The number one question asked at the Billboard Music Awards tonight was, "Why does it smell like a spoiled chunk of gouda marinating in a dirty diaper on top of a subway platform in the middle of August?" And that's because Ke$hit showed up with her ass hanging out.
The Garbage Pail Kids' favorite pin-up ho actually looks like she was just deflead at the groomers. Yes, that skin-colored lipstick gave her abortion face and her ass cheeks are hanging out (which is a health department violation, I'm sure), but she actually looks clean-ish her. Bitch looks like a male Russian gymnast on estrogen going to a funeral and that IS the look.
And here's some other tricks and tramps at the Billboard Music Awards tonight. In order after Ke$hit: Hell's favorite couple, Hell's second favorite couple, a broke down Harley Quinn, a block of Top Ramen at the ho shit prom, Psy, Justin Bieber's former au pair (wearing a dress accessorized with glow sticks and bendy rubber rollers), Shania Twain, Taylor Swift, an Amish robot and something called a Z LaLa.
America's current South Korean sweetheart Psy is sending America a basket full of sorries today for rapping about the death of Americans at a concert in South Korea 8 years ago. Long before "Gangnam Style" wrapped around my brain and refused to let go, Psy performed at a concert with a bunch of other South Korean stars including the rock group N.E.X.T. While N.E.X.T. performed their song "Dear America," Psy grabbed the mic and rapped a verse that included the lyric "fucking Yankees and their families should be killed slowly and painfully." Psy did this 8 years ago, but it only made the rounds in America this week. Cue pitchforks! Cut pearl clutching! Cue Fox News' "PSY-cho" headline!
MTV News says that the concert happened months after a South Korean missionary was kidnapped and murdered by an Islamic terrorist group. The terrorist group told the South Korean government to stop sending troops to Iraq to support the US in the war OR ELSE! The South Korean government refused to give in and the terrorist group executed the missionary on camera and said, "Korean citizens, you were warned, your hands were the ones who killed him ... your soldiers are here not for the sake of the Iraqis, but for cursed Americans." There were protests all over South Korea and people were mad that their government sent troops to Iraq. MTV News also says that many South Koreans already hated America, because two members of the US military killed two 13-year-old South Korean girls two years before and this shit just made it worse.
Psy is now apologizing and released this "I'm Sowwy" card to America:
"As a proud South Korean who was educated in the United States and lived there for a very significant part of my life, I understand the sacrifices American servicemen and women have made to protect freedom and democracy in my country and around the world. The song I was featured in -- from eight years ago -- was part of a deeply emotional reaction to the war in Iraq and the killing of two innocent Korean civilians that was part of the overall antiwar sentiment shared by others around the world at that time.
While I'm grateful for the freedom to express one's self I've learned there are limits to what language is appropriate and I'm deeply sorry for how these lyrics could be interpreted. I will forever be sorry for any pain I have caused anyone by those words. I have been honored to perform in front of American soldiers in recent months — including an appearance on the Jay Leno show specifically for them — and I hope they and all Americans can accept my apology. While it's important we express our opinions, I deeply regret the inflammatory and inappropriate language I used to do so. In my music I try to give people a release, a reason to smile. I have learned that though music, our universal language we can all come together as a culture of humanity and I hope that you will accept my apology."
Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way can Psy please apologize for contributing to the suffering I will endure while watching one of my relatives drunkenly dance Gangnam Style at a Christmas party? Wait, maybe this is all part of his master plan, because watching an uncoordinated ho drunkenly dance Gangnam Style does kill me slowly and painfully...