Afternoon Crumbs

After seeing the Machete Kills poster with Sofia Vergara on it, Katy Perry threw her machine gun bra into the trash and told her people to scrap all plans for her heavy metal album - Popoholic

Adrianne Palicki is blond now (or maybe she's always been blond and I haven't noticed since I'm way behind on all my Adrianne Palicki news) - Hollywood Tuna

GOOP's idea of comfort food is very GOOP - Lainey Gossip

Poke at me when TV Guide asks Stephen Amell to play the Match Your Co-Star's Name to the Peen Game - Towleroad

If drunk ass Chelsea Handler is right about Taylor Swift being a virgin flower, then does that mean Red is about popping her cherry? - The Superficial 

Lindsay Lohan wishes had talents like this mess - Drunken Stepfather

BREAKING: Naomi Watts cut her hair - Celebitchy

Owl eye tits + a clear rain poncho = doing fashion right - ICYDK

Ethan Hawke is on the cover of Gotham looking like he's taking a dump. A very distinguished dump since he is wearing a suit after all - Just Jared

Thank God my eyes deceived me, because I really thought this was a naked David Archuleta in a tub - OMG Blog

It all makes sense now, Taylor Swift's love life is a front for her house flipping business - IDLYITW

Bradley Cooper's middle part is looking stunning in The Hangover III trailer - The Berry 

TERRENCE HOWARD WAS ROBBED! - Jezebel

No. - C+D

Give me the car, give me the sugar juice, keep the Zach Braff - Moe Jackson 

Why is Blake NotSoLively wearing the dress my mom wore to my sister's graduation in the 90s? - Popsugar

David Beckham is either making a fart or smelling a fart - I'm Not Obsessed

Going to the Olive Garden is the smartest decision Shia LaDouche has ever made in the history of his life - Videogum

Justin Bieber should close his Macbook Air right now, because he's no Kanye - Cityrag

If you turned this picture of Katherine Webb upside down, she'd look exactly like Ceiling Eyes right side up - Hollywood Tuna 

My favorite gold digging stripper from One Life to Live is way too good for Adam Levine - Lainey Gossip

I'm pretty sure Jessica Simpson still doesn't know that letting a peen shoot its frosting into your coochie hole can lead to pregnancy and you know Eric Whatshisname isn't going to tell her (third baby = MORE MONAY!) - The Superficial 

James Franco gets into it with Stephen Colbert and looks stoned and full of farts while doing so - Towleroad

Demi Moore is trying to get all the money from Ashton Kutcher, because booze and young peen doesn't come cheap  - Celebitchy

RiRi is turning into a really boring Heather Hunter - Drunken Stepfather

Holly Madison is popping those placenta pills now, because she just birthed out a daughter - IDLYITW

Ariel's son looks like Rupert Grint on crack - The Berry 

Nobody has told Jessica Chastain that gingers should proceed with caution when it comes to wearing red - Popoholic

I thought this was Courtney Stodden after a spray tan - ICYDK

The venue must've not cared about that rug if they let LeAnn Rimes rub her bare hooves all over it - Just Jared

Brit Brit needs to hire these babies as her new lip-synch coaches - OMG Blog

Michael Lohan actually got a job - Reality Tea 

My hero gives Duchess Kate a special, from the nose gift she can't refuse - Jezebel

Wearing jeans that look like jeans queefing out another pair of jeans is NOT the look - Crunk + Disorderly

Rich people stuff: Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore at bikini boot camp in Mexico - Popsugar

FYI: Olivia Newton-John is strictly dickly ("Me too, gurrrl!" - Travolta) - Boy Culture

Shhh, it looks like the Hammaconda is taking a nap - SOW

We shouldn't hate. I mean, Wonky McValtrex's crotch crabs are thirsty little shits - Celebslam

Is this what Donna saw right before she was eaten by zombies on The Walking Dead? - I'm Not Obsessed

That cover line should really read: "Damn Kate, You Looked Photoshopped!" They gave her one of those Mufasa noses - Popoholic

I swear I've seen Blanche Devereaux wear almost the exam same tropical jumpsuit thing that Selena Gomez is swearing and I swear Blanche Devereaux wore it better - Lainey Gossip

Fact: Anne Hathaway was holding Amanda Seyfried's dog hostage when she tweeted that - The Superficial 

Madonna gave birth to AIDS, so says the group of noted scientists and medical historians we all know as Lady CaCa's Little Monsters - Towleroad

Harper's Bazaar glued Kate Winslet's hand to her head for their shoot, because the "ah got a headache" look is so now - Celebitchy

Kate Upton's supposed Russian mail order bride twin looks more like Amanda Seyfried's Russian mail order bride twin - Drunken Stepfather

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly's dog looks like it's covered in delicious Top Ramen noodles - Hollywood Tuna 

January Jones' baby looks a little Lena Dunham-ish in the eyes to me, so obviously I'm saying that Lena Dunham IS the father - ICYDK

And Billy Ray Cyrus cries into his Taco Party Pack for one while wishing that Anna Friel was his daughter - IDLYITW

You're doing the whole "figuring out what to do with your life" thing wrong when you've decided that you want to be a full-time Kartrashian  - Reality Tea

Now this is how a badass motherfucker does "day to night" - OMG Blog

Hugh JackMeOff needs to torch that black beanie, because it made me mistake him for a skinnier John Travolta - Just Jared

If Dynasty was turned into a superhero comic, this is what Alexis Carrington's lair would look like - The Berry 

Somebody check on Ellen, because methinks Woody Harrelson scalped her - SOW

The moment right before Kunty Karl slurped out Jessica Chastain's soul through her ear - Popsugar

Cher Horowitz and Mr. Potato Head's daughter should be arrested for constantly sneaking into stores  - Videogum

The next time you'll see Kenya Moore, her foot will be hanging out of Mama June's luscious stack of chins. Yes, the chins bite. - Crunk + Disorderly

This walk of shame moment must've been taken the night after Charlize Theron hit on Seth MacFarlane - Moe Jackson 

The hobo vampire emerges - I'm Not Obsessed

Rest in peace, Buddy.... - Cityrag

That shuffling sound Jackie Collins heard coming from her closet in the middle of the night was just Mimi stealing her red leopard trench coat - Lainey Gossip

We should all be afraid and scared for the future, because the earth is swallowing up America's greatest treasure: Florida - Towleroad

Are Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens making meth? - Drunken Stepfather

In other words: Michelle Williams just couldn't handle the puppets staring at her during sex - Celebitchy

Since they're putting every damn Spider-Man villain in the next movie, I look forward to seeing Raven from Drag Race as Coldheart - The Superficial 

Christie Brinkley shows those young hos how a staged photo-op is really done - Hollywood Tuna 

90210 better end with Brenda Walsh blowing all of these bitches up in the Peach Pit - ICYDK

Juna from The Comeback's case of the babies has reached stage 4 - Popoholic

Something to make your heart gush out a stream of awwwws: animals and their mini-mes - OMG Blog

The producers of Splash are really, really trying to make Katherine Webb happen in a "I took a second mortgage out on my house to make Katherine Webb happen" sort of way - IDLYITW

Happy Panty Creamer Friday! - The Berry 

TAN MOM VINDICATED! - Jezebel

These pictures would've been so gorgeous and glamorous if they asked Fuggie Fug to take several hundred steps to her right - Just Jared

Lohanthony + the Harlem Shake = FOR WHY!!!!?! - Queerty

The NOH8 campaign is so weird sometimes - Buzzfeed

But why is Shakira holding the clippings from Khloe Kardashian's last crotch brush pruning? - Popsugar

No, Bobby B, Giggy Vanderpump does not need you to pop his doody bubble - Crunk + Disorderly

The decor of Kanye West's house matches his maturity level - Cityrag

In case you need words of wisdom about your marriage and family from Ghouliana Rancic - I'm Not Obsessed

(Pic via Splash)

The moment Katie Holmes and her agent spot one of Tommy Girl's spy spaceships and realize that their date is ruined  - Lainey Gossip 

A factual documentary on how The Vatican is choosing the next Pope - Towleroad

Jennifer Aniston needs to come correct. because nothing sounds posher or classier than a last name that sounds like "anal stain" - Celebitchy

I should be spending my time trashing Ashley Tisdale's outfit, but I'm too busy wondering if her tall and lanky piece is hung like a Tommy Lee. I've got priorities! - Hollywood Tuna 

If JWoww had any feeling left in her tits I'd say that it probably hurt when they ripped that duct tape bra off, taking one of her nips with it - Drunken Stepfather

The mini Ryan Seacrest is taller than the actual Ryan Seacrest - The Berry 

Elisabetta Canalis still exists and the paparazzi are still answering the phone when she calls to tell them where she is - Popoholic

Girls Gone Broke - ICYDK

Basement Baby is taking this Diana Ross circa 1976 look all the way - Just Jared

I SO would - OMG Blog

Law & Order continues to provide potent levels of fuckery by killing RiRi Natalie Wood-style - IDLYITW

I had a wet dream that started out like this once - Queerty

Katy Perry is letting a ho be a ho and John Mayer loves her for that - Celebslam

Forget about Jamie Chung, what the hell happened to Jacinda's Hollywood career? - Moe Jackson

You can practically set an extra large sodie pop on Kristen Bell's baby globe - Popsugar

If Lena Dunham herself did this scene, she would've done it completely naked while pissing in the tub. Other than that, nailed it! - Boy Culture

See every single ensemble Olivia Pope has worn on Scandal, because why not? - Vulture

Mia Wasikowhatever looks like a young Helen Mirren - I'm Not Obsessed

I was going to say that Mila Kunis must miss the smell of douche while doing the Oz tour, but then I saw that James Franco is with her so... - Cityrag

(Pic via Splash)

Clint Eastwood's 19-year-old daughter Francesca and 64-year-old Steven Tyler went to dinner together last night. Steven Tyler's "confused orangutan" face best expresses my feelings about all of this. Well, at least Clint has someone to mumble words out with at Thanksgiving, because his empty chair is a shitty conversationalist. - Lainey Gossip 

The gay son from Shameless came out as straight - Towleroad

And by "small wedding" Jennifer Aniston means that her only guests will be her dogs and her Beanie Babies - Celebitchy

Khloe Kardashian and Malin Akerman make a beautiful pair - Hollywood Tuna  

Big Ang >>>>>>> all those other models - Drunken Stepfather

Brit Brit totally got caught shoplifting Hot Fries and Bonne Bell black eyeliner again - The Superficial 

I hope Teen Mom Janelle is really in rehab to deal with her disturbing Ke$hit addiction - Reality Tea

Ashley Tisdale has never looked more beautiful. That bag mask suits her. - Popoholic

Ashley Olsen killed Oscar the Grouch, skinned him, relaxed his fur and wore it as a jacket - ICYDK

Yup, Kristen Bell's got a baby in there - Just Jared

Panty Creamer of the Day: Shemar Moore Edition - SOW

Pretend it's 1994 and scream at the news that Stone Temple Pilot kicked Scott Weiland out of the band - Vulture

Remember when Janet Jackson's face still looked like it was made of natural materials? - OMG Blog

Elijah Wood loves therapy - The Berry 

American Horror Story cast Kathy Bates and if they cast Sharon Stone as her Diabolique character, season 3 will be everything - Jezebel

Vanessa Hudgens forgot to roll a little Sure on her crotch - Celebslam

I hope that lady is saying to PHG, "I am a huge fan of your butt cheeks!" - Popsugar

Hated it! - I'm Not Obsessed 

Fighting the hot: Jared Leto is by getting the most confusing traffic sign ever tattooed on his back - Videogum

(Pic via Pacific Coast News)

JWoww shows off Dr. Frankenstein's finest work - The Superficial 

Charlize Theron only stayed near Seth MacFarlane all night, because she wanted the name and number of the dentist who did his glistening veneers - Lainey Gossip

Jennifer Aniston is such a cold-hearted, crew-hating bitch for wanting to eat lunch by herself. String the evil witch up! - Celebitchy

My dog already does this on a daily basis, so I don't need even more animals burning looks of judgement into my skin - Towleroad

The Photoshop Awards: They pasted Debbie Harry's 1975 face on Cameron Diaz's head - Drunken Stepfather

The fashion world is breathing a sigh of relief, because one of their most beloved icons is back to dressing like the legend she is - Hollywood Tuna 

Cut to me later tonight when I'm on my knees, praying to the Gods to please cast Prostitution Whore-ah in The Real Girls of the Bada-Bing - Reality Tea 

Nicole Kidman as Grace Kelly looks like a frozen stick of Play-Doh as Grace Kelly - ICYDK

Shaun White looks AWFUL! - Just Jared

Hilary Duff took her "walking to the car" act from L.A. to Hawaii - Popooholic

Cut to John Travolta later tonight when he's on his knees, praying to L. Ron Hubbard to please make him one of Mike from Shahs of Sunset's wax strips in his next life - OMG Blog

Can't Lindsay Lohan play Lindsay Lohan in the porn parody of The Canyons? - IDLYITW

The world's greatest showgay Richard Simmons shows all future talk show guests how to really entertain the masses - Jezebel

Don't mess with a Phoenix go-go boy - Queerty

But yet The Happening made sense to Marky Mark? - Videogum

Oh, Leonardo DiCatchAHo's holding another open casting call to be his next piece - Popsugar

Baby Oprah's eyebrows are no joke - Crunk + Disorderly

Justin Bieber assumes the position - Cityrag

Falkor + clip-on bangs = not the look - I'm Not Obsessed

Seth MacFarlane is done with the Oscars. (Is it too early to start my petition to get Honey Boo Boo to host next year?) - SOW

(Pic via FameFlynet)

The first Hunger Games: Catching Fire poster looks like a picture from an alien cult wedding (so basically, I'm saying it looks like a picture from a regular Scientology wedding ritual) - Just Jared

"Oh, so you met a boy in London? Don't tell us his name, because he's not going to last the week and remembering all these names is hard." - Taylor Swift's family - Lainey Gossip 

Ashton Kutcher is moving Mila Kunis into his house, because he really misses that intimate moment you share with your live-in significant other when they catch you bareback boning some cocktail waitress on the dining table - The Superficial 

Hollywood's very own public pisser (not R. Kelly) pleads no contest to pissing in an airport and really wants you to know that he's not on meth - omg! Yahoo

Methinks that Jennifer Lawrence was taking an open-eyed nap during this photo shoot - Drunken Stepfather

Pitbull mauled and dragged Lindsay Lohan's ass in court  - Celebitchy

Who cares about Katherine Webb! When are we going to get pictures of the real bombshell of Splash, Louie Anderson, doing the same poses? - Hollywood Tuna 

Some fap material to get you through the weekend. I'll turn out the lights on my way out. - The Berry 

Oh, it's just Neil Patrick Harris doing an impersonation of Snooki's cooka when it swallowed Vinnie's watermelon dick - Towleroad

Melissa Etheridge looks AWFUL! - ICYDK

Vanessa Hudgens' dress is very Venezuelan game show hostess circa 1989 - Popoholic

Some of the crap in the Oscar gift bag is the same crap you get for Christmas from the aunt who hates you - IDLYITW

And five seconds later, a tribe of cats tackled her to the floor and dragged her away - OMG Blog

Emmy Rossum looks like the ghost of a silent movie star - Go Fug Yourself

Well, there goes your dream of marrying the last unmarried Backstreet Boy - ONTD

Where is a flying beaver-eating hawk when you really need one? - Cityrag

You know it's Friday when you mistake Juliette Lewis for Phoebe Price - I'm Not Obsessed

RPattz is that guy at the party - Videogum

Woe is the Real Crazywives of NYC - Reality Tea

Tina Fey should just wear that blouse made of plastic flowers from Michael's every day, all day and she should be cool - The Frisky 

Judging by this fugged up outfit she's wearing, Kristen Stewart should probably update the prescription on her glasses - Popsugar

Elegance IS learned and David Beckham's sister is teaching us that the first step to becoming a sophisticated lady is to wear your dress backwards. Show me someone who says that Victoria Beckham is the fashionable one in the family and I'll show you a trick ass liar. Work that angel's harp neckline, girl! - Drunken Stepfather

Kristen Wiig is playing Young Lucille Bluth in the new season of Arrested Development and I'm hoping that Honey Boo Boo plays Young Lucille 2 - Lainey Gossip 

Jessie J or a young Swedish boy in drag as JWoww? - Hollywood Tuna 

The Oscar Pistorius case is getting even messier and I see you dirty, shameless sluts staring at his poker. No shame! - Celebitchy

Oh, here's a hot zombie attacking Bradley Cooper and sadly the scene isn't from a gay porn parody of The Walking Dead - Towleroad

Why does Mark Hamill look old and C-3PO looks the same? They make Botox for robots? - The Superficial 

Presenting the science project that White Oprah helped Cody Lohan make! - The Berry 

Yeah, yeah, B. Coop, you're a pussy-loving, hot-blooded, clit-slurping hetero. We get it - ICYDK

ScarJo isn't getting herself a second husband after all - IDLYITW

Miranda Kerr's dress is giving me the dizzies - Popoholic

Today's man cheeks moment brought to you by the dude in Arrow - (NSFW) OMG Blog 

The producers of Orphans wasted no time in replacing Shia LaBeouf  - Just Jared

It kind of looks like Kate Hudson is about to make out with that fake candle - Popsugar

Kim Kardashian's surrogate revealed! - Celebslam

Being with Chris Brown is messing with RiRi's money - Buzzfeed

Puppies should present at the Oscars too....and host the Oscars.... and be the only ones eligible to be nominated for an Oscar - Cityrag

Kim Kardashian's true talent is making a designer pair of shoes look like the church heels your auntie bought for $5 at Payless - I'm Not Obsessed

Please tell me that Courtney Stodden is Miss Oscar this year - Moe Jackson 

This guy is such a hipster that I kept waiting for Terry Richardson to cum on his glasses - Videogum

This list of history's hottest male models is incomplete and inaccurate without Fabio - Boy Culture

A check is a check: Lance Bass, SuBo, Tiffany, Wynonna Judd, The Village People and other glittery stars of the A-list universe sing about opening their mouths for a white creamy load. This is the closest any of us will get to seeing SuBo in a sex tape so take it and fap to it while you can get it - Towleroad

But for why did Entertainment Tonight make Prince Michael Jackson look like a 30-something motivational speaker? - Lainey Gossip 

The German rose Micaela Schaefer is still putting her shredder to good use - Hollywood Tuna 

Either Lisa Marie Presley left the Church of Tommy Girl or she used to be in the KGB (yes, I've been watching The Americans) - Celebitchy

"Hey, you filing papers over there, you want to take my daughter for a date for $500? But whatever you do, don't feed her a Frapp after midnight." - Daddy Spears to David  - The Superficial 

Miley Cyrus did something really shocking on Instagram. Happy Sarcasm Day! - Drunken Stepfather

FYI: British dudes do not want to hump on Kristen Stewart (and I'm sure RPattz voted for her too) - The Berry 

Even though Colin Farrell looks like bruised, beaten and busted Skillrex, I still would - ICYDK

The new Real Housewife of Orange County looks like a low-budget Denise Richards wax figure with Tish Cyrus' dentures shoved into its mouth - Reality Tea

It's nice to see that one of Janet Jackson's tour costumes from the 90s made its way onto Selena Gomez's body - Popoholic

"Creatives differences" is a publicist's way of saying that even Alec Baldwin couldn't take Shia LaDouche's drunk asshole ways - Just Jared

Thanks, Post Office, but I'll keep my money in my wallet until UPS starts selling their brown coochie cutters - Jezebel

Squinty Zellweger is starring in staged photo-ops on the beach now - Popsugar

The alley way of doom between Bethenny Frankel's chichis tells me that she has the same plastic surgeon as Tori Spelling - Celebslam

The word "nigga" will continue to make an appearance on Lisa Lampanelli's tongue - Crunk + Disorderly

The people of Harlem on the Harlem Shake - Videogum

Pimp Mama Kris just pulled Kim's leash tighter, because her prized pig ain't going anywhere - I'm Not Obsessed

RiRi is spending her 25th birthday the same way she spends every day - Cityrag

Michelle Williams is growing her hair out, which is why she looks like an Emo guinea pig right now - SOW

White Oprah, is that you? - The Frisky