The CAPTION THIS Contest

John Travolta is known to take great care of his hair donor. - LaChaylo

Runners-up:

Kim Kardashian: "Do I really look that different now that I'm pregnant?"

Personal assistant: "Nahhh..." - Zorba-the-Geek

Oh no, Brooke Shields OD'ed on Latisse. - OurMissC

"Prepare to get relaxed, because I give a Wicket massage!" - Strepsi

via PIU

How YOU doin'? - Eileenie McMeanie

Runners-up:

Those Brooke Shields furniture ads really are bringing in the customers! - lovelylaney

Life would be perfect if only the remote floated. - Midwestocean

Uncle Poodle demonstrates proper use of the piece of furniture known as "The Redneck Waterbed." - Trixster

via Izismile

Supermarket Sweep just wasn't as much fun with Howie Mandel hosting. - perky

Runners-up:

The homeless of Chernobyl take every precaution. - ImpertinentVixen

Man, the tough economy is even affecting Storm Shadow. - TFBuckFutter

No need for panic, New Yorkers! The Health Authority says the street hot dog venders just have to wear that only when they see Ke$ha coming. - TexnDoc

via WOW Report

Kim K was ecstatic at the thought of wearing a dress made of black sacs. - OurMissC

Runners-up:

Oscar de la Renta's "Orphan Smuggler" gown was a hit with Angie Jo. - TelevisedRevolution

Yes, there was lots of snickering at first. But soon her wardrobe was the envy of the other Carnival Cruise passengers. - loozer

If no one asks you to the prom, Don't Get Mad, Get Glad! - snowpiece

via Break.com

The only one worse off than this stunt double for Nicolas Cage is Nicolas Cage, whose tax problems forced him to agree to making a porno remake of the much beloved classic "The Wicker Man". - JohnTravoltasButtplug

Runners-up:

After reading way too many of his sister's fancy fashion magazines, Randy goes entirely too far in his quest to attain a bee-stung look. - MeowMeow

Canada's most unappreciated celeb: Justin Beeber. - Spkheller

via Izismile

This is how Jessica Simpson got pregnant again so quickly. She can never resist a romantic gesture. - PeggyOlson

Runners-up:

Riri's after-weed bouquet, bouquet. - Gardening Girl

The universally panned movie "The Canyons" is being released to theaters as "The Funyuns" hoping nobody will notice the change. - Mani6

Daddy Spears's first clue that Adnan Galib is trying to sneak back into Brit Brit's life. - City Barbie

via Break.com

Hollywood has gotten so competitive, even the casting couches are getting vaginal rejuvenations to outdo one another. - oldauntfannie

Runners-up:

In an effort to save money, the producers of The View have chosen a new couch with the cunts built in. - meeeee

You guys have it all wrong, it's just Lindsay's pink lipstick stains. - daisy100

When the Sister Wives kick him out of bed, this is where Kody Brown sleeps. - I am Legend

(Thanks, Robin)

According to her publicist, Natalie Portman performed all seven roles simultaneously. - David Lerner

Runners-up:

Vivid's head honcho was not pleased when he saw the footage. He wanted more tools in asses, not tulles and asses. - OurMissC

Their rendition of Sleeping Booty is ok....but I don't think I'm going to stick around for Dong Lake. - TFBuckFutter

The public presentation of Ron Jeremy's physical therapy team. - Tj45acp

via Evil Milk

Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're brilliant, they're beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Rabbi Charlie. - Swallows

Runners-up:

Passion of the Christ: First Blood - PeggyOlson

With their remaining members still free, Pussy Riot sends a message to Putin: fuck with us NOW, bitch! - Resident Pragmatis

via Izismile

Marilyn Manson converted to Mormonism and now instead of the Beautiful People he sings, the Beautiful Sister Wives. - OneEyedSue

Runners-up:

The Real Housewives of Hades. - JPHinLA

The walking dead, white, and blue continue their world domination tour. - Edna -E- Mode

"Oh honey calm down. Look at this, loud thunder is just corpses and zombies and demons bowling in Heaven." - TexnDoc

(Thanks,Holly)