Angie will slither down the stairs, grab her new bundle of BABIES!!!, throw another box at OctoCrazy and let the cycle repeat itself. Vadge is kicking herself in her roidy-crotch that she didn't think of this first.
Before OctoCrazy was sticking her titties in the mouths of ten trillion babehs, she was shaking her chichis in the faces of strange dudes. That's because when she was 19, she shimmied that octopussy for a dollar.
According to The National Enquirer, the biggest baby pimp in the game told a friend, "I had not even kissed a boy. But I entered a dance/lingerie contest in a club near my home. I danced and paraded in lingerie. Then, when I was 19, I went to a gentleman's club and performed as a topless dancer. But I only did it one night. I quit when I found out I was expected to perform lap dances on the customers."
I doubt bitch has kissed a boy since. She's kissed an IVF needle, but not a damn man. The owner of the club is probably pinching his taint, because he didn't know she was a babyhead at the time. He could've told her ass that you can get knocked up from a lap dance. Bitch would've been rubbing her pussy all over the place.
OctoCrazy also told her friend that she's afraid pictures of her teenage bitties flapping in the strip club air might surface. Um. Those pictures are roses and rainbows compared to what OctoCrazy has already done to my beautiful eyes with THIS SHIT. There could be pictures of skinned rat coming out of her asshole and it still wouldn't be as awful as that Little Shop of Horrors shit.
In other Crazy Baby Lady news, she explained to fellow lunatic Dr. Phil the reason she fired all the free nurses from Angels in Waiting. She said, "The primary issue was that myself and my nannies felt extremely uncomfortable. I personally felt like a stranger in my own home. The goal was to empower me as a mother, help me, train me. I'm open to that, I want that, I want to do the very best for these...premature babies. I wanted [Angels] to use their training and knowledge to help guide me. I felt that was never accomplished. I felt as though every time I tried to hold the babies, feed the babies, they would be observing and they were waiting for me to make a mistake."
Yeah, I'm not a mommy or anything, but shouldn't the primary goal be to take care of the damn babies?! You know, feed them leche, sings them dumb songs, wipe the caca off their asses, teach them important words like "cunt"? Shit like that? The goal should not be to stroke her crazy! And when was OctoCrazy every holding her own babies? The crazy bitch is always outside working the famewhore stroll.
OctoMommy fired all of the free nannies/nurses provided by Angels in Waiting. Yes, she turned away help! The crazy baby machine said she will hire her own nannies to help raise her ten trillion babies.
She wouldn't really talk about it much, because she's filming a Dr. Phil episode about it today. The whores from Angels in Waiting will also be there. Seriously, why am I feeding the crazy? I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! Before we get thrown into straitjackets and force fed mashed beets, let's go over the latest in OctoMommy's never-ending insane saga:
OctoCrazy quit Angels in Waiting, because she could never get over the fact that Gloria Allred called CPS on her ass before a deal was struck. Gloria represents AIW. Gloria said that if the 14 kids didn't get proper nursing care, they'd be tossed into foster homes. OctoCrazy's lawyer also added that the head of AIW was going to place a call to child-welfare services.
TMZ has the 911 call one of OctoCrazy's hired nannies placed to get Gloria Allred out of the house. Why call 911? They should've just shouted, "Gloria, there's a camera crew on the lawn!" Bitch would've busted out the door in the blink of an eye.
Gloria said Octo initially turned down their services, because they refused to let her get a reality show.
So far 4 of the 8 babies are at home. OctoCrazy plans to hire own team of nannies and Kaiser (the hospital where they were born) will train their asses. I hope Kaiser trained the nannies how to pick up babies and walk out the damn door to get them away from that dirty-diaper-hungry lunatic.
When Dr. Phil, Gloria Allred and OctoCrazy are in the same room together, someone should close all the doors and lock that shit up! We can throw a protein bar in there daily for them to fight over. With those three locked up, that means 75% of the world's crazy will be contained.
The artist dude who brought us Brit Brit pushing out SPF, Hillary Clinton's bust, Suri's first shit, Wonky's autopsoy, Prince Hot Ginge's dead body and Oprah Sarcophagus, has now used OctoCrazy as his muse for his latest work.
Daniel Edwards showed off his latest piece of art which is a pink rubber toy version of OctoCrazy and her eight kiddies. Daniel titled it: "String of Babies', holds a baby bottle upright."
Yeah, I think this "sculpture" is supposed to look like a giant butt (or cooch) plug that will make Tommy Girl's Scientolohole howl in excitement. It should be sold with an economy-sized tub of lube and a sewing kit. Pretty fucking fitting.
Orange County's newest housewife sensation is OctoMommy! Tamra from The Really Plastic Housewives of Orange Skin County better give up her title as the sexiest piece, because OctoMommy is moving into the neighborhood. Barf. Wipe mouth. Barf again.
TMZ says that OctoCrazy is taking her band of babehs over to La Habra,CA this weekend where she has just bought a house listed at $564,900. The house is in her daddy's name and a source said they paid close to asking. The 2,583 square-foot loony bin has 4 bedrooms and 3 baths. 4 bedrooms for 14 kids? Some of those babies will be sleeping in cupboards and shit.
The source went on to say that OctoCrazy was able to make the down payment using all the whore money she's been getting from interviews. But how in c-section scar hell did they get financing with two foreclosures? My ass can't even get a fucking Capital One card and these stupid whores were able to get financing for a half-million dollar house? The milk is straight up fucking filthy!
In addition to all this fuckery, OctoCrazy has also accepted an offer from Angels in Waiting, a non-profit joint that will help her with the babehs 24-hours a day. 14 nurses will work at the house, 4 or 5 at a time. They will pretty much do everything for all the kids. Normally a service like this would run around $135,000, but OctoCrazy is getting it all for freeeeeee. Weeeeeee!
Seriously, I need to sue a ho for the simple fact that I can't have babies biologically. Should I sue God, because this isn't right. I should have the option to stick embryos up my ass, so that I can give birth to ten million BABIES!!! and become an overnight pimp. Then I can spend my days watching myself on Dr. Phil and injecting lard into my lips while other people deal with the gross stuff like changing diapers. Why don't I have that option?!
And take a good look at the pictures of OctoCrazy's new house. So clean. In about a hot minute the walls will be covered in baby doody and it will look like a damn hurricane blew through. A hurricane of crazy.
"Nadya got real greedy. This woman is nuts." This is the shit OctoMommy's former spokeswhore said to UsWeekly after quitting her insane ass on Friday night.
NUTS doesn't even begin to describe the craziness that bitch is made out of. If you took the word NUTS, wrapped it in straitjackets, threw it in a padded room and treated it with electroshock therapy while a chorus of Nurse Ratcheds danced around it, it still wouldn't look as half as crazy as OctoMommy.
This is the second time a publicist crossed OctoMommy off their client list. Her first pr whore couldn't take all the death threats. Victor Munoz, her second spokesbitch, didn't seem to mind the death threats, he just couldn't take the fact that his client doesn't have the sane gene in her whole body. Victor went on to say, "It just got to be too much. It's pretty much a free for all over there right now. They are freaking out right now. Not to sound arrogant, but those people depended on me for everything. You have no idea what I’ve had to do for these people. This I can say: what ultimately destroyed the business arrangement was personal reasons."
What ultimately destroyed it was that you can probably have a more reasonable conversation with a fucking burnt rutabaga than with that bag of crazy.
You know, OctoMommy is running out of options. Somebody, preferably a psychiatrist, should introduce her to Heather Mills. The two have one major thing in common: they are both certifiably motherfucking INSANE. They've got backwards brains! Together they can open up a pr agency for wackos. I'm sure there's a loony bin that will give them free office space with a gorgeous view of a padded wall.