The rumor that Kanye West is letting Givenchy's creative director Riccardo Tisci pull up his leather kilt at the end of the night has been around for a while now, but I guess when you're like Kim Kardashian and live in a fart bubble of narcissism, all non-Kardashian news never makes it into your ears. But after Kim wore a Givenchy sofa carcass to the Met Gala, some of her Twitter followers told her about the rumor that Kanye is gargling on the nutsack of the dude who designed her dress.
InTouch (via Radar) says that Kim's followers told her that Kanye's apartments in NYC and Paris are really close to Riccardo's apartments, which totally means that they're doing it. InTouch's source says that Kanye does spend a lot of time in Paris with Riccardo, so Kim started freaking out.
“There are some facts Kim can’t deny. Kanye has spent her entire pregnancy living close to Riccardo in the French capital and Riccardo recently purchased an apartment less than half a mile from Kanye’s in NYC’s Soho neighborhood. Kanye is obsessed with Riccardo. They have a very deep bond. They spend a lot of time together at Kanye’s apartment.
Kim freaked out. If it turns out Kanye is involved with Riccardo, she will be utterly embarrassed — more so than she’s ever been in her life."
Can I get a "BITCH, PLEASE"? If Kim hasn't been embarrassed by her pimp mom, her plastic face, her fake wedding, her boring sex tape, her clothes and her entire existence, then I doubt this will embarrass her. Utterly. Kim doesn't care if Kanye fucks men or fucks armadillos as long as he keeps her on the cover of every tabloid.
I just hope that if Kanye is involved with Riccardo that he properly moisturizes and lubes up that dry E.T. finger of his before they get into fingerbanging fun time.
Davey Wavey previously asked lesbians for their thoughts on peen and he asked gays their thoughts on coochie, and now he's asking disciples of Metamucil at The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center what they think of gay sex. First of all, I need to see some IDs, because some of these seniors look young enough to be Lindsay Lohan's kid. Second of all, the priceless jewel in the pink knit vest won this round when she said "cum cum cum" and she won it again when she said, "I know when I was young I was chasing all the little dykes around."
HBO finally released a full trailer for Liberace biopic "Behind the Candelabra" and I think it made me butt birth out a rhinestone-covered baby unicorn. In under two minutes, they gave us sequined vests, gallons of lip gloss, exquisitely applied eyeliner, bubbles, Matt Damon in a white Speedo, feathers, fur, a crystal-encrusted Rolls Royce chariot, gay drama and more wigs than a Knowles family reunion. If there was a close-up shot of a massage therapist's dick, it would look exactly like John Travolta's daily thought process.
And more importantly, the trailer gave us this:
When Rob Lowe puts on a middle-parted long wig he looks like a coked up Princess Stephanie in the middle of an orgasm and who knew looking at that would give me the puckers.
The double doors of the Sistine Chapel burst open this morning and a priest ran in while shouting, "Guuuurrrrrls, bring your cup and saucers forward, because have I got some T for you."
As the cardinals gather together to pick the Catholic Church's next big gay superstar, another ESCANDALO is hitting the church. The NYDN says that the Vatican spent $30 million to buy an apartment building in Rome that also houses Europa Multi Club, a huge gay sauna and club. Europa is like John Travolta's idea of heaven, because it has a Turkish bath, a Finnish sauna and weekly bear nights.
Cardinal Ivan Dias of India, who once said that gays can be cured of their gayness, lives in a fancy 12-room apartment right above Europa. The Vatican had nothing to say about this.
So at 2 Via Carducci in Rome, there's a place where men get naked, lick the sweat off of each other's ass cheeks and listen to techno music while jacking each other off, and right below that is a gay sauna? Got it.
And these pictures are of the Europa Multi Club, but if it wasn't for that tag, you'd probably think they were pictures of the cardinal conclave.
Here I was thinking that Jim Nabors announced his undying love for peen on a "SHAZAM! I'M GAY!" cover of People Magazine in the 1970s, but I guess I was wrong. I guess Gomer Pyle never publicly slid down the rainbow while proudly waving a rainbow flag, but he is now. Gomer Pyle (which sorts of sounds like the name of a sex act you'd get into at a massive gay orgy) has married the man he's been with for longer than some of us have been breathing air. Jim Nabors told Hawaii News Now (via Towleroad) that he married his partner of 38 years, Stan Cadwallader, on January 15th at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel in Seattle.
"I'm 82 and he's in his 60s and so we've been together for 38 years and I'm not ashamed of people knowing, it's just that it was such a personal thing, I didn't tell anybody. I'm very happy that I've had a partner of 38 years and I feel very blessed. And, what can I tell you, I'm just very happy.
"It's pretty obvious that we had no rights as a couple, yet when you've been together 38 years, I think something's got to happen there, you've got to solidify something. And at my age, it's probably the best thing to do."
Jim and Stan met in Honolulu in 1975 and they've been there ever since. I would say that this is Jim Nabors' second marriage, but apparently that rumor that he married Rock Hudson in the early 70s is a lie and he's denied it a million times.
Congratulations to Mr. and Mr. Gomer Pyle and congratulations to all the bitches at their wedding who shouted "Well, GAAAAWWWWW-LEEEEE" after the grooms kissed. I'm going to choose to believe that at the reception, Jim Nabors serenaded his new husband with his stunning rendition of "Take My Hand, Precious Lord" and I'm going to choose to believe that he changed the lyrics from "take my hand, precious lord" to "take my peen, precious lovah."
During Manti Te'o's interview with Katie Couric, which airs today, he claims that he's not a STUNT QUEEN, he's just a gullible bitch, because he wasn't a part of the fake dead girlfriend hoax and he had no idea that his friend Ronaiah Tuiasosopo was Lennay Kekua the entire time. Manti says that why would he take part in a hoax that has ruined his reputation and possibly screwed with his football career. But even if this does ruin his football career, that's okay, because he can get a job working from home. Manti read that Debbie's mom makes $566/a day posting links on Google. Unbelievable!
Manti gave Katie Couric 3 voicemails that he thought were from his fake girlfriend, but they were really from Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. In the voicemails, Ronaiah as Lennay, talks about her chemotherapy sessions, gets jealous over Manti having another girl in his room and tells him she was released from the hospital. Ronaiah's lawyer says that he pretended to be a woman and put on his "falsetto" voice every time he talked to Manti. Here's just one of the voicemails, you can here the rest at Deadspin:
If you need to compare Ronaiah's lady voice to his man voice, here's a clip of him talking normal. I don't know, if I was working the drive-thru at McDonald's and Ronaiah spoke in his regular voice, I don't think I'd call him "miss." So either his lady voice is that good or he's using some kind of software. I don't know, but I do know that I want to hear a clip of Lennay and Manti phone fucking each other. I really need to hear Ronaiah make lady orgasm sounds as his peen explodes.
And TMZ says that Manti isn't the only dude who Ronaiah supposedly tricked. Ronaiah has feelings for dudes, but he doesn't want to face those feelings, so he created a fake girl and lives vicariously through her.
We're told Ronaiah used the female persona in many encounters, but so far there's no evidence he became intensely emotionally attached to anyone -- until Manti. We've confirmed when Ronaiah spoke with Manti as "Lennay Kekua" he used his own voice.
Indeed ... Ronaiah's feelings became so intense, he blew his cover on December 6 because it was hard to walk away. He never intended to reveal Manti was actually talking to a man ... he just wanted to reconnect with Manti, but still as a woman.
Our sources say Ronaiah has buried his feelings to the point he has little emotion about anything. We're told even the scandal has not produced intense emotions.
Well, I guess that's one awkward way to come out, awkwardly.
How old is Ronaiah? I mean, most of us outgrew the whole "pretend to be a woman on Craigslist to get straight men to have phone sex with you" phase in our teens! Okay, in our early twenties. Okay, in our mid twenties. Okay, last week. But still.
Charlotte Rae, the gift to television who played Mrs. Garrett on Facts of Life and the woman who could wear a loose bun like no other, is shopping her memoirs called The Facts of My Life around to the highest bidder and when you're shopping your memoirs around, you usually drop your book's juiciest nugget into the proposal. Page Six read Mrs. Garrett's proposal and they say that in her memoirs she talks about how she felt betrayed when her husband of 25 years told her that he was gay. Mrs. Garrett took the good, she took the bad, but she just couldn't take her husband licking on my ass in a darkened motel room.
Charlotte was married to John Strauss, the late Grammy-winning composer of Amadeus, for 25 years and they had two kids together. Charlotte married John in 1950 and in 1975, he told her that he loved peen and had acted on his love of peen. Since Charlotte Rae is not Kelly Preston and couldn't put on a manufactured smile as her husband licked the tip of another dude's dick, she filed for divorce. Charlotte writes that she was shocked and felt shame over the fact that her husband was gay the entire time:
“First came the shock of what he had done behind my back, then the sting of being deceived for years. All I could feel was the betrayal and, worse than that, my shame. John’s secret confirmed my feelings of inferiority. That I was less than a woman . . . That I didn’t deserve to be loved and valued.”
We as a people have failed when the head bitch in charge of Eastland School for Girls and the owner of Edna's Edibles feels unloved and undervalued. And I can't wait to read the part in Mrs. Garrett's book about how she caught Cousin Geri, Jo and Natalie having a three-way scissor party in Blair's trailer.
Victor Garber (aka Sydney Bristow's spy daddy, skeezy Professor Callahan, Thomas Andrews from Titanic, Daddy Warbucks and Jesus, to name just a few) has never jumped on a public stage and declared his undying love for man ass, but pretty much everyone knows that he's gay. Entertainment blogger Greg Hernandez attended the panel for Deception at the TV Critics Association Press Tour in Pasadena, CA last week and he knew he wanted to have a few words with Victor Garber afterwards. So during the panel, he looked up Victor Garber's Wikipedia page for research and read that the Canadian silver fox lives in NYC with his partner of 13 years Rainer Andreesen. Greg didn't remember Victor Garber ever coming out OUT, so he decided to ask him about it after the panel.
Greg first asked Victor Garber if it's true that he's going to be on Smash, because his Wikipedia page said it. The Canadian silver fox shot back with, "Wikipedia is bullshit." Victor was then rushed off the stage so that crew could set up for the next panel, but Greg found him later in the lobby of the hotel and asked him if it's true that his tongue tingles for peen. Their conversation went like this:
So I got up, walked into the lobby of the Langham Huntington Hotel and found Garber. I just decided to ask him: “Wikipedia lists Rainer Andreesen as your partner. I wondered if that’s something that’s public, that you’ve confirmed.”
He seemed surprised by the question but said: ‘I don’t really talk about it but everybody knows.”
Garber then added: “He’s going to be out here with me for the SAG Awards.”
Victor Garber being gay isn't really news, but what is news to me is how hot his piece is. Victor Garber's man looks like he could charm a grizzly bear just by winking at it and I bet he can chop the hell out of wood (both figuratively and literally). Dude looks like he smells like chimney smoke, wet leaves, sawdust, deer musk, elk jerky and campfire baked beans. As Rita Wilson said on Girls the other night, "Sometimes you just need a pair of rough hands on your body."
If dude's face was on a roll of paper towels, I'd buy those paper towels in bulk at Costco. Dude is hot and Victor Garber gets to exfoliate his ass cheeks on that beard every single night. So congratulations to Victor Garber for that!
And I can't believe I got through this post without mentioning that "Victor Garber is Bradley Cooper's top daddy" blind item.
Taylor Swift, Katie Holmes and Renee Zellweger are all shedding a single tear while fearing for the future of bearding, because they've lost another one. Matt Dallas, who was Kyle in Kyle XY, has publicly declared his undying love for peen on Twitter (via Towleroad) by announcing that he's engaged to a dude. So Matt Dallas shouted "I LOVE PEEN!" and then every dude with a peen who loves dudes who loves peen is like, "YAY! More options for me!" But then Matt Dallas breaks boners by saying he's not single and he's not an option. This is like if In-N-Out announced their new home delivery service and then in the next breath said that unfortunately, all delivery slots are filled forever! Sorry.
Matt Dallas coming out as gay is about as shocking and unpredictable as me announcing that I had a pot cookie and a cream soda for dinner last night, but he still did it. Matt opened the glass closet door and slipped out with this tweet about being engaged to singer/songwriter type Blue Hamilton.
The combination of Blue Hamilton sort of looking like Matt Dallas in the face and me having the Mondays in my eyes made me think to myself, "Matt Dallas is engaged to a Labrador? Congratulations, I guess, but the Labrador doesn't look really fucking excited about it."
You know you thought that too, don't lie.
(Pic via Tyler Shields)
Professional fuckery maker and the embarrassment of the Keeblers elves came out of retirement the other night to tell jokes at a show in Los Angeles and he used his time on stage to say he knows of a black movie star whose b-hole tingles for the peen. As Will Smith shook with nervousness right out of his panties, Katt Williams said that Jamie Foxx is a gay. Some people acted all shocked, but mostly everybody else let a "meh," because the rumor that Jamie Foxx likes to squeeze peens with his luscious pecs has been around since the beginning of time. But Katt Williams went even farther by naming names.
HuffPo posted a video of Katt saying that Jamie is wrapping his Foxx hole around the dick belonging to singer Marcus Anthony who's on his label. After Katt said that Jamie Foxx loves peen, he went on a rant about how he turned down a role in Django Unchained, because that shit is racist.
“Who’s gay? Jamie Foxx. I can even tell you the name of the dude he fucked. His name is Marcus Anthony; he’s the only dude signed to Jamie Foxx’s label. Check it out and then Twitter the dude and ask him to see if he'll say yes. The dude told me backstage at a show and he told me I could bring him onstage and air it out. I said, 'No, nigga, let me wait until I get to L.A.'
Fuck Jamie Foxx and the 'Django Unchained' check he cashed. They offered me the script and I said, 'Any nigga that do this deserves to die. And the next thing I heard, Jamie Foxx was in makeup. I went to the set myself and I couldn't believe it. I got a copy of the script. They gave me a copy of the script written in Spielberg's hands. The words 'fuck you, nigger' appear one hundred and seventy six times in the script."
And here's the video if your eyes need that today:
The two most shocking parts of that video is that: a) Katt Williams actually showed up for a show and; b) Katt Williams had a mic in his hand and managed not to beat the brains out of his one of fans.