At LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian's wedding in Malibu over the weekend, the bride's something old was a garter belt made from Uncle Falkor's locks that has been passed down from generation to generation, her something new was a pair of diamond earrings that Eddie Cibrian bought for her using her credit card (but she let him carry the bag to the car, so it counts), her something blue came from the color her veins turned due to only eating the pressed sweat that forms around her mouth during a Twitter rant-a-thon, and finally her something borrowed WAS EVERYTHING FROM BRANDI GLANVILLE'S WEDDING!
A guest at LeAnn and Eddie's wedding tells UsWeekly that they had a serious case of deja vu as all the details of the ceremony and party slowly started to unravel. They say that LeAnn's wedding was an almost an exact carbon copy of Brand's wedding to Eddie Cibrian. Here's a list of all the similarities courtesy of UsWeekly:
The dress: LeAnn wore Reem Acra, Brandi wore Reem Acra
The setting: LeAnn and Eddie got married in a beachside spring ceremony, Brandi and Eddie got married in a beachside spring ceremony
The song choice: LeAnn and Eddie cut the cake to "I Got You Babe," Brandi and Eddie sang "I Got You Babe" at the wrap paper for the movie he shot with LeAnn
UsWeekly also points out that LeAnn got a pair of titty sacks installed by the same plastic surgeon who installed Brandi's titty sacks. And LeAnn and Brandi both drive a white Range Rover.
The source said that during his speech at the reception, Eddie joked about this not being his last wedding ("We've both had much larger weddings before, about 100-150 people both, but we just wanted our closest of friends and family here with us tonight. The next one will be ever smaller though"). LeAnn kept her speech short and classy by saying: "I love you all. Now let's eat cake, bitches!"
Like LeAnn's tongue actually touched cake frosting! Please. LeAnn is watching her bones, because she knows she needs to get into the skin suit she commissioned a team of clone experts to make using Brandi's DNA.
As a wedding gift, Brandi should give LeAnn the exact ensemble she wore the day Eddie dropped her ass. LeAnn's going to need it for the day Eddie does the exact same thing to her. I mean, if LeAnn insists on life jacking Brandi, she needs to go all the way!
Here's BrandiAnn Rimes wearing Morticia's crocheted holiday dress while having brunch with Eddie in Malibu.
The emaciated Falcor and the man whore of Burbank have officially become more annoying than a tampon made of Brillo pads by partaking in a pre-divorce ceremony at their home in California today. You know, I haven't even tiptoed into either one of those Twatter accounts, because I just know it would be like drowning in nauseating smugness. I bet they even said "I Do" to each other through Twitter. And just as they hit send, that shit crashed, because the Twitter bird wants no part of this "won't end well" shit. Now, I'm currently at a rest stop between DRUNK and HUNGOVER, so I'm going to let People take it from here:
"LeAnn and Eddie were happily married today surrounded by their closest family and friends," the bride's spokesman, Rhett Usry, confirms exclusively to PEOPLE. "They thank everyone for their well wishes."
Country star Rimes, 28, wore a Reem Acra gown as she and actor Cibrian, 37, exchanged personalized vows on Friday in front of about than 40 guests, including Cibrian's sons Mason, 7, and Jake, 4, from his previous marriage.
The couple had led friends and family to believe that they'd been invited to an engagement party, but surprised the guests by tying the knot at the intimate ceremony held at a private home in California.
We all know how this is going to play out. LeAnn is going to poot out a baby with eyes as tiny as a baby fly's urethra. Seriously, eyes about the same size as the mail slot on the front door of a flea's house. That's when we'll all synchronize the clocks on our iPhones, because a quick minute later Eddie Cibrian will be on the cover of InTouch Life & UsWeekly Star with the mistress whore he left LeAnn for saying that he didn't have the tools needed to leave her the right way. Brand Glanville's karma cackle is already standing by ready to go!
Eddie Cibrian and Brandi Glanville's son had his fourth birthday at Chuck E. Cheese in L.A. over the weekend was surrounded by the usual stuff. You know, pizza so greasy you could get Kim Kardashian into a pair of latex leggings with it, animatronic characters that could beat LeAnn Rimes in a personality contest and a member of the paparazzi who was there to capture all the precious moments for their family album (aka UsWeekly)!!!
Brandi and LeAnn put down their shanks a while ago, but this might've been the first time they were actually in a room together. It went off without a bitch. LeAnn didn't slap Brandi in the face with a pizza slice. Not that she would anyway. a) LeAnn isn't ever going to touch a slice of pizza for fear that the greasy calories will seep into her pores and make her fat. b) It would take longer than the length of the birthday party for LeAnn to get that BlackBerry surgically removed from her fightin' claw.
And how long before LeAnn "Hedy" Rhymes "accidentally" cracks her ankle and is in need of crutches? I see you memorizing the exact color and measurements of Brandi's cast, LeAnn!
Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes aren't content with sharing every single butt nugget that falls out of their lives on Twitter. Their day-to-day lives just can't be explained in 140 characters or less. So the gold digging lothario of Burbank is going to mount the skeleton horse of Fantastica and ride, ride, ride across your television screen. At least that's what UsWeekly is hearing anyway. They say that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have just signed a deal for a Newlyweds-type reality show that will follow them as they prepare for their pre-divorce ceremony (aka wedding).
LeAnn has already taken the rumor, grounded it up into dozens of pieces, thrown it in her feed bag and nibbled it up. But UsWeekly's source swears that the deal is already done.
Eddie's ex-wife Brandi put on her smart ass hat before saying that the reality show isn't a bad idea, because he really needs a job.
I'm with Brandi. These two definitely need a platform for their ridiculousness, but I don't think it should be a Newlyweds type show. If I wanted to watch a dog lick on a bone for an hour, I'd just watch the web cam at my dog's boarding place. No, LeAnn and Eddie need something that will show off their talents. I'm thinking: HOMEWRECKING with Eddie & LeAnn, coming soon to the DIY Network!
Okay, lying headline is lying. Brandi Glanville never said that she wants LeAnn Rimes to put a for sale sign on the engagement ring Eddie Cibrian "gave" her. I'm sure Brandi knows that LeAnn is going to need something to dramatically throw at Eddie's bare ass when she catches him Right Kind Of Wronging some trick on the sofa.
What Brandi really told Radar is that she did flinch a bit when she found out that Eddie bought LeAnn an $85k ring shortly after his child support payments were lowered due to the fact that he's not bringing in as much cash as he used to. Brandi put it like this:
“Look, I don’t mind that he got her a ring but the timing wasn’t obviously the best and the truth is the communication is not great right now. I just want to get on with my life and to move forward but it is really tough at times because everything has been so very public.
Ideally, I would like to have a better relationship with Eddie and LeAnn but that has not been possible recently but I’m determined to keep going. The lease is up on my current home and I will be looking for a new place to live shortly while also trying to take care of my sons. I’m looking for work and trying to get my real estate
license but it is a gradual process – I’m not saying Eddie is a bad guy and he is a great father but I just wish it all could be a lot easier.”
Complaining to the public about how everything is so public. Okay. But Brandi is trying to tell me that she really thinks Eddie pulled out his own wallet to buy LeAnn's ring? Brandi, grab my hand and let's go and get a pair of GET A FUCKING CLUE facials together. Okay, maybe he did pull out his own wallet, but bitch used the card LeAnn gave him seconds after he dickmatized her ass.
Reason #13 on the "You Know You're Dickmatized When..." list: You make him an authorized user on your AMEX account without checking his financials first.
LeAnn Rimes was probably up in her Cabo hotel suite posing in front of the mirror and thinking to herself about how all eyes and lenses will be on her once she sashays down to the beach in her bikini looking like an extra malnourished Aaron Carter with two rock hard moon jellyfish sucking on his nipples.
But LeAnn was in for a rude awakening even bigger than the one Eddie Cibrian experiences every morning when he wakes up next to her. LeAnn's fresh out of the silicone factory titties were upstaged by a hot piece with all-natural snow cone pecs and bottle cap nipples! Dude knows it too. He's casually standing there like "And?" while LeAnn is desperately making sure the paps get a 360 of her hot "Mr. Burns on Muscle Milk" body. Even though the seagulls are causing a commotion by squawking for life at the sight of LeAnn looking like a salamander trying to digest two large birds, homeboy with the delectable pecs is still getting all the attention!
When I first read at People that Falcor's long-lost twin sister LeAnn Rimes is engaged to Eddie Cibrian, I had to rotate and squint my eyes at the date to make sure it wasn't a repeat story from last month or the one before. LeAnn and Eddie's stupid asses have already put the wolf to shame by crying out their faux engagement news over and over again. They did it in October and November, but apparently this one is sticking. LeAnn's spokeswhore farted out to People Magazine that the two have once again caused the sanctity of marriage to rolls its eyes by getting engaged over the holidays at her home in Los Angeles.
People even has a TOTALLY NOT STAGED picture of LeAnn flashing the ring SHE TOTALLY DID NOT BUY HERSELF (REPEAT: SHE DID NOT GIVE EDDIE HER BLACK AMEX AND TELL HIM TO GO PAY FOR THE RING SHE DESIGNED HERSELF THE DAY THEY STARTED FUCKING. NO) in Malibu today.
LeAnn spread the news on Twitter too:
For those who haven't read, Eddie and I got engaged over the holidays. That's the news. It's for real this tine and the first time EVER!
18 minutes ago
So funny, my dear publicist is the same rep for Natalie Portman and me. So much for his vacation lol!!! Love you Rhett!!!!!
13 minutes ago
@asu_juliette the ring is out there. Someone got a shot of us at the beach, so that's not much a secret, but the rest is very personal and sweet. I was shocked to say the least.
2 minutes ago
Shocked, she says?! Yeah, soooooo shocked even though she wrote out Eddie's proposal speech on the palm of his hand and promised him an extra $200 bonus if he did it with feeling. Shocked. And personally, I won't really believe this news until I see Eddie skipping down Rodeo Drive while singing "I'm in the Moooney."
Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes recently EHEHEHEHEHEHE-ed about a Twit Pic of him fake proposing to her in front of their future wedding chariot of love. They said it was all just a joke. But E! News is now saying that Eddie has slipped a shiny ring (bought with LeAnn's AMEX) on Falcor's paw before jumping on her back to take a celebratory ride through Fantastica. Apparently, the two are engaged for real. Yeah, I'm not sure I'll believe this until I see a wolf with a boy's head in his mouth. This is what E! has to say about this mess:
Eddie Cibrian is going to make an honest woman out of LeAnn Rimes. Though it didn't happen on Halloween, the recently divorced actor indeed popped the question recently and the duo are engaged, a source tells E! News.
So no wonder Brandi Glanville wants to have a civil sit-down with her kids' future stepmom... Glanville, who has two children with Cibrian, told E! News today that she planned to meet with her sworn enemy pal-in-the-making next week.
That stampeding noise you hear isn't LeAnn running around gloating to anybody and everybody about this shit. It's the mob of bitches screaming "What goes around, comes around...karma....blah blah blah". But I say, good for these two wrong bitches.
I mean, LeAnn is obviously with Eddie because the dick hits her right. The dick is so good that it has her nostrils flaring like a coked up bull and makes her squint so hard that Eddie has to pry her eyelids off with a wooden spatula. And Eddie's with LeAnn, because he likes to buy purdy and shiny things. So it's a mutually beneficial relationship that will probably end with a story on Radar Online about how Eddie down low dicked some cocktail waitress on LeAnn's favorite chair. But so what.
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously?
Taking a break from pulling the White Chapel Asylum wagon around the yard for the kids, LeAnn Rimes posed for this Twit pic with her rent-to-own piece Eddie Cibrian. This mess pretty much speaks, queefs, farts and barfs for itself. LeAnn later Tweeted that it was just a joke and they aren't really engaged to be married. But when they do finally get engaged (and they will, because Eddie needs the money) it will still be a damn joke.
I haven't been to Eddie's and LeAnn's Twitter pages for a while and now I know why. There are 86,400 seconds in a day, but LeAnn and Eddie found a way to push out at least 90,000 Tweets a day and that's being modest. No wonder their relationship lasted long after the sweet nectar dissolved from their system. They spend more time staring at Twitter than staring at each other's faces! "It's the key to a successful relationship!" - From Ashton & Demi's Center for Couples Counseling
Eddie Cibrian pissed all over the rumor from Star Magazine that he creeped out on LeAnn Rimes with his estranged wife Brandi Glanville. Eddie got maaaaaaaad on his Twitter and waved a finger at both Brandi and Star for co-piloting a bull dozer headed straight for his happy home with LeAnn. Don't they know that only Eddie and LeAnn are allowed to do that kind of shit?! Here's Eddie unleashing his wrath on the both of 'em:
Once again my ex has stooped to a new low attempting to sabotage my beautiful relationship with LeAnn. Not surprisingly the ONLY magazine that decided to run the story shares the same credibility and delusion as my ex. They should be ashamed of themselves.
BUT WAIT! A different source backed up Brandi's claim to E! Online. This source says that Eddie did pass his peen to Brandi, but it was shortly after he left her for LeAnn. The source explains, "LeAnn knew about it 100 percent! Obviously, she was upset. Eddie and Brandi were intimate after he and LeAnn were together, but it only happened twice."
LeAnn went on her own Twitter to defend Eddie, and said they are in Montana to escape the bullshit by locking themselves up in a cabin. More like LeAnn is locking up Eddie's dick before he sticks it in another snatch that doesn't belong to her. Nice try, LeAnn. I'm sure there are some devastatingly sessy bears, geese, horses, coyotes, platypuses and trout in Montana that Eddie just won't be able to resist. Eddie is a for real whore who gets the shakes if he doesn't hump on a different piece.
LeAnn even posted a "Yup, this bitch is mine!" picture on her Twitter last night. Braggy bitch.
I'm telling you, Eddie's anal gland lips will be pressed up against a lady moose or a farmer with womanly hips by the start of the weekend. YOU CAN RUN AND TELL THAT!