After letting out a stream of denials from the gap in her teefs, Bobbi Kristina has finally said that the rumors are true, she's engaged to the dude who was like a son to her mother. Bobbi Kristina makes the announcement on her family's new Lifetime reality show The Houstons: On Our Own and Nick Gordon tweeted a picture of the ring. If you look up in the sky right now, you will see that the clouds are spelling out the line "HELL TO THE NOOOOOO." That's Whitney responding to this mess from heaven. Rolling in the deep is what Whitney will be doing in her grave today.
Whitney pretty much raised Nick since he was a teenager and Bobbi Kristina considered him a brother, so some members of the family, including Whit's brother Gary, thinks their current relationship is some strange Games of Thrones shit. In the clip (which you can watch here if that's what you need today) for the Houstons reality show, Gary says that nobody in the family ever guessed that Nick Gordon would go from being a godson to making Bobbi Kristina squeal for god while they humped.
What makes this even more messy is that Cissy Houston is trying to keep Bobbi Kristina from her $20 million inheritance, because she's afraid all that money will bring out the gold diggers (see: Nick Gordon) and drugs dealers who will try lure BK back to the bad shit side.
Most hos can't wait to get away from their brother, but if Bobbi Kristina wants to do hers for the rest of eternity, then good for her. But that's not the most disturbing part of this to me. The most disturbing part is that Bobbi Kristina obviously isn't good at making decisions. I mean, how can she want to marry a dude with brows like that. Those brows should be in a garden, nibbling on rotten apples that fell from a tree. They shouldn't be on a human face! Those brows look like pieces of burnt flour tortilla. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover...unless that cover has some jacked up brows on it.
The audience sitting in the first few rows at the Billboard Music Awards last night witnessed a dramatic mess of a show when Whitney Houston's sister-in-law and former manager, Pat Houston, caused a scene by trying to get security to psychically remove Ray-J's ass from his seat. Ray-J was seated near the Houston family including Bobbi Kristina, and Pat wasn't having any of that. TMZ says that Pat believes Ray-J was a shit influence on Whitney and wanted him far, far away from the Houston family. Just like Ray-J'z boomerang dick when it gets caught on a cervix, he was not pulling out easily. Ray-J refused to move.
Just a quick minute before the Whitney Houston tribute started, Pat waved at security to move Ray-J. When Ray-J refused to move, Pat got a few uniformed officers involved and told them to use their arms to put Ray-J up out of his seat. Security and the officers told Pat that if they put their hands on Ray-J, it could explode into a huge scene and the cameras would catch all of it. So Pat let it go and Ray-J stayed in his seat.
I haven't heard much about Pat Houston, but from what I have heard it sounds like bitch could out-leach Ray-J any day of the week. I don't like Ray-J, because his piss stream christened the S.S. Kardashian Fame Whore Ship and he always wears sunglasses at night like he's someone (see him with Sophie Monk below), but trying to evict him from his seat is just stupid. It's the Billboard Music Awards! It's not that serious. The only reason to pull Ray-J off his seat is if seat filler extraordinaire Phoebe Price needed one.
Pat was probably just worried that Ray-J's dumb ass would get more camera time than her. But don't worry, Pat made sure that wasn't going to happen by escorting Bobbi Kristina up on stage to accept her mother's award.
If anybody should be up there with Bobbi Kristina, it should be Cousin Dionne! But maybe Cousin Dionne was outside, slathering Vaseline on her face while waiting to jump Ray-J.
When Nick Gordon was around 12 years old, Whitney Houston took him in and raised him as her son even though she never legally adopted him. Nick called Bobbi Kristina his "sister" and she called him her "brother." This leads me to this story that sounds like something out of Doody Bubbles in the Attic. Nick Gordon and both Bobbi Kristina have let out a river of denials over the rumors that they're getting it on. Those denials were classified as INVALID when TMZ posted pictures of Nick and Bobbi Kristina acting more like lovahs than brother and sister. No grown brother and grown sister mouth kiss on each other unless their government names are Angelina Jolie Voight and James Haven Voight.
Whitney Houston's mother Cissy Houston is reportedly grossed out by this sudden turn down Cruel Intentions Road. A source tells TMZ that Cissy told one of her friends that it's "incestous" and that she believes Nick is taking advantage of Bobbi Kristina's raw emotional state. Whitney left everything to Bobbi Kristina and so Nick might be digging for gold. Cissy is currently trying to get Nick evicted from Whitney's house in Atlanta.
Just a few years ago, Bobbi Kristina was using her tongue to say the word "brother" to Nick Gordon and now she's using that same tongue to lick on Nick Gordon's peen tip. When I put it like that, it's kind of gross. But who am I to judge? If my mom adopted my current crush George Lamb when he was 12, and years later he made the moves on me, I'd be grossed out. I'd be so grossed out that I'd stop the heaves from coming up by putting my mouth over his nipple.
Some said that it was way too soon for Oprah to interview Bobbi Kristina, but O's response was that she only did so to show the world the real Nippy. Can somebody lend me their eyeballs, because mine just rolled right out of their sockets (thank everything for Braille keyboards) after Oprah said that shit. O, please, that interview was a bailing bucket scooping water out of the sinking ego ship that is the S.S. OWN.
Anyway, Bobbi Kristina said that the day before Nippy floated up to heaven (where the angels can pop a stubborn doody bubble with a simple air kiss blown to the butt), she slept in her mother's arms for hours. A day after Whitney's death, Bobbi Kristina couldn't bring herself to go back to her mother's house in Atlanta until Nippy's voice told her it was okay. Since then, the spirit of Nippy has stayed with Bobbi Kristina and even turns on the lights for her like a paranormal Clapper.
“Especially throughout the house, lights turning off and on. And I’ll say, ‘Mom, what are you doing?’
I can hear her voice in spirit talking to me, 'Keep talking to me. I got you.' She's always with me. I can always feel her. I can always feel her with me. She always asked me,'Do you need me?' And I caught myself, out of nowhere, I didn't even know I said it, I said, 'I'll always need you.' "
Bobbi Kristina plans to continue her mother's legacy (insert the joke that I KNOW is in your head here) by singing, acting, dancing and starting a foundation for doody bubble sufferers everywhere. TMZ says that Bobbi Kristina is also planning to shit the "Brown" out of her name and legally change it to Kristina Houston.
I totally take comforting in knowing that there's a mansion in Atlanta where I can close my eyes and open my ears to hear the ghost of Nippy screaming "KIZZ MY AZZ" through the halls, but Oprah and Bobbi Kristina didn't talk about the number one question that floated in my head while watching this shit. That question was: Why the fuck did this interview take place in the damn kitchen?! And don't answer with another "mmm hmmmm mmm," Oprah!
Well, here's just another layer of sad on another layer of sad. TMZ, who else, reported about an hour ago that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's 18-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina was taken out of the Beverly Hilton this morning on a stretcher. I've been sitting on it, because I've been waiting to hear more. TMZ hasn't updated their post yet, but ABC News was told that Bobbi Kristina was awake and alert when paramedics took her to Cedars-Sinai. Someone's publicist (ABC doesn't say whose) says that Bobbi Kristina is suffering from major anxiety. People also reports that Bobbi Kristina went to Cedars last night after having a breakdown.
I've got nothing except one question: Why in the hell isn't Bobaaay B in L.A. already?