Afternoon Crumbs

Selena Kay Letourneau strikes again! - Hollywood Tuna 

So many, "I'd like Charlie Hunnam to Pacific Rim me" jokes, so little time - Lainey Gossip 

Robert Downey Jr.'s old Sketchers ad is making me pucker from places I didn't know I could pucker from - The Berry 

Put on your fishnets and get in a prayer circle for Dr. Frank-N-Furter - HuffPo

"Hey, Kristen Stewart, about how many working brain cells do you have?" - The Superficial 

Helen Flangan's chichis look like two eggs in a nest made of pansies - Drunken Stepfather

January Jones is still not going to tell you who bareback boned a surprised baby into her - Celebitchy

Even Hugh JackMeOff's nipples look ripped - Towleroad

It took me about six eye blinks to realize that this wasn't a knocked up Selena Gomez - Popoholic

If American Idol is going to officially stop giving a shit by bringing back past contestants as judges, they need to bring back Rhonetta - ICYDK

STUNT QUEENS stuntin' like STUNT QUEENS at SNL - IDLYITW

What a gorgeous hemorrhoid with lips - Reality Tea

Elisabeth Moss believes the Hammaconda is real - Jezebel

Amber Heard is thinking to herself, "Hmmm, I know one of these vampire zombies is going to suck the life out of me later, but I'm not sure which one..." - Popsugar

This South Korean model and Daryl Hannah must have the same plastic surgeon - OMG Blog

So if I want a giant peen etched into my car, all I have to do is cut this crazy Florida trick off? Tell me where to find her - The Frisky 

It's a shame One Life to Live isn't on TV anymore, because Snoop Lion would've gotten all the Emmys for this - SOW

This is the closest Tommy Girl will ever get to bare pussy - Just Jared

Stills from the next Planet of the Apes movie confirms that it's going to be the scariest Planet of the Apes movie ever - I'm Not Obsessed

I will say that Anne Hathaway's camel toe looks good in blue. Blue is really its color - The Superficial 

Wonky McValtrex got a record deal with CashMoney and if she didn't think black guys are gross, she'd probably touch crotches with Lil Wayne, which would lead to the strongest strain of herpes the world has ever seen   - Lainey Gossip

RiRi was NOT RIGHT for posting a picture from Gay Al Reynolds' Manhunt profile - Drunken Stepfather

ANGELYNE SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!! - WOW Report

I'll take the gigantic giant on the right and you all can fight over the rest - Towleroad

The Twitter fail whale just needs to fall on LeAnn Rimes at this point  - Celebitchy

Heather Graham has on more make-up than a Southern PTA President from the 80s, but she's still got it - Hollywood Tuna 

In other words, all jobs are hard - The Berry

It pains me to say this, but ScarJo should play Sammi Sweetheart all the time - Popoholic

The only kind of taco Zac Efron will eat is the kind with pico de gallo - Just Jared

And Obama and his prom mates totally smoked those leaves afterward - Popsugar

Jennifer "I'm a size 2!" Love Hewitt on the cover of a running magazine  - I'm Not Obsessed

That dress tells me that Irina Shayk got into a fight with a tire and loses - IDLYITW

I have a sudden urge to play Tetris now, thanks to Alicia Keys' dress - Crunk + Disorderly

This makes me thankful that Frances Bean Cobain inherited her crazy mother's gift for overreacting - HuffPo

The Real Housewives of NYC might be down a cuntess next season - Reality Tea 

This is exactly what I would've done too - Jezebel

Eva Longoria got her masters - ICYDK

Isn't Girls already a porn parody of Girls? - Videogum

This pussy is lazy and rude - OMG Blog

While watching Jennifer Aniston's skit for Ellen with Matthew Perry and Courteney Cox, I kept thinking to myself that this needs a laugh track and rich people have really weird front door areas - Lainey Gossip

Things that make Katie Holmes wet, and no, it's not the thought of being free from Tommy Girl  - Drunken Stepfather

The Silver Fox would NEVER! - The Superficial 

This is the view Eva Mendes sees right before she tosses your boyfriend's salad - Towleroad

Every time Lourdes Leon comes back from one of her supervised dates, she should make Madge's veins pop by blasting "Like A Virgin" in her room - Celebitchy

Petra Nemcova's newly bleached weave looks a little parched - Hollywood Tuna

The wonderful effects of weed: 30-year-old dude dances next to his 20-year-old self to the Dixie Chicks' cover of "Landslide" and I'm assuming that a bong was involved - The Berry 

Anne Hathaway's hair is started to veer into Tabatha Coffey territory - Popoholic

EXTRAVAGANZA ALERT: Every ensemble that RuPaul has worn down the runway on RuPual's Drag Race - OMG Blog

Basement Baby sneaks out of the house wearing the clothes she made out of grandmas 1970 wallpaper - Just Jared

Ewan McGregor on the set of his new movie Skinny Jeans & Pomade: The Justin Theroux Story - Popsugar

Lara Lieto takes the Afghan Hound prince for a walk - I'm Not Obsessed

Sharon Stone's nalgas look like a peach dipped in blue paint - IDLYITW

I'm still trying to figure out how's there's a part 6 to The Fast and the Furious - Moe Jackson

"Why couldn't Jesse James have been working on his motorcycle with his peen?" asked Kat Von D - HuffPo 

I really thought this was Albita for a second - Reality Tea

The "Don't Be A Slut" dress code goes against EVERYTHING I believe in - Jezebel

Vintage Heidi Klum - SOW

In case you needed to be reminding about how damn rich  Ellen DeGeneres is - ICYDK

RiRi is supposedly paying tribute to Marilyn Monroe here, but that forty five cent wig is totally "Colonel Sanders after a home perm gone wrong" - ICYDK

Leonardo DiCatchAHo looks like a vato trying to get down at a backyard barbecue - Lainey Gossip

There's still a baby growing inside all of Jessica Simpson - Drunken Stepfather

And just like that, Jon Bon Jovi's name has been written in saliva and mashed peas on under "most wanted" on every Believer's wall - The Superficial

If Rainbow Brite grew up and became a hippy raver - Hollywood Tuna

Why do I have a feeling that Beyonce snatched Grown Woman from Basement Baby's notebook? - Towleroad

Please someone cancel Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes twitter accounts. Their fights would be better so much better face-to-nostrils - Celebitchy

Celeb whores with the Anthony Davis - The Berry 

The nerd boys just blue themselves  - Popoholic

RiRi wants a mouthful of hillbilly chipmunk - Just Jared

Alec Baldwin gave his unborn baby the dizzies at Cannes - Popsugar

The censors get next year off, because Seth MacFartlane will not host the Oscars again - I'm Not Obsessed

"Don't bring me into this dark-sided mess!" - God - IDLYITW

Are we sure that chick is with Wilmer Valderrama? She looks over the age of 16 and that's usually his cutoff - Moe Jackson

And Katy Perry totally peed in that water - HuffPo

The husband of the new Real Housewife of NYC looks like he keeps the bones of children in his basement. He'll fit right in with the other husbands!  - Reality Tea

Jonathan Taylor Thomas is old enough to drink red wine now... - Videogum

This is pretty much going to be me when Shauna Sand dies - Jezebel

The only kind of pregnant lips I want to see on Kim Kartrashian are the ones on her face and I don't even want to see those - SOW

"That piece of trash ruined my will to love and now he's stolen my hairstyle!!!" screamed Jennifer Aniston after seeing Brad Pitt on the cover of June's Esquire - Lainey Gossip

How long before Amanda Bynes Photoshops her legs around Wheelchair Jimmy's fro? - The Berry 

Cerie from 30 Rock got married - OMG! Yahoo 

Oh, so that's what dominatrixes looked like during pilgrim times - Drunken Stepfather

If you put your butt up to the screen while playing this video, it'll be the closest you'll ever get to getting your salad tossed by Jack Black - Towleroad

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner joked about their marriage on SNL - Celebitchy

Well, Snookitina instantly lost 10 pounds when she scraped all thirty layers of red lip paint off of her mouth - The Superficial 

Olivia Munn in a bikini and sucking on a lollipop for Esquire, because nobody has every done that before - Hollywood Tuna 

This is what happens you mix booze and Kid Rock's natural doucheness - Buzzfeed

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are about to go public with their relationship and might I suggest that they go public with an HD sex tape? I need something to wash away the images of Backdoor Farrah - ICYDK

This dog needs to get it together! It's just a Disney movie and it's not even Bambi! - Jezebel

Jessica Biel looks like she was attacked by silly string - Popoholic

Sinbad is broke - HuffPo

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH - Reality Tea

I can't play any musical instruments, but I'm still going to start a band just so I can name it ANAL BREATHS - Videogum

The dude from Shameless is only giving to show you his ass for now - OMG Blog

The Diva from Smash got another job! - Just Jared

Robert Pattinson moves his crap out of Kristen Stewart's house in trash bags. Sparkle vamps: they're just like us! - Popsugar

Ricky Martin's twins are the miniaturized versions of him - I'm Not Obsessed

"Why is that dominatrix ice sculpture blinking?" asked hundreds of party guests at Calvin Klein's Cannes party - Lainey Gossip

Oh how Ryan Seacrest wishes that the OTHER Hough was wearing this outfit instead - Hollywood Tuna

Pictures that have me wondering if I should maybe try to work out this weekend... But wait, fapping while eating a quesadilla at the same time is considered exercise, right? - The Berry  

Like the Kane and Kim are going to even last that long - The Superficial

Those wolf brows make Sofia Vergara look like my Tio Jorge - Drunken Stepfather

The shit Detective La Toya will do for a check - Jezebel

I bet a Madge vs. Goopy cat fight looks like wax-covered two praying mantises playing a super aggressive game of patty cake   - Celebitchy

George Michael got into another car crash and thankfully Snappy Snaps wasn't involved this time around - Towleroad

Edward Furlong must love hanging out with cops - ICYDK

You just can't take the Coachella out of Vanessa Hudgens - Popoholic

BUT IS PHOEBE PRICE OKAY?!!! - HuffPo

Keith Urban doesn't want to let go of the millions of dollars FOX pays him to do nothing - Reality Tea

Rooney Mara looks like the ghost of Ichabond Crane in daytime drag - Popsugar

If only we all had elegant moves like this - OMG Blog

Amanda Bynes is totally going to Photoshop her crotch on Wheelchair Jimmy's face - I'm Not Obsessed

Justin Bieber is still dressing like a rejected extra from House Party 2 - Just Jared

F/M/K time! I'd kill Charles Barkley, fuck The Rock and marry Shaq, because he's the richest - SOW

Either Miley Cyrus dropped half of her chipmunk face on a mountain of coke or her make-up artist hates her and wants people to know it - Hollywood Tuna

Casper Smart's gold digging mission is almost complete and he should be proud of himself for achieving such success before even graduating from potty training academy  - Lainey Gossip

Teen Mom Farrah's backdoor bikini is on eBay and I'm surprised nobody has asked if anal leakage stains are included - Drunken Stepfather

Kirstie Alley is the Rosa Parks of fat actresses, basically - Celebitchy

Try not to spit out your tampon from shock when we all find out that Premo Stallone is an actor Pimp Mama Kris hired to get Kourtney Kartrashian some tabloid attention - The Superficial

Uma Thurman will play Anita Bryant - Towleroad

EVERYBODY'S leaving Saturday Night Live and they might as well just get Justin Timberlake to replace them all and call it a day - Just Jared

Jason Hoppy wants to gag Bethenny Frankelstein, but not in a sexy way - Reality Tea

Emma Watson in W Magazine - Popoholic

Kelly Rowland claims she was jealous of Beyonce being more successful than her after Destiny's Child split up (The Illuminati made her say it)  - ICYDK

The third dude should totally be the next Bachelor - The Berry 

And here's Tom Hopper's ass, because you need something to wipe away the image of Teen Mom Farrah's anal leakage stains - OMG Blog

Selena Gomez seconds after she realized that she dated Justin Bieber once - IDLYITW

Violet from American Horror Story cleans up good - Popsugar

Why Pimp Mama Kris hasn't whored out Rob Kartrashian to Jenny Craig yet is beyond me - I'm Not Obsessed

Fame whore still fighting fame whore fame whore-ly on Twitter - HuffPo

As always, RiRi is the definition of sophistication and demureness - Jezebel

Christina Hendricks' mother, is that you? - SOW

John Currin's portrait of a naked Bea Arthur is expected to sell at for at least $1.8 million at Sotheby's today. I thank all of you in advance for selling all of your possessions, loved ones and internal organs to buy this for me. I will hang it over my Ikea dresser and pray to it every night. Thank you for being a friend. - HuffPo 

CHRIS EVANS' ARMS. That is all. - Lainey Gossip

Aubrey O'Day gives us her best "skank caught in the headlights" look  - Drunken Stepfather

LeAnn Rimes bought a husband, so it's no surprise that she's buying Twitter followers too - The Superficial 

Um, Christina Hendricks' husband should be kissing the feet of God for having a wife that looks like her, so I'm sure he'd be okay with her wearing sweats every now and again - Celebitchy

Hayden Pantyairs' braid kind of looks like the chicken and onion screwer I had for lunch on Sunday - Hollywood Tuna 

Carrie Underwood models a piece called "The Glimmer" from She-Ra's new lingerie collection - Popoholic

Alyssa Milano stopped by The Grove before heading to her hostess job at the Howard Johnson's Diner - ICYDK

Nobody wants to be on Pimp Mama Kris' show - Reality Tea 

For the rock bottom price of $2,000 (which is what Goopy spends a day on diamond water), you can meet Goopy Paltrow and allow her to judge you internally as she tries not to heave while shaking your peasant hand - Jezebel

And somewhere in this world, somebody is going to fap to this - OMG Blog

Justin Timberlake's Don Draper drag is not working - Just Jared

I see who ever made She By Sheree's commercial is now outsourcing their talents to Zoolander's biological son - Videogum

The stills from the new Predator movie are extremely terrifying - Moe Jackson

Things you do while stoned (or if you're Jessica Simpson, things you do all the time) - The Chive

Here's Beyonce's handwritten apology letter to her bumblebeys in Antwerp - IDLYITW

Jim Toth drinks the sweet nectar with AN AMERICAN CITIZEN on American soil - Popsugar

The gay version of Girls is happening at HBO - Towleroad

Rita Ora, is that you? - I'm Not Obsessed

The style evolution of Pretty Ricky - Crunk + Disorderly

James Franco's in GQ Magazine showing off his black belt fisting skills. Teen Mom Farrah doesn't know whether to close her legs or try to book James for the sequel to her porn - Lainey Gossip

Why is an inflatable green ball with a face trying to nibble on Heidi Klum's tit? - Drunken Stepfather

When Denise Richards turned down Charlie Sheen's stack of cash for taking care of twins he just shrugged and said, "More snatch and coke for me then!" - Celebitchy

Either Emma Watson's nipple is really long and skinny or she got a hamburger grease stain on her dress - The Superficial 

Just Jack is on TV again - Towleroad

Porn Iguana or Snookitina or a little of both?- Hollywood Tuna

The morphing of Blair Waldorf and JLo was at the FOX Upfronts - Popoholic

Jimmy Choo wants Nicole Kidman's feet - Just Jared

LuMann and Aviva might not be in the next season of Real Houseflies of New York City - Reality Tea

The look on Tori Spelling's kids faces says it all - ICYDK

Douche parade and yes, I'd hit them all - The Berry 

Vanessa Hudgens either has a herp sore or one of the paps blew a fart her way - IDLYITW

B. Coop wants a lot of balls on his head - Popsugar

Carrie Underwears isn't ready to rent her womb out to a baby yet - I'm Not Obsessed

Oh...Brooke Mueller.... - HuffPo

Ling Woo > Sandra Bullock - Jezebel

$950 for a shot glass that looks like an oversized thimble from Monopoly?  - Videogum

... And seconds after Prince Hot Ginge strolled out of a Port-A-Potty, dozens of hos ran in there pantless to scoot across the toilet seat and pick up as much as Hot Ginge DNA as possible  - Lainey Gossip

Well, Taylor Swift's music does make my ears feel like they're burning in hell  - The Superficial 

RiRi stays dressing like an early 90s hooker who gets all her ho shit uniforms from Miller's Outpost - Drunken Stepfather

So you know how you threw your naked and greased up body on Henry Cavill that one time? Yeah, it was a little too aggressive for him - Celebitchy

Is the dude in the second picture Johnny Depp or current day Al Pacino after a dye job? - The Berry 

Michael Douglas on what it was like dry boning Matt Damon - Towleroad

Either Maxim used all the Photoshop on Heather Graham or she's been moisturizing her face with the blood of babies - Hollywood Tuna 

Halle Berry's baby dome is growing as baby domes usually do - Popoholic

This tragic STUNT QUEEN move actually makes me miss Heidi and Spencer - ICYDK

So what do all the Real Housewives make a season? (Sadly, the answer isn't two bottles of Boone's Farms and a lap dance from Andy Cohen) - Reality Tea 

The My Little Pony raver girls are terrifying - Jezebel

"Hey, Pimp Mama Kris, how much for the one on the left?!" - Dennis Rodman - HuffPo

Dear NBC, Kylie Minogue as She-Ra will SAVE the network! - OMG Blog 

The Difficult Brown's neighbors don't like the portraits of his ass warts that he spray-painted in front of his house - IDLYITW

Dr. Who shaved his head and it's actually doing things to me - Just Jared

The Jolly Green Giant and Little Green Sprout go to the beach - Popsugar

Steve Sanders, I still would - Boy Culture

Paul Giamatti looking like Mama June without her hair on, I still would - Videogum

More delusions from the mistress of Neverland Manor - Crunk + Disorderly

Savannah Guthrie's getting married - I'm Not Obsessed