The Into the Woods movie is happening and right now director Rob Marshall is looking for actors to join Meryl Streep (as the Witch), Johnny Depp (as the Wolf) and James Corden of Gavin & Stacey (as the Baker). The Hollywood Reporter says that beard aficionados Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Pine got in front of Rob Marshall and auditioned for Cinderella's Prince and Rapunzel's Prince. In the stage production, the same actor plays Cinderella's Prince and the Wolf, but I guess they're splitting that shit up in the movie.
THR says that they haven't put contracts in front of Jakey or Zachary Quinto's partner in giggling just yet, but the two sang in front of Rob Marshall and deals will be thrown at them any day now. THR describes the roles of the Princes as "brothers who are pompous and self-absorbed." Cinderella and Rapunzel are the fairy tale world's premiere beards, so I approve of this casting decision.
Your ass might be wondering if Chris Pine and/or Jakey can even sing. Does it even matter? Russell Crowe's singing voice sounds like a bear farting into a fan and they gave him a lead role in a movie musical. A deaf seal with severe laryngitis can probably sing better than Pierce Brosnan can and he also got paid to sing in a movie musical. Hollywood don't care! But you can judge for yourself if you want. Here's a clip of Jakey singing and a clip of Chris Pine singing.
Since Rob Marshall is obviously making a few changes to Into the Woods for the movie, he should add more layers to the Princes. The Witch should cast a spell on the Princes, making them allergic to wearing clothes and the only time they're able to sing is when they sing into each other's butts. It's what the audience (aka probably only me) wants and The Brothers Grimm would totally approve of these changes!
And here's Chris Pine at last night's L.A. premiere of Star Trek: Into Darkness with some other tricks including Alice Eve, Zachary Quinto, the extremely androgynous Zoe Saldana (wearing a bedazzled shredded condom) and John Cho.
A "Yes, Spock Likes The Cock!" cover of People Magazine and a media parade where he somersaults down the street in a rainbow leotard while shooting glitter our of his b-hole is not Zachary Quinto's style, so he decided to be a little more subtle on you bitches for his big coming out. Yeah, yeah, Zachary Quinto brushing his luscious otter brows against man nips in the early morning hours is a surprising revelation right up there with "sneezing chihuahuas are silly," "anuses are wrinkly," and "Trace Cyrus is scared of snakes," but he said the words out loud while talking about his new movie Margin Call with New York Magazine. Queen Toe talked about doing the plays Angels in America, dropped his thoughts on Occupy Wall Street and then nonchalantly flicked the gay fact into New York Magazine's lap:
What was terrifying?
Just the sheer scale of the play to begin with. And then I just think revisiting that work and revisiting the themes of that work at a time when the political and social climate of the country is shifting so dramatically and so irreversibly, to really come up against the echoes of that hatred and that bigotry and that fear that still exists in our culture, just in a different context now — you know, I feel it was just a really interesting exploration for me.
Doing that play made me realize how fortunate I am to have been born when I was born. And to not have to witness the decimation of an entire generation of amazingly talented and otherwise vital men. And at the same time, as a gay man, it made me feel like I — there's still so much work to be done. There's still so many things that need to be looked at and addressed. The undercurrent of that fear and that, you know, insidiousness still is swarming. It's still all around us. To revisit that world at all, it took a toll on me. It definitely was an incredible experience but it was really daunting at times.
What do you think is gonna happen with Occupy Wall Street? Do you think it’s gonna fizzle or grow week-by-week?
As a left-leaning Democrat, I feel a sense of resonance with their position, but as a citizen of this country, I feel deeply unsettled that people are rising up in movements against one another. It feels like we’re missing the mark. I just think it’s all broken. I think our financial system, so many aspects of our social connections, seem fractured. And I think it’s a really tenuous time for our country. I don’t know what will happen going into this election year. It seems like the Tea Party, Occupy Wall Street — there’s such tremendous disparity right now. It’s like, you have the legalization of gay marriage in the state of New York and three months later you have Jamey Rodemeyer killing himself, yet another gay teenager bullied into taking his own life. And, you know, again, as a gay man, I look at that and say there’s a hopelessness that surrounds it. But as a human being, I look at it and say, “Why? Where is this disparity coming from and why can’t we as a culture, as a society, dig deeper to examine it?” We’re terrified of facing ourselves, we’re terrified of what we’ll find and so, instead, we seem to waste time and energy with small-mindedness and intolerance and with bigotry and with hatred and with fear. And those things are just gonna — no matter if it’s Occupy Wall Street or any other social or political or financial issue, we’re hurtling towards something that is really scary to me.
If a celebrity wants to shout that they're gay on the cover of a weekly magazine, then I say whatever works for them and their publicists. It all helps. I mean, if my teenage self saw Ricky Martin screaming SOY HOMOSEXUALIS!!!! on the cover of a People en Español at the Stater Bros. checkout line, it might've inspired me to be more over-the-top Norma Desmond-ish about my official coming out scene. Mine was totally boring. I just said "going to hang out with my boyfriend," or something like that, when my mom asked me where I was going. I knew that she knew before I knew. But now I wish I would've jumped up at the Thanksgiving table and shouted SOY HOMOSEXUALIS!!! I might not ever get to shout the words SOY HOMOSEXUALIS!!! again.
That being said, I still like the way Zachary Quinto eloquently and casually dropped it like it's not a big deal and isn't breaking news. That's pretty much how you do it.
UPDATE: And for Zachary's own words on this, click here.
And yes, this still calls for a leche party!
Zachary Quinto's make-up artist obviously spent hours carefully brushing and deep conditioning the svelte otters over his eyes and didn't have time to make sure that the camera flashes would not catch one of the secrets to his beauty: pressed powder (or whatever the hell that is). I know that it's easy for ones' wrist to go weak while they get lost in the luscious follicles of mink hair clinging to his brow, but that make-up artist had a job to do! Blend that mess.
Quinto's at his big premiere for Margin Call in Berlin with Paul Bettany, Kevin Spacey and Jeremy Irons, and he looks like he just finished reenacting the cokeater scene from Scarface. Or like he just tossed the Pillsbury Doughboy's salad. It's a good thing Jeremy Iron's hot boots were there to slightly take the focus away.
On Saturday, Zachary Quinto was out in Malibu with two different dudes at two different times. SLUT! Earlier in the day, Zachary got pizza with some trick. You know what that means? They are totally stuffing each other's crusts. Two grown-men don't get pizza together unless they are spreading dick butter on each other's nalgas.
A couple of hours later, Zachary and another dude hung out with their shirts off on the beach. Obviously, later in the day, Zachary exfoliated his friend's face by rubbing his sandy balls over it. I mean, two grown-men also can't sit together on a beach unless....you know the rest.
And on a totally serious note, I hope Zachary sprayed a little Sun-In on his chest pubes while he was sunbathing. Since it's Summer, I feel like his titty bush could use some blonde highlights or something.