Whitney Houston

If TMZ is telling the truth, then the clip above shows Whitney Houston making her last appearance at a Prince concert. Whit has been a regular fixture at Prince's show and even got on stage at The Forum in L.A. the other night to holler out a sound that I can only describe as sounding like a constipated walrus with laryngitis trying to push a baby out through his penis hole. Prince's audience will no longer get to the hear that sound, because his team has put Whitney Houston's name on their banned list due to her constant acts of drunken mayhem. Whitney is as messy as that raggedy creature on her head.

A source says that even though they never saw Whitney sip on an alcoholic beverage, she's been giving off signs that she's drunk as shit. When Whitney isn't being a fool in the audience, she's begging Prince's people to let her up on stage to perform with him. They give in every now and again, but whenever they do they find themselves faced with a group of people asking for their money back. This has forced Prince to deny Whitney from here on out.

In other Whit Whit news, Radar says that everything old is new again! Specifically, CRACK! They're hearing that Bobby Brown is telling his friends that crack ain't whack to Whitney again. Apparently, Whitney is back in rehab, because she's been hitting the crack pipe like old times. One of Bobby B's friends said, "It's the worst it's ever been. Whitney went on tour again, and that's when the relapse occurred. Whitney's shutting a lot of people out of her life. It is a dire situation."

Do we need to send Diane Sawyer to pay a visit to Whitney's rehab room to try to set her straight again? Get it together, Whit! In ten years, I do not want to be poking at a cold egg breakfast while Whit leans against a cigarette machine and hacks out her greatest hits in between serving burnt hash browns to truckers in a casino diner outside of Laughlin, NV.

On Friday, I posted a few pictures of Whitney Houston looking like she just woke up on the scratchy carpet of a rehab center after spending most of the night licking on her bedspread's dried alcohol stain that was a battle wound from a struggle between a patient and a technician trying to yank the contraband bottle of whiskey out of their hands. There's a good reason for that! Whitney is currently enrolled in an outpatient treatment program. Unfortunately, footage of Cousin Dionne Warwick dragging Whitney by the ankle into rehab doesn't exist, because she voluntarily checked herself in.

Whitney's rep didn't give up that many details in the statement they released to People: "Whitney Houston is currently in an out-patient rehab program for drug and alcohol treatment. Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process."

Hmm. The last time I checked with Candy Finnigan, a "long-standing recover process" didn't involve swallowing your hotel minibar and starting a collection of liquor store receipts. But good for Whitney. Hopefully, when she she's finished with rehab, her thirst for crack (or whatever) will be curbed, but her hunger for bitchery and fuckery won't!

Wonderful and beautiful things happen on Friday (example: you can freely get tanked without worrying about a buzz from an alarm clock stirring your hangover in the morning), so it's no surprise that we've been gifted with these pictures of Whitney Houston looking like an irritated mess while showing up to Prince's show at The Forum in L.A. last night. Yes, only Whitney can give us an "end of the night" look at the beginning of the night.

Whit looks like she just rolled out from under a shrub where she was taking a quick disco nap to prepare herself for witnessing a disciple of Jehovah thrust his shit like it's Christmas (or like it's Thursday night since JWs don't do holidays). You just know there's a shrub somewhere that's covered in scraggles of Whitney's hair.

The best part is that it looks like Whitney is using the life skill that Cousin Dionne Warwick taught her. The skill I'm talking about is cursing a bitch out. The beautiful words "mother," "fucker," " bitchass," "hell," "tutha," and "no" definitely shot out of Whitney's mouth at least twice during this photo series. Whitney didn't use "hussy" because Cousin Dionne owns the copyright to that and you don't want to know what happens if you infringe upon that. Nostrils will flare...

In other Whitney news, Angela Basset announced on The Talk yesterday that there will be a sequel to Waiting to Exhale. YES! Lela Rochon can finally quit her job as the night manager of a Checkers now that she's making her long-awaited return to the big screen!

In this week's National Enquirer (via Boy Culture) are pictures of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's daughter Bobbi Kristina snorting what looks like a runway of the bad shit. On Radar yesterday, they posted pictures of Andy Dick doing the same thing in a car parked outside of a bar in Woodland Hills, CA. This is why you should only do coke in a polling booth, because those bitches will tackle any trick with a camera.

So, the photos of 18-year-old Bobbi Kristina with her nostril on a snort straw were given to the Enquirer by an ex-boyfriend who is trying to shame her into rehab. The leaker tells the Enquirer that coke isn't the only stuff Bobbi Kris messes with. Apparently, she smokes weed, sucks down beer like a Mexican uncle and drinks Everclear. Whitney can cry for the receipts until her tonsils dry up and drop, but the pictures are straight out of the receipt printer.

BUT Bobbi Kris jumped off the mirror and jumped in front of a computer to take to her Twitter and tell her followers that it's not what it looks like. IT WAS SALVIA DUST! From Bobbi K's Twitter:

The pictures_ a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it’s really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I’m very hurt by this.Thing’s people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That’s all, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. #BeStill.

I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I’m so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past.

And the person that did this was a result of a horrible relationship that went sour. I was in love_ he was in love with money. I’ve learned My lesson. I’m so much greater and blessed for it today, and I believe nothing less. That is the last I will speak of this, let’s praise god And be greatful and thankful for your family, and people that truly love you, strength, courage, and life lessons learned. GodblessUall «3

What she's trying to say is that COKE IS A JOKE! But what she should really do is grab us by the hand and lead us into her Chinese herbalist's store where she will show us the natural powder she snorts for her migraines (file under: stunts I learned while watching Body of Evidence). Now on to Andy...

The person who gave Radar the pictures of Daphne Aguilera filling his nose hole with Lohan powder says they were taken in a car parked outside of the Corner Club. The source says that before this, they walked into the men's room and caught Andy sucking on some chick's tit. Andy did that for about 15 minutes before he and his lady friend walked to the parking lot. The source goes on, “They were in their own little world. He was oblivious to everything except the cocaine and the woman with him. Andy has openly talked to me about committing suicide and he has definitely hit rock bottom at this point."

ANDY DICK SUCKING ON A NIPPLE BELONGING TO A WOMAN? Coke really is a helluva drug. But the other shocking thing is that two sets of leaked coke snorting pictures came out this week and not one of them stars Charlie Sheen. #win-youknowtherest.

And somewhere in California, Dr. Drew is spinning in a circle because he doesn't know whether he should drag in Bobby Kris or Andy Dick. Somebody take a ballpoint pen, poke it in his reset button and point him in the right direction.

via Jezebel, ONTD & Necole Bitchie

Looking like she just rolled out of a past due Buitoni carton, Lady Gaga performed her new single Born This Way for the first time on the Grammys last night. The foolery is here in case you missed it. It looked like Parasite Hilton's lady condom finally breaking free and celebrating its freedom. It also looked like what you see when you drop acid and stare at a bowl of wet pasta noodles for an hour straight. A mess in need of some Prego.

But that wasn't the only "THE FUCK?" moment that billowed out of Gaga's tuck. When she won Best Pop Vocal Album, she gave a special thanks to a special someone who served as an inspiration for Born This Way. Nope, not Madge. Gaga gently squeezed one of Whitney Houston's stubborn doody bubbles when she said:

"I need to thank Whitney Houston. I wanted to thank Whitney, because when I wrote 'Born this Way,' I imagined she was singing it -- because I wasn't secure enough in myself to imagine i was a superstar. So, Whitney, i imagined you were singing 'Born This Way' when I wrote it."

Klingon Madonna say what?! With all the talk that Born This Way is just a Dolly-fied version of Express Yourself, I really thought she would address this shit by singing a verse of EY or something. But no, Caca gives a subliminal kick to Madge's memaw crotch by thanking Whitney. Whitney is not convinced, though. She responded with this:

Here's more of the movie make-up school drop-out recycling Madge's old Blonde Ambition ponytail at the Grammys last night where she posed with Willow Smith.

Looking like the Alabama Leprechaun in a Rick James wig, Whitney Houston continued to bring people to their feet at London's O2 arena last night. However, bitches didn't stand to honor Whitney's glorious voice, they stood up so that they could bust out of there before their ears turned inside/out like Pete Doherty when you pour soap on him.

It isn't exactly news that a Whitney Houston concert is the equivalent of reading my junior high school journals (sad, painful and nauseating), but she addressed her voice issues during last night's show.

USA Today says that right after she viciously murdered I Will Always Love You, she stopped and told the audience, "She don't want to come, my soprano friend. Sometimes the old girl sings, but not tonight. I want to do it, but she doesn't want to. ... She's getting a little ... temperamental, even."

Whitney blamed it on the air conditioning in the arena, but she should've blamed it on a different kind of air: CRACK AIR. Whitney's soprano friend isn't coming back. Bitch quit Whit a long time ago. It is now happily living in the throat of a tubby Taiwanese boy with Tootie hair. It will not accept Whitney's friend request. Sadly.

If for some reason you need to the clear the room you are currently in, press play on this video of Whitney singing last night.

Somewhere in the world, a crackhead's light bulb pipe just burst.

After postponing several shows, Whitney Houston finally started the UK and European leg of her world tour in Birmingham last night. Several audience members said Whitney couldn't reach the high notes and was sweating more than Vanilla Gorilla at temple. Um. Do those bitches think it's 1995 again? The Whitney of the new millennium has barfing pores and cracks notes in two! This isn't your memaw's Whitney. The Sun reports:

The singer was even booed by disappointed fans.

One jeered "where are you", after she disappeared from the stage for three songs. The break, after Houston had been performing for barely 20 minutes, featured backing singers giving renditions of For The Love Of You and Queen Of The Night.

And then there was a video montage soundtracked by her recorded version of One Moment In Time. When Whitney returned to the stage she apologised, saying: "I heard you get mad. You're a little pissed off I understand. However I thought you would enjoy the montage. I humble myself and thank you for being so good over the years. Well, I'm here now and have even changed my clothes."

That sounds like a show to me, but I also stand up and throw a bouquet of opening night roses whenever a crackhead on my train rattles on about how her goody bag doesn't work like it used to (true story).

Anyway, here's Whitney sounding like a deaf walrus giving birth to a full grown elephant covered in spikes.

Whitney Houston's rep says that she is still laid up in a bed suffering from an upper respiratory infection, so she has been forced to reschedule more dates on her European tour. Damn. Why did I suddenly wonder what Whitney's sick room stanks like? Let's not open that door.

Anyway, Whitney was unable to take the stage in Paris last night, and her rep is now saying that she will also have to postpone concerts in Manchester and Glasgow. Dealer's.....I mean....Doctor's orders! Whitney is expected to begin her tour in Birmingham, England on Tuesday.

While Whitney's rep is screaming that she's got violent nose diarrhea, others are throwing the "crack" word around. It also doesn't help that in this week's InTouch, they have a story from some dude who claims he saw Whitney snorting a line of Lohan dust in the middle of a restaurant. From InTouch:

In Touch can reveal shocking claims from onlookers at the Beverly Wilshire hotel in LA who were surprised on March 10 when the singer walked into the bar, appearing disheveled and out of it.

According to eyewitness Marlon David, Whitney was with her ex-husband, Bobby Brown, and she seemed oblivious to who might be watching when she began screaming, “I want a fuckin’ drink!” followed by expletives. While Whitney’s rep vehemently denies that she’s using drugs, David, who was sitting just a table away from Whitney and Bobby, tells In Touch exclusively: “I saw her pull a plastic bag out, put a folded bill to her nose and discreetly snort a line from it of what to me certainly looked like cocaine. She’s extremely thin and looks like a disaster. She’s a hot mess.”

According to David, Bobby — who says he’s now clean — and has lost weight since competing on Celebrity Fit Club — seemed to be disgusted with Whitney’s behavior. “He had so much trouble trying to control her,” says David. “He tried to make her leave, but she wouldn’t. She started yelling his name loudly and calling him a stupid son of a bitch, and he told her to shut the fuck up.”

Aw. It sounds like Whitney and Bobby B are back in love. Quick! Get a camera crew on them NOW! And honestly, what is so bad about Whitney demanding a "fuckin' drink." Isn't that the first thing everyone says when they first walk into a place. We walk into church and scream, "I want a fuckin' drink!" We walk into a hospital room to visit our ailing aunt and scream, "I want a fuckin' drink!" We walk into court to answer to charges of disorderly conduct and scream, "I want a fuckin' drink!" We walk into a private dining room at The Olive Garden for the last supper with Jesus and scream, "I want a fuckin' drink!"

Furthermore, we shouldn't assume that Whitney was snorting the bad shit. Maybe it was Miralax to liquefy her doody bubbles? Possible!

Whitney Houston postponed her show in Paris tonight due to an "upper respiratory infection" (throw in a crackingitis joke here), but now I know the real reason for why she didn't feel like taking the stage. Whit woke up this morning, watched a few seconds of this Taiwanese boy killing "I Will Always Love You," said "fuckit," pulled her sleepin' wig over her eyes and went back to bed!

Sleep it off, Whit, because this Asian Augustus Gloop with the bowl cut of all bowl cuts will gladly step in for you. All hail the new SuBo!

via Just Jared

Whitney Houston rolled into Sydney Airport this morning looking like the crazy lady in your neighborhood who hacks at her front yard weeds with a kitchen knife at 12 in the morning, and threatens to shoot you with a BB gun if you try to pet one of her 80 cats. DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

There's no need to get on the phone with Dr. Drew just yet. Whitney looks raggedy rough, because she spent the entire night looking for her hairline and she still hasn't found it.

Either that, or one of her infamous doody bubbles is being stubborn and refuses to pop! Where's Bobby B's finger when you need it?