The CAPTION THIS Contest

Minutes later, a float of a tough English schoolgirl beat up this float for trying to copycat Taylor Swift. - RandéSleepover

Runners-up:

Does this dress make my pussy look fat? - zocalo1

Having retired his position of City Correspondent at SNL, Stefon quickly found a new way to keep midgets in his life. - BaconSlut

via Cheezburger

This is what you get when you use Kickstarter to fund a reboot of "Passion of the Christ." - Stock Broker

Runners-up:

Jesus: the college years - Sweetas

Pat Robinson had to come out of the closet when these pictures of his boy toy leaving his home emerged. - misstia

Desperate for attention and tired of waiting up nights for her lover to slither between her black satin sheets, Jenny Shimizu has resorted to stealing items from St. Angie's backyard. - H321

via Kotaku (Thanks, Benjamin)

Poor Rey Mysterio -- he forgot he'd already taken his wrestling mask off... - I am Legend

Runners-up:

The advances in medicine are now making it easier to give yourself head with no teeth to get on the way. - svp

After meeting Justin Theroux, Jennifer Anniston decided to dismember and return her former groom. - FluffKitteh

via PIU

Alice was just never quite the same after Mel's Diner closed. - BaconSlut

Runners-up:

This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain with salmonella. - OurMissC

Rachael Ray needs to remember Elvira Hancock and "Don't get high on your own supply". - TexnDoc

"I don't know where I went wrong, I started the kids out every day with a wholesome home cooked methfast, I mean breakfast." - Dina Lohan - ijustcant

Source: ThinkStock via Awkward Stock Photos

OK Goopy we get it. Your backyard cookout is way, way better and more sophisticated than ours. - citizenstrange

Runners-up:

Chelsea Lately overdoes her sunbathing again and has to be scraped up by her assistants, who never let a good opportunity go to waste. - LaChaylo

Kirstie Alley goes to Hell. - cs182

When John Travolta heard about a piping-hot hole surrounded by wieners, he came running--but left disappointed. - FluffKitteh

OK, when the Kitchen Nightmare cameras zoomed in real close I understand why Ramsey sent this pizza back. - TexnDoc

Runners-up:

The yearly cleaning of Mama June's chin folds is going well...no casualties as of yet. - faux_0

Porn from 2025: Middle-Aged Mom Farrah Abraham in Prolapse Boogaloo 14 - Cookie-Slore

In the Crème de menthe liqueur wrestling contest, the "I can lick my own taint' guy always wins. ALWAYS. - AnointyNointy

via Izismile

Rejected by the Macy's parade committee, the Def Jam balloon featured a tribute to Russell Simmons and the hot dogs that were surgically removed from Kimora Lee's neck. - Dawn Davenport

Runners-up:

After much begging and pleading from PMK, The city of Los Angeles finally agreed to give Kim Kardashian her very own float for the upcoming Memorial Day parade. - N.

Oh, look! Jennifer Aniston's honeymoon balloon ride 'accidentally' crash landed on St. Angie's property. Well played Jennifer, well played. - seejaneclick

via Boing Boing

Poor Goopy knows exactly what to expect when she goes to the restroom after having a coke and an Oreo. - LaChaylo

Runners-up:

The real reason for the break up... this is what Ryan Seacrest saw every time he looked at Julianne Hough. - tojo

I don't see what the big deal is. It's just proof that Federline jacked off last time he was at the beach. - Skinnymalinky

Being an epileptic at SeaWorld also has its advantages! - BaconSlut

via PIU

Courtney Stodden was afraid jumping out of a cake for her husband's birthday party would mess up her lip gloss, so she opted for plan B. - jellin76

Runners-up:

So...your prostitute's name was Tucky Charms, who kept bragging about being "Magically Suspicious", and you woke up this morning with a weird phallic shaped bruise on your face? Well, that is a mystery... - cs182

It was only a matter of time before someone found another use for that lickable wallpaper from Willy Wonka's factory tour. - Migraine Sally

Charlie Sheen knew exactly what to get his twin boys for their fifth birthday. He wasn't worried about the size - they'd grow into it. - LaChaylo

via Fail Blog (Thanks, Darla)

Meals on Wheels: Zombie Apocalypse Edition - Sweetas

Runners-up:

Pro tip: ALWAYS use a professional escort to fulfill your "UPS Man" fantasy, otherwise you'll get what you pay for. - Furry-Hunk-Of-Man-Beef

When she heard "$2000 for anything you can push, pull, or drag in!" it was as if her prayers had been answered. - GingeMinge

via Break